The 135+ Best Sad Jokes

A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.

The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."

The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to ...

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

In his later years, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were catching up on old times. After awhile the Lone Ranger paused and said “I have some sad news.”

“Tell me, old friend” said the faithful Tonto.

“Well...I recently was diagnosed with Cancer”

“Bad spirits,” replied his old companion.

The Lone Ranger look off into the distance for a minute. “After all your years of wisdom, what do you think I should do?”

“Chemo, s...

My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight

I told her to keep her chins up

What do you call a sad cup of coffee?

Depresso..

I went to a sad wedding

Even the cake was in tiers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the sad life of a penis?

His whole family is nuts, his nextdoor neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him………

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A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie

A blind woman got on a bus. Sadly, all the seats were taken.

A man noticed that no one else on the bus was willing to give up their seat for the blind woman, so he kindly guided her to his seat and took a standing spot. As the bus started up, the man frowned at the others for their selfishness.

Later that day, the man came home in tears, covered in bru...

Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight

Sigh

I used to get sad remembering the day Mitch Hedberg died….

I still do, but I used to, too.

RIP

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.

How do you comfort a sad non binary person ?

They’re/Their

I was so excited to show my teacher my Reddit joke, but sadly she wasn't in today, so...

...the subreddit.

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A husband tells his wife: "I bet you can't say something that makes me happy and sad at the same time"

She told him: "you have the biggest dick in the whole town"

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When my wife left, I was sad, upset and lonely

Since then I've got a dog, I bought a new motorbike, shagged two women and blown a grand on drugs and drink. She'll go fucking mental when she gets home from work.

As an American, it makes me so sad to see that nothing is made in the USA anymore.

I just bought this new TV and it says “Built-in Antenna.” I don’t even know where that is.

I am sad. My friend said Cheer up, things could be worse. You could be stuck in a hole in the ground underwater...

I knew he meant well.

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...

An old joke from my childhood that is sadly relevant again.

**Bert and Ernie had worked together as radio hosts for twenty years.**

They traded jokes, played pop music and generally made people's lives a touch brighter as they trundled to work.

In one of the breaks they received a Fax. Ernie picked up the page and was in shock. Ernie silentl...

A mobius strip walks into a bar looking pretty sad

Bartender asks what's wrong

Mobius strip: Where do I start?

Did you hear the sad story about the blond couple that died at the drive-in movie?

They'd gone to see "Closed for Winter".

I asked old Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story…

"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman's life.

Tragically, I've never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I'll never ...

I went to clairvoyant today and she told me in 12 years time I will be very sad and heartbroken.

So to cheer myself up I bought a puppy.

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Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do...

A sad first attempt at a joke

(It’s my first time posting here. Don’t blame me for the terrible joke lol)

A lawyer just lost a career making/breaking case so Satan sees this as an opportunity to approach him and make him an offer.

Satan: I will make you the most successful lawyer in history. You will never lose a c...

Why did the Proud Boy check on his sad friend?

To make sure his friend was feeling... alt-right.

Feel free to downvote me to reddit hell...

My Girlfriend is sad that her dog died, so I went out and got her an identical dog

and she said "What the hell am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer,

I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I was nothing more than a sad, teenage virgin

But today I turned 20

Why is it so sad to be an egg?

Because you get smashed once, laid once and the only bird to sit on your face is your mother.

I'm feeling sad because I went to the supermarket today for the sale they had on ginger ale but they were dumping all their stock into a hydraulic crusher out back.

It was soda pressing.

Whenever I'm sad my friend always says "cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole that is full of water"

I know he means well...

It’s a little sad that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries…

..Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

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Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists.

I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.

The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

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A sad guy walks into a bar and asks for a whole bottle of vodka

The bartender sits the bottle in front of him and asks "oh boy, you look like shit, what happened?". The man answers "I just found out my brother is gay".

The next day, the same guy walks into the same bar and asks for two bottles of vodka. The bartender asks "ok, what happened this time?", t...

Sometimes when people are sad, I let them color in my tattoos.

Sometimes people just need a shoulder to crayon.

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

It’s really sad how my friend lost his medical license for sleeping with a patient.

He was a great vet

A life-long atheist dies and is surprised to find himself before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter sadly shakes his head and tells him that because of his non-belief, he must be sent to Hell. The Devil greets him there and shows him where he will now spend eternity,

a lovely cozy cottage set on a beautiful hillside where the sweet smell of flowers fills the air. The Devil tells him he will want for nothing and to feel free to walk the grounds. One day, while he is out strolling through the idyllic gardens, he comes across a tall wall. Curious, he climbs one of ...

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It's my cake day! I present you with one of my favorite jokes. Sadly, it's not about cake

On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the music, and the horse s...

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

Guy is drinking alone at the bar, visibly sad.

The bartender comes up to him and says: "Hey man, you seem down. What's up?"

The guy replies: "We buried my dad two days ago".

The bartender says: "I'm so sorry man. When did he die?".

The guy replies: "I don't know, probably yesterday".

Why are math books always sad?

Because they have so many problems.

My cat passed away but I am not sad

She will live on forever in my online passwords.

