UPJOKE
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Hello everyone! I'm a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.

I will be in my Lab if you need me.

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I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.

I used to be into sadism, bestiality and necrophilia!

But then I figured I was just flogging a dead horse.

I've Been Getting Into A Kinky Combination Of Sadism, Bestiality, And Necrophilia.

But, maybe I'm just beating a dead horse.

The person who invented bestiality drowned yesterday...

I guess now he's sleeping with the fishes.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

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Most of the dirty jokes I see on this sub are either about necrophilia, bestiality, or masturbation. They used to be funny.

But at this point, they're beating off a dead horse.

I'm addicted to bestiality with wolves but I'm getting better.

I'm down to a pack a day.

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Bestiality

Because there's no sex like ruff sex.

I just saw a shocking headline about a man in west New York State that was arrested for bestiality.

"Animal Predator Busted in Buffalo"

I told my girlfriend I got gonorrhea from bestiality. She laughed and left me the same way as that sloth.

With a slow clap.

What's the difference between a taxidermist and someone who practices bestiality?

One stuffs and then mounts the animal; the other mounts and then stuffs it.

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A man is being hunted by police on suspicion of bestiality following allegations that he has been engaging in sexual acts at Chester Zoo.

He was last seen ~~getting~~ sliding into a Jaguar.

My friend is addicted to S&M, bestiality and necrophilia.

I’ve tried to help him but it’s like flogging a dead horse...


Really old joke but I’ve never seen it on here, so...

Bojack Horseman is basically bestiality.

It's about a man inside a horse

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My local French boulangerie owner was accused of bestiality, but I'm not surprised.

He was such a pain in the ass.

r/bestiality?

That wasn’t the rabbit hole I was expecting to fall down....

What's the difference between a hockey puck made of Styrofoam and bestiality?

One of them is a phony puck...

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A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

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A bestiality enthusiast, an arson, a sadist, a necrophile, and a masochist are right outside a psych ward when a cat passes by.

The beastialty enthusiast says "let's fuck the cat," the arsonist says, "let's fuck the cat, then burn it," the sadist says, "let's fuck the cat, burn the cat, then kill it," then the necrophile says, "let's fuck the cat, burn the cat, kill the cat, then fuck it again," and finally the masochist say...

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Cletus goes to court

The judge says, "Now Cletus, you're bein' charged with bestiality. That's a fancy legal word for all the horses, cows, pigs, goats, rabbits, sheep and chickens you been fuckin."

Cletus jumps to his feet and shouts "CHICKENS?!?!"

My friend used to be into sado-necrophilic-bestiality...

...but he gave it up. He felt like he was just beating a dead horse.

I'm a scientist studying the effect of bestiality on animal psychology.

If you have any questions, you can find me in my lab.

A man gets caught commiting an act of bestiality with a goat...

He confides in his lawyer friend who tells him not to worry because he'll take the case and he's never lost because he can always pick the most sympathetic juries.

It's the day of the trial and the farmer takes the stand and says "I done seen this guy hop over the fence, positioned his' self ...

I found out the other day my sister was arrested for bestiality

Well, just call me a monkey's uncle....

Credit to Stewart Francis

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It's amazing, when a dog licks its own anus it's perfectly normal. But when I do it...

I get arrested for bestiality.

Which came first? The chicken or the

man arrested for bestiality.

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A man has sex with one hundred women and he's a stud.

A woman has sex with one stud and it's bestiality.

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Wanna hear an overused joke about necrophilia and bestiality?

You're just fucking a dead horse...

(Sorry if this is a repost, I heard this at school)

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A government study was funded to study various sexual perversions: sado-masochism, necrophilia and bestiality.

The study was soon halted however, the researchers decided they were just beating a dead horse.

Did you hear about the guy with a bear fetish?

When he learned that New Mexico is one of the only states in the US where bestiality is legal, he traveled there and went out to the mountains looking for some action.

He spotted a beautiful bear and went about trying to seduce it, but it kept running away. Finally, the man's charm overcame ...

First post - have mercy

I wanted to research bestiality, but I felt I was going down a rabbit-hole.

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Jim moves to a small village for a new job...

... And the village has no women - only men and animals.

Jim asks a villager, "There are no women? How do you live without sex?"

The villager points to a horse and says, "Oh, we just use that horse over there."

Jim, now absolutely revolted, walks away in disgust. He thinks to hi...

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A man goes to his psychiatrist ...

Doc, I know we covered it last time, but I keep having the same twisted dream every night. In these dreams I'm a sexual deviant, practicing sadism, necrophilia, and bestiality. Am I going crazy, or am I just beating a dead horse?

A thought about Del Toro’s “The Shape of Water”

“The Shape of Water” is a story about a woman who falls in love with an otherworldly creature that learns how to communicate, has a funny scene where he interacts with a domestic setting and has magical healing hands. He is also returned to his natural environment, almost dying on the way by a pluck...

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For milder grievances with co-workers, try this:

When your colleague leaves their computer unattended, jump on & create a new desktop folder. Call it say **"MyBestialityPorno"**. Take a screenshot of the desktop. Delete the folder. Set screenshot as the computer *wallpaper*.

When your vic gets back & notices, they'll try furiously t...

I started dating this girl I met at the zoo

But now I'm getting charge with trespassing and bestiality.

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Me and my friends had an argument... [NSFW]

Me and my friends had an argument about what was more fucked up, one of my friends said necrophilia, the other said bestiality. I would've said both... But I didn't want to beat a dead horse

Had a date with an Inuit girl, she showed up late...

She said she blew a seal in her car. I don't think I'll see her again, bestiality is wrong..

What do you get when you cross a person and a manatee?

HUMANITY!



...And bestiality....

My friend was having trouble with girls, so I told him there's plenty fish in the sea.

He's since been charged with bestiality.

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First day on the job.

Fresh out of journalism school, the rookie journalist bounds up to the editor hungry for a story to go after.

The editor says I'll give you an easy one for your first day. Go out into the community and bring me back a feel good human interest story. We need a bit of cheering up!

The r...

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Abomination!

A recently ordained Irish priest was traveling to his new parish. As he drove down the lane, he saw a man in a ditch screwing a sheep. The young priest shuddered, offering a prayer, and crossed himself.

A few miles down the road he saw another man in the fields also boffing a sheep. Appalled ...

I can't believe I got arrested, just for indulging in a bit of horseplay.

Although the prosecutor is calling it 'bestiality'.

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A marine biologist in Virginia fell afoul of the law over his dolphins.

It seems that all he was able to procure were female dolphins. Without males their interest in participating in the experiments waned. Desperate to satisfy his dolphins, he tried to see if any humans could satisfy their needs, but he was limited by morals clauses prohibiting what was in effect bes...

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As we all know, God created the world in one day

Then he went on to create everything else: the vegetation, the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the land animals, and, finally, he created the first man, Adam. And he looked over his creation and saw that it was good. Except for Adam. He saw that Adam was lonely, because of all the lifeform...

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