A really annoying loophole

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and...

Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.

He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.

At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every time the women walked by she shook her head no.
...

What's white and annoying at breakfast.

An avalanche.

I just thought of a new show to get rid of annoying celebrities.

Whose Lion is it anyway?

How do you get someone to do something annoying 18 times in a row?

>!y!< >!o!< >!u!< >!m!< >!a!< >!k!< >!e!< >!t!< >!h!< >!e!< >!m!< >!c!< >!u!< >!r!< >!i!< >!o!< >!u!< >!s!<

Man I swear to god, Flat Earthers are just so annoying.

Like sometimes their theories are so wild they just push me off the edge.

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Sex with me is as annoying as playing a round of golf with tiger woods

No one wants to play with someone who shoots it in the hole first stroke every time!

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

Annoying a vegan...

...is like shooting fish in a barrel. Which annoys them even more

My crush told me that I'm pretty.

Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.

Reposts are so annoying

Why can’t my neighbor just install his fence properly?

How does Mrs. Claus describe her husband’s annoying laugh?

Ha ha ha

I think playwrights are really annoying.

They’re always making a scene.

What's the most annoying kind of potato?

An agitator

We had an annoying kid named V in our school

Then we got a Vending machine.

Is soo annoying when a cop ask where do I get my weed from.

Why don't you find your own dealer?

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My girlfriend and my sister have the same name its so annoying.

Everytime we have sex i think about my girlfriend .

What do you tell an annoying alcoholic?

Stop whining.

What was the name of that really annoying scientist?

Isaac Nuisance

What did tornado say to it’s annoying twin?

Sigh, clone.

What do you call an annoying 10-year-old in New Zealand?

A decade.

Where's the annoying neighbor you told me about? I don't see him anymore.

"Hes in the garden"

"Really? "

"Yeah, but you have to dig a bit."

What did the annoyed doctor say to the annoying patient

Look man I'm losing my patience and if you keep doing this I'm gonna lose evan more

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Julie asks an annoying man if he wants to hear a joke about her vagina

Man: Hell Yes........
Julie: Nevermind, You will never get it

Most people find unnecessary acronyms annoying

But that's TBE

Pain is so annoying.

It really gets on my nerves.

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There's a German Shepherd that comes to crap on my lawn every day. It's really annoying.

Yesterday, it got even worse because he brought all his sheep with him!

Today, my teacher told everyone how annoying they are

She was in the staff break room

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Two sons: one’s an annoying optimist, and the other is an insufferable pessimist.

Their parents were concerned about both of them, so they took them to a Psychiatrist for evaluation.

After listening to their concerns, the Psychiatrist says:

“Aha, I think I can help you! For your pessimistic son, you will buy him the best and most expensive toys, place them in this...

Hey, girl. Are you a fire alarm

Because you're annoying and wont shut up

Kids are so annoying

Buyer’s remorse.

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

Studies reveal that some doctors purposely mistreat people they find annoying with many cases resulting in death.

It's another classic case of doctors losing their patients.

Getting all that clay off you would be annoying

If you were a harry potter.

What is the similarity between an annoying person and spoilt food?

Both should've been swallowed in time.

What do you call a person that only eats fish and is annoying?

A pesky-tarian.

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A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

I tried to get rid of an annoying person earlier, so I asked them, "Do you know French?"

*"Because adieu."*

Logical fallacies are annoying.

Therefore, people that don't know about them are annoying.

The carbon monoxide detector is getting really annoying

But hey, at least the kids are quiet

Android phone can be so annoying

Just received a notification that my bible needs update, for what exactly?
Has Adam eaten another apple.

The reposts on this app are getting annoying.

It's annoying because I've reddit all before.

The annoying part of getting a cold

Have you ever noticed that when you have a cold your nostrils take turns between the working nostril and the blocked one?

It's annoying to have to fight over which one works.

I call this the "cold war."

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My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.

Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

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So I'm on a plane and the Captain starts his annoying little speech:

He goes, "This is your captain speaking, and we will be cruising at an altitude of 35,000 feet, (Bla, Bla, Bla)"

After the announcement, he forgets to turn off the intercom, and goes to his copilot, "Man, I could really use a blowjob and a cup of coffee."

As the entire plane hears it...

Most annoying joke ever

A man dies and is sent to the first level of hell. There he sees two queues. He joins the back of one and asks what the queues are for. He is told one is for a glass of wine and the queue he joined for a leg of lamb. After a millennia he gets to the front and eats his lamb. Once finished a door open...

On a train.

"Madam could you please ask your son to stop imitating me , its very annoying."

"I am so sorry....Jake! Stop acting stupid!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants

The bartender says “Hey pirate, why do you have a steering wheel in your pants? Isn’t that annoying?” The pirate says “Arrr, it drives me nuts.”

I purchased some noise canceling headphones...

I thought people would find them annoying but so far I haven't heard any complaints.

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing I'm a believer by The Monkees, because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

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My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

Talking Chicken (my original twist)

A guy goes into a bar with a chicken. The bartender of course says, “What’s up with the chicken? We don’t allow chickens in here.“

The guy says “it’s okay, Freddie’s a talking chicken!“

The bartender says “yeah sure pal. If that chicken can talk, I’ll give you all the free beer you wan...

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

I was playing a flight sim yesterday and suddenly my game started running really slowly, which was very annoying

I hate jet lag.

Those 13-19 yo people in the corona virus outbreak are always outside the house and it's annoying and dangerous.

Like, can you please go into quaranteen?

What's the most annoying type of person?

One who answers their own questions

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Origin of the phrase “pissed”

To clarify this isnt your traditional joke, not really a punch line I just came up with this theory in a somewhat joking manner and can’t think of a more appropriate place to put it

So anyway, there’s some friends that get together sometimes and prank each other. One of them Bill, Bob, and Ba...

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-ye...

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A woman in late forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift.

The surgeon told her about a new procedure called ‘The Knob’ where a small knob is placed on the back of a woman’s head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand-new face lift. It goes without saying that the woman wanted ‘The Knob’.

Over the years, the woman ...

What's the difference between calling your boss or calling an annoying relative

With the boss, you get paid to listen to their nonsense

When I heard Justin Bieber has Lyme disease, I almost felt sorry for the annoying, creepy little parasite.

Can't say the same about Bieber though.

What do you call a loud annoying bee?

Cardi Bee

An international conference was held to decide what the most annoying musical instrument was.

After intense debate, a shortlist of instruments was created, consisting of the bagpipes, didgeridoo, and vuvuzela, but before a vote was held it was decided that the exact origin of each instrument had to be accounted accounted for beyond any doubt.

The didgeridoo's origin was easily proven,...

Why is it that kids love bubble wrap, while adults just find it annoying?

Nobody really knows, it's just one of the hallmarks of pop culture.

Being a manutd fan these days is annoying enough as it is

the other day I was talking about how good Liverpool are and I was labelled a traitor , questioned about my loyalty and insulted.

What do they think I am ? An undercover KOP?

A fly keeps annoying a spider, which is building his own web.

Annoyed, the spider rages: "Screw off 'ye annoying pest! Once this web is complete, I will catch you, I will tie you up and then dissolve you *while you are alive*!! Just wait until _tomorrow_ when this web is finished!"

The fly, unimpressed by the spider's threats, replies before it flies of...

Why are Boy Scouts annoying to play video games with?

Because they’re good at camping!

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What is the most annoying thing after sex?

Hiding the dead body.

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