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Mixer Jokes

A good mom let's you lick the batter off the mixer.

A great mom turns off the mixer first.

So a cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway near my house...

Police advised citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals.

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Cement Mixer

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston bypass.


Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

You hear about the French baker who fell into his mixer while it was full of dough.

He was in a lot of pain.

Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini factory tour. Fortunately the machine wasn't switched on.

He is reportedly shaken

Stealing mixers

I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work,



but it was a whisk I was willing to take.

I was stuck driving behind a cement mixer for 1/2 an hour

It had a "Do not overtake turning vehicle" sign.

What happens when you put ducks in a cement mixer?

You get quacks in the pavement...

What do you call a dwarf that fell into a cement mixer?

A wee hard man.

Why couldn’t the 3 speed mixer get insurance?

He was high whisk.

You hear about the paddy wagon that collided with cement mixer Ed?

12 hardened criminals escaped.

Wife: Where are you?........

Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love.
Wife: Are you sure?
Husband: Yes.
Wife : Turn on the mixer.
Husband : (turns mixer on) Rrrreeereeeereeee...
Wife: Ok my love goodbye.
Another day......
Suspicious Wife: Where are you?
Husband : At home love. Wife: Are you sure?<...

My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.

Hans is literally the wurst.

What part of the vegetable can you not put in a mixer?

The wheelchair

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

What do you get when you put a duck in a cement mixer ?

Quacks in the pavement !



(Sokay Imma know which door to go though)

A woman recently tried to flirt with me using a electric mixer.

She said she was going to whisk me away.

What do you call a Chinese woman with a food mixer on her head?

Brenda.

I bought my wife a kitchen mixer for Christmas and she hasn't opened it yet

which is great because I am going to give it to her for Mother's Day.

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For my cake day I’ve decided to share my favourite cake recipe

I used to have trouble remembering how I did it, so this time I wrote it down while making it.

You’ll need 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1...bottle Vodka,2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to che...

Licking the beaters.

I remember my mom baking cakes when I was a kid. She used an electric mixer. If I had been good, when she was done mixing she would let me lick the beaters. If I had been really good she would turn it off first.

When I was a kid, I would dream of being chased through the woods by a tall, unusually thin man in a suit, holding a fruit smoothie in one hand and an electic mixer in the other. His name?

Blender Man.



As a little sub-note to this terrible joke, you may think it funnier that when I first typed it out, my phrasing was "....chased through the woulds....", coz I'm a dolt.

How do you get red color from green color?

You put frog in mixer

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Pfizer & Pepsi to Merge

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

A man doesn't trust his wife...

He calls her from his work all the time asking where she is. She always tells him that she's in the kitchen preparing food. And so he asks her to turn on the mixer for proof, which she does.

One day he called his son and asked him where his mom is. His son said: "She went out like everyday......

Music producers are basically like a pizza business.

They both make dough from mixers.

During quarantine - Lonely at home

I am lonely at home quarantined:

Day 1. Oh, that's nice.

Day 3. I read books and rest.

Day 5. I bingwatched "Friends".

Day 7. I talked to the washing machine, but I had worse days.

Day 9. My washing machine is angry. I never had worse days.

Day 11. I'm fine…...

A Good Mother

A good mom will always let her child lick the cookie dough after she's finished mixing it.

The best mom will switch the mixer off first.



(This was a joke translated from Russian that my mom always told me. She was a pretty good mom ;( )

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What's green and gets red by the press of a button?

A frog inside a mixer

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A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

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How to cook leftovers

Ingredients:

1 cup unsalted butter, softened
1 cup sugar
Pinch of salt
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
5 eggs
2 cups cake flour

STEP ONE- Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

STEP TWO- Place the butter and sugar in a mixing bowl after greasing the cake pan and beat them ...

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In Memory of Ronnie Corbett

Here's some of his best jokes

- A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston by-pass. Motorists are asked to be on the look-out for 16 hardened criminals.

- We will be talking to an out of work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.

- A man was maro...

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A man was drinking at a bar...

...and had been for hours. Needless to say the man was thoroughly trashed. After a dozen or so beers, he can barely sit on his stool. Suddenly, he stands up and asks the bartender, "Hey! Wheresh the bath-hic-room?"

The bartender, disgusted, looks at him and says, "Down the hall and on the lef...

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