I was stuck driving behind a cement mixer for 1/2 an hour

It had a "Do not overtake turning vehicle" sign.

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Cement Mixer

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston bypass.


Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

A good mom let's you lick the batter off the mixer.

A great mom turns off the mixer first.

What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?

A wee hard man.

My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.

Hans is literally the wurst.

A police van carrying 12 convicts crashed into a cement mixer

Police are now looking for a dozen hardened criminals

What happens when you put ducks in a cement mixer?

You get quacks in the pavement...

When I was a kid, I would dream of being chased through the woods by a tall, unusually thin man in a suit, holding a fruit smoothie in one hand and an electic mixer in the other. His name?

Blender Man.



As a little sub-note to this terrible joke, you may think it funnier that when I first typed it out, my phrasing was "....chased through the woulds....", coz I'm a dolt.

I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work

But it was a whisk I was willing to take

NSFW What do you get when you cross Twitch with Mixer?

A really sloppy smoothie.

What do you get when you put a duck in a cement mixer ?

Quacks in the pavement !



(Sokay Imma know which door to go though)

*Police Alert* Two men wanted for stealing a cement mixer.

Caution is advised. They are hardened criminals.

Why couldn’t the 3 speed mixer get insurance?

He was high whisk.

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Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

What do you call a Chinese woman with a food mixer on her head?

BLENDA

You hear about the paddy wagon that collided with cement mixer Ed?

12 hardened criminals escaped.

What part of the vegetable can you not put in a mixer?

The wheelchair

I bought my wife a kitchen mixer for Christmas and she hasn't opened it yet

which is great because I am going to give it to her for Mother's Day.

What do you call a gathering of single hikers?

A Trail Mixer.

How do you get red color from green color?

You put frog in mixer

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A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

Wife: Where are you?........

Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love.
Wife: Are you sure?
Husband: Yes.
Wife : Turn on the mixer.
Husband : (turns mixer on) Rrrreeereeeereeee...
Wife: Ok my love goodbye.
Another day......
Suspicious Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love. Wife: Are you sure?<...

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Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

A Good Mother

A good mom will always let her child lick the cookie dough after she's finished mixing it.

The best mom will switch the mixer off first.



(This was a joke translated from Russian that my mom always told me. She was a pretty good mom ;( )

A corn flake, just created was cruising down the conveyor belt feeling like he was on top of the world.

Totally content with his life he moved along until he was dumped into a large mixer and thousands of other corn flakes landed on top of him.

Not happy with no longer on top he determined to get back above the others. So, he climbed and climbed, pushing other flakes out of his way until finall...

Music producers are basically like a pizza business.

They both make dough from mixers.

A man doesn't trust his wife...

He calls her from his work all the time asking where she is. She always tells him that she's in the kitchen preparing food. And so he asks her to turn on the mixer for proof, which she does.

One day he called his son and asked him where his mom is. His son said: "She went out like everyday......

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What's green and gets red by the press of a button?

A frog inside a mixer

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How to cook leftovers

Ingredients:

1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
Pinch of salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
5 eggs
2 cups cake flour

STEP ONE- Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

STEP TWO- Place the butter and sugar in a mixing bowl after greasing the cake pan and beat them ...

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In Memory of Ronnie Corbett

Here's some of his best jokes

- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

- We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

- A man was maro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was drinking at a bar...

...and had been for hours. Needless to say the man was thoroughly trashed. After a dozen or so beers, he can barely sit on his stool. Suddenly, he stands up and asks the bartender, "Hey! Wheresh the bath-hic-room?"

The bartender, disgusted, looks at him and says, "Down the hall and on the lef...

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