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Unfamiliar Jokes

A man walks into an unfamiliar bar

A man walks into an unfamiliar bar in a small town he just moved in to, orders a drink and quietly sits down at the bar.

Shortly after, another man drinking at a table stands up, and shouts "43!" and everyone in the bar bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

The man shrugs it off, and co...

A guy sees a lamp, rubs it, and a Genie comes out. The genie is so happy that he decides to grant one wish. The guy thinks about it and says "I want to be a powerful man in the world, and have a beautiful wife"

The next morning the guy awake in a unfamiliar room, and a beautiful woman said to him

"Wake up John, it's a busy day, we have a car tour in Dallas"

Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport

The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest damn runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks t...

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A man walks into an unfamiliar bar

He sits down at the bar and sees a pot of cash filled to the brim with notes. As he orders his drink he ask the bartender "what's with the pot of cash?"

The barman replies "we have a 3 tier game going on, winner takes all. £100 entry."

"Just out of curiosity, whats involved?" Asks the ...

A couple of hunters go out into an unfamiliar woods.

They're stopped by the Game Warden who asks them, "I don't recognize you fellers from around here. Do you boys know your way around these here woods?"

"Well no, but we can find our way out after we get our deer."

"Okay, but if you do happen to get lost, just fire 3 shots in the air. Th...

Doctor Doolittle spies an unfamiliar crocodilian on a South American riverbank.

He calls out "I say! Are you a cayman?"

"Not bad, how 'bout you?" answers the croc.

I'm so unfamiliar withe the local gym

I have to call it the *James*

A nun turns her bicycle down an unfamiliar, cobblestone lane.

"Oh, well I've never come this way before."

Daryl was sitting in his house when came a loud knock on his door. He went to the door and a salesman was standing there with an unfamiliar object in his hand. “What’s that?” asked Daryl. “It’s a Thermos.”

Intrigued, Daryl asked, “What does it do?”

Shifting into the sales pitch he said, “This little jewel is amazing. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

After some discussion Daryl purchased one thinking it would really help with his lunch situation at work. The next day he arr...

Din Djarin and Obi Wan were making cheese...

Din Djarin poured in some rennet, and when the milk coagulated, he separated and removed the curd from the large vat.

Obi Wan, unfamiliar with the process, pointed to the bottom of the vat and asked what was it that remained?

The Mandalorian said..."This is the whey..."

Sorry.

Three thieves are in a house...

Three thieves are in a house when suddenly they hear someone come through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside. When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound simila...

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A man calls his home while on a business trip.

(I translated this joke from my native language so bear with me)

An unfamiliar voice answers the phone.
Man: "Who is this?"
Answer comes, "A am the maid."
Man: "What? there was no maid when i left a couple of days ago."
Maid: "I was hired yesterday and started working just...

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A criminal gets arrested. NSFW

After the arrest he is put into his usual cell. After entering the cell he greets everyone as he is familiar with all of them. After the greetings, he notices an unfamiliar guy sitting alone in the corner that he has never seen before.
"First time?" He asks. The stranger nods in agreement. "What ...

An Australian is visiting Britain...

He's from a small rural village and is completely unfamiliar with traffic rules and street lights and just crosses streets whenever. After almost getting hit by cars several times and lots of honking a police officer sees him and shouts: "Oi! You there, did you come here to die?" The Aussie replies:...

A guy walks into an exotic restaurant in Spain

Waiter: "How can I help you?"

Customer: "I'm looking for the most exotic thing you have"

Waiter: "You're in luck, I'll return shortly"

Waiter leaves and returns with a bowl containing something unfamiliar to the customer.

Customer: "What's this?"

Waiter: "Every we...

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A penguins car breaks down

Okay so this penguins car breaks down in an area hes unfamiliar with


Penguin gets his car towed to the nearest shop. He asks the mechanic how long it should take. The mechanic says probably a few hours. The penguin asks if there's anything around he can do while he waits


Now, t...

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A man of the cloth was touring the country preaching.

He stopped at an unfamiliar hotel chain for the night and asked for a room. He took his room key and told the young woman working behind the front desk, "There better be bibles in the nightstand and the porn channels disabled."

She looked shocked and responded "No! They're normal you pervert!...

A garbage man wakes up from a coma.

The nurse says to him
"I’m afraid to tell you that you’ve been in a coma for almost 25 years. Both of your parents have passed away in that time and the rest of your friends and lovers have moved on, believing you would never recover. You no longer have a home or any possessions. The only reason ...

So a young man walks into a bar…

and notices a an unfamiliar patron sitting in the corner. This person looks completely normal, except that he has an extremely large, bright orange, spherical head. The young man asks the bartender,

“Do you know that fellow over there?”

“Oh, him? Yeah, that’s Andy.”

“What on e...

A couple driving to Disney World...

...saw signs for the nearby town of Kissimmee. Being unfamiliar with the area, they debated whether it is pronounced KISSimmee or kissIMMee or kissimmEE. The debate turned into an argument and they decided that when they got to the town they would ask one of the locals.

