Scientology is officially recognised as a religion in the UK, rather than just a cult. A cult being a group who believe in bizarre theories and superstitions, practice daft rituals and accept ridiculous restrictions on their behaviour.

Whereas a religion…….

Jojo's Bizarre Adventure memes are stupid

I just can't Stand them.

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There was this really bizarre porn on the other day; it was just a guy on his couch, crying and jerking off.

Turns out I hadn't turned the TV on.

My life is like going to see a M. Night Shyamalan film....bizarre characters, lots of plot twists

and I want my money back.

The last twenty five years have been a bizarre time to grow up.

For instance, i've lived through more 'Spiderman' re-boots than legitimate presidential elections.

Yesterday, when I rode through Nottingham Forest, I witnessed a bizarre scene: Robin Hood was in the middle of a sandwich with Richard Lionheart and a homeless girl.

Surprised, I stopped and shouted "What are you doing?"


And Robin Hood shouted back: "Can't you see that? I take it from Rich and give it to the poor."

The person who wrote the auto-correct logic was killed in a bizarre farming accident.

Rest in Pieces!

The elephantine Russian emperor held an open air market for strange wooden dowels.

It was Tsar Babar's bizarre bar bazaar.

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Only fifteen minutes

A group of men live and die for their Saturday morning golf game. One of them transfers to another city and they're lost without him.

A new woman joins their club. When she hears the guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if...

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A man dies and goes to Hell...

Given his cruel, sadistic streak, the demons really like this guy and start giving him some say in how the day-to-day life of Hell can be made more Hellish for the other souls. He introduces bizarre new forms of torture on an almost daily basis.



One day, the man comes up with his dar...

I dreamt I was being chased by a bizarre sentence with two poorly distinguished clauses.

So I made a mad dash for it.

A man was recruited for a space colony

He had been posted to a planet 14 lightyears from Sol. As his ship landed on the planet's glowing surface, he saw a car waiting for him.

"Welcome to Anti-Earth," The driver said, "don't worry we are going to change the name soon.I am here to take you to your quarters and show you the colony o...

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Bob, a lawyer,

was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing.

His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor.

He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a cop jumped out, radar gun...

BoJo’s brother quit being an MP today.

It’s a slightly disappointing end to JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.

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Martha had terrible acne and had very little luck getting dates.

She was so glad when Bill started taking an interest in her. She didn’t mind at all that Bill had a fake wooden eye that looked off in odd directions when he spoke. She was just happy to have a man finally take an interest in her despite her terrible acne problem.

For his part, Bill was ve...

My first wife was a Brit. I loved her accent and the different words she had for things.

She called the bathroom the "loo." She called the pharmacy the "chemist." But my favorite was the "post." It was a noun and a verb. The mail I brought home was called the "post," and when she wanted me to mail something, I was "posting" it.

We were not wealthy by any means, but after we had b...

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Three friends go skiiing

These three friends decide to go on a skiing trip.

When they get to the resort and find the cabin they've rented, they realize its only one king sized bed. Undeterred by this, the three friends decide to just deal with it and share the bed as they will only be in here to sleep for a couple o...

An interesting experiment

There was this specially talented musician, he could play almost any instrument, conduct an entire orchestra and compose like anyone else.

So, a couple scientists were very interested in finding how his brain works.

The musician agreed with a bizarre experiment, he would let the scient...

One day, a farmer found a strange, ancient-looking stone in his field.

Inscribed into it were characters of an apparent forgotten alphabet. Images of priests in strange clothing conducting some bizarre ritual had been carved into the surface as well.



Not knowing whether his find was worth a fortune (and curious to know what was said on the tablet), the ...

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A cowboy walks into a saloon

Its empty but for the barkeep.

"Where is everyone?" cowboy asked

"They ran. Hiding. The black rider is coming" said the old man

"Why are they afraid of the black rider, whos he" puzzled cowboy asked

"He will kill any men, women and some say even children that he sees on...

A young inexperience couple on their wedding night NSFW

They have never been intimate and they begin to undress and see each other naked for the first time. The husband takes off his socks and his toes are contorted and bizarre looking. "Whoa!" she says, "what's up with your toes???"

 

"I had a childhood disease that left them lik...

My social life is like an oxygen mask

Nonexistant unless something bizarre happens

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A man and his son were at the grocery store today...

They were using a cart that had a child-size car attached to the front with the kid inside. While I was shopping, I noticed the dad started hitting the cart into the wall, it was a pretty bizarre sight to see. Before I could intervene, the kid yells,



Kid: DAAAAAD, stop!!! What are you...

