I was playing Oregon Trail

I met a man named Terry. I chose to laugh at him for having such a girlie name. He pulled out a gun and shot me.

I died from dissin' Terry.

How to retire when business is poor

Two elderly men met in a town in Florida, and began to talk to each other. It turned out both of them were from Oregon, and had owned small factories, and had now retired and moved to Florida.

"I had a factory that produced high-end furniture," said the first man. "Was successful for many yea...

Where did the heart, liver, and kidney go on a road trip?

Oregon

Actually true: a guy in Oregon called the police today because he thought he was being robbed. Turned out the noise was his just Roomba getting trapped.

Seriously, look up the story if you don't believe me.

Anyway, it was all fine in the end. The alleged burglar made a clean getaway.

A caravan of settlers were on the Oregon Trail

Their Indian guide repeatedly amazed them with his ability to find game and avoid hostile tribes. One day, he reigned in his horse and jumped down and put his head to the ground.
“Buffalo come,” was all he said.
“How can you know that?” Asked one of the amazed settlers.
He looked up and rep...

A man fell into a river in Oregon a week ago and was eaten alive by beavers

Dam

How much does a baker on the Oregon Trail pay for piercings?

A pie an ear.

You’re traveling along the Oregon trail and you meet a man named Terry.

One of your party members says, “I thought Terry was a woman’s name.”

That party member immediately dies.

What did they die from?



Dysentery

What was the UK when they signed the Oregon Treaty?

An Oregon donor

How come the Ghostbusters never made it very far in Oregon Trail?

They refused to cross streams.

What’s Shakespeare’s phone number?

What’s Shakespeare’s phone number?

Fie fie fie, et tu et tu.

I made that joke up when I was 14 at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival.

The year is 1835...

The year is 1835, you’re traversing the Oregon Trail. You and your horse come upon a man, you introduce yourself, and he tells you his name is Terry. You laugh at him, and tell him Terry is a woman’s name. He shoots you point blank.

You’ve died of Dissin’ Terry

Speaking of PET scans, did you guys hear about the new law they passed in Oregon where dogs can no longer operate MRI machines?

Apparently cats can.

What do Portland, Oregon, and the finest restaurants in France have in common?

White whine.

What did settlers eat when they headed west?

Oregon Trail Mix.

I hope this joke doesn't die of dysentery.

Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression.

What a sad state of affairs.

It was the mid-1820’s when Phillip and his brother Terrance decided that they wanted to better their lives.

So the two brothers packed a wagon with everything they owned and started out from their small home in Missouri. The trail to Oregon was very tough and the relationship between the brothers was already stressed at best.

Phillip, being the older brother, was constantly very critical of his you...

Some guy on the Oregon Trail makes a joke at the expense of Terence, a known outlaw.

He died of dissin' Terry.

When you're on the Oregon Trail don't make fun of Terrance, or he might kill you.

You don't want to die of dissin' Terry.

If Missouri and Oregon became one state....

It'd be known as the show me your beaver state.

Did you know the original programmer of Oregon Trail was beaten to death by mentally ill Discworld fan?

He died of dissin' Terry.

Oregon have legalised marijuana and are creating a new strand

It's called Oregon-o... ^^^I'm^^^Sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Japanese sake bars and doctors in Oregon?

One of them serves adults in Asia...

Upon hearing that my donor is in Eugene, I proceeded to inform my wife that, "My heart is in Oregon."

She replied, "I know what a heart is!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem.

A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally, the principal decided that something had to be done. She called al...

Why wasn't drinking permitted on the Oregon trail?

It was important not to fall off the wagon.

Prior to officially becoming a part of the United States, what was Oregon like?

It was very unOregonized.

A Small Man Goes to Oregon to become a Lumberjack

The Small Man walks up to the Foreman and says, "I want a Job as a Lumberjack"

The Foreman says, "How big are you?"

Small Man "Five Foot-Four Inches and 90 pounds"

Foreman "No chance; you are far too small to be a Lumberjack on my Crew"

Small man replies "But I'm the best...

Tree hugger

A woman from Los Angeles , who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Grants Pass , Oregon . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she ...

They tried to warn us, it's finally happening, minorities herding white people into camps.

Here in Oregon we call them "music festivals"

The Chinese Workman

An Australian man comes to Oregon during the great gold rush knowing of a location where tons of gold has yet to be discovered. Keeping it as secretive as possible, he comes alone and needs to hire help as he arrives. He heads to the local bar where many of the miners spend their evenings. He has ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texan, a Kentuckian, a Californian, and an Oregonian are all sitting around a campfire...

A Texan, a Kentuckian, a Californian, and an Oregonian are all sitting around a campfire, talking and BSing. Being a Texan, the first man decides to use a lull in the conversation to prove his manhood to the group. He pulls out a 6-pack of Lone Star beer and a revolver, slams down one of the beers i...

I have the heart of a lion

And a lifetime ban from the Oregon Zoo

After hearing about how her son was involved in a tragic accident, the mother rushes to the hospital

There she sees her son lying in a coma in bed with a doctor watching over him.

Completely disheartened, she asks the doctor:

"What state is my son in?"

To which the doctor replies:

"Err, Oregon?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Funny little story

A cowboy named Billy was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in eastern Oregon when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Californian, an Oregonian and a Washingtonian all head out on a fishing trip...

It's a beautiful day in the Cascades of Oregon and all three men are enjoying themselves - although a fervent discussion about which state is the superior state has sprung up, initiated by the Californian who won't shut up about, well, everything that California is better at. At noon, they stop by...

Did you hear about the blood drive organizer from Portland who died in a car crash?

He was an Oregon donor.

Topical Jokes for 9/5/14

(for best results, imagine these being read by your favorite late night host)

In Oregon, a veterinarian discovered 43 socks in a Great Dane’s stomach. The dog was taken to the vet when the owner wanted to find out why his sock drawer was growling.

To ward off evil spirits, a woman in I...

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