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Wondered Jokes

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I always wondered why my gf brings cake and confetti when we have sex....

Turns out she likes to celebrate the little things.

I always wondered why you hear stories of vampires in Europe but never Africa.

Then I remembered vampires are killed by holy water, and they bless the rain down in Africa

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty

Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with her?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised ...

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure en...

I watched Into The Spiderverse and I wondered how Spider-Man always comes up with his witty comebacks.

Then it it me with great power comes great response ability.

Robin turned and shouted, "The Batmobile won’t start!" Batman growled, "Check the battery!" Puzzled, Robin wondered...

"What’s a tery?"

Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa

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A bird wondered if he was gay...

so he tried a cockatoo

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if you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married ...

Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house.

My wife's pregnant. She wondered if it's really hot in there for the baby.

I said, "It's likely womb-temperature."

I always wondered what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet...

I asked my 19 brothers and sisters and they don't know either...

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As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.

Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

I've always wondered why lemonade is made from artificial flavours....

.....and furniture polish is made from real lemons ?

I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...

Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.

Always wondered about using oak instead of silicon for breast implants

Be a lot firmer, wooden tit?

Ever wondered why starwars episode 4,5 and 6 came before episode 1,2 and 3.

Because, incharge of scheduling Yoda was

I love to drink 2% milk every morning, but I've always wondered

what's the other 98%?

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Ever wondered why China has one of the largest populations ?

It's not because their men are hornier or their women are sexier...

It's because their condoms are Made in China.

I've always wondered how vegans survived

No meat, no milk and no eggs. How do they do it? But that's when I realized...
They feed off of attention.

Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team?

Because they ate all their bats.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.

Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"

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Have you ever wondered?

If your mom kissed you goodnight after giving your dad a blowjob?

You are now.

I always wondered if cats are religious ...

then I realized that they are all practicing cat licks.

Ever wondered why atheists don't solve exponential equations?

It's because they don't believe in higher powers.

Have you ever wondered why horses are so happy?

It’s because they have a stable home life.

I've always wondered what mothballs smelled like.

But I could never get their tiny legs apart to find out.

Standing in the park today I wondered, "why does a frisbee get larger the closer it gets?"

And then it hit me.

I’ve always wondered why my local grocery store has trouble keeping the herbs stocked.

I guess there’s just never enough thyme.

Have you ever wondered...

If sperm whales are the reason the ocean is salty?

Have you ever wondered what MARINE stood for?

Muscles. Are. Required. Intelligence. Not. Essential.

I wondered why I was banned from dating sites for paying with Monopoly money.

But apparently that's not legal Tinder.

I wonder...

I always wondered what my parents did to pass time before things like the internet and TVs were invented.
I asked my 26 siblings for advice.

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A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis

His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.

"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"

I saw an anti-abortion meme and wondered about copyright law ...

Does the image come with reproduction rights?

I always wondered why rock didn't beat paper in rock paper scissors

Turns out rock just couldn't cut it

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I always wondered why The Muppets had such large and wide open eyes.

I then realised that if I had a hand shoved up my ass my eyes would do the same.

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I always wondered how people evolved from plain vanilla sex to extreme.

No more wondering - I've found the missing kink.

I always wondered why there were two different ways to spell Whiskey / Whisky.

Having been to Dublin, I now realise it's because the Irish like to drop an E in their drinks.

Ever wondered why there's no metal-made toilets?

Ask George R.R. Martin.

I always wondered what suicide is like

I’m dying to know

I always wondered 🤔

Why is a person who play the piano called a pianist but a person who races not called a racist?

There was a German, an Italian and an Irishman on death row.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:

1. To be shot
2. To be hung
3. To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head.". Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead...

A young guy met a sixty years old woman at a bar and she looked pretty good for her age.

he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.  The young guy drank a couple of beers

she asked if he’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double? 

‘What’s that?’, he asked. 

‘It’s a mother and daughter threesome,’ she said. 

As his mind began to embrace the i...

Police found a large number of dead crows on the A251 just outside Ashford yesterday morning, and there was concern that they may have died from Bird Flu...

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and it's been confirmed the problem was not Bird Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts, however, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.

By analysing...

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Sitting in the sand at the nudist resort, I wondered,

What's all the fuss about anal beaching?

Ever wondered why Ayo & Teo always wore masks?

They knew in advance that Coronavirus would come

As a Final Fantasy fan, I always wondered why Big Bang Theory only ever referenced the Third Level Spell.

They never even mention Bazin and Bazinra.

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For years I wondered why biting my lip all sexy-like never seemed to work on the ladies...

until my friend let me know you're supposed to bite your bottom lip

What was the bicycle that wondered how it was like being a motorcycle called?

Bike-curious.

I always wondered why bird flying in V formation would have one side longer than the other...

Turns out it's because there are more birds on that side.

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Have you ever wondered why letters are used to define bra sizes?

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

As an ex-archer myself, I had always wondered, why aren't we allowed to shoot into the crowd?

Then, it hit me.

One of my favorite actors is Mark Ruffalo, but I’ve always wondered...

How many buffalo could Mark Ruffalo buffalo, if Mark Ruffalo could buffalo buffalo?

At night, I had wondered what happened to the sun.

Then in the morning, it dawned on me.

I’ve always wondered what it’d be like to live like a mountain bluebird

But the way it tweets annoys me so much

Ever wondered why scuba divers fall backwards into the water?

Because if they fell forward, they'd end up face first in the boat

Ever wondered why bread is just like the sun?

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

I always wondered what would happen if I ran from the cops

I was stunned when I tried it.

I always wondered why all my socks had holes on the left foot.

All this time I haven't been putting them on right.

I’ve often wondered why Chinese people prefer open-coffin funerals...

But I guess seeing is bereaving.

I always wondered where those little cans of soda came from until I carefully read the writing on one...

...it said, "Made in Halfcanistan"

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Have you ever wondered about why Planter's Peanuts killed off Mr. Peanut? What if there was another sex tape controversy?

That would be fucking nuts.

I've always wondered if it was easy to catch Bigfoot

I was relieved when my doctor told me it wasn't a disease

I've always wondered about the inspiration for the band name Jefferson Airplane

but I think we all know it's a historical reference by now.

The dyslexic womaniser wondered why nobody was impressed when he said

" I screwed 7 boards last night"

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At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acc...

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