UPJOKE
rileirritateharassdispleaseantagonizebotherchafevexfretnettlepesterhassleinfuriateprovokeoffend

Annoying Jokes

A really annoying loophole

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and...

My girlfriend loves to eat chocolate. She’s always eating chocolate, and she likes to joke she’s got a chocolate addiction. "Get me away from those Hersheys bars. I’m addicted to them." It’s really annoying.

So I put her in a car and I drove her downtown. And I pointed out a crack addict. And I said, "Do you see that, honey?... Why can’t you be that skinny?

The Ukranian Soldier

A Russian general hears someone shouting from the woods - "One Ukranian soldier is better than ten Russian". The angry general sends ten men to deal with the annoying Ukranian. After a short period of shots and screams, another shout is heard - "One Ukranian is better than a hundred Russians". The g...

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves baristas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the most annoying thing about carpenter porn?

The ads about hot shingles in your area.

I just opened up a gym where my entire staff asks you a series of annoying questions every so often for the length of your stay.

Welcome to Jehovah's Fitness.

Why don't women parachute naked?

That annoying whistling sound on the way down.

A policeman pulls a farmer over for speeding and proceeds to write him a ticket...

The farmer notices some flies buzzing around annoying the officer. The policeman is shooing flies more than he's writing.

The farmer says "I see you're being bothered by those circle flies."

The policeman says, "If that's what you call them, yes, they are somewhat annoying."

The...

What do you call an annoying teenager?

A minor inconvenience.

Do you know how annoying it is to drill small holes?

Only a little bit.

What's the most annoying thing about being a necrophiliac?

Your girlfriend never returns your calls.

In what state are babies less annoying?

Liquid

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s old, annoying and only fucks you twice a year?

Daylight savings time

A little boy was on the school bus after a day at school.

He was driving the bus driver driver crazy by talking about what he had learned about animals in class in a very loud and annoying voice, "If my dad was a bull and my mom was a cow, I'd be a calf! If my dad was a rooster and my mom was a hen, I'd be a little chick! If my dad was a gander and my mom ...

A rabbit walks into an electronics store

He goes up to the counter and bangs his hands down hard on it to get the cashiers attention.

**\*BANG BANG\***
"I'd like two carrots please."

The cashier is naturally surprised by everything about this interaction, but being the professional that he is politely says, "I'm sorry, b...

I saw an article that said annoying people have a great sense of humor.

I found that really funny because- oh.

Does anyone else remember seeing the Annoying Orange on YouTube?

I sure do.

He was in the white house for four years.

Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man named Steve.

He would complain about everything. One day he went to their creek with his mule. He complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.

At the funeral, when all the men walked by the wife she shook her head yes and every time the women walked by she shook her head no.
...

What do u call an annoying zen master from Hungary?

Buddhapest

An annoying thing on reddit

It annoys me when people don’t proliferate on reddit.

It's annoying how nothing is made in the USA anymore.

I just bought a TV, and it wrote "Built in Antenna" on the box.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My annoying little cousin keeps bragging about how he sleeps in a race car bed.

Well, joke’s on you, you little shit. I sleep in a real car.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] [Long]A newly wed couple movies in with each other for the first time...

A newly wed couple moves in with each other for the first time and are going through the normal aches and pains of learning to live with someone new.

For the most part, everything is going well. No big disagreements, a couple of small annoying habits, but nothing major. Though, after several ...

I've come to learn that every groupchat has a separate, smaller groupchat, just without the annoying people.

If you think yours doesn't, then i have some bad news.

How do you get someone to do something annoying 18 times in a row?

>!y!< >!o!< >!u!< >!m!< >!a!< >!k!< >!e!< >!t!< >!h!< >!e!< >!m!< >!c!< >!u!< >!r!< >!i!< >!o!< >!u!< >!s!<

Damn I must be an annoying person to be around

I spilled my vegan protein shake while doing crossfit which short circuited my Arch Linux computer. There is no god.

Walking is super annoying to learn.

It always takes more than 2 steps to figure out.

There were these college seniors chillin in the classroom. One of the boys was makin the other two annoyed.

At one point, the annoying boy says, “whatever, I could take you both at the same time.” The other boys get up and ball up their fists.

The annoying boy looked confused, then it hit him and he said,”ooh, y’all thought I was talkin about fightin huh?”

What do you call a paranoid and annoying person?

Karenoid.

What's white and annoying at breakfast.

An avalanche.

Ugh, it's so annoying. I could care less...

...about using the term "I could care less" properly.

Many people think hedges are annoying.

But why beat around the bush?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife does this really annoying thing when she’s having sex…

…she calls me up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

My girlfriend asked me to stop singing I'm a believer by The Monkees, because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding.

But then I saw her face.

My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me “Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland?” and it’s getting really annoying

My Friend asked me “Are you mad at her?”

I replied “Don’t you start too”

What did tornado say to it’s annoying twin?

Sigh, clone.

Annoying Mole

Mary looks out her kitchen window and sees that a mole has practically destroyed the back lawn, so she tells her husband, Paddy, to go out and kill it and to show no mercy. After ten minutes, Paddy comes back into the house with an evil grin on his face.

"So," says Mary, "did you drown the fe...

Transylvanian vampires

There is this annoying stereotype that Transylvanians are vampires. It's complete BS. I've never met one, and I've been around for centuries.

As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers

When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man made climate change is really annoying me!

I wish the jerks that keep changing the climate would just set it at 70 degrees Fahrenheit year round and be done with it!

The carbon monoxide detector is getting really annoying

But hey, at least the kids are quiet

Getting all that clay off you would be annoying

If you were a harry potter.

My Anti-Vax neighbor's one year old son is so annoying.

He cries all the time, seems like he is going through a midlife crisis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. [OC]

My brother has this really annoying habit of telling me about other girls butts. Whenever we are walking in public and he sees a girl he likes, he always says, “Look at that ass tho.”

After years of getting fed up with his comments, I decide to make him a sculpture for his birthday. I carved ...

Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players?

They dribble all the time.

I remember when Grandpa’s memories started to go;

it was the day I caught him urinating with the door open… which is not a huge deal, but it’s annoying when I’m trying to drive.

What do you call an annoying german kid?

A BratWurst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend and my sister have the same name its so annoying.

Everytime we have sex i think about my girlfriend .

Pain is so annoying.

It really gets on my nerves.

Where's the annoying neighbor you told me about? I don't see him anymore.

"Hes in the garden"

"Really? "

"Yeah, but you have to dig a bit."

I think playwrights are really annoying.

They’re always making a scene.

We had an annoying kid named V in our school

Then we got a Vending machine.

What's the most annoying kind of potato?

An agitator

I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character

And not the President of the United States.

What does a mosquito and a biker have in common?

They're both really annoying but don't live long.

People say vegans are annoying

But I've never had any beef with them.

I finally fixed that annoying noise in my car.

I opened the door and pushed her out.

I tried to get rid of an annoying person earlier, so I asked them, "Do you know French?"

*"Because adieu."*

Tough

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

Walking co...

Most people find unnecessary acronyms annoying

But that's TBE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a German Shepherd that comes to crap on my lawn every day. It's really annoying.

Yesterday, it got even worse because he brought all his sheep with him!

How to deal with annoying dog

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is as annoying as playing a round of golf with tiger woods

No one wants to play with someone who shoots it in the hole first stroke every time!

Annoying a vegan...

...is like shooting fish in a barrel. Which annoys them even more

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.