My last job was at an orange juice factory.

I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They say pineapple juice makes your cum taste better.

But for me, it just ruins the pineapple juice.

When I'm grilling a steak, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water.

Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.

My father always told me lick the knife to get the last little bit of meat juices.

Brilliant dad, terrible surgeon.

I was grilling a steak earlier and the smell of the juices started to make my mouth water...

Got me thinking, do vegans get the same reaction when mowing the lawn?

What kind of juice do you get in camps?

The concentrated kind.

Michael Jackson robbed a Boost Juice before he died..

He was a smoothie criminal.

What’s the difference between orange juice and a Jew? (This is a racist joke)

None, they are both concentrated

Do you think oranges become juice willingly

Or are they getting pressured into it?

Why is almond milk called almond milk?

Because no one can say “nut juice” with a straight face.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between Prune Juice and OJ?

Prune Juice will give you the shits..... OJ will kill you and your boyfriend.

A Man walks into a Juice bar and finds it empty

A Man walks into a Juice bar and finds it empty
Then the bartender says:

,,What did you expect? a punchline?"

A friend asked me why some people don't like juice. I tell him it's probably because they're thinking of that cheap, acidic variety that's been destroyed by the concentration process

Apparently this opinion can get you banned from the local kosher supermarket

If you drink 2 glasses of Kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and

Your desire to live too.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I make you breakfast in bed, fresh eggs benedict, local picked wild flowers and freshly pressed orange juice, get into bed next to you and wake you with soothing classical music, a simple Thank you would suffice....

Not all this how the fuck did you get into my house business.

I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.

Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.

I know a guy..

Son: Hey Dad, can I have some orange juice?
Dad: I know a guy that drank some orange juice and died 3 hours later.
Son: Oh man, was he allergic? Is that what killed him?
Dad: Oh no, he was hit by a bus.

What do you call a juice without ice?


What's a jew's least favorite kind of juice

Juice made from concentrate

I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?"

"...called Apple Juice?!"

You should always drink apple juice for breakfast

Because OJ will kill you.

A man gets in line for some juice

But it’s long, and there’s massive amount of people.
Tall people, short people, you name it. Everyone.
He waits and he waits and he waits and waits and everyone
Everyone is just waiting, waiting and waiting and waiting, and waiting and waiting and waiting,
until finally someone in the ba...

I got really badly sunburned yesterday, and was in agony this morning. My mother advised using tomato juice to ease the pain. I was very skeptical at first but she was right...

... I'm now on my seventh bloody mary and I can barely feel a thing.

I went to the “All You can Drink” juice bar the other day.

It was really neat, but man, the punch line was the worst.

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge

"This is not working I'm going to my mum's house."

So, I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the juice was cold.

- What the hell did she mean?

I have a drinking problem and I need help.

If Bob has drunk 2 cups of orange juice and Steve has drunk 3, and each cup has the juice of 4 oranges, how many oranges did the buy?

A bartender squeezes all the juice from a lemon

And says, "I'll give a thousand bucks to whoever can squeeze another drop from this lemon." All the strongest men in the bar took turns trying, but nobody could even squeeze a single drop. The bartender thought he'd won, when an thin, wiry old man walked up from the back. He grabbed the lemon, and s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between apple juice and apple cider?

Your sister doesn't care if you cum in juice but she won't let you cum in cider.

At a carnival, a strongman cuts a lemon in half.

He then takes one half and squeezes it as hard as he can. He turns to the crowd and says:
"A hundred dollars for any man or woman who can squeeze a single drop of juice into this glass!"

Several men confidently walk up to the stage, but none of them manage to complete the challenge, desp...


Said 4 year old Hitler.

My joke about a sequence of people awaiting their turn to get some fruit juice, got me banned from /r/jokes...

...because I put the punchline in the title...

A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.

I was charged with a Sultan battery.

When given the option, always go for apple juice.

O.J will kill ya.

“Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”

The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”

Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”

Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day, Hitler decided to have beet juice with his breakfast

However, he spilled some on his white shirt, which made him look like he was bleeding. Having just walked into the room, his bodyguard exclaimed, "Mein Gott! Are you hurt? I bet it was that bastard Strasser!"

Hitler calmly reassured him: "Nein, the juice did this"

The hardest part about starting a new juice cleanse diet

Is trying to juice snickers

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

Blonde girl was staring at a bottle of juice...

Because the label said "concentrate."

[OC] What do you get when you rub two orange juice boxes together?

Pulp friction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a cocktail of vodka, orange juice, sloe gin, and southern comfort?

A slow, comfortable, screw.

Keeping fruit juice in the freezer

It's impopsicle!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear the joke about the sewer back-up at the juice bar?

No? That's ok. It had a shitty punch line.

Do you think an orange wants to be juice?

Or is it just pear pressure?

What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

I was heading for the bowl of juice at the party last night. Before I could grab the ladel, another guy walked in front of me and took the last of the juice before I could get any...

...He beat me to the punch.

What's it called when you mix champagne with orange juice at breakfast?


What do you call the head of an Orange juice factory?

Chief Naval Officer

Banana juice

My Slovak girlfriend told me this today. I think it's an old one where she come from:

A farmer is riding his horse and cart through his village while carrying a large metal flask. A policeman sees this and stops him. "What's in the flask?" he asks suspiciously. "Is it alcohol? You know it's f...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

‘Why did the chicken cross the road?’

“Now that’s an old one.” The chicken smiled to himself as he looked across the barren road in front of him, the age old question repeating itself in his mind.

On one side, the chicken stood. The other, a lone bar in the middle of nowhere. And yet, at some point, it was once the most bustling ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm on a new diet of just Viagra and prune juice...

I never know if I'm comin' or goin'.

Where do you sent diluted Juice?

To the concentration camp.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

(NSFW) So my girlfriend is crazy horny

And we went out to a restaurant. They brought mints with the check. That gave her the idea that I should have mints instead of pineapple juice, so my cum would taste minty, and my cum would be her end of a meal mints. So I started eating all sorts of mints for a few weeks.

One day we're ge...

Who was Adolf Hitler's least favorite athlete?

O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows Hitler hated The Juice.

Hitler walks into a bar.

The owner, surprised to see the German leader at his bar, asks if he’d like his top-notch bourbon on the house. “No thanks,” Hitler replies. “I’ll just take a screwdriver.” One screwdriver turned into 10 before Adolf called it quits and headed home.

The next night, Hitler returned to the bar...