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Whipped Cream Jokes

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.

The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told ...

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things...

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want an...

I just saw the neighbor's kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat.

I'm thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn't supposed to...

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The Hawaii Special

Two guys are talking.
“Hey, did you know about the Hawaii special at the strip club?”.
“”No?”.
“It’s sooo good. One of the dancers gets naughty with you, and once you get hard, she slips a pineapple slice on your penis and eats it.”.
“Sounds great, I’m gonna try next weekend!”.

N...

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Old Sven collapsed one chill November Saturday after chopping maple wood near his house in the birch forest, five miles outside of Eagle River, Wisconsin.

He arose, sauntered home and changed into his flannel, tractor-print pajamas. It grew quiet and his breathing became labored. So, Sven lay down on the plaid-quilted single bed in the green guest room. His wife, Lena, tended to his care. He said nothing and sipped only a cup of water or two. On the e...

What's the difference between your boyfriend and whipped cream?

The cream

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What do you call a woman wearing nothing but whipped cream covering her private parts?

Chantilly clad.

How does a cat make whipped cream?

With it's whiskers.

My farmer friend told me that horse manure is excellent for strawberries.

I said, “You may be right, but I still prefer whipped cream.”

Two farmers met at the road

They greet eachother and the first one realises the other one is carrying a big bucket.

"Howdy, Mike! What are you carrying in that bucket?"

"Well -he answers-, it's some fine manure for them strawberries!"

"Good lord, Mike! -yells the first one- You really should try them stra...

I'm kinda new to gardening...

Someone suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.

Well, I'm never doing that again...

I'll just stick to whipped cream.

An old couple talks to their doctor about their memory loss. The doctor suggests that they write things down so they don't forget.

One day, both of them are sitting on the couch when Grandma asks for a bowl of ice cream.

"Coming right up," Gramps says, slowly getting onto his feet and heading towards the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to write that down?"

"Write that down? Of course not. I can remember a bowl o...

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Kinky sex

A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.

The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed."

"What a conicidence" he said. "My wife just left me. ...

An old couple had trouble remembering anything

An old couple, Agnes and Fred, had trouble remembering anything.

During a checkup, the doctor tells the couple they are okay physically but should repeat everything to one another to help them remember things.

One night, Fred offered to make a bowl of ice cream for Agnes while they wer...

the elderly couple

After an elderly couple starts getting forgetful, they visit their doctor. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.

When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write th...

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A guy checks into a hotel and he's horny,

so he figures he'll call one of the girls that advertise in phone booths. He pops into a phone booth near the hotel, finds an ad for "Erogenique," and when he gets back to his room, he calls. A woman answers and says, "Hel-loww ..."

He thinks to himself, "Man, does she sound hot."

He s...

An elderly man and his wife are losing their memory

An elderly man and his wife are losing their memory. Fearful that they may be developing early signs of dementia, Alzheimers, or the like, they speed off to their doctor. The doctor gives them a thorough examination and says, "Honestly, you are both in great shape and should take pride in your physi...

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I was doing some landscaping at the Mental Institution.

A patient looked into my wheel barrow. "Whatcha gonna do with all that shit?", he asked.

"I'm puttin' it on the strawberries."

"That's funny. In here, we put whipped cream on ours."

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Frank the penguin is driving down the highway in his convertible, with the top down, enjoying the cool breeze on a hot summer day when he notices that his “check engine” light is on.

He pulls over into the nearest auto body shop, and after a few minutes of inspection, the mechanic tells him that there’s something up with the oil and it should only be about 30-35 minutes.

“You have some time to kill, why don’t you head into town for a few minutes?” the mechanic suggests. “...

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A group of guys walk into a new bar for the first time. The barkeep asks what they will be having tonight. [L]

The first guy orders a whiskey coke. The bartender without hesitation hands the man a chilled apple. The man confused by this asks why he is getting the apple. The bartender insists that he takes a bite out of it.

The man chomps into it and exclaims, “Wow! This tastes just like my favorite wh...

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A salesman trying to sell vacuum cleaners knocks on the door and the mother answers

Before she can say two words, the salesman pushes past her and throws a bag of horse shit on the carpet. The mother is understandably furious.

\- What the HELL do you think you're doing?!

The salesman doesn't lose his composure, after all, he's confident in his product.

