UPJOKE
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This world has become disgusting!

I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on reddit. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajox, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now avai...

A vegan said to me that people who sell meat are disgusting.

I said people who sell fruit
and vegetables are grocer.

Jokes about drowning billionaires are disgusting.

I mean, how low can you go?

Men only want one thing and it is disgusting

Then maybe you