So they pulled into a...

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A pirate walks into a bar, like he does every Saturday.

The bartender, unfamiliar with the pirate’s new look asks, “What happened to you? You look horrible!”

The pirate replies with “I got in a fight with another pirate crew and just barely made it out alive.”

B: “What happened to your hand?”

P: “The captain of the enemy crew chopped...

Greatest truck driver in the world - mild nsfw

Frank was the greatest truck driver in the world, he could take that truck places that shouldn't be possible.

One night Frank, who had been driving for a solid shift, found himself on an unfamiliar stretch of road. It had been a wet day and the fog was rolling in, making it impossible to see ...

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So how about a real joke about Bulgarians for a change?

A flying saucer beams up a German engineer, an Indian guru and a Bulgarian. The three of them are informed by an alien in a lab coat that standard procedure when contacting an unfamiliar species is to subject them to the standardized intergalactic intelligence test.

"You will be put in an air...

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A guy at work calls his wife at home

and an unfamiliar female voice answers the phone. The man asks,

"Who is this?"

"I am the maid."

"Since when have we had a maid?"

"I was hired by the woman of the house this morning."

The man is surprised that his wife would hire a maid without consulting him first ...

What's what?

A very innocent young couple had spent a number of months courting very chastely indeed, not least because they had only the haziest idea of what being unchaste even involved. So at the wedding reception both he and she were being taken aside by their friends and told "Hey! You'll get what's what al...

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Spotted on Facebook

Student: I don’t understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?
Teacher: Actually, you didn’t turn in a research paper. You turned in a random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arb...

Mr. and Mrs. Finkelstein

have just moved from their primitive shtetl home in Europe to a modern, state-of-the art apartment in New York. They are totally unfamiliar with all the necessities of the modern home.

Mrs. Finkelstein goes to the bathroom to wash her hands and is taken aback by the mirror, having never seen ...

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A women walks into a bar...

The bar is atop a 40 story building. She sits at the bar and orders a drink. She looks across and sees a strikingly good looking man drinking a beer with a unfamiliar label. She walks over and asks "What are you drinking?" The man responds " Oh this? Its magic beer." "What makes it Magic" she asks. ...

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A skilled, anonymous criminal was infamously wanted for multiple cases of robbery and theft.

...and it was rumored that he was planning to steal the riches of the wealthy mayor of the city. Since this criminal was known to have pulled off such fantastic heists before, it was no doubt that he would eventually successfully achieve this goal, which meant that the police station was on high ale...

Southern Justice

While traveling in unfamiliar territory, a lawyer ran a stop sign and got pulled over by a small town sheriff.

The lawyer thinks for a minute and decides that he can talk his way out of a ticket. After all, he assumes that he must be much better educated than the southern sheriff.

Th...

At the funeral of Hector Dewey

At the funeral of Hector Dewey, an insanely rich man, hundreds of people showed up, enjoying the cake and everything laid out there, a large number of them pretending to be family.

Hector's second-eldest son, Jeffrey, notices a lot of unfamiliar faces. He goes up his older brother, Dwight, th...

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Fancy Restaurant

A hillbilly finds himself in an unfamiliar part of town and he's hungry. He pulls his rust bucket into the parking lot of a restaurant and approaches the front door with his sleeveless tee-shirt, holey ripped jeans, shaggy beard, do-rag, and tattoos but he's stopped by the Maitre'D before he can en...

An elderly couple's road trip around south east England

*(Note for those unfamiliar with the British road network: 'A' roads are main, or arterial, roads and they are all identified by 'A' and a number.)*


An elderly man is driving his wife on a road trip around the south east of England. Shortly after getting on to the A2, a police car signals...

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe..

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempt...

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The Alaskan Miner

Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.

He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.

"Firstly...

Three men die on the same day, at the same time, at the same hotel

They are brought to the devil and all three insist that he is an innocent victim.

The first guys says, " I was staying with my wife in room 606. When I got back from work and opened the door, I noticed an unfamiliar set of men's shoes. My wife was out, so this must be a theif. I looked around...

The World Expert on Wasps

A man was walking down a quiet street, when something caught his eye in the window of a charity shop. He wandered over to take a closer look, then smiled to himself, nodded, and entered the shop.

He walked up to the counter and said to the man serving there, "Is that record in the window real...

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An Irishman, stricken with severe insomnia, decides he needs go for a late night walk..

Figures it’d be best if he got some fresh air and such, as he highly doubts that he'll be falling asleep anytime soon. So, he slips into his boots, throws on a jacket, and heads out the door. Not 5 minutes later, he comes across a freshly painted white picket-fence that leads to an unfamiliar bar on...

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Jewish jokes

(Just a few of my favorites)

A man is getting ready to get married to a very Orthodox wife, and he goes to her rabbi for help. He's recently converted and very unfamiliar with Jewish weddings.
"Rabbi, for the wedding, do I sit with my wife?"
"No, the men sit with the men and the women ...

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