UPJOKE
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I've got a dog called Curiosity. .......

..... I no longer have a cat.

Curiosity killed Schrodinger's cat...

Or did it?

Curiosity killed the...

...white people in horror movies.

I'm sad to say that my cat Whiskers doesn't have long to live… he's got curiosity.

Stage 9.

what do you call a group of crows who do something out of curiosity?

A tempted murder

Curiosity killed the cat

One day I was walking by a tall fence. On the other side I could hear a group of people chanting, "12! 12! 12! 12!" Confused, I tried to jump up and see over the fence, to see what's going on but the fence was too tall. A little further up, I saw a small hole in the fence. I walked up to it and pee...

They say curiosity killed the cat,

but what I want to know is how the cat got to Mars in the first place

On Earth, science is driven by curiosity

On Mars, Curiosity is driven by scientists.

Out of curiosity, Rose one day asks her mother, "Mom, why am I named Rose?"

"Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head," her mom said.

Lily hears this and asks, "Then why is my name Lily?"

"Because when you were born a lily fell on your head," the mom said.

When brick heard this he asks

"GAHGAFSGAHSVGAGA?"

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Out of curiosity, I measured my cock and got 8 inches.

I felt fine until I realized I had the ruler turned backwards.

They say that curiosity kills the cat.

My childhood memories are ruined, now that i realized that Curious George is a cat killer

Curiosity didn't kill the cat.

That's just not how Mars Rovers work.

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A lady on the bus next to me this morning was sneezing, about every 3 minutes...

Each time she sneezed, her eyes rolled back, she gave a moan and shuddered.
Curiosity got the better of me after about 15 minutes, so I asked her if she was alright. She said, "Yes". Then she explained she had a very rare condition, whereby every time she sneezed, she had an orgasm!
I asked if...

Curiosity

I walk past a mental Asylum every day and yesterday as I neared I could hear them chanting "Seven..Seven..Seven." This continued as I walked along the wooden fence and I found myself looking for a gap to see what was going on. About 100m down the fence i spotted a hole where the knot had fallen out ...

I've named my car Curiosity

That way I'm not lying when I say Curiosity killed our cat

My pastor told this during a sermon once and it still kills me

Two fellas are walking in the woods one day when they come upon a gigantic hole, so big and deep that they can't see the bottom of it. Naturally, their curiosity gets the best of them and they start looking for things to throw in the hole. They find sticks and rocks and throw them in but never hear ...

Curiosity killed the cat, only half the time

the cat only dies half the time when you look but if you dont look you dont know

A man asks the doctor: -"Have you got the results of my tests? I'm dying of curiosity!"

And the doctor replies: -"It's not just curiosity..."

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A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, ....

... they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.
The old man performs like a teenager, the prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, she tells him if he can do it like that again, she'll give him one for free.
He says "Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute na...

Every time a little boy went to a playmate’s house, he found the friend’s grandmother deeply engrossed in her Bible. Finally, his curiosity got the better of him.

“Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” said his friend, “but I think she’s cramming for her finals.”

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When Bill and Hillary Clinton got married, Bill informed Hillary that he had a shoebox under the bed, and she was never to open it under any circumstances. Hillary agreed and promised to never open the box.

Hillary respected his wish as the years went by and kept her promise. But after several years of marriage, Hillary's curiosity got the best of her. She opened the box and found several hundred dollars in cash, and a couple of empty beer cans.

She felt guilty, and confessed to Bill that she ha...

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NSFW. I decided to call my penis "Curiosity"!

It killed the cat!

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A guy goes to the tatoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie.

The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.


The man replies, "I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now."


So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a ...

In his grandfather's overcoat pocket, a man finds a ticket for shoes left for repair in 1955

A man is cleaning out his grandfathers home after the grandfather passed away at 90.
In one of the grandfathers old overcoats pockets he finds a ticket for some shoes that the grandfather had left to be repaired, dated from 1955.
In curiosity the man checks online and is surprised to see t...

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A drunkard's curiosity

It's a typical day in England; overcast and raining. A older man is enjoying his day off by drinking on his porch and watching travelers enter and exit the city.

Across the street is a young gentleman, handsome, and obviously good with the ladies, because every time a pretty young lass happe...

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.

Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bi...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

A priest is walking through Kings Cross (a rough area of town), when a woman approached him and says

"Do you want a naughty? 200 bucks."

