A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.

The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."

The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to ...

Why are short people always sad?

They cant reach happiness

Why was the math book sad?

Because it had a lot of problems.

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said “I have some sad news.”

“Tell me, old friend” said the faithful Tonto.

“Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer”

“Bad spirits,” replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. “After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?”


“Chemo, s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dick has a sad life.

His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.



LOL.

Saw a homeless man eating a tin of baked beans and I thought it was really sad, so I walked over to him and said...

"I think you're supposed to open that first"

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

When I'm sad I cut myself...

A piece of cake!



Happy cake day to me :)

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's sad that the villains of history are remembered but the heroes are forgotten...

Everyone knows about Hitler, but nobody knows about the valiant man that killed him.

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

I went to a sad wedding

Even the cake was in tiers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am sad to announce that the Duracell bunny has died...

...from sexual exhaustion. Someone put his batteries in backwards, and instead of going and going and going he kept on coming and coming and coming...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some Sundays can be sad but the day before is always a sadder day.

Saturday!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to watch some porn and all it was was a sad old guy with his dick in his hand.

Then I realized the screen wasn't switched on.

What do you call a sad magician?

Boo Hoo Dini

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.

Feel free to downvote me to reddit hell...

I was sad when I lost my rock collection.

It had a lot of sedimental value.

When I'm sad

I like to picture a mime in the bathroom needing toilet paper.

Why are 89 degree angles sad?

Because they’re almost right, but not quite.

My son asks me "Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?"

and I reply, "Yes son, the sky is pretty blue."

Sad news...

N V B K I T H E K L O P F

I N V E N T O R Z S F O F

T H E E F G H J I O L P L

Y Q W O R D S E A R C H

H A S J P O D I E D G W

A husband asks his wife, 'Honey, can you tell me anything that makes me happy and sad at the same time?

The wife thinks for a moment and says, 'Of all your friend's, yours is the biggest one'


(Sorry if I made any mistake, I tried to translate it from my mother tongue)

What do you call a group of sad pitbulls?

A pittie party

It was a sad and disappointing day

When I discovered my universal remote control did not in fact control the universe.

Not Even remotely..

Told my Grandpa’s favorite joke at his funeral and it helped cheer some sad eyes..... What happened when the parsley workers went on strike?

Their wages were garnished.

My uncle Hans (a hotdog lover) has been very ill recently. Last night, craving a hotdog, he went on a drive to the nearest hotdog stand. Sadly, as he was driving, he became even more unwell...

...he took a turn for the wurst.

I was so sad when I heard Whitney Houston overdosed on cocaine

AND DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIIIIIEED

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sad whale?

A mopey dick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sad news: Bruce Willis died from Viagra overdose

At least he Died Hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watched the weirdest porn today of some sad old man, masturbating.

Then I realised I forgot to turn the screen on.

What does plants do when they see other plants are sad?

They photosympathize

Sad news to share: my dad just contracted COVID, and lost his sense of taste.

He's been listening to a lot of Justin Bieber.

How do you make an electrician sad

You kill his daughter.

Why was the ghost sad on Christmas Day?

Because he had no presence.

...sorry

My buddy was feeling sad and jumped into the septic tank.

He’s down in the dumps.

Why were the twin towers sad?

Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza but they only got plane.

My girlfriend was sad that her dog died so I went out and got her an identical dog

Then she said "what the hell am I going to do with two dead dogs?

Mario goes to court

The judge says: “you must pay the court $12,000.”

Mario, surprised, asks: “Why?”

The judge replies: “It’s a fine.”

Mario, heartbroken, sadly says: “No itsa not.”

Getting wet in the rain makes me sad...

I had to run fast. I’d either escape the storm in time or cry drying.

I took my daughter to the park yesterday. Everything was going fine until we got to one particular ride. First she happy, then she was sad, then she was unbelievably angry...

Those were some crazy mood swings.

Why was the joke on r/jokes sad?

Because people came there for the comments.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During her rounds at the retirement home Nurse Wendy sees old Mr. Johnson looking very sad...

While on her rounds Nurse Wendy sees old Mr. Johnson walking sadly down the hall. Being the kindhearted person she is, she asks him what’s got him so sad.

“Well, there’s been a death in my family” he says.

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Was it someone close to you?”

“Yes, it ...

Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight....

Sigh.

Sadly, Maradonna has passed away

The plus side is God finally gets his hand back

Sad News At The Nestle Factory

Sad news at the Nestle factory today when a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath...

