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A rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary

so they decide to go shopping at Madison avenue for their wives.

So the poor man asks the rich man "what did you get your wife this year?"

Rich man says " I got her a Huge diamond ring and a brand new Mercedes".

So the poor man asks the rich man "why did you get her both for?"...

I'm starting up a local coffee shop and marketing it as an Ashley Madison meetup spot.

I'm calling it Grounds for Divorce.

It was a dark and rainy night and the stranger was soaked through to the skin

When he chanced upon a remote monastery. He went up and knocked on the old wooden door. There was nothing but silence from within. So he knocked again, this time a little louder. still, there was nothing but silence from within. So this time he hammered on the door with all his strength. And for the...

What is Josh Duggar's second favorite dating website after Ashley-Madison?

Ancestry.com

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Isn't this whole Ashley Madison hack exactly what their users wanted?

To get fucked by a third party?

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I've been on Ashley Madison for over a year now.

About time I got fucked.

Geez, there's a lot of people on this Ashley Madison list...

It's a pretty bad state of affairs

Was talking with a friend recently about security breaches and mistyped “Assley Madison”

I think it has a nice ring to it.

Jared Fogle of Subway told his wife she didn't have to worry about the Ashley Madison leaks...

...he was on Club Penguin.

Famous Quotes from US Presidents

“The harder the conflict, the greater the triumph.” ― George Washington

“Honesty is the first chapter of the book wisdom.” ― Thomas Jefferson

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

“Try and fail, but don...

I was Washingtons of clothes when...

Adams-el in distress ran up to me and said her boyfriend Jefferson was being not nice and even though I was a bit Madison at the guy I couldn’t help but give her retreat, and boy, she was such a Monroe!

My friend Jack’s son decided to do a van burying on me I was having a leisurely drive. He ...

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Osama goes to heaven.

Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr.
Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the
Americans' liberty, so they gave you...

“Little Notes “-Neil Simon, ‘The Odd Couple’

Oscar Madison: Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here the things I know you’re going to do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. I told you a hundred times, I can’t stand little notes on my pillow. ‘We’re all out of Corn Flakes, F.U.’ It took me thre...

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Pope Francis came to visit the US…

He was to address the UN in the morning, and give mass at Madison Square Garden later that day. After the UN address, the pope was given a chauffeur driven limo to get to MSG in time for the mass. Leaving the UN, he ran into New York City bumper-to-bumper traffic, and was stuck with the time for m...

Blond calls IT

IT guy shows up and asks for her password. She says "New York Atlanta Washington Sacramento Madison Goofy"
It guy fixes her computer, then asks her " Why the long password?
She says it was your rule five capitols and a character

I just got fired for getting beauty tips online during my lunch break!

my Boss said " Madison Ivy gets a facial" is not a video on beauty tips.

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From: "Mike of Yahoo News" A Daesh (ISIS) fighter died in battle and quickly arrived at the Pearly Gates

A Daesh (ISIS) fighter died in battle and quickly arrived at the Pearly Gates where he was met by St. Peter. He immediately demanded his 72 Virgins, which was promised to all fighters who die fighting infidels. Suddenly out of a cloud strode George Washington who walked up to him and gave him a huge...

Johnny, Billy and Jimmy are discussing girls at their high school.

Johnny said, “Mindy Carlson let me kiss her in the playground after Math—she’s one of the greats.”

“That’s nothing,” said Billy, “Madison let me kiss her with tongues in the gym after Chemistry—she’s a Hall-of-Fame-girl.”

Little Jimmy just shook his head. “You know Becca Sampson? S...

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Monkeys.

After years of tedious interdisciplinary study, researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison confirmed that the reason monkeys throw feces is because they considered the target's behaviors to be acts of aggression.

... Talk hit, get shit.

I was looking for a dating website with lots of Christians

So I joined Ashley Madison

Short comical narrative I wrote

The detective’s heels clicked on the cement steps as he approached the door. The deputy ducked under the police line behind him. He knocked and the door was slowly opened by the woman. The blue and red lights were reflected in her wet eyes.
“Mrs. Johnson?” He asked.
“Yes. . . ?” The wo...

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Osama bin Laden dies and goes to heaven . . . .

. . . . So he's waiting at this gate when all of a sudden, George Washington comes out.

"You attacked the country I helped found!" and beats the crap out of him. Then he goes back inside and Thomas Jefferson comes out. "You hate the Declaration of Independence that I wrote!" And beats the eve...

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