"Certainly not," he mutters and hurries on. Soon he passed near another woman who says "$200 for a naughty. Interested?"

"No thank you," he replies flusteredly.

As he comes near a third woman she again offers him a naughty for $200, which he ...

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A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.

’About 32,’ is the reply.’

‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50....

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They say curiosity killed the cat... But in reality it just grabbed your attention

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange ...

Curiosity might have killed the cat

But is it really a fair punishment to send it to live out the rest of its days alone on mars?

A woman, tired of being alone, posts a personal ad

In the ad, she says she's looking for a man who won't beat her, won't walk out on her, and can please her in bed.

A few days later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door and is surprised to find a man on her doorstep with no arms or legs. "I'm here about the personal ad," the man says casual...

A man walking in the Beach sees a lamp and out of curiosity, starts wiping it.

After wiping it and cleaning it. A gene comes comes. He looks at the sky and greets the person who was cleaning the lamp.

Hello there. I may grant you one wish.
The man says, what happens to three.
The gene says, one is all you get.

The man thinks hard Says.
My family...

A Joke my kid told me

A guy goes to buy a notebook at the stationery shop. He finds a good one wrapped in plastic for $10, so he takes it up to the counter. The cashier rings it up, but tells the guy no matter what, not to look at the last page. The guy thinks it’s an odd thing to say, but pays the $10 and takes the note...

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A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.

If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, she replied.

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs ...

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A lady walks into a bar…

She orders a drink and notices a frog in a cage behind the bar. She asks the bartender about it and the bartender says this frog performs oral sex on women. The woman has a few more drinks and her curiosity gets the best of her so she asks the bartender to have the frog go down on her. She gets up o...

pope francis

One day pope Francis dies and comes to the Pearly Gates. God himself is picking him up and guides him to his very own cloud. God leaves.

Francis has his own harp and uses his time to praise the lord. After some hours god shows up again carrying a silver tray with a yogurt on it and a spoon. T...

A woman is walking on the mountains when she sees a huge flock of sheep, lots of sheep are grazing in a very green meadow. She spots the shepherd near them so she goes to talk to him out of curiosity.

The shepherd notices her approaching him and greets her.

“Oh, good morning young lady, maybe I can help you with something?”

“Yes, hi! I was walking on that path over there and I saw this enormous flock and I had to come and know more about them!”

“Sure thing. What is it that yo...

My friends call me 'Curiosity'

Not because I'm always seeking knowledge, but because I kill cats.

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars...

America just sent the Curiosity rover to Mars as the country watched with pride. Iran, wanting to gain a technological/global edge, decided to show up America by announcing a manned mission to the sun the very next day. The Americans, along with other western allies, decided to meet with the Iranian...

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A man was walking along a street, and happened to notice a sex shop.

'We have something for everyone!', the sign read.

His curiosity piqued, he walked in. The shopkeeper greeted the man, and offered a variety of toys. The man said, 'I am married, but you know, we don't really do it frequently'.

The shopkeeper said, 'I have just the thing for you.'
...

As the man made his way to his seat at the World Cup Final, he couldn't help but feel excited.

But as he sat down by the pitch, he noticed the seat next to him was empty. "What a waste," he thought to himself. "Who would have a seat like this and not use it?"

Curiosity getting the best of him, he leaned over to his neighbour and asked if someone would be sitting there. "No," the nei...

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Curiosity actually killed my cat.

Worst stripper ever.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all friends

Naturally, their mothers are blonde, brunette, and redheaded as well, and the ladies are chatting while their teenage daughters are hanging out in the other room.

The brunette says with a devilish grin, "Hey, let's look through the girls' purses and see what they're hiding from us." She...

I was offered a list of available escorts and my curiosity was taken by a girl named Jaws.

When I asked why she was called that I was told because her body was obviously fake and you could always hear her coming.

I asked my doctor: "Doc, did the lab results come back yet? The curiosity is killing me."

Doc: "Well, it's not the curiosity ..."

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NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars

Early pictures show no sign of ESPN, beer, or porn. This should be sufficient proof that men aren't from Mars.

A man was riding his motorcycle through the border of Germany and Austria every week carrying 2 bags filled with sand.

The border guard, an older man, searched both bags every time, but never found anything so he let him through. This goes on for a couple days until the border guard had his last day before retirement. Again the man comes to the boarder, both bags filled with sand. The guard asks him: "Look man, toda...

