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A really annoying loophole

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and...

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What's the most annoying thing about carpenter porn?

The ads about hot shingles in your area.

I just opened up a gym where my entire staff asks you a series of annoying questions every so often for the length of your stay.

Welcome to Jehovah's Fitness.

What do you call an annoying teenager?

A minor inconvenience.

What's the most annoying thing about being a necrophiliac?

Your girlfriend never returns your calls.

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves baristas.

Do you know how annoying it is to drill small holes?

Only a little bit.

In what state are babies less annoying?

Liquid

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What’s old, annoying and only fucks you twice a year?

Daylight savings time

I saw an article that said annoying people have a great sense of humor.

I found that really funny because- oh.

I tried giving blood as a charitable act..

..but they asked me all sorts of annoying questions, like where it came from and why it's in a bucket.

Does anyone else remember seeing the Annoying Orange on YouTube?

I sure do.

He was in the white house for four years.

What do u call an annoying zen master from Hungary?

Buddhapest

Why did the Earthling find the Mercurian so annoying?

They were sick of listening to them complain about first world problems

An annoying thing on reddit

It annoys me when people don’t proliferate on reddit.

It's annoying how nothing is made in the USA anymore.

I just bought a TV, and it wrote "Built in Antenna" on the box.

Damn I must be an annoying person to be around

I spilled my vegan protein shake while doing crossfit which short circuited my Arch Linux computer. There is no god.

There were these college seniors chillin in the classroom. One of the boys was makin the other two annoyed.

At one point, the annoying boy says, “whatever, I could take you both at the same time.” The other boys get up and ball up their fists.

The annoying boy looked confused, then it hit him and he said,”ooh, y’all thought I was talkin about fightin huh?”

Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.

He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.

At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every time the women walked by she shook her head no.
...

An older married couple, Keith and Edith, get pulled over while on vacation.

Edith was driving the highway when she got pulled over by the state police.

The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"

Edith, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?" Keith yelled back "He says you were speeding!"

The patrolman sa...

Walking is super annoying to learn.

It always takes more than 2 steps to figure out.

Many people think hedges are annoying.

But why beat around the bush?

I've come to learn that every groupchat has a separate, smaller groupchat, just without the annoying people.

If you think yours doesn't, then i have some bad news.

John constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism…

No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "It could have been worse."

To cure him of this annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely black, so dreadful, that even John could find no hope in it. Approaching him at the club bar one day, one of them said,...

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A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

How do you get someone to do something annoying 18 times in a row?

>!y!< >!o!< >!u!< >!m!< >!a!< >!k!< >!e!< >!t!< >!h!< >!e!< >!m!< >!c!< >!u!< >!r!< >!i!< >!o!< >!u!< >!s!<

What's white and annoying at breakfast.

An avalanche.

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My wife does this really annoying thing when she’s having sex…

…she calls me up.

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A woman and her annoying nephew entered a lawn bowling contest.

The sun was out, the grounds had been immaculately prepared and every retiree within city limits had turned out for the event. Pearl had to admit that she was feeling better about the day now that it had finally arrived.

A few weeks ago when her delinquent of a sister had foisted her awful...

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My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.

Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

Annoying Mole

Mary looks out her kitchen window and sees that a mole has practically destroyed the back lawn, so she tells her husband, Paddy, to go out and kill it and to show no mercy. After ten minutes, Paddy comes back into the house with an evil grin on his face.

"So," says Mary, "did you drown the fe...

I heard patients were not sleeping well at the hospital

So I unplugged all the loud annoying beeping things in their rooms. They sleep much better now

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Man made climate change is really annoying me!

I wish the jerks that keep changing the climate would just set it at 70 degrees Fahrenheit year round and be done with it!

The outhouse

Maw asked paw one day to fix the outhouse.
So paw went out and though he didn’t see anything wrong with it, figured he’d put a fresh coat of paint on it.

A day later,
Maw: “Paw, I really do wish you’d fix the outhouse…”

Paw took a look again but didn’t see anything wrong with it...

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Pigeon problem

Visited a friend on the eighth floor of her old government office building in Washington. There were hundreds of pigeons sitting on the ledge along the building outside the windows, making noise and pooping, two inches deep in some places. They were really annoying. I asked her if they'd tried getti...

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

What did tornado say to it’s annoying twin?

Sigh, clone.

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Best pick up line to impress the ladies

“Damn, are you a car alarm? Because you’re really fucking loud and annoying”

My Anti-Vax neighbor's one year old son is so annoying.

He cries all the time, seems like he is going through a midlife crisis.

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing I'm a believer by The Monkees, because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

What do you call an annoying german kid?

A BratWurst

I used to be ugly, but then I bought an acoustic guitar

Now I'm ugly and annoying

I think playwrights are really annoying.

They’re always making a scene.

Where's the annoying neighbor you told me about? I don't see him anymore.

"Hes in the garden"

"Really? "

"Yeah, but you have to dig a bit."

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

The carbon monoxide detector is getting really annoying

But hey, at least the kids are quiet

As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers

When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes

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My girlfriend and my sister have the same name its so annoying.

Everytime we have sex i think about my girlfriend .

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My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

We had an annoying kid named V in our school

Then we got a Vending machine.

What's the most annoying kind of potato?

An agitator

Pain is so annoying.

It really gets on my nerves.

Getting all that clay off you would be annoying

If you were a harry potter.

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Having big boobs is overrated

So, I myself have big boobs and I have no idea why people wish they had big boobs so badly. They're so annoying and don't look good and I've even been mocked for the size of my boobs. I wish I had small boobs and would happily exchange mine for smaller boobs, especially since I'm a dude.

If a group of dolphins is called a pod and a group of crows is called a murder, what is a group of small children called?

Annoying

Most people find unnecessary acronyms annoying

But that's TBE

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Sex with me is as annoying as playing a round of golf with tiger woods

No one wants to play with someone who shoots it in the hole first stroke every time!

Annoying a vegan...

...is like shooting fish in a barrel. Which annoys them even more

I just thought of a new show to get rid of annoying celebrities.

Whose Lion is it anyway?

How does Mrs. Claus describe her husband’s annoying laugh?

Ha ha ha

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Once there was a women's bowling team. Everyone on the bowling team was so-so at bowling, with the exception of two women.

One of the two women was named Martha. Martha was absolutely abysmal at bowling. Every single game, she got at least nine gutter balls.

The other woman was Linda, and she was the best player who had ever set foot in the bowling alley. Every time the team won a bowling match, Linda was respons...

I tried to get rid of an annoying person earlier, so I asked them, "Do you know French?"

*"Because adieu."*

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There's a German Shepherd that comes to crap on my lawn every day. It's really annoying.

Yesterday, it got even worse because he brought all his sheep with him!

What was the name of that really annoying scientist?

Isaac Nuisance

I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character

And not the President of the United States.

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