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As we landed in Pakistan the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how the fuck do I turn it back to the 7th century?

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Pakistan president calls to Obama in the morning

And says "I'm sorry to hear about the terrorist attacks in New York, I wanted to be the first one to call and show my support to America"

After a pause Obama replies "What attack? I have no news of such attacks yet"

A dramatic silence prevails

After a while Obama hears a voice ...

Two beggars in London

Two beggars in London

Ali and Habib are beggars.
They beg in different areas of London ...

Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lo...

A co worker asked me where Pakistan was today...

"He's outside with Paki Steve" I told him.

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What's the difference between a Pakistani school and a terrorist camp?

I don't fucking know I'm just a drone pilot

How do I get from Iraq to Pakistan?

Iran.

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Go kill that son of a bitch

One fine morning an English billionaire was taking a walk with his dog. Suddenly a Pakistani came out from the bushes and shot the poor dog three times. The dog died.

The billionaire screamed at the killer, “Why did you do that?”

The killer answered, "Your wife gave me £ 50,000 and to...

On a flight from Dubai to NYC, I met a cheerful gentleman from Pakistani. He stressed that Pakistan is now a new country, peaceful & totally against terrorism

To prove his point, he decided not to hijack the plane.

They've recently discovered a brand new use for goats in Pakistan...

They're calling it "Milk"

Trump to bartender: We are going to nuke Pakistan & kill Mia Khalifa

Bartender: why mia khalifa?

Trump to Imaran Khan: see nobody cares about Pakistan!

What do you call a man from Pakistan who's been everywhere and done everything?

Bindair Dundat

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What do you call a French prostitute in Pakistan?

Lahore.

Pakistan has shot down 2 Indian Jet fighters.

Using sophisticated Sikh - Heating missiles.

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I don't see what's so offensive about calling someone from Pakistan a Paki...

It's like calling someone from Scotland a Scot, an Australian an Aussie or someone from France a cunt

What is the national bird of Pakistan?

An american military drone

Why are there no walmarts in Pakistan?

Because there's a target on every corner

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

India and Pakistan calling each other out

Kashmir Outside

What’s the difference between an Al-Qaeda base and a Pakistan school?

I don’t know, I just fly the drone

Pakistan makes nuclear threat in response to fake news

The struggle Israel

What healthcare program is offered to the citizens of Pakistan?

OsamaCare... It's the bomb.

What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

My friend from Pakistan said he hates his job and can't take it anymore

"It will get better", I said. "You have your whole life ahead of you. You're only 12 years old."

Why does Pakistan never get a corner during a football match?

Every corner they get, they open a shop on it

Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan

Authorities fear it was the work of a suicide plumber

I have two sweaters. One made in Pakistan, the other in India.

They're both Cashmere.

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

Did you hear about the bomb blast in Pakistan?

Apparently the terrorists were tired of the commute and wanted to work from home for a while

What did the stubborn Hindu in Pakistan say after partition?

Na-ama-ste

Politics in Pakistan

You don't cast your vote.

You vote your caste.

A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief...

Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed.

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A few Indian pilots went to Russia for the training of modern MiG-27 aircraft

Russian instructor:

Press this button to takeoff.

Press this button to turn the plane right.

Press this button to turn the plane left.

Pressing this button to go up.



At the end of the training, Indian pilots stood up and asked.



But how will w...

An American mistakes a Hindu from India as a Muslim from Pakistan

Indian guy goes "Excuse me sir, you seem to have mistaken me for a Muslim from Pakistan. I belong to 711 not 911."

I will show myself out.

A joke from Pakistan: What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

"I'm going to be the mother of your children."

I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

If you ever feel useless, just remember...

... there is an anti-terrorist squad in Pakistan

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

I HAD A ROUGH YEAR

It was a tough year, but I made it !!!
But not everyone is as lucky as I am......
Economy is so bad, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniatu...

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.

A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a ...

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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

Did you hear about the refuse collector in Pakistan who died after carrying too much rubbish?

He was Bin Laden.

Instant Cure

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline.
I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

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A businessman returns from the far east.

After a few days he notices stange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors.

They all say: "You've been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off."

The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. S...

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Sex after death

*Sex After Death*
----------------------------------------

A Parsi couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husba...

A homage to the puerto rico contract awarded to minor utility company makong the news today : 3 contractors bid for government work

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in Washington D.C. One from Bangladesh, another from Pakistan and the third from China.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some meas...

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Two Pakistani guys move to Australia…

When they get off the plane one of the Pakistani guys says to the other,

“You know what? We’re both from Pakistan but seeing as we’re in Australia why don’t we immigrate for real? I mean really become true blue Aussies! Here’s my idea: You and me part ways for six months and try and soak up t...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

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Do you have a small 2$ to spare?

Do you have a small 2$ to spare? Tariq is a 10 year old Pakistani from Pakistan who lives in a tiny village and has to walk 7 miles everyday to bring water for his family. Tariq only has one arm and can barely walk because his legs are uneven, so he has to do the long commute on a bike. Unfortunatel...

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We will see who is more American!

Two brothers from Pakistan move to America and when they arrive in New York one brother says to the other, "I am more American than you!" to which the other replies, "No no no no. I am more American than you!"... "No no no... okay, we make a bet, in five years we meet back here at this exact spot an...

An Afghan, upon landing at Islamabad Airport,

introduced himself to a Pakistan Immigration Officer, as Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.

The surprised Pakistani Officer asked:"But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping.?"

The Afghan replied: "Wallah ya Habibi, don't...

69 years ago

69 years ago both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.

Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and

Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen

Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still try...

Shovels, Asses and Camels

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this ...

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The Bakery

A guy named Rajesh works at a bakery in Karachi, Pakistan. As a gopher, he is obligated to serve the baker. One day the baker says
"Raj, go and get me a bag of flour."
Raj goes to get the bag and puts it on his head. Unfortunately the bag breaks and covers him from head to toe. Dejected, he w...

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