A really annoying loophole

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and...

I've come to learn that every groupchat has a separate, smaller groupchat, just without the annoying people.

If you think yours doesn't, then i have some bad news.

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My wife does this really annoying thing when she’s having sex…

…she calls me up.

Pulleys are annoying!!

They are always the center of a tension.

Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.

He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.

At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every time the women walked by she shook her head no.
...

My Anti-Vax neighbor's one year old son is so annoying.

He cries all the time, seems like he is going through a midlife crisis.

What do you call an annoying german kid?

A BratWurst

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

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Man made climate change is really annoying me!

I wish the jerks that keep changing the climate would just set it at 70 degrees Fahrenheit year round and be done with it!

What's white and annoying at breakfast.

An avalanche.

How do you get someone to do something annoying 18 times in a row?

>!y!< >!o!< >!u!< >!m!< >!a!< >!k!< >!e!< >!t!< >!h!< >!e!< >!m!< >!c!< >!u!< >!r!< >!i!< >!o!< >!u!< >!s!<

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

Thats annoying

Sister: what is a group of fly’s called?

Me and my dad: ANNOYING

What did tornado say to it’s annoying twin?

Sigh, clone.

I think playwrights are really annoying.

They’re always making a scene.

What's the most annoying kind of potato?

An agitator

We had an annoying kid named V in our school

Then we got a Vending machine.

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Sex with me is as annoying as playing a round of golf with tiger woods

No one wants to play with someone who shoots it in the hole first stroke every time!

Annoying a vegan...

...is like shooting fish in a barrel. Which annoys them even more

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My girlfriend and my sister have the same name its so annoying.

Everytime we have sex i think about my girlfriend .

Where's the annoying neighbor you told me about? I don't see him anymore.

"Hes in the garden"

"Really? "

"Yeah, but you have to dig a bit."

My crush told me that I'm pretty.

Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.

How does Mrs. Claus describe her husband’s annoying laugh?

Ha ha ha

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A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

What was the name of that really annoying scientist?

Isaac Nuisance

What do you tell an annoying alcoholic?

Stop whining.

What do you call an annoying 10-year-old in New Zealand?

A decade.

Most people find unnecessary acronyms annoying

But that's TBE

Pain is so annoying.

It really gets on my nerves.

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There's a German Shepherd that comes to crap on my lawn every day. It's really annoying.

Yesterday, it got even worse because he brought all his sheep with him!

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Julie asks an annoying man if he wants to hear a joke about her vagina

Man: Hell Yes........
Julie: Nevermind, You will never get it

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My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.

Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

What did the annoyed doctor say to the annoying patient

Look man I'm losing my patience and if you keep doing this I'm gonna lose evan more

Getting all that clay off you would be annoying

If you were a harry potter.

Today, my teacher told everyone how annoying they are

She was in the staff break room

The carbon monoxide detector is getting really annoying

But hey, at least the kids are quiet

There's this new guy on my bowling team. His name is Frank, and he's a really nice guy and an excellent bowler, but there's just one thing about him.

At the end of every game, Frank says, "Next game, I might be five minutes late." The rest of us guys find it really annoying. He almost always shows up right on time, but still, he always says, "Next game, I might be five minutes late."

One day we decided that we wanted to find out why he alw...

Kids are so annoying

Buyer’s remorse.

Studies reveal that some doctors purposely mistreat people they find annoying with many cases resulting in death.

It's another classic case of doctors losing their patients.

What do you call a person that only eats fish and is annoying?

A pesky-tarian.

I tried to get rid of an annoying person earlier, so I asked them, "Do you know French?"

*"Because adieu."*

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing I'm a believer by The Monkees, because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket...

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he's writing.
The farmer says "I see you're being bothered by those circle flies."

The policeman says, "If that's what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying."

The far...

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How do they announce the death of your annoying ex-girlfriend in the newspaper?

Via a no-bitch-uary.

What is the similarity between an annoying person and spoilt food?

Both should've been swallowed in time.

A blonde calls her husband who is at work

"Honey, I need your help. I just bought a puzzle at walmart and I really don't know how to solve it. It's so hard that I can't even combine two pieces."

"That's annoying my love. Does the box say how many pieces it has?"

"No, it doesn't say."

"Is there at least a picture of the ...

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

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Hey, girl. Are you a fire alarm?

Because you’re annoying, loud as fuck and won’t shut up

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My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

What’s the best way to not deal with annoying in-laws?

Marry an orphan.

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So I'm on a plane and the Captain starts his annoying little speech:

He goes, "This is your captain speaking, and we will be cruising at an altitude of 35,000 feet, (Bla, Bla, Bla)"

After the announcement, he forgets to turn off the intercom, and goes to his copilot, "Man, I could really use a blowjob and a cup of coffee."

As the entire plane hears it...

Android phone can be so annoying

Just received a notification that my bible needs update, for what exactly?
Has Adam eaten another apple.

I just broke up with my gf, who is an Optometrist

She's a fantastic person and I totally connect with her, but she's really annoying in bed.

She's always saying, "So, do you like it better like *this*, or like *this*?"

The reposts on this app are getting annoying.

It's annoying because I've reddit all before.

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I participated in a joke writing competition on this sub three years ago.

The mods laid out 4 simple rules quite clearly:

1. For the following two days, all posts on this sub would be considered as entries for the competition.

2. The post with the most upvotes would be declared as the winner, i.e., the best joke. The number of upvotes until the end o...

Most annoying joke ever

A man dies and is sent to the first level of hell. There he sees two queues. He joins the back of one and asks what the queues are for. He is told one is for a glass of wine and the queue he joined for a leg of lamb. After a millennia he gets to the front and eats his lamb. Once finished a door open...

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A joke I made up 20 min ago

Me: “I’m going to tie a bell on the tip of my penis!”

Wife: “WTF!?! Why?!”

Me: “I know it’ll be kind of annoying at first, but trust me, it’ll become a-dick-ting!”

As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers

When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes

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