Why is Mrs. Pepper sad?

Because her husband comes in a bottle.

Why are ghosts always sad?

Because they’re going through things

Why was princess Zelda sad after watching a bunch of YouTube videos?

She couldn't find the link in the description.

Why was the cheese so sad?

It was provolonely

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It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe.

Not even remotely.

(I stole this joke from fb and it made my drunk ass laugh out loud so I wanted to share but I'm sorry if it's a repost)

Why does Jesus Look so sad?

Because he high-fived with both hands and his disciples left him hanging.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For years, my wife and I had sex as soon as we woke up. Sadly, she passed away.

Now I wake up every day with mourning wood.

Why do archaeologist lead sad lives?

Because their career lies in ruins.

I find it creepy when my wife gives me those sad puppy dog eyes

It makes me wonder what she did the rest of the dog.

When I'm sad I cut myself

A slice of cake.

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Sven and Ole are asked to identify a body. (Sad to discover after Googling that this will be a repost, but I was recently told this by my 86 y/o Wisconsinite grandmother and wanted to share.)

So Sven and Ole get a sad call to learn that their good friend, Anders, has passed away and they need to identify the body.

When they get to the morgue, Sven goes in first. The doctor uncovers the body and Sven says, “Aww gee, that sure looks like Anders...could ya flip him over and spread h...

What do you call a sad vegetable?

Melan Cauliflower

Why was Mr. Information sad?

Because everyone was spreading Ms. Information

I'm sad to say that my cat Whiskers doesn't have long to live… he's got curiosity.

Stage 9.

I always get sad when I crush my drink cans.

It’s soda pressing.

Sadly that shop didn’t have any small shiny discs either.

“Sorry”, said the cashier, “we don’t have any in stock.”

A lady went into an embroidery shop to buy some fancy beads for her dress.

So she tried another shop down the road.

Like this joke, the shops were all out of sequins.

Why are people in New York always so sad?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is *New Jersey*

What do you call a sad community of melons?

A melancholy melon colony.

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A man walks up to his friend looking sad.

“Somebody stole my thesaurus!” He groans.
“And my dictionary to boot!”

His friend put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and gives him a soft smile.

“How sorrowful my dear companion that such a lamentable circumstance has befallen you. I will pray that the perpetrator be swiftly a...

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A depressed male frog was sitting in a pond feeling sad. He decides to go to a prophet in hopes of knowing his fortune.

The prophet old him, “You will meet a pretty girl that wants to know everything about you.”

Excited, the male frog questions the prophet, “Where will I meet her? In the pond? Perhaps a swamp?”

The prophet continued, “No, you will meet her 2 months later in biology class.”.

My little brother won a goldfish at the local fair. Sadly, the next morning he was floating dead in his little pond.

So now I have to look after the fish.

A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but sadly D.C. wouldn't allow him to film it.

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting cr...

Saw a homeless man eating a tin of baked beans and I thought it was really sad, so I walked over to him and said...

"I think you're supposed to open that first"

Why was the noble gas so sad?

all of his friends argon

I’m really sad my pet wildebeest died:(

I had to get a Gnu one

Why was the Weeping Willow sad?

She watched a sappy movie.

Caught an STI and felt sad.

Got the sympathy clap.

Whenever I’m sad I just read my blood donor ID.

It always says “B positive”.

I think my wife is starting to get depressed with all this rain we’re getting. Everyday, I see her at the window with a sad look on her face.

If it gets any worse I might have to let her back inside.

I thought Friday was a sad day...

Turns out the next day was a sadder day.

A man is walking through a park where he sees 2 men sitting on a bench, one of them is a young man who looks sad and the other is an old man who looks happy

he says to the young man, "Why are you so sad?"

the young man replies, "My wife left me. she said she never wanted to see me again..."

the man then talks to the old man sitting next to him and asks, "and why are YOU so happy?"

the old man replies, "I'm going through the same...

Whenever I get sad I just put vodka in an elevator.

It really lifts my spirits.

What do you call a sad dog ?

A Melan-Collie.

What do you call a sadder dog ?

A Chi-Waah-Waah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you ever hear the story about the guy who was both sad and horny?

It's a real tearjerker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex girlfriend once told me she gets sad everytime she sees dead goose on the side of the road.

She said it's because when geese mate they mate for life. I know for a fact that's bullshit because as soon as I let go they fly away.

I used to play violin in a string quartet. Sadly one of our musicians was on drugs.

So we've had to ban Jo.

I am a little sad today, My korean friend was found dead

He was soo yung

If a plant is sad,

Do other plants photosymphathise with it?

I went to the guy who wrote the hokey pokeys funeral the other day. It became even more sad when they couldn’t get him in his casket.

They put his left foot in…

Did you hear about the guy who decided to explore his sadness fetish?

A decision he would come to regret

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My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has been disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

Maegan Hall was sad that she needs to find a new job as she was fired from the police department

I suggested her to try being a truck driver as they pay by the load!!

Why was 6.9 sad?

It’s a good time interrupted by a period.

It's my cake day but I'm really sad. My wife and I got into a huge fight. She went shopping and spent a ton of money on a bag of pasta.

