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Juice Jokes

Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice for hours?

Because the label said: "concentrate".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time I was at a party and noticed a large group of people patiently waiting their turn to fill their cups with some sort of fruit juice cocktail. Gesturing towards the gathering, I asked one of them "What is this?"

"This is the punch line"

I recently quit my job at the orange juice factory......

I just couldn’t concentrate.

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.

Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

So I’m standing here waiting for fruit juice when my buddy asks where we are.

I told him we’re in the punchline.

Little Jimmy said to his big brother: "Look at this! On my juice box! It says it's made with 100% pure concrete!"

"No no no, Jimmy. Concentrate!"

"I am concentrating!"

What Star Wars character likes orange juice the most?

Emperor Pulpatine

I'm trying to sell some batteries with 25% of juice in them.

Very low charge.

What’s the difference between juice and cider?

A date can’t end with you in juice.

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They say pineapple juice makes your cum taste better.

But for me, it just ruins the pineapple juice.

I accidentally splashed pickle juice in my eyes

Now I'm brined.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The orange juice complained to his therapist that no one wanted to drink him because he had too much pulp.

He was so depressed that he wanted to throw himself from the highest refrigerated shelf.

“Try to restrain yourself,” said the therapist.

I tried to take up Motorsport, but had to prove my car could run on meat juices

It was for a Stock Car race.

The other day, I ran out of apple juice

But I had a big box full of apples at home, so I thought I would try to make some myself.

I stared at that box for over an hour and nothing happened. Then I looked at the empty juice bottle again, and on the label it said "not from concentrate."

Boy did I feel foolish

The average hotdog machine will have 547,500 wieners in it and catch 4,277 gallons of juice in its trap during its lifetime.

Just like your mother.

What does orange juice and my dad have in common?

They both slap harder when mixed with alcohol.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the comedy club stop serving prune juice at the bar?

Too many shits n giggles

I have found that I have been happier since I switched from coffee to orange juice.

My Dr. explained that it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars but I really think it’s the vodka.

What do you get when you simmer a clown in its own juices?

Laughing Stock

A kid wanted some juice at the local carnival

But when he looked up he realized he was in the punchline

Recently a man murdered his wife of 40 years by poisoning a glass of orange juice.

I guess its, not the first time OJ has killed a woman.

Yesterday I saw a marine mammal swim along the coast holding a glass of orange juice in it's flippers.

Turned out to be a Vitamin C-lion

Yo mama so dumb

that she spent 5 hours staring at a glass of orange juice because it said ‘concentrate’ on the package.

Why do doctors recommend apple juice?

Cause OJ will kill you.

British man: If you like vodka and tomato juice so much...

then why don’t you bloody mary it!

I was griling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices made my mouth water....

Got me thinking....Do vegetarians have the same effect when mowing a lawn ?

Banned from the grocery store

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

The next person that asks me for a pineapple juice

a cranberry juice and some lemonade with a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a punch..

A young Irish girl goes to confession...

...and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.

The priest replies, “Go ahead, my child.”

“Well”, she says, “Last night I made love to me boyfriend... FIVE TIMES! And it was GLORIOUS, Father. He made me tingle all over, and I swear it was as though I was seein’ the stars in my passio...

Do you think oranges become juice willingly

Or are they getting pressured into it?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.<...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk a carton of eggs a quart of orange juice a head of romaine lettuce a 2 lb. can of coffee a 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict'...

In Soviet Union a Screwdriver is not Orange Juice with Vodka...

It’s Vodka with Orange Juice

(Jokester’s Note: Russian Vodka is the best in the world regarding to taste, which inspired me to make this joke, love y’all(as far as a westerner goes))

today i mixed holy water and prune juice to make a new drink

it gave me a religious movement

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What's the difference between apple juice and apple cider?

Your sister doesn't care if you cum in juice but she won't let you cum in cider.

I called my dad from the shop saying I’d forgotten what orange juice he asked for.

“Concentrate” he said, but I still couldn’t remember!

My brother spilled apple juice on my laptop

It was a cider attack

Why does Meghan Trainor like to pour the meat juices over her roast during cooking?

She’s all about that baste.

Just went to the store and bought milk, cereal, juice and ice cream.

Cashier: “You must be single, right?”

Me: “Yes! How did you know?”

Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn’t suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn’t cut it as barber; didn’t have the patience to be a doctor; didn’t fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a his...

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A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big st...

A bartender squeezes all the juice from a lemon

And says, "I'll give a thousand bucks to whoever can squeeze another drop from this lemon." All the strongest men in the bar took turns trying, but nobody could even squeeze a single drop. The bartender thought he'd won, when an thin, wiry old man walked up from the back. He grabbed the lemon, and s...

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

If fruit juice could be a drug

It would be much easier to find a punch-line

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