Odd Jokes - 79 Hilarious Odd Jokes

An odd joke

Once there was a guy whose parents named him Odd. All through school, Odd was made fun of for his odd name. Eventually, as an grown man, he found a beautiful woman to marry and raise a family with. During a summer day in their 70s, Odd told his wife as they sat in the living room that he had never l...

Why do white girls always travel in odd numbers?

Because they literally can’t even.

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”

"Because…He’s my newt.

A blonde is going door to door trying to find some paying work She knocks on one door and an older man opens it up. "Hey mister, do you have any odd jobs I could do for cash?"

He looks her up and down and surmises that she's an idiot whom he can take advantage of.

"I'll give you ten dollars if you paint my porch. There's paint, brushes, ladders and everything you'll need next to the car in the garage."

"Sure, sounds great!"

The man closes the door, ch...

My teenage daughter is really acting odd..

She can’t even

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It's odd that Thelma & Louise spend an entire film challenging sexist stereotypes,

then die at the end because of their terrible driving.

You have three cups of coffee and 20 sugar cubes? How do you put an odd number of sugar cubes into each cup of coffee using all 20 sugar cubes.

1 cube in the first cup, 1 cube in the second, and 18 in the third because 18 is an odd number of sugar cubes to put in coffee.

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A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Ch...

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I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy.

It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.

I was a complete mess.

I was broke and my body was ruined.

But fuck me, what a night.

I find it odd that so many Americans are circumcised...

Especially considering how many rely on tips to get by.

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Given the words 'wife', 'odds', 'egg', and 'blowjob' which one doesn't fit the category?

Ans: (First, change the above term "wife" to "traffic" so that the good people are happy.) Blowjob. You can beat an egg, you can beat the odds, you can beat the traffic, but you can't beat a blowjob.

So far, 2019 seems odd.

Like every other year.

My wife has an odd way of starting conversations.

She always begin by saying "Hey, are you even listening?"

Odd how you can only send mail during the day.

They are called post office hours, after all.

There was a man once who was named "Odd"

He hated his name because he was bullied due to his name in School. His whole life he had to endure people making fun out of him. When he was old and on his death bed, he told his children that his headstone should not have his name and should be blank. After he died, his children fulfilled his wish...

I came home with a salamander on my shoulder and my son, all excited, shouted, "What's his name!?” Smiling, I replied, “Tiny!" My kid laughed and asked, “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” I explained...

“Because...he’s my newt!"

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster?

A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Did You Hear About The Women With An Odd Fixation On Bulgarian Values?

She was looking for someone who was stroganoff to be her man

Why do bugs have odd beliefs?

They're in sects.

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A man hitches a ride with a trucker. Oddly enough, a monkey is seated in between the two of them.

After about 5 minutes of small talk, the hitchhiker finally felt comfortable enough to ask:

"So, what's with the monkey?"

"Watch this..." said the trucker.

He then smacked the monkey on the forehead. The monkey immediately unzipped the truckers pants, gave the trucker a blow job...

Football Odds.

The odds of Aliens visiting Earth: 100,000 to 1.

The odds of Manchester United winning the Premiership:

Ask the Aliens when they get here..

(Works with other teams as well)

A general noticed that one of his soldiers was behaving oddly since some days.

The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say,

"That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge...

If Stranger Things was British it’d be called

Bit Odd Innit?

odd one out.

Which is the odd one out.?

a pound of beef mince.

a pound of soya mince,

or a vibrator.?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.Answer the beef mince, the other two are meat substitutes.

My teen daughter is acting really odd.

She can’t even. It’s causing a family divide. We’ve got to figure it out before our problems multiply.

You know what’s odd?

Every other number

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An odd funeral...

A guy is just coming out of the store when he sees an unusual funeral procession moving down the road. In front is a black hearse, which is followed at a respectable distance of about 30 feet by another, slow moving hearse. Behind the two walks a man with a dog. And some twenty feet behind him is...

I just realized that the word “seven” has ‘even’ in it.

That’s odd.

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I posted an ad looking for someone to do odd jobs for me.

A guy replied, offering to jerk me off with his feet, armpit, or elbows.

You know what's really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2

I hired an odd man to do eight jobs for me.

When I got back, he’d only done jobs one, three, five, and seven.

Oddly Specific Historical Humour

Below is the program for the November 7th, 1917 performance of the Bolshoi Ballet:

Dance

Dance

Revolution

Noticed something very odd when reading the obituaries yesterday…

everyone is dying in alphabetical order!

Jesus was born on Christmas, died on Good Friday and rose on Easter.

What are the odds?!?!

There was a man named Odd.

There was a man whose name was Odd. He wasn't sure why his parents had given him that name but it had caused him problems all his life and he never liked it. As he grew older he grew to like his name even less and one day he was sitting talking with his wife and said "Honey you know that I have neve...

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A guy was shopping when he saw a gorgeous woman who looked oddly familiar.

"Hello," said the guy. "I think I've seen you somewhere before."

"You have seen me before!" replied the woman. "You're the father of one of my children."

The guy thought for a while and said, "I remember you now! You're that stripper from my bachelor party. I got drunk, and made passio...

The odds of getting on a plane with a bomb on it are 950,000 to one -

The odds of getting on a plane with two bombs on it are closer to 700,000,000 to one So, to be safe, I always bring my own bomb.

S. W.

Odd Joke

1,3,5,7,9 were tired of being called odd their whole life. They wanted to get even.