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The milky bars are on me" everyone cheered

Sad day!

A good friend of mine, after 6 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for ONE minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money! Dudes still paying on school loans. Just goes to show you that on...

Sad news today, folks. Mr. Potato Head died.

He had brain tubers.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window…

If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in

Why was the skeleton sad at the holloween party

Because he had no body to dance with

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know, why the button no one pressed is sad?

Because it is de-pressed

What do anti-vaxxers do at Covid-19 funerals?

Stare at the ceiling.
_____________
**Thank you** /u/JustNick4 for giving this joke the extremely desirable **Evil Cackle Award**. I've never won an Evil Cackle Award before, so as you can imagine, I'm over the moon. I'm going to put it in the candy bowl every Halloween for the neighbor kids ...

I was so sad I could not get to the store in time to get myself either an Xbox or a PS5.

Nobody could console me.

When you see pictures of the Holocaust it’s really sad

But it’s even more depressing when you realize the camera adds 10 pounds

I am really sad because my pet chameleon won’t change colors

I think he has ereptile dysfunction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my my wife if it’s possible to feel happy and sad at the same time

She said ‘well... you’ve got the biggest cock out of all your mates’

Friend- Why were you sad yesterday?

Me- My wife yesterday purchased a dress of 500 dollars.

Friend- Then why are you happy today?

Me- My wife is meeting your wife wearing that same dress today.

My French friend was sad, so I said 'Le monde'

'Thanks' she replied 'That means the world to me'

Why is that airbender sad?

I don’t know! He is having an Elemental breakdown

My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice.

I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new monk arrives at the monastery

He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies of the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, worried that there may be errors The head monk says, "We have been copying from the...

Who does a pharaoh talk to when he is sad?

His Mummy.

I have been looking for my wife’s killer for years now

Sadly no-one will take the job

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Al, Ben, Carl, and Dan meet at a bar every Saturday.

Dan is exceptionally optimistic. Every time one of the other three mentions something bad, Dan simply responds, "Could be worse!" This really drives them up a wall.

One Friday when Al returns home from a business trip, he, Ben, and Carl hatch a plan.

The next day Carl goes to the bar a...

How do sad people communicate?

Morose code.

Sad news but a good friend of mine just had a stroke. He says he lost functionality of the left side his body.

When I called to ask how he’s doing he said “I guess I’m all right now.”

When I’m in Hawaii, sometimes I get sad.

It must be tropical depression.

I was feeling really sad while crushing cans today...

It was soda pressing.

Monday morning in the office, a man notices that his colleague is very sad.

At breakfast, he approaches him:What's wrong? You look really beat today.

Don't ask, I had the worst weekend you could imagine.

What happened?

I was visiting an old friend that I haven't seen in years and the family caught me sniffing his sister's underwear.

Okay, that's ...

I'm so sad since my pet marine mammal died.

It's like my life has no porpoise anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone loves petting a dog when they're sad

But you ask one crying girl to scratch your ass for you and suddenly you're the bad guy.

Why did the sad geologist skip his lunch break?

Because he lost his apatite.

I went to a store looking for something to buy, but they only sold paintings of the same sad guy.

No wait!

This store sells mirrors.

UK comedian Bobby Ball has sadly passed away

David Beckham has been invited to read the eulogy. The family wanted a dead ball specialist

Why is jesus sad?

Because someone crossed him

Why was the cowboy sad?

He couldn't giddy-up.

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

How do you know if a person is sad and bored af?

You'll probably see one in the comment section.

The only cow in a small town in USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.

It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer buys a young cock

As soon as he gets home it fucks all of his 150 hens.
The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens.

Next day it's fucking the ducks and the geese too. Sadly, later in the day the farmer finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling over its hea...

Just wanted to tell sad teenage Reddit to not lose hope yet.

It gets worse so lose hope later.

Jumping with a rope can either be fun or sad.

It all depends on where the rope is attached.

Cake day is a sad reminder

It's been six years, I need to get a social life.

It's pretty sad that even though women have had the right to vote for 100 years now...

we still spend more time talking about mail ballots.

I always get sad when I watch videos of gorillas using sign language to ask for food.

It's a shame there are so many deaf gorillas.

My friend sadly went to jail for something he didn't do.

He didn't wipe the fingerprints off of his gun.

My friend recently had surgery, and tells me he feels like a million bucks

Sadly, he lives in Zimbabwe

What's Wrong?

One night a man walks into a bar looking sad. The bartender asks the man what he wants.