Can you believe that? A bag of pasta!

She insists it will be worth every penne.

Why are french people always so sad?

Because they eat Pain for breakfast

When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them

I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.

Sad Joke

What is the difference between Paul Walker and Angela Lansbury?

Paul Walker hit 100 before he died.

I watched such a sad movie in the cinema today

Even the seats were in tiers

WHEN CATS ARE SAD

Bartender: What'll ya have?

Cat: Shot of rum

[Bartender pours it]

[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]

Cat: Another.

It was a sad and disappointing day

when I discovered my universal remote control did not in fact control the universe.
Not even remotely.

This past year has been a sad one. It would have been my Mother's 60th Birthday, which we would have celebrated with the whole family. But thanks to drugs, alcohol, and a whole lot of bad decisions...

We all forgot to show up.

I went to the doctors because I was sad I couldn't complete the crossword..

He told me not to get 2 down

A guy walks into a bar with a sad look on his face and orders a beer.

The bartender brings it and asks him what the problem is. The guy responds, "I dunno. I just feel unhappy and unfulfilled. What do you do when you're unhappy?"

"Well," responded the bartender, "I do a few shots then make mad love to my wife. That always does the trick for me." The sad guy say...

A sad story of duty, conviction and love

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applican...

Whenever John’s daughter was sad, he found out to cheer her up he’d put out some paper and crayons.

After about fifteen minutes, his daughter would be all right again. But lately, she has been very clingy. So leaving the paper and crayons on the table didn’t work when she wasn’t happy.

“Tell you what,” John said, “If I’m gonna be carrying you now more often, I will give you a shoulder to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A stomach was sad...

... because everything it tried to make turned out to be *shit*.

What bounces and makes children sad?

The checks I write to the Make-A-Wish foundation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m sad to announce that my pet parrot died today.

His last words were “Shit, I think my parrot is about to die”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the sad state of my sex life, I have decided to convert to Islam.

My new name is Seldom Bin Laid.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sad whale?

Mopy dick

What's the sad thing about man-caves?

It's where all your cool stuff is, and where you can do whatever you want. Before Marriage we used to call it life, but then it became a room.

A sad story

The day after his mother-in-law disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Twillingate, Newfoundland
man answered his door to find two grim-faced RCMP officers.

"We're sorry Mr. Flynn, but we have some information about your mother-in-law," said one of the officers.

"Tell me! Did you fin...

I was feeling sad the other day so I asked my friend to compliment me.

He called me a water hole, but I'm sure he meant well.

Sad news to share: my dad just contracted COVID, and lost his sense of taste.

He's been listening to a lot of Justin Bieber.

My wife's cooking is pretty good, but it makes me sad when she uses so much spice.

I'm starting to think I have seasonal depression.

If you think Friday is a sad day, I’ve got some bad news for you.

Tomorrow is Sadder Day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who invented the dildo sadly passed away. His funeral went just as expected.

Only women came.

When I heard the sad news that Gilbert Gottfried had passed away....

I half-expected his cause of death was anaphylAFLAC shock.

Have you heard about the Redditor who tried to become a fencer? Sadly he wasn't very good because he only knew one move:

The riposte.

Sad news…

At the Nestle factory today a member of staff was seriously injured when a pallet of chocolate fell more than 50 feet and crushed him underneath…

He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he shouted "The Milky Bars are on me" everyone cheered.

What do you call a group of sad pitbulls?

A pittie party

very sad news

after caring for my cat for years, i had to put her down

she was getting heavy

How do you make a computer keyboard sad?

You make the key "D" pressed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sad porno?

A tear jerker

How do you know if a person is sad and bored af?

You'll probably see one in the comment section.

I was sad when I lost my rock collection.

It had a lot of sedimental value.

A man walks into a bar looking sad

He says to the bar tender quick pour me 3 shots of bourbon. The bar tender gives him the shots and he drinks them as fast as he can. The bar tender looks at the man and asks are you ok you drank those drinks really fast. The man reply’s no I’m not ok and if you had what I have you would drink as fas...

Why was the clam sad?

Because he pulled a mussel!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the smurf sad?

He’d had blue balls his whole life.

My archaeologist friend was looking sad at work, so I asked him if there was something wrong

"Of course there is!" He said.

"My work is in ruins!"

What did the tomato say to the sad pickle?

"What's the big dill?"

It’s sad that Saab no longer makes cars

What a Saab story

What do you call a sad Slav at the bottom of the ocean?

Deeprussian

People say you cant be sad in Hawaii, its a magical place

Apparently, they've never heard of a tropical depression.

Sad news for music lovers today....

Justin Bieber was found in his hotel room, alive.

My Friend who was obsessed with the Monkees sadly passed away this week

So I sent his family Micky Dolenzes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sad story

For his birthday, little Johnny asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, “Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $489,000 and your mother just lost her job.

I’m sorry but there’s no way we can afford it.”

The next day the father saw little Johnny headin...

Why is Santa sad 364 days a year

Because Santa comes but once a year

What does Jesus do when he is sad?

Jesus Cries

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

(not original, but I forget the source)

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