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Stir Jokes

What do you call a zombie making stir-fry?

Dead man WOKing.

I found stir fry all over my bed this morning

I must have been sleep **wok**ing again

Using a cinnamon stick to stir your eggnog isn't a religious practice.

It's egg-nog-stick.

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January, 1774. Revolution stirs in the English colonies.

January, 1774. Revolution stirs in the English colonies. Just last month a rebel group called the Sons of Liberty caused a ruckus in Boston about tea being taxed too high. Tax collectors tarred and feathered. High anti royalist sentiment. William Cotillion, King George's personal advisor to the colo...

Whose the idiot?

The beginning of the first class in college a professor wanted to stir things up, to make a point he said “If there are any idiots in this room, will you please stand up"

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inq...

What do you call a large reptile who likes to stir up petty fights on social media?

An Insta-gator.

Stirring the Sauce

A sweet and innocent young Italian girl gets married, but the girl's mother lives downstairs. The girl has never made love to a man before, and on their wedding night, when he takes off his shirt, she goes running downstairs."Momma, Momma," she cries. "I can't believe it! He has hair all over his ch...

I needed to buy a new pan to stir fry a large meal

I decided to go for a wok.

My wife gave out to me this morning, because our fridge was full of stir fry.

Oh god I must have being sleep wokking again.

Why do brits stir coffee clockwise and italians do it anticlockwise?

To dissolve the sugar

I heard the ladies really like a good stir fry.

You can tell by the way I use my wok, I'm a woman's man.

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When i have a martini shaken not stirred, i always add a

It might not make me Daniel Craig, but it will make me Roger more.

How does Walter White make a stir fry?

With Ricin

reptiles constantly stirring people up...

but what can you expect from all these insti-gators...

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Oh, April!

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and ...

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This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him ?”
The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the into a powder. When you are having beans, stir it in,...

Panda Express fired me for emailing around photos of bad stir fry...

I guess I should have labelled them Not Safe for Wok...

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What do you call a man cooking stir-fry in a Japanese technology company?

Sony wok man.

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Wedding night

Sophia had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian girl living under the watchful eye of her mother, she remained a virgin up until she and her husband took their wedding vows…

On their wedding night, the newlyweds stayed at her mother's house, and Sophia was nervous. Her mother...

The instructions on my microwave meal say "stir and recover"

How exhausting do they think stirring pasta is?

What do the inhabitants of Endor use to cook their stir frys?

An Ewok

The invention of the spoon was an important point in human history.

It caused…quite a stir.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...

Because the carbon monoxide detector failed.

Merry Christmas Reddit!

Why don’t lazy people like cooking a stir-fry?

Because they have to do a lot of wok-ing

What was shaken and is now stirred?

Haiti.

A muslim opens a stir-fry restaurant in HawaĂŻ.

He called it "Aloha-Wok-bar".

What do you say when a stirring utensil is doing something unsafe?

Hey that's whisky behavior

"Excuse me, is this pool stirred up by angels and imbued with healing properties?"

"No, Sir, I'm afraid this font is sans-Seraph."

What do you call a hoe that you use to stir a fire.

An ash hoe.

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Cute names to call your girlfriend with

1.sugar

2.honey

3.flour

4.egg

5.1/2 lb butter

6.stir

7.pour into pan

8.preheat to 375°

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A bloke buys a camel from some shonk on a street corner, and he proudly rides it into the pub car park, causing a bit of a stir with the local drinkers.

"Nice camel, mate," one of his drinking commented. "Is it male or
female?"


"Female!" the bloke beamed.


"How do you know" his mate enquired.


"Well," the bloke explained, "On the way here today, at least twenty
people yelled out: 'Hey - look at the ...

Have I told you about the time I met Steven Tyler and he taught me how to cook stir fry?

He told me to "wok this way."

Once upon a time, in the magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song,...

Which national holiday is also an online cooking assistant?

e-stir

Whoever invented the teaspoon

caused quite a stir.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is cooking dinner and her husband walks in the door, shaking his head and laughing...

"You'll never believe the I heard at work today. Bill Jenkins was bragging that he's fucked every woman on our street but one."

His wife smirks, stirring the gravy. "I bet it's that snooty old Cathy Anderson."

I was going to tell a joke about weed.

But I didn’t want to stir the pot.

On his first ever flight, a nervous man who was scared of flying sat next to a heavily tattooed and smelly giant of a man.

Unfortunately, during the flight the timid little fellow ended up getting physically sick. But since the large man was now fast asleep, and was between him and aisle, his way to the bathroom was blocked.

Suddenly it was too late, and he vomited all over the sleeping man. Quickly he tried t...

I hate it when chefs gossip about stuff

All they do is stand around and stir the pot.

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away

His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred

A foreign country's leader was cooking a small pot of prime ribs

While cooking, he stirred the pot. It was a prime mini stir

A man woke up sobbing

"The world is a cruel uncaring void!" he cried. "Pleasure is fleeting but pain is eternal! Hope is a mirage! What cruel God made this reality!?"

Next to him, his wife stirred.

"Oh honey...is it Monday already...?"

What's the difference between ramen soup and an Oscar-bait movie?

You watch one for three minutes, stirring occasionally. You watch the other for three hours and it's occasionally stirring.

A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee.

This coffee," he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, "is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers."

The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen and returned shortly with another cup of coffee.

"This one isn't so hot, sir," he beamed.

Just fought the James Bond.

I was really shaken. But not stirred.

When bond told her that her father was dead...

She looked shaken, not stirred.

Sean connery died today

His family are shaken, not stirred

Thanksgiving An old couple had been married for 50 years. Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.

Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: "One of these days you're going to fart your guts out."

It's Thanksgiving morning. The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea:

...

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.

"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.

"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.

"Shaken, not stirred."

"Oh, thank God."

Trump legalizes marijuana to pay for the wall with the tax revenues.

This really stirred the pot.

James Bond is fast asleep in bed when suddenly there is an earthquake!

He is shaken but not stirred.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doug comes home very drunk one night...

He sneaks upstairs to his bedroom and passes out next to his wife, Shirley. All of a sudden, his room fills with a bright light and hovering over the foot of the bed is an angel. Doug is very frightened and has no idea what is going on. The angel says, "Doug, don't be afraid. I am come to tell y...

The Italian bride

A newly married Italian couple is spending their honeymoon in the bride's mother's country cottage. It's the 1930s the bride’s father died long ago, and they don't have much money so this is the best they can do. The new bride, a lovely young woman, has never left her village and never been with a m...
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