My last job was at an orange juice factory.

I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Why did the pear turn itself into juice?

Because of the pear pressure

I drove by a truck carrying canned orange juice and almost got into an accident.

I should have concentrated on the road.

Do you think oranges become juice willingly

Or are they getting pressured into it?

I was at a party and there was a big bowl of mixed alcohol and fruit juice, with a long line of brain surgeons, rocket scientists, and Nobel prize winners all queuing up to drink it...

...I thought what a great punch line.

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They say pineapple juice makes your cum taste better.

But for me, it just ruins the pineapple juice.

Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?

Because it said 'concentrate'.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

Add pressurised gas to orange juice you get orangeade. Add pressurised gas to cherry juice you get cherryade. Add pressurised gas to a man named Declan.

You get a decade. Though I'm hoping to be out on parole after 5 for good behaviour.

My father always told me lick the knife to get the last little bit of meat juices.

Brilliant dad, terrible surgeon.

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

While I was in Germany I asked the waiter to bring me some Juice but without ice.

I got a plate of ash.

A Man walks into a Juice bar and finds it empty

A Man walks into a Juice bar and finds it empty
Then the bartender says:

,,What did you expect? a punchline?"

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Beet juice

Did Hitler beet juice?

Michael Jackson robbed a Boost Juice before he died..

He was a smoothie criminal.

Why is almond milk called almond milk?

Because no one can say “nut juice” with a straight face.

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What’s the difference between Prune Juice and OJ?

Prune Juice will give you the shits..... OJ will kill you and your boyfriend.

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what was hitler's least favorite drink?

juice

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.

Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

A friend asked me why some people don't like juice. I tell him it's probably because they're thinking of that cheap, acidic variety that's been destroyed by the concentration process

Apparently this opinion can get you banned from the local kosher supermarket

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When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

What's a jew's least favorite kind of juice

Juice made from concentrate

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge

"This is not working I'm going to my mum's house."

So, I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the juice was cold.

- What the hell did she mean?

What do you call people snorting up juice at a party?

A punchline

Why do doctors recommend apple juice?

Cause OJ will kill you.

I got really badly sunburned yesterday, and was in agony this morning. My mother advised using tomato juice to ease the pain. I was very skeptical at first but she was right...

... I'm now on my seventh bloody mary and I can barely feel a thing.

A bartender squeezes all the juice from a lemon

And says, "I'll give a thousand bucks to whoever can squeeze another drop from this lemon." All the strongest men in the bar took turns trying, but nobody could even squeeze a single drop. The bartender thought he'd won, when an thin, wiry old man walked up from the back. He grabbed the lemon, and s...

I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?"

"...called Apple Juice?!"

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A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

What kind of juice can get away with murder?

OJ

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

I went to the “All You can Drink” juice bar the other day.

It was really neat, but man, the punch line was the worst.

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What's the difference between apple juice and apple cider?

Your sister doesn't care if you cum in juice but she won't let you cum in cider.

At a carnival, a strongman cuts a lemon in half.

He then takes one half and squeezes it as hard as he can. He turns to the crowd and says:
"A hundred dollars for any man or woman who can squeeze a single drop of juice into this glass!"

Several men confidently walk up to the stage, but none of them manage to complete the challenge, desp...

My joke about a sequence of people awaiting their turn to get some fruit juice, got me banned from /r/jokes...

...because I put the punchline in the title...

A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.

I was charged with a Sultan battery.

The hardest part about starting a new juice cleanse diet

Is trying to juice snickers

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One day, Hitler decided to have beet juice with his breakfast

However, he spilled some on his white shirt, which made him look like he was bleeding. Having just walked into the room, his bodyguard exclaimed, "Mein Gott! Are you hurt? I bet it was that bastard Strasser!"

Hitler calmly reassured him: "Nein, the juice did this"

I just found out that 10 fl oz of orange juice has 28g of sugar

Who knew that OJ is the real killer

The Juices of my Girlfriend

One day a friend of mine came over and opened our fridge. Surprised by the amount of different juices that were in the fridge, he asked: "What about all those bottles with weird names on it?"
Me replying: "Well, you see, my girlfriend collects all kinds of juices with bizarre properties and then ...

Keeping fruit juice in the freezer

It's impopsicle!

“Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

[OC] What do you get when you rub two orange juice boxes together?

Pulp friction.

Blonde girl was staring at a bottle of juice...

Because the label said "concentrate."

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Did you hear the joke about the sewer back-up at the juice bar?

No? That's ok. It had a shitty punch line.

What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

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What do you call a cocktail of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin, and southern comfort?

A slow, comfortable, screw.

Banana juice

My Slovak girlfriend told me this today. I think it's an old one where she come from:

A farmer is riding his horse and cart through his village while carrying a large metal flask. A policeman sees this and stops him. "What's in the flask?" he asks suspiciously. "Is it alcohol? You know it's f...

I was heading for the bowl of juice at the party last night. Before I could grab the ladel, another guy walked in front of me and took the last of the juice before I could get any...

...He beat me to the punch.

What's it called when you mix champagne with orange juice at breakfast?

Alcoholism

What do you call the head of an Orange juice factory?

Chief Naval Officer

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