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My new girlfriend has the same first name as my sister.

Which is quite odd, because now, when we have sex, I think about my girlfriend :(

AN ODD TALE

There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."

I’ve been getting some odd pop up ads recently:

“Hot older men in your area want to know if you’ve been messing with the thermostat”

I was sitting at the bar arranging peanuts into piles of 1, 3, 5 and 7.

The bartender asked me if I was trying to set up some odd joke. I told him “No, but I would have done that in my prime.”

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Are people born with photographic memories?

Or do they take a while to develop?

Why the fuck are you morons spending real money on Reddit awards? Fucking STOP it. Reddit admins do NOT deserve any kind of money at all. The just banned 200 odd subreddits - and you fucking halfwits want to reward them for it.

Fuck's sake.

I met someone with halitosis last night. He had some strange ideas but, oddly enough,

everything he said made scents

What’s the odd one out?

A. Flour
B. Yeast
C. Royalty
D. Meat

D. Meat because it’s usually not “in bread.”

What did the Ancient Egyptians call the pharaoh who farted oddly?

Toot Uncommon

People are odd.

Except for twins: those are even.

Odd jobs

John: Hey Peter, long time no see! How are you? What are you doing now?

Peter: Fine, fine. I sell human organs. You?

John: Dude, what the hell? Don't you have a heart?

Peter: Is that criticism or an order?

Four men and their wives are having babies…

Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies

A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You're the father of twins.”

“That's odd,” answers the man

“I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congr...

"That's an odd fetish"

I said to myself, as I came to a fork in the road

Odd

A mother and father named their child "Odd". And because of his unfortunate name, poor Odd had the worst life you could imagine.
In school, he was always picked on and had trouble making friends. In college he never fit in and struggled to gain the respect of his peers. In life he drifted from jo...

His name is odd

So there was this guy named odd, and see everyone would make fun of him, cause his name was odd, lol.

So when he died, he told the gravestone guy to leave his gravestone blank, so no one would make fun of his grave.

But see, when people would walk by his grave, they would say:

...

People say I'm odd

Sigh

I can't even

Geometry teachers are oddly obsessed with communism

they are always talking about marks and angles

I got into a fight with 1,3,5,7 and 9.

The odds were against me

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer were walking through the woods when they came upon a bridge across a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that bridge safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a s...

List all odd integers from 1 to 20

1, 3, 5, 7, George Bush, 13, 15, 17, 19.

The bagel my wife gave me tasted very odd

She said it was quim cheese.

“Little Notes “-Neil Simon, ‘The Odd Couple’

Oscar Madison: Everything you do irritates me. And when you’re not here the things I know you’re going to do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. I told you a hundred times, I can’t stand little notes on my pillow. ‘We’re all out of Corn Flakes, F.U.’ It took me thre...

There was a mohel who had the odd habit of keeping the foreskins in a box in a closet.

One day he noticed that they'd naturally tanned into very supple leather, so he took the boxful to a bag maker, to see if anything could be done with them. The craftsman told him to return in a month.

When he did, he was presented with a shaving kit.

"All of that leather, and this was ...

Math joke : Should you say "All prime numbers are odd except one",

or "All prime numbers are odd except two ?"

"Our chance of survival..." "Never tell me the odds!"

"...is \_2.\_6\_%"

A navy officer on a submarine was doing his rounds and noticed something odd...

There was what looked like a frying pan handle sticking out of the floor of the sub! The officer did some more looking around, and saw more strange things sticking out of the floor: golf clubs, clothes irons, car bumpers, and even half a bicycle!

Alarmed by this, he went up to the sub command...

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So Land O’Lakes got rid of the Native American on their package...

...But kept the land. Sounds oddly familiar.

It's better being odd

Everyone even says so

Hired an odd-job man the other but he was useless

Gave him eight jobs to do but he only did 1,3,5 and 7

Mahatma Gandhi often walked barefoot which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, making him rather frail and with his odd diet he often suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

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New Orleanders are odd people

I have this new house mate from New Orleans, odd person, apparently they use brie on nachos. I kept trying to have a friendly conversation with him over a brie I found in the fridge and he kept rebutting with "I don't care 'cause dat's nacho cheese".

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his ...

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Went for a walk with my new girlfriend

and we saw dogs mating.

She said: "How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?"

I replied: "He can smell she is ready . That's how nature works."

We then walked past a sheep field and the ram was mating the ewe.

Again my girlfriend asked: "How does the ram kn...

Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs."

"Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot ...

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a odd-job man and started with a wealthy neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. ...

Bad Odds

Thanks to Autocorrect,1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.

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Thought this one was odd enough to share

This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town and says, "Where's the god damn, mother fucking Manager you cock sucking arse wipe." The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as...

My parents really named me oddly.

Hi, I'm Oddly. Nice to meet you.

I hope you're doing okay during the pandemic. Be kind to yourself and try to practice self care.

The British mint is very odd.

It makes no cents.

2015 was an odd year

It will all even out this year though

A woman tells a psychiatrist about her husband's incredibly odd behavior.

Woman: Doctor, he just keeps repeating the same thing over and over.

Doctor: What does he say?

Woman: He says "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam."

Doctor: Don't worry. I know exactly what's wrong with him, and all he needs is a little relaxation.

Woma...

You may think i'm odd for eating ham and pineapple sandwiches..

But hey..
That's just Hawaii roll.

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