UPJOKE
galwaymayonnaisesalad dressingdressingsauceaiolipestocountyprovinceconnachtirelandtownvillagecorkmontrose

Mayo Jokes

Mayo is a horse

Mayo Neighs

A guy threw mayo at me yesterday...

I was like what the HellMann!

How I accidentally crushed a vegan customer's soul at Subway ;-;

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put...

Everyone’s heard of Cunningham’s Law - “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong”. But have you heard of Cole’s Law?

It’s thinly slice cabbage and mayo.

Happy Star Wars Day/Cinco de Mayo

Chewie today, Chuy tomorrow

Dropped my phone in a load of mayo

What the Hellmann

Man 1: “I love sandwiches!” Man 2: “Me too. By the way, I heard you just bought a horse! What did you name it?” Man 1: “Mayo.” Man 2: “Mayo? Why Mayo?”

Man 1: “Because he neighs.”

An 18 year old Mayo girl.

An 18 year old Mayo girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to ...

What do you call a laughing jar of mayo?

LMAYO

Donald Trump goes to a fortune teller and asks "When am I going to die?"

The fortune teller replies: "you will die on a major Mexican holiday."

Trump asks: "Which Mexican holiday? Cinco de Mayo? Dia de los muertos?"

The fortune teller replies: "ANY day you die, Donald, will be a major Mexican holiday!"

Cinco de Mayo and the Titanic

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England .

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico , which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York ..
...

Why does the Mexican guy take xanax?

For hispanic attacks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

mayo problem

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The young...

I hate Cinco De Mayo!

-Said no Juan ever

Conor McGregor hates cinco de mayo...

It's nothing personal, he just cant stand Mayweather.

What do ducks make on cindo de Mayo?

Quackamole...?!

Went to a journalists house for dinner and he'd put stickers over his ketchup, mayo and tobasco bottles.

Apparently he likes to keep all his sauces anonymous.

I specifically asked for no mayo on my sandwich.

What the Hellman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

My roommate borrowed my mayo and never gave it back.

What the Hellmann?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just smashed a jar of mayo in the store

Fuckin Hellmann ...

This year will be the first Cinco de Mayo ...

When Americans try to avoid getting a case of Corona.

Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three

He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.

I have a horse named Mayo

He really like condiments. When he wants one Mayo neighs

What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?

Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

What did the mayo say when you opened the refrigerator?

‘Shut the door! I’m dressing!’

What do you call fancy mayo that falls off the table?

Rollie pullie aioli

So my friend forgot to bring the mayonnaise for the party tonight…

I was like, “What the Hellmann”

What institution servs the most unhealthy meals?

The Mayo Clinic.

At the last supper Jesus lifted the bread and spoke, "This is my body."

He then lifted the wine and said, "This is my blood."

He lifted a jar of mayo...

Peter: "Okay, that's enough!"

A protestor saw me in London today and decided to throw a squeezy bottle of mayo at me...

... I yelled at him "What the Hell-Man!!!"

I saw someone tip a bucket of mayonnaise on my car.

What the Hellman!

In honor of Cinco De Mayo - Why do Mexicans cross the border two at a time?

Because the signs say "No Trespassing".

I accidentally walked in my roommate and saw him slathering himself with jars of Mayo.

What the Hellmann!

Someone stole my jar of mayonnaise at lunch today

I was like, “What the Hellman?”

Did you hear about the sandwich who went to the doctor?

He went to the mayo clinic.

I was trying to think of a bad joke for Cinco de Mayo

but all of mine are 5/5

Since it's Cinco De Mayo, I think i'm gonna eat a little mexican tonight!

And after that, I'll have dinner!

what's a cats favorite condiment?

Mayo

What does the sun get with it’s sandwich?

Light mayo.

I recently bought a ornery horse named Mayo and have been trying to have a serious talk with him about his behavior but he never responds...

...After about the 4th or 5th try he looked me dead in the eye and said, "Mayo doesn't talk, Mayo neighs."

A small town in Ireland solicits bids to build a fountain in the town square. Three builders respond.

The town clerk schedules all three interviews for the same day. The builders arrive and are escorted into the clerk's office. There's a builder from Galway, a builder from Mayo, and finally Casey, a master builder from County Cork.

The first to be interviewed is the builder from Galway. "How ...

Mayonnaise

I bought a horse the other day. I named it mayo.
Mayo neighs.

Sorry if this has been posted before.

I decided not to make my own mayonnaise.

I didn’t want to whisk it.

What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opens the fridge's door?

Close the door! I'm dressing

What does a horse do when he eats a bunch of eggs and olive oil?

He Mayo-neighs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is in a restaurant... (Science humorish)

She asks the female waiter,
"Is that condiment on the table the process in which a sex cell creates
haploids for sexual reproduction?"

The waiter replies,
"No, thats mayo, sis"

A Subway sandwich maker has a very eccentric regular customer.

The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it's burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.
...

Long... Three builders...

Three builders are working on top of a tall building and decide to break for lunch. First guy opens his lunchbox and sees a ham and cheese sandwich. "I'm sick and tired of ham and cheese sandwiches, that's two weeks in a row now with nothing but ham and cheese sandwiches, if I get this tomorrow I'm ...

Mayonnaise

In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.

But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans...

What is the funniest French condiment

Le mayo

I spilled a condiment all over my legs today.

Now I got mayo knees.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.