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A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket an...

Out of curiosity a woman asked a man "Do men every say 'no, I have a girlfriend?"

The man laughed and said, "when someone offers a woman money, does she say no, I have a salary?

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I was in a plane when the man next to me sneezed, and wiped his knob with a napkin.

I was dumbfounded, but didn't want to make a fuss so I let it go, hoping it just wouldn't happen again. Ten minutes later, the same again: the man sneezed and wiped his knob with a napkin. I was disturbed but decided it must be something medical, so again decided to leave it alone. The third time it...

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Just out of curiosity, does anyone here use RES?

Because I'm really wishing that they'd changed the 'Hide Child Comments' button for the Chris Hansen AMA.

So apparently Curiosity, a Mars rover, found something resembling a mouse...

If Mars is suffering from a mouse infestation it's probably because Curiosity killed the cat.

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A guy walks into a bar, sits at a table and orders a beer.

He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more c...

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A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, “that’ll be a dollar”

The guy thinks, “man, that’s cheap,” but the beer was delicious. So he finishes his beer and decides to take a chance. “Bartender, I’ll have your finest wine” bartender goes through a long process of showing the bottle. Opening it. Aerating the wine. Pouring it into nice a nice glass and says. “Tha...

A rastafarian's bus fare

A Rasta was sitting in the bus in Jamaica and he was looking for his bus fare but he couldn't find it. So he shouted out that whoever took his bus fare better return it, or what happened in 1976 would have to happen again.

So everyone panicked and started scrambling to find the man's bus fare...

They found a cat on mars...

A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Sisters

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 mi.’

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought.

Soon, he sees another sign tha...

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Bill and Hillary

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it ...

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A man was unsatisfied with his small penis

He expressed his problem to a friend. His friend suggested that he should go and visit a wizard who was living on a cliff just outside the town. So the man, in hopes, went to visit that wizard. He reached the base of that cliff and started searching for ways to climb his way up. Luckily he found a r...

I need a raise.

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?

Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years.

Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. ...

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It's Bill and Hillary Clinton's fiftieth anniversary...

As they sat over a candle lit dinner, Hillary made a confession. "Bill," she says. "You know that box in the basement you told me never to open?"
"Yes" says Bill.
"It had been bothering me for years and finally curiosity won over. I opened it."
Bill sighed in disappointment. Hillary asked...

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A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
The man assumed that the w...

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A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso, when he noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one...

Behind the second hearse, was a solitary Italian man, walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity.

He respectfully approached the Italian man walking the dog and said, "I am...

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My dad's favourite joke. Mine too.

There was a scientist working away in obscurity for years with peculiar experiments on spiders. After years and years he placed an advertisement in several academic journals to let the community know he and was to host a live show to demonstrate his findings.

At the event hundreds were there...

This park ranger is doing his rounds in the woods

When he stumbles upon a guy sitting by a fire, his rifle leaning against a tree, roasting a bald eagle. The ranger immediately arrests the guy and drag him to his cruiser. Eventually the case goes to court, the judge is outraged and asks if he has anything to say for himself before going to jail. Th...

News has just come in that The Mars Rover has discovered a member of the feline species while exploring.

Unfortunately, Curiosity killed the cat.

Took my cat to the vet. After a 20 minute check up, I got the bad news.

It's curiosity.

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A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.


The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.


Finally, after many side glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."


Nevertheless, ...

Celebrations were held at NASA today

After the Curiosity rover had discovered feline life on the Planet Mars


Celebrations were wild and rampant until the rover made an unexpected turn and ran over the creature.


A NASA employee was heard saying "Turns out Curiosity Killed the cat"

May be behind but what do you call a Curiosity with only 2 wheels

Bi-curious

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Three rottweilers at the vet

So Three Rottweilers are at the vet in the waiting room, to be seen. They are looking at each other with curiosity.

One finally talks to one of them and asks, what are you doing here?

The other explains to him, that he was lying quietly in the sun in the front garden when the postman ...

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A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.

He puts a frog on the table in front of him.

A woman at the other end of the bar watches as the man just sits there drinking while the frog watches him. Curiosity finally gets the better of her, so she walks up to the man and asks, "What's with the frog?"

The man looks at the woman and...

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There were these two statues in a park.

They depicted two lovers, always straining towards each other, but never able to touch.

