Utah Jokes

He had to have four coroners.

One is a brunette, one is a redhead and one is a blonde. Two guards bring the brunette forward and the executioner asks whether she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts "Ready, aim" and suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!". Everyone is startled and looks around and sh... read more

Two cowboys were patrolling the border between Wyoming and Utah, one from each state. In the trail ahead they see a shining object so the cowboy from Utah jumps off his horse excitedly and picks it up. He has found a genie's lamp so he gives it a rub and the genie pops out. The genie says, "Since th... read more

I'll call it my LSDLDSDLSS adventure

When I asked why, she responded “I’m just not in a good state right now” so I responded, “Utah?”

The meaning of sister-wife.

Floridians

Idaho.

Their motto is "Beer so good, why not have more than one"

I recently moved to Utah from San Francisco, and wasn't paying attention once when I wanted to party. I got my LSD mixed up with LDS, and instead of taking a Trip, I ended up on a 2 year mission to Fiji.

More, mon.

A Romcomney

Never have I been to a place where it's acceptable to have more wives than drinks!

A Catholic in Utah once told me, "If you ever go fishing with a Mormon, make sure you bring two."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"If you just bring one he will drink all your beer."

When in actuality, they go their name because Brigham young and Joseph Smith met in the high school jazz band.

...and said, "Hurry before they run out!"

What, the national monuments or the calendars?

Two mothers-in-law.

Did you hear about University of Utah's honor code?

Yes, your honor. No, your honor. Thank you, your honor.

Sister wife means something totally different in Alabama than it does in Utah

My buddy got me the job as he was part of the show. He had spent years training bees to land in his hand without them stinging him. It was quite a feat. He even grew so attached the he named his most recent bee "Uty" as we were traveling through Utah at the time.

One day, I hear my buddy shou... read more

Why can't the University of Utah do the nativity scene?

Because they can't find 3 wise men or a virign.

... in Utah.

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game, whose headgear partially blocked the view, three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy sp... read more

Missouri celebrates because the Mormons left, Utah celebrates it because it's where the Mormons chose to live, and California celebrates it because the Mormons never made it there.

Who was put under 72 hour psychiatric observation when it was found that he owned 100 guns and allegedly had 100,000 rounds of ammo stored in his home.

My favorite quote from the dimwit tv reporter:"Wow! He has a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive... read more

Utah

Doctor: "Take off your blouse and bra."

So the girl complies and there is imprint of a T on her chest.

Doctor says: "What caused this?"

Girl: "Well my boyfriend goes to Texas University and likes to wear his letter jacket when we make love."

Doctor: "Ok you're finished, ... read more

A young man heads out to Utah looking for adventure, and he finds a sign in town advertising an abandoned silver mine out in the desert. Intrigued he decides to go check out the mine, and finds the walls absolutely glittering with silver. He rushes back to town and buys the mine, and then goes to th... read more