Utah Jokes

I recently moved to Utah from San Francisco, and wasn't paying attention once when I wanted to party. I got my LSD mixed up with LDS, and instead of taking a Trip, I ended up on a 2 year mission to Fiji.

When I asked why, she responded “I’m just not in a good state right now” so I responded, “Utah?”

Two cowboys were patrolling the border between Wyoming and Utah, one from each state. In the trail ahead they see a shining object so the cowboy from Utah jumps off his horse excitedly and picks it up. He has found a genie's lamp so he gives it a rub and the genie pops out. The genie says, "Since th... read more

I'll call it my LSDLDSDLSS adventure

Floridians

Yeah, it's called a Provo-loan

One is a brunette, one is a redhead and one is a blonde. Two guards bring the brunette forward and the executioner asks whether she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts "Ready, aim" and suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!". Everyone is startled and looks around and sh... read more

He had to have four coroners.

The meaning of sister-wife.

Their motto is "Beer so good, why not have more than one"

... in Utah.

Idaho.

More, mon.

A Romcomney

A Catholic in Utah once told me, "If you ever go fishing with a Mormon, make sure you bring two."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"If you just bring one he will drink all your beer."

Never have I been to a place where it's acceptable to have more wives than drinks!

Two mothers-in-law.

Sister wife means something totally different in Alabama than it does in Utah

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, whose headgear partially blocked the view, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy sp... read more

When in actuality, they go their name because Brigham young and Joseph Smith met in the high school jazz band.

...and said, "Hurry before they run out!"

What, the national monuments or the calendars?

My buddy got me the job as he was part of the show. He had spent years training bees to land in his hand without them stinging him. It was quite a feat. He even grew so attached the he named his most recent bee "Uty" as we were traveling through Utah at the time.

One day, I hear my buddy shou... read more

One day in the Vatican, the Pope summoned his entire staff for a major announcement. When they were all seated, he looked up solemnly from his desk and told them he had good news and bad news.

“We're ready for some good news,” they said.

“I’ve just received a telegram documenting a mir... read more

Did you hear about University of Utah's honor code?

Yes, your honor. No, your honor. Thank you, your honor.

Why can't the University of Utah do the nativity scene?

Because they can't find 3 wise men or a virign.

As the Pope turns to him, the bishop says, "Sir, I have received both good and bad news, if you care to hear."

The Pope says, "Of course. Let's hear the good news first."

"Well, it seems that Jesus has come again."

The Pope's face lit up as he said, "That's wonderful! Simply mag... read more

Utah

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive... read more

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ... read more

A young man heads out to Utah looking for adventure, and he finds a sign in town advertising an abandoned silver mine out in the desert. Intrigued he decides to go check out the mine, and finds the walls absolutely glittering with silver. He rushes back to town and buys the mine, and then goes to th... read more