One day, an angel flew down from heaven and said to these statues,

"You have been such excellent statues across many years! God has decreed that as a reward for being such good statues, you will be ...

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Guy goes into an old Chinese Curiosity Shop in New York. Looking at all the strange, and unique items, he spots a large stuffed rat...

... It being very large and strange, the gentleman decides that it would be a great conversation starter for his office.

He approaches the old Chinese man behind the counter and pays for the large stuffed rat, but as he is leaving he swears he can hear the old Chinese man cackling behind...

The husband of the woman next door died.

The husband of the woman next door died. After the funeral, the widow shut herself inside the house for most of the day. The only time the widow would leave her home was at the crack of dawn, where she would stand outside and wail loudly in her yard until noon, before quickly retreating into her hom...

A librarian is at work at a pubic library and sees a chicken walk in.

The chicken walks up to the counter and says "book, book, book, book."

This continues until the librarian passes a book to the chicken who takes it and pushes it out the door.

A few minutes later the chicken comes right back on, pushes the book up to the counter and says "book, book, b...

Jack, a renown atheist, dies...

... and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, ...

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A Jew and an Arab walk into a bakery.

Once inside the Arab grabs three pastries and swiftly stashes them in his pocket. He then looks at the Jew with a prideful smile and says "See how sly I am?"
The Jew, being determined to crush the Arab's pride, walks up to the baker and says "If you give me a pastry I will show you a magic trick....

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Little Johnny and the helpful dog

Little Johnny and his classmates are at school, in class, when they see, through the classroom windows, two dogs humping on the other side of the street. Little Mary has never seen such a scene, and out of curiosity, asks the teacher: "Miss Crabtree, what are those dogs doing? Are they fighting?!"...

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Lands on Mars

NASA's robot Curiosity lands on Mars. After thorough searching, it found no porn, no beer, no girly magazines, and no big screen TVs.

This makes it very clear, that men aren't from Mars.

There's a guy in my neighbourhood who I used to think was really weird. I'd always see him out walking his rabbit. The rabbit was always in a different outfit. One day a frock. One day a skirt. One day a suit-jacket combo. Then it multiplied into a flock of rabbits, all wearing really niche clothes.

Eventually, curiosity got the better of me and I approached him and asked "excuse me sir, I can't help but notice your entourage of dapper rabbits. Can I ask what you do?"

He replied "Oh I'm a hare stylist."

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A man is walking along...

when he sees a ladder going straight up into the clouds. His curiosity gets the better of him so he starts climbing.

He reaches a cloud, upon which is sitting a stout, ugly woman.

"Screw me or climb the ladder to success," she says.

No thanks, thinks the man, so he climbs the la...

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[NSFW] A woman sits down on a plane for a long flight

Sitting in the window seat next to her is a middle aged man. Some time after the plane takes off the man lets out a small "Achoo!". Immediately he unzips his pants, pulls his dick out, wipes it off.

Aghast, the woman is so stunned that before she can speak he's zipped back up, staring out th...

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A man visits an old tavern

and sees an artist carving a beautiful pair of breasts into the veneer on the back wall. The entire upper section of the tavern has fantastic pairs of tits carved all over, and it is quite a sight to behold.

The man asks the artist, "is this all your work?"

The artist responds, "it is....

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A Chinese man enters a Jew's lingerie store...

-I want 20 black bras size 85 D.

The Jew:

-Of course, but black is rare color, so their price is 15$ for each one.

-It does not matter,

said the Chinese,

-I'll pay.

He took the purchase and left. After a week the Chinese returns again.

-I want 30 bl...

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A vampire walks into a bar...

A vampire walks into a bar and goes straight up to the bartender and asks for a large warm glass of blood. Luckily, it happens to be a bar that serves vampires and quick as a tick the bartender hands over a long glass of blood, to which the vampire slurps it down happily.

Sooner than later, a...

A man walks by a farm, where he sees a pig with a wooden leg

He's never seen anything like it before; the pig is just wandering around the farm, but with a well crafted wooden leg. His curiosity gets the better of him and he waves the farmer over.

"Sorry to bug you," the man says, "but I just have to ask, how did that pig end up with a wooden leg?"...

One day, a cowboy rode into town.

He tied up his horse and entered a saloon. When he exited the saloon, he found his horse missing.

The cowboy shouted, "I'm going to go inside for another drink, and when I'm done, my horse better be returned. If not, I'll do what I did back in Texas."

