If Pakistan PM Imran Khan could resolve Kashmir issue with dialogue,

he wouldn't have married three times.

People say that Pakistan is a terrorist nation.....

Guys it's not true, even Osama bin Laden lived there peacefully for 6 years

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Pakistan president calls to Obama in the morning

And says "I'm sorry to hear about the terrorist attacks in New York, I wanted to be the first one to call and show my support to America"

After a pause Obama replies "What attack? I have no news of such attacks yet"

A dramatic silence prevails

After a while Obama hears a voice ...

I was depressed and called Lifeline...

It connected to a call centre in Pakistan. I told them I was feeling suicidal. They got really excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Two beggars in London

Two beggars in London

Ali and Habib are beggars.
They beg in different areas of London ...

Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lo...

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As we landed in Pakistan the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how the fuck do I turn it back to the 7th century?

A co worker asked me where Pakistan was today...

"He's outside with Paki Steve" I told him.

Proper procedural Vasectomy

After having their 11th child, a Pathan couple decided that enough is enough, as they couldn't afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fi...

Trump to bartender: We are going to nuke Pakistan & kill Mia Khalifa

Bartender: why mia khalifa?

Trump to Imaran Khan: see nobody cares about Pakistan!

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What do you call a French prostitute in Pakistan?

Lahore.

How do I get from Iraq to Pakistan?

Iran.

They've recently discovered a brand new use for goats in Pakistan...

They're calling it "Milk"

Why are there no walmarts in Pakistan?

Because there's a target on every corner

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What's the difference between a Pakistani school and a terrorist camp?

I don't fucking know I'm just a drone pilot

On a flight from Dubai to NYC, I met a cheerful gentleman from Pakistani. He stressed that Pakistan is now a new country, peaceful & totally against terrorism

To prove his point, he decided not to hijack the plane.

What’s the difference between an Al-Qaeda base and a Pakistan school?

I don’t know, I just fly the drone

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I don't see what's so offensive about calling someone from Pakistan a Paki...

It's like calling someone from Scotland a Scot, an Australian an Aussie or someone from France a cunt

What is the national bird of Pakistan?

An american military drone

Pakistan makes nuclear threat in response to fake news

The struggle Israel

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Go kill that son of a bitch

One fine morning an English billionaire was taking a walk with his dog. Suddenly a Pakistani came out from the bushes and shot the poor dog three times. The dog died.

The billionaire screamed at the killer, “Why did you do that?”

The killer answered, "Your wife gave me £ 50,000 and to...

Why does Pakistan never get a corner during a football match?

Every corner they get, they open a shop on it

Did you hear about the bomb blast in Pakistan?

Apparently the terrorists were tired of the commute and wanted to work from home for a while

Pakistan has shot down 2 Indian Jet fighters.

Using sophisticated Sikh - Heating missiles.

What do you call a man from Pakistan who's been everywhere and done everything?

Bindair Dundat

It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.

Talk Abbottabad place to hide.

Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan

Authorities fear it was the work of a suicide plumber

What healthcare program is offered to the citizens of Pakistan?

OsamaCare... It's the bomb.

A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief...

Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed.

India and Pakistan calling each other out

Kashmir Outside

I have two sweaters. One made in Pakistan, the other in India.

They're both Cashmere.

Pakistan launches a rocket to Moon.

Pakistani News channel reports: "Water and fishes found on Moon."


BBC reports: "Pakistani satellite found in Arab sea."

An American mistakes a Hindu from India as a Muslim from Pakistan

Indian guy goes "Excuse me sir, you seem to have mistaken me for a Muslim from Pakistan. I belong to 711 not 911."

I will show myself out.

If you ever feel useless, just remember...

... there is an anti-terrorist squad in Pakistan

Politics in Pakistan

You don't cast your vote.

You vote your caste.

What Is The National Bird Of Pakistan..

***General Atomics MQ-1 Predator***

Did you hear about the refuse collector in Pakistan who died after carrying too much rubbish?

He was Bin Laden.

A joke from Pakistan: What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

"I'm going to be the mother of your children."

I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

What did the stubborn Hindu in Pakistan say after partition?

Na-ama-ste

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Two Pakistani guys move to Australia…

When they get off the plane one of the Pakistani guys says to the other,

“You know what? We’re both from Pakistan but seeing as we’re in Australia why don’t we immigrate for real? I mean really become true blue Aussies! Here’s my idea: You and me part ways for six months and try and soak up t...

Instant Cure

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline.
I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

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A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

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A few Indian pilots went to Russia for the training of modern MiG-27 aircraft

Russian instructor:

Press this button to takeoff.

Press this button to turn the plane right.

Press this button to turn the plane left.

Pressing this button to go up.



At the end of the training, Indian pilots stood up and asked.



But how will w...

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A businessman returns from the far east.

After a few days he notices stange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors.

They all say: "You've been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off."

The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. S...

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Sex after death

*Sex After Death*
----------------------------------------

A Parsi couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there was sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husba...

Two families make a bet on who can be more american

Two families move from Pakistan to America. When they arrive the two fathers make a bet to see, in a years time, which family has become more Americanized.

A Year later they meet again. The first man says,"My son is playing baseball. I had breakfast at McDonalds and im on my way to pick up a ...

I HAD A ROUGH YEAR

It was a tough year, but I made it !!!
But not everyone is as lucky as I am......
Economy is so bad, I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniatu...

Trump's first day at the Oval Office after being elected President

First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:

Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately. No delays.

CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.

Trump: The Democrats created them.

CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you w...

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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

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Do you have a small 2$ to spare?

Do you have a small 2$ to spare? Tariq is a 10 year old Pakistani from Pakistan who lives in a tiny village and has to walk 7 miles everyday to bring water for his family. Tariq only has one arm and can barely walk because his legs are uneven, so he has to do the long commute on a bike. Unfortunatel...

69 years ago

69 years ago both India and Pakistan got independence on this day.

Indians have become heads of Google, Microsoft, Pepsico, Jaguar, Land Rover and

Pakistanis have become heads of Taliban, Al-Qaeda, Jammat U Dawa, Hijbul Mujahideen

Also India entered Mars but Pakistan still try...

Power to Mutual profit.

*3 Contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House...*

The first is from *INDIA*, the second from *CHINA* and the third from *PAKISTAN*

They go with White House officials to examine the fence.

The Indian takes out a tape and does some measuring, works out some...

An Afghan, upon landing at Islamabad Airport,

introduced himself to a Pakistan Immigration Officer, as Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan.

The surprised Pakistani Officer asked:"But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping.?"

The Afghan replied: "Wallah ya Habibi, don't...

Enrique Peña Nieto, Malala Yousafzai, and Donald Trump are walking along a beach

It's a bit of an oldie, and I think the last time I heard it, it came off as pretty racist. But I think the current political climate allows me to rehash it better.

Enrique Peña Nieto, who is the Mexican President, is walking along the beach one day with the US President, Donald Trump, and p...

Shovels, Asses and Camels

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land." Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this ...

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We will see who is more American!

Two brothers from Pakistan move to America and when they arrive in New York one brother says to the other, "I am more American than you!" to which the other replies, "No no no no. I am more American than you!"... "No no no... okay, we make a bet, in five years we meet back here at this exact spot an...

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The Bakery

A guy named Rajesh works at a bakery in Karachi, Pakistan. As a gopher, he is obligated to serve the baker. One day the baker says
"Raj, go and get me a bag of flour."
Raj goes to get the bag and puts it on his head. Unfortunately the bag breaks and covers him from head to toe. Dejected, he w...

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