The man says “Oh just a beer”.

The bartender asked the man “What's wrong, why are you so down today?”.

The man said “My wife and I got into a fight, and she said she wouldn't talk to me for a...

I always get a little sad during hurricane season in south Florida...

...you could say I have tropical depression.

The sad thing about political jokes is...

They usually get into high positions.

Just found out there was a anew town in America for sad people who just ate fruit.

Twas a melon colony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The inventor of the sexual innuendo has sadly passed away

His wife is taking it really hard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Valentine’s Day story

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat. The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while ...

What happens when everyone forgets your birthday

It is so sad when everyone forgets your birthday.

Well, last week was my birthday and my wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday in the morning before I went to work.

My parents forgot too and so did my kids.

I got into work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday....

Why did the sad little boy bring a ghost into the elevator?

To lift his spirits

I was sad yesterday, and today seems like it's only going to get worse

It's Sadderday.

Sheikh on the top of a building

A Sheikh was walking on the terrace of a building, when he heard the door behind him open. A sad voice followed,

"Sheikh Ahmed, I am sorry for breaking this to you. Your only daughter ran away with the son of a grocery store owner. I hear she was pregnant. Your wife had a heart attack and is ...

Did you hear about the deaf man that lost in court?

Sadly, that’s not the only hearing he lost.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Guinness brewery worker travels to the home of his co-worker with bad news.

'I'm sorry Mary, but Keith died at the brewery today'.

'Oh my god!' replied Mary, 'What happened?!'

'He drown in a vat of Guinness Stout' said the worker, sadly.

'That's terrible! Was it a quick death at least?' asked Mary.

'I'm afraid not,' the worker replied, 'He got ou...

WHEN CATS ARE SAD

Bartender: What'll ya have?

Cat: Shot of rum

[Bartender pours it]

[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]

Cat: Another.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After many years of sadness and suffering, I tearfully buried my loving wife today.

She insisted that she wasn't actually dead, but that bitch told lies.

"The moon is waning. Do you think it's sad?"

Nah, it's just going through a phase.

Sadly, in this day and age, I have many jokes about unemployed people.

Sadly, none of them work.

What do you call a sad servant of God?

Depriest

Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer,

I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

SAD STORY: A little boy was so jealous of his newborn brother so that he put poison on the nipple of his mom.

The next day their driver died.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man named Ray Berkowitz who, unfortunately for him, was not blessed in the looks department.

For a long time he thought he would never meet a woman. But one day he met a nice woman who was also far from pretty and they ended up getting married... and she got pregnant.

They decided that if it was a boy they were gonna name him Charles.

One day while Ray was out of town for work...

I sadly just broke up with my girlfriend in Alabama

Despite how heartbreaking it was, she put her hand on mine and assured me that we can still be cousins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their sex lives

The 40-year old says: "When my wife and I were just married, we'd do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I'm lucky if we can average once a week".

The 60-year old man responds: "Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active s...

Why was the font sad ?

He was Sans Comic.

A solider had recently found out that he had cancer, and the diagnosis was making him feel miserable and struggle to carry out his duties. After failing to polish his boots properly, the drill sergeant called him forwards.

“Why haven’t you polished your boots properly?” He yelled. “What’s wrong with you? Can you make your kit presentable or not?”

“Cancer”, the soldier replied sadly.

“Good!”, the sergeant shouted, much to the soldiers surprise, before marching off.

The next day, the soldier was cal...

If you’re feeling sad, get in an elevator with a few ghosts

...it will really lift your spirits

Three elderly men...

Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"

The man thought for a moment and answered, "274."

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is thr...

What did the doctor say to the sad blood donor?











Be positive.



A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon....

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The dist...

The shoe factory burned down today. Sadly, there were no survivors.

Rest In Peace all those poor soles.

I’m sad, depressed, and haven’t beat off in weeks...

Guess you could say I’m not feeling myself lately

Irish Cow Joke

There is an old dirt farm family who have nothing of value in this world but their milk cow. Now this was z good milk cow, which gave good high quality milk which they were able to sell and get along, so the family was actually very content. Well one day the father gets up early to milk the cow, as ...

Sad Old Man

There once was an old man. During his life, he had started his own tech company, married a beautiful woman and had two children who moved on to be successful mechanical engineers. He also vehemently argued against Christianity, Buddhism and Islam and proclaimed that the only reasonable religious vie...

So sad to hear about Ghislaine Maxwell's tragic suicide ...

Oh wait, that's tomorrow, right?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.