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My friend was on a game show...

He was doing pretty well on it. Until he needed a lifeline.
I was surprised when he called me.
Like i was talking to him as i saw him on the tv. so bizarre.
I didnt even need to hear his reply over the phone because i heard it on the show.
So he askes me the question. and i gave him the ...

The Paper Cowboy

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of...

What do you call a strange market?

A bizarre bazaar

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A couple who met on Tinder are out in the countryside riding their bikes...

The sun is shining, it's a warm day in early summer, and a couple who recently met on Tinder are riding their bicycles through the countryside. They are both attracted to each other, looking athletic in cycling gear, and getting a buzz out of the sexual tension, the sensation of speed, and the liber...

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Dracula in Italy

Count Dracula, fed up with the miserable weather in Transylvania, decides to take a holiday, so he packs up his coffin and capes and heads to Rome for a long weekend.
Upon arriving at his hotel the concierge greets him and asks if has a reservation.
"Yessss," replies the Count. "I am Dracula,...

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Golden Urinals

So a man is always cheating on his wife. She finally gets fed up with him and says the next time he gives her a lame excuse, she is going to leave him. A few days later he comes home extremely late.
"So what's the excuse this time," she said.
"Hey, I was drinking all night with my buddies. I...

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Hospital inspection

A major donor (think having a wing named after him) came to a hospital of which he was a benefactor to see where his money was going. It was up to a Charge Nurse to give him a tour of the med/surg floor.

They are walking down a hallway when the donor looks in and sees a patient in bed furious...

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A man goes to his doctor.

"Doc, I think I'm oversexed."

"Well, how often do you and your wife have sex?"

"About three times a week."

"You're not oversexed. That's perfectly normal."

"Well, I'm seeing my secretary, too."

"Oh, so how often do you have sex with her?"

"About three times ...

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Frog joke

A frog goes into a bank in search of a loan. He approaches Patricia Wack who deals with the loans in this particular bank and says "Hi, I'd like a £10,000 loan as I am doing some home renovations". Patricia is a little bemused, as it is a frog asking for a loan, but she is a polite lady and so conti...

This could happen to you.

This could happen to you.

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
"Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom but I don't know
what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed,
"Doing' just fine!"
...

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Farting Honda

A sales rep for an American auto parts supplier was in Tokyo for an important meeting with the chairman of Toyota to close a huge deal. After he got to his hotel, he farted and strangely it sounded like his ass said "Honda". Puzzled, he forced out another fart and sure enough it came out "hooonda". ...

Two identical twins separated at birth...

... And are put up for adoption. One of the twins gets adopted by a Mexican couple and is named Juan. The other twin gets adopted by an Egyptian family and is named Hamal.
Years later their biological mother and father receive a letter from both their children saying how through a bizarre series...

"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.


Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" an...

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During the Obama administration... (long)

During the Obama administration there were a few military cutbacks. As a result, several top generals were asked to retire. All of these men were very well respected and so (in addition to their generous pensions) they were given a bonus check.

Due to a bizarre technicality in the letter of t...

Ok so there's this guy called Nate Palm

and every morning at work, there's this woman who always lingers around him, but in the afternoons she doesn't. She continues to do this for months and co workers find it bizarre that she's so attached to him in the mornings, yet so distanced from him in the afternoons. One day, one of the co worker...

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Mickey Mouse goes to meet with his lawyer...

...and his attorney says, "Mickey, I've gone over the law and all the relevant precedents, and the fact is, you don't have grounds to divorce Minnie."

"You're kidding!" Mickey almost squeals. "I told you the situation, didn't I?"

"Sure you did," said the attorney, "but you have to unde...

A man had been stuck on an island for 10 years

One day, he came across a mysterious box that had washed ashore. He opened the box, hoping for something to help him, and was disappointed to discover a mysterious blue thing with a plastic cover and white things with letters.

He stewed for a while before discovering that he could spell out ...

Three are guys sitting around in heaven..

Three guys are in heaven, each sharing the story of their death. The first guy, propped up on his cloud recalls his ultimate demise. "Well, I had been sent home from work early one afternoon, and when I got home my wife was half naked and obviously surprised to see me. I found a pair of men's pants ...

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three blokes deciding what to get their mrs' for christmas...

Bill, Bob & Ben sitting at some random bar, deciding on gifts for their better halves...

Bill says he's going to get his mrs a new blouse and this jacket she likes too - "if she doesn't like the blouse, she can wear the jacket to hide it" he jests.

Bob pipes in, "That's funny, i'm ...

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