\- Ma'am...

My all-time favorite joke: The Forgetful Couple

An elderly couple are sitting in the living room, and the old man gets up, and says "I'm going to the store to get myself a soda, do you want anything?"

His wife says "I'd like an ice cream sundae. Here, I'll write it down for you so you don't forget--"

"I'm not going to forget," he w...

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A man and a woman are sitting at the bar ...

A man and a woman are sitting at the bar one night, drinking their problems away.

After a time, the man decides to ask the woman, "What's the matter, you seem really down?" The woman responds, "Well, it's just that my husband left me."

The man looked surprised as the woman was ...

An Elderly Couple Watching Television

Elderly couple... sitting down watching television
when the commercials come on, the husband smiles at his wife and says, I would love some ice cream right now.
His wife says, me too! What do you want, I’ll go get it.
Husband: I’d like to have 2 scoops of vanilla with chocolate and caram...

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The Ice Cream Parlor

A woman walks into an ice cream parlor just before it closes. The employee behind the counter asks if he can help her and she replies, "Yes, I would like a chocolate ice cream cone, please."

"I'm sorry," the employee replied, "we just ran out of chocolate ice cream. Can I get you something el...

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Last week I checked into my hotel in Tampa and was a bit lonely...

..I thought, I'd call one of those girls you see advertised in phone books like escorts and such. I picked up the phone book and found an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy h...

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I started my fairly new job at Starbucks a couple month ago...

When this smoking hot girl comes in I mean an absolute babe! Luscious blonde hair, green eyes, perfect lashes, long legs with the shortest skirt I have seen, a belly button piercing with a stomach you could crack a walnut on and a push up bra that was holding the world up, I was in shock and speechl...

Carruthers and Blenkinsop have been lost in the desert for many days, and they just finished the last of their water that morning.

Blenkinsop says "Carruthers, old chap, to be perfectly honest it looks like we're finished," and Carruthers says "You're probably right, old fellow, but never say die, what? You never know what's over the next sand-dune."

Prophetic words, for over the next sand dune they spy what appears to b...

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A guy is in the grocery store

A guy is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He's taken aback and can't place her.

"Do I know you?" he asks.

"I think you're the father of one of my kids," she says.

He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only t...

What do you call a white slave?

Whipped Cream

Memory Problems

An old husband and his wife were sitting in a doctor’s office to get help for their failing memory. “Maybe you should each do something special for for the other and then talk about it. That way, it will help cement it better in your minds.” The old couple thanked the doctor and went home.

Wh...

Sundae

An elderly couple is sitting in their living room, when the Mrs gets an idea.

"Honey," she exclaimed, "Would you mind going out and picking me up an ice cream sundae?"

"Sure," He says, "I've got nothing else better to do."

"But I want a special sundae, would you like me to write...

An 80yr old couple go to the doctors for a routine check up.

The doctor comes back with the results and says "Physically you are both fit as fiddles for your age. However mentally you are both beginning to lose it a bit. My suggestion for now is write things down when you think of them, that way you can keep on top of your to-do's".

So they go home, re...

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More 83 YO dad funnies.

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree
when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a new...

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There's a "mood party" happening in Manhattan...

... it's a very fancy party, lots of artist types dressed up as their favorite emotion. There's one woman dressed all in red. She is rage. Another man is dressed in black. He's angst. You get the idea. It's all very sophisticated and very Manhattan.

So anyhow, the party is well underwa...

Two men are stranded in a desert, dying of dehydration.

Finding no salvation anywhere, they kept walking, and eventually saw something on the horizon.

Initially, they thought it to be a mirage, a hallucination brought on by their dehydration. But as they got closer, it became apparent that it was not a mirage, but instead a marketplace. They deci...

Two men in a desert

Two men are wandering the desert. They've been there for days, and can't remember how they got there; the only thing in their minds right now is that they need water to survive another day in this scorching heat.

Midday passes, and the men are succumbing to despair - but wait, what's this? Th...

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It's Mr. Simon's last mail delivery after 40 years of dedicated service.

And as he arrives at the last house on his route, the number of gifts and tokens of appreciation in his overbrimming mail cart is pretty damned impressive.

And it's not without a tear in his eye that he flips the front door's brass mail slot to push the last delivery of his professional life ...

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