This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say pineapple juice makes your cum taste better.

But for me, it just ruins the pineapple juice.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

My father always told me lick the knife to get the last little bit of meat juices.

Brilliant dad, terrible surgeon.

Do you think oranges become juice willingly

Or are they getting pressured into it?

Michael Jackson robbed a Boost Juice before he died..

He was a smoothie criminal.

What kind of juice do you get in camps?

The concentrated kind.

What’s the difference between orange juice and a Jew? (This is a racist joke)

None, they are both concentrated

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

I used to work at an orange juice factory...

But I couldn’t CONCENTRATE so I got CANNED

Why is almond milk called almond milk?

Because no one can say “nut juice” with a straight face.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between Prune Juice and OJ?

Prune Juice will give you the shits..... OJ will kill you and your boyfriend.

A Man walks into a Juice bar and finds it empty

A Man walks into a Juice bar and finds it empty
Then the bartender says:

,,What did you expect? a punchline?"

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

A friend asked me why some people don't like juice. I tell him it's probably because they're thinking of that cheap, acidic variety that's been destroyed by the concentration process

Apparently this opinion can get you banned from the local kosher supermarket

What's Queen Jocasta's favorite juice-based beverage?

Sonny D

What's a jew's least favorite kind of juice

Juice made from concentrate

What do you call a juice without ice?

Ju

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.

Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?"

"...called Apple Juice?!"

You should always drink apple juice for breakfast

Because OJ will kill you.

I got really badly sunburned yesterday, and was in agony this morning. My mother advised using tomato juice to ease the pain. I was very skeptical at first but she was right...

... I'm now on my seventh bloody mary and I can barely feel a thing.

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge

"This is not working I'm going to my mum's house."

So, I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the juice was cold.

- What the hell did she mean?

I went to the “All You can Drink” juice bar the other day.

It was really neat, but man, the punch line was the worst.

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

A bartender squeezes all the juice from a lemon

And says, "I'll give a thousand bucks to whoever can squeeze another drop from this lemon." All the strongest men in the bar took turns trying, but nobody could even squeeze a single drop. The bartender thought he'd won, when an thin, wiry old man walked up from the back. He grabbed the lemon, and s...

At a carnival, a strongman cuts a lemon in half.

He then takes one half and squeezes it as hard as he can. He turns to the crowd and says:
"A hundred dollars for any man or woman who can squeeze a single drop of juice into this glass!"

Several men confidently walk up to the stage, but none of them manage to complete the challenge, desp...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between apple juice and apple cider?

Your sister doesn't care if you cum in juice but she won't let you cum in cider.

"I HATE JUICE" -

Said 4 year old Hitler.

The hardest part about starting a new juice cleanse diet

Is trying to juice snickers

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day, Hitler decided to have beet juice with his breakfast

However, he spilled some on his white shirt, which made him look like he was bleeding. Having just walked into the room, his bodyguard exclaimed, "Mein Gott! Are you hurt? I bet it was that bastard Strasser!"

Hitler calmly reassured him: "Nein, the juice did this"

A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.

I was charged with a Sultan battery.

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

My joke about a sequence of people awaiting their turn to get some fruit juice, got me banned from /r/jokes...

...because I put the punchline in the title...

Earlier today I really needed a drink to quench my thirst and apple juice wasn't really doing it for me

but OJ did it

“Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

Keeping fruit juice in the freezer

It's impopsicle!

Blonde girl was staring at a bottle of juice...

Because the label said "concentrate."

[OC] What do you get when you rub two orange juice boxes together?

Pulp friction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a cocktail of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin, and southern comfort?

A slow, comfortable, screw.

What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

Do you think an orange wants to be juice?

Or is it just pear pressure?

What do you call the head of an Orange juice factory?

Chief Naval Officer

What's it called when you mix champagne with orange juice at breakfast?

Alcoholism

I was heading for the bowl of juice at the party last night. Before I could grab the ladel, another guy walked in front of me and took the last of the juice before I could get any...

...He beat me to the punch.

Banana juice

My Slovak girlfriend told me this today. I think it's an old one where she come from:

A farmer is riding his horse and cart through his village while carrying a large metal flask. A policeman sees this and stops him. "What's in the flask?" he asks suspiciously. "Is it alcohol? You know it's f...

Where do you sent diluted Juice?

To the concentration camp.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm on a new diet of just Viagra and prune juice...

I never know if I'm comin' or goin'.

This joke is like a party without any demand for fruit juice.

There is no punch line.

Who was Adolf Hitler's least favorite athlete?

O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows Hitler hated The Juice.

Hitler walks into a bar.

The owner, surprised to see the German leader at his bar, asks if he’d like his top-notch bourbon on the house. “No thanks,” Hitler replies. “I’ll just take a screwdriver.” One screwdriver turned into 10 before Adolf called it quits and headed home.

The next night, Hitler returned to the bar...