What do you call a Jewish baseball team from Pennsylvania?

A Philly minyan

Why are there no subs in Pennsylvania?

Everyone is either a hoagie or a dom.

One sunny day in January 2021, an older man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a parch bench

He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with president trump." The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, trump is no longer president and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.

The following day, the same old ...

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

Intercourse

When you're in love, intercourse is called "making love." When it's lust, intercourse is called "screwing." When it's marriage, intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.

Meanwhile, in Pennsylvania

Q. What goes "Clip, Clop, Clip, Clop, BANG!! ClipClopClipClopClipClopClipClop"

A. An Amish drive-by shooting

What do you call a white hat hacker from Pennsylvania?

A penn tester

A man was driving in rural Pennsylvania

When he saw what looked like a Mennonite up ahead on his bicycle.

“I’m gonna play with this guy,” he thought, as he stepped on the gas to give the poor Mennonite a scare and show him who the king of the road is. WHOOSH, he blasted by the poor, helpless bike rider.

As he was having a ...

Why is it taking so long to hear the results from Pennsylvania?

Because the Amish deliver everything by horse

A tale of colonial Pennsylvania

When William Penn first started settling the area, he of course moved his extended family with him. Two of his aunts found great success in selling many different kinds of pies. And very quickly the sisters realized they could make a lot more money if the raised their prices. Well long story short, ...

Why did Georgia sleep with Pennsylvania’s wife?

Because they are swing states.

Where does Dracula buy his pencils?

Pennsylvania.

Girl, are you Allentown Pennsylvania

Because I would never come to you.

A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday

.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused t...

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

"Shomething'sh Amish..."

What do you call an uncredited writer in urban northwest Pennsylvania?

An Erie ghost writer.

A Pennsylvania cop gets a call...

A Pennsylvania cop gets called to a hit & run by a passing motorist. He arrives on the scene to find a turned over Amish buggy, an unconscious man, and the horse loose & grazing on the side of the road. He calls an ambulance for the man and begins writing the accident report. Out of frustrat...

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

The Amish woman and the Pennsylvania State Trooper

An Amish woman is in her horse and buggy heading back home when a state trooper pulls her over. The trooper walks up to the door of the buggy and the woman says "Good afternoon, young man. What seems to be the problem?"

The trooper says, ma'am, I pulled you over because you were speeding....

What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior?

"Hmm, something's Amish here."

Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets.

Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeffrey vs. Clown (long)

Jeffrey is a young man growing up in a small, mid-century town. He's a sensitive, bookish type, but overall Jeffrey is a nice guy with a good heart. One day, the circus comes to town. Having nothing else to do (as there was no internet or video games in that time), Jeffrey decides to buy a ticket....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue

Theodore Roosevelt and William McKinley were walking down Pennsylvania Avenue. As they passed the intersection with 15th street NW, they came across a man dressed as a massive phallus smoking a cigarette.

Roosevelt, being opposed to the use of tobacco products, stopped the man and said "Son, ...

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town.

The Reverend John Fuzz was a pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, walking down Main St., he noticed a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should...

Why does no one own an Xbox in Pennsylvania?

Because it's always Sony in Philadelphia!

EVICTED FAMILY NEEDS HELP MOVING! MUST BE OUT BY JANUARY 20th!

Please send any unneeded moving supplies to:

1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW

Washington, DC 20500

Donald Trump says he went to the University of Pennsylvania, but I could have sworn he went to Syracuse.

Because he sure is an Orange Man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is rumor of a new "Amish Flu" out of Pennsylvania...

the symptoms are low grade fever, and you will get a little hoarse and Buggy.

House Speaker: I now invite Bill de Blasio, the president of the United States to give his address to the nation.

Bill de Blasio : 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington DC. Thank you!!

Hey guys, why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 began a racially motivated crime spree on April 28th, 2000 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, which left five individuals dead and one paralyzed.

Where do pens and pencils go on vacation?

Pennsylvania

Q: Where does Dracula get his writing utensils?

A: Pennsylvania

xoxo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Advice from my father

Son, you need a woman who can cook, a woman who can clean, a woman that is great in bed. Most importantly, you must make sure these three women never meet.


Happy Saturday night from Pennsylvania

State trooper

A woman is driving through rural Pennsylvania when red and blue lights come on in her rearview mirror. The officer approaches the vehicle.

Officer: Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?
Woman: Ya, you wanted to invite me to the policeman's ball!
Officer: Ma'am I am a Pennsylvania ...

What goes "clop clop bang bang clop clop?"

Amish drive-by.

*An old groaner brought to mind by [current events](http://www.opposingviews.com/i/society/guns/horse-pulling-amish-buggy-shot-dead-pennsylvania-drive). As always, I'm so very sorry.*

An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...

Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"

"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.

"I'm from Pittsburgh...

The Hundred-Mile-per-Hour Goat

Two Pennsylvania rednecks are out rabbit hunting, and as they are walking along through the woods, they came upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approach it and are amazed at the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep ...

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

A Pennsylvania State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said,"I bet you're going to try to sell me a ticket to the Pennsylvania Trooper's Ball." He replied,"Pennsylvania State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence. He closed his ticket book, tipp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John knows everyone

John at work brags about him knowing everyone.
His boss, Mike, is quite mad at him, and one day he says "It's impossible that you know everyone on Earth",
but John replies "That's not true, I'll prove it to you, just says a name".
Mike, quite confident, replies "President Obama".
"Ah, Ba...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for April

(didn't post the last batch, so here's all of the recent ones)

4/28
Los Angeles police are looking for a vandal that spraypainted a police horse. The horse didn’t get a good look at the suspect because it was dark, and because the horse has no idea that it’s a cop.

Billionaire Richa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Topical Jokes for 2/15

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

In New York City, Justin Bieber posed for a photo with cops after he picked up their check at a diner. The officers quickly posted the photo to social media, right after they cropped out Justin Bieber.

In Pennsylvan...

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