The cowboy went back inside the ba...

When I was little, my parents got me a Dog and a Cat for my birthday.

The next day we named the Dog curiosity.

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A man goes to the doctor and the doc says

“Everything is great! But there’s just one more thing that I need you to do”
The man replied “well what is it?”
The doc says “ I need you to go home and ejaculate in this bottle. We just need to look and see if everything is ok downstairs. Come back tomorrow with the bottle ”
So the man c...

A trucker is driving down the road late one night.

When he notices something wriggling on the side of the road. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he pulls over to investigate. Once he gets up close, he sees it is a naked man, bound, gagged, and left for dead. The trucker removes the gag, and the man immediately said "Oh thank God you stopped. I've...

Walking through the woods a man comes up to another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.....

Seeing this he inquires, "Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you
doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree."

"You gotta be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

"Well, OK..." So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against ...

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Little Johnny and the neighbor

Little Johnny is in his room when his mother enters.

"Johnny," she said, "Tonight we're going to the neighbor's house for dinner. They've just had a baby and we're going to have dinner and then see the newborn."

"Okay, mommy," Little Johnny replied.

"Now listen," said his mother...

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Little Johnny is bad at math

Little Johnny has always been bad at math, never willing to study or apply himself. His parents never beat him, they did however move him from school to school hoping he would improve. Finally out of desperation, they took him to an all Catholic school. Within one week little Johnny improved. He wou...

A kangaroo walks into a bar

A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a beer. He pays with a twenty and the bartender figures, "What does a kangaroo know about money?" gives him a single in change.

Then his curiosity gets the better of him. "You know," he says to the kangaroo, "we don't get a lot of kangaroos in this pla...

Bea was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all...

Well, her pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlour.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut crystal bowl sitting on top of ...

A man walked into a bar and order a drink for himself and the empty seat next to him.

The bartender, perplexed as to why the man would order a drink for an empty chair, made two drinks for the man and the empty chair.
This seemed to happen every time the man entered the bar. He would order a drink for himself and an empty chair next to him.
Finally, curiosity overtook the barm...

Every Friday a guy would walk into a bar and order 3 beers.

Then he'd sit at a table, drinks each one by himself and leaves.

He does this every Friday for a few weeks, until the bartender becomes so curious he has to ask the guy about this routine.

"Well, you see I have two buddies and we always would have a beer with each other when we were t...

A man dies and goes to heaven but he sees there are a lot of clocks displayed at the Pearly Gates.

The man is stricken with curiosity and asks Saint Peter.

"Hey, what are those clocks for?" he asks.

"Oh, those are the clocks of lies," Saint Peter replies. "Every time one tells a lie, their clock moves one minute from 12 o'clock. Look, there's Honest Abe's," points Saint Peter at a c...

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An old Hitler joke

Some time ago, a medium contacted Hitler's spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what Hitler had to say.

"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".

"Why the two dogs?" the medium replie...

TIL that there's no living cats on Mars.

Must be true what they say about Curiosity.

Two fishermen from Texas decide to try ice fishing for the first time

They drive up to Wisconsin and stop at the tackle shop by the lake side. One fisherman buys a couple of ice picks and leaves while the other buys some bait. A little while later, the first fisherman comes back and buys 6 more ice picks, which the shop keeper is happy to supply, but is a little curio...

A man’s in the hospital bed

When the doctor came in, so he asks:
“Doctor, how did my tests went? I’m dying of curiosity”
Which he answers:
“Well, not just of curiosity”

Two men are sitting in the cinema waiting for the movie to start

so they get bored with all the commercials and suddenly one of the two notices a bald guy in the middle of the front row. So he tells his friend '' 5 bucks if i go smash his head ? ''. The other guy curious about the outcome likes the idea so he agrees. The man stands up goes down the stairs smashes...

Mother Superior is travelling

Mother Superior was traveling by bus with a young novice nun.

They had to change buses in anothyer city.

They had packed a lunch and found a bench in the bus station to spread their lunch on a cloth between them.

As they ate the young novice noticed a large scale in a corner t...

A joke my granddad once told me.

I always loved this one, my granddad told it to me years ago. Still one of my favourites.



An elderly woman wakes one morning and looks out of her bedroom window. Across the road she sees two men from the local council office slowly making their way up the grassy embankment at the side...

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