UPJOKE

Ever Wonder Jokes

Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

Ever wonder why Ariel wears seashells?

Because she outgrew the B-shells

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

if you've ever wondered what it'd be like to be married ...

Find a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you, and buy her a house.

Ever wonder why the IRS calls it Form 1040?

Because for every $50 that you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

Ever wonder why when geese fly in a "V" one side is longer than the other?

Its because one side has more geese.

Did you ever wonder...

how many animals our ancestors had to sit on before they learned that horses were the most capable?

Do you ever wonder why they call it heated seats?

Because rear defroster was already taken.

Ever wondered why starwars episode 4,5 and 6 came before episode 1,2 and 3.

Because, incharge of scheduling Yoda was

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever wondered why China has one of the largest populations ?

It's not because their men are hornier or their women are sexier...

It's because their condoms are Made in China.

Ever wonder why Dallas Cowboy fans are so rich?

Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets!

Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team?

Because they ate all their bats.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever wonder how yodeling was invented?

Long ago, a mountain climber was walking through a valley on his way to a nearby mountain he had his eye on climbing. As he grew near his destination he saw a little farmhouse with a little barn with a farmer outside tending to his animals. The climber approached the farmer and asked if he could spe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever wondered?

If your mom kissed you goodnight after giving your dad a blowjob?

You are now.

Ever wondered why atheists don't solve exponential equations?

It's because they don't believe in higher powers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you ever wonder if the web developers behind Pornhub were inspired by Kevin Costner & Field of Dreams

If you build it, they will cum

Have you ever wondered why horses are so happy?

It’s because they have a stable home life.

Ever wonder why Santa is so jolly?

Because, he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Did you ever wonder why...

...earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense".

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't...

Ever wonder why you don't see the energizer bunny anymore?

He got arrested for battery.

Joke: Ever wonder if you’re actually baked or just paranoid?

You’re not alone ...

Have you ever wondered...

If sperm whales are the reason the ocean is salty?

Have you ever wondered what MARINE stood for?

Muscles. Are. Required. Intelligence. Not. Essential.

Ever wonder why there are no pharmacies in Africa?

becuase you can't take a pill on an empty stomach.

Ever wondered why "I hate my life" is millennial humor?

As a Zoomer, I'm here to say that the phrase actually applies to members of Gen Z as well.

The only difference is that for millennials, it's funny.

I'm serious.

Ever wonder why Star Wars has so many plot holes?

It's because the stormtroopers keep missing

Ever wondered why there's no metal-made toilets?

Ask George R.R. Martin.

Wanna get a Jesus bod? Ever wonder how the Lord got so ripped?

CrossFit

Ever wonder how cows are able to stand on such steep hills?

They have strong calves.

Ever wonder why the cap on gallon of milk isn’t square?

Because the opening of the bottle is round.

Ever wondered why Ayo & Teo always wore masks?

They knew in advance that Coronavirus would come

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever wonder how the seven dwarves got their names?

Ever wonder how the seven dwarves got their names?

Miss Snow White was a randy cow,

And desperate for a fuck.

So off she went into the woods,

To try and get some luck!

She'd almost given up looking,

When she saw some chimney smoke.

Then stumble...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever wonder where people got their surnames from?

Mr. Baker was probably a baker.

Mr. Butcher might have been a butcher.

...then there's Mr. Dickinson.

Ever wonder why African dating agencies are so successful?

The clients always click

Ever wondered why scuba divers fall backwards into the water?

Because if they fell forward, they'd end up face first in the boat

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever wonder how they came up with the name Canada?

A bunch of native Canadians had a meeting to come up with a name for their new land. After hours of brainstorming, they couldn't come up with anything so the leader decided to put all the letters of the alphabet in a bag and take some out one by one and that would be the name of the nation.

F...

Ever wonder why North Korea doesn't have any Walmarts?

They only have Targets there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever wondered why letters are used to define bra sizes?

{A} Almost Boobs.
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain.
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!

Ever wondered why bread is just like the sun?

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

Do you ever wonder "Who am I? Where am I going? What am I doing?"

Well, mind your own business.

Ever wonder why tires are so expensive these days?

They have to adjust for inflation.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian water?

Try spelling Evian backwards.

Ever wonder why angels are put on top of Christmas trees?

‘‘Twas the night before Christmas, to Santa’s dismay

Because the North Pole was in a bad way

The elves were on strike and not making toys

And the reindeer were out getting drunk with the boys

Santa sat in his sleigh and pondered his plight

When what came his way ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you ever wondered about why Planter's Peanuts killed off Mr. Peanut? What if there was another sex tape controversy?

That would be fucking nuts.

Do you ever wonder if your house is haunted? Follow this easy step by step process to find out for sure!

Step 1: it isn’t.

Ever wondered why china has over 1 billion population?

Cause the condom they use is "Made in china"

Do you ever wonder what happens to your luggage once you checked it in?

So does British Airways.


160 Destinations, Over 90 Countries Worldwide.



Could be in any one of them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ever wonder why you always get a boner when you look in the mirror?

That's because your dick thinks you're a cunt too!

Ever wonder why they don't include the cause of death in an obituary?

It's because they want you to show up and ask how they died in person. Why do you think they include the service times?

*This is a joke. Please do not disturb a family who had a loved one pass away.*

Have you ever wondered if zits are just God trying to speak to you in Braille?

Mine say, "Nobody will ever love you."

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be blind?

Well, my friends! Look no further...!

Ever wondered why toilet paper is so cheap in Mexico?

If so, chances are you haven't had Mexican food before.

You ever wonder why Sewage workers are so depressed?

They're always down in the dumps

Ever wondered why written jokes about mailmen are generally unfunny?

They are all about delivery.

Have you ever wondered why people always tell you to sit down before telling you bad news?

It is because you won't stand for it.

Ever wondered why there were no knock knock jokes about America?

Freedom Rings.

Have you ever wondered why Severus Snape taught Potions and not Herbology?

It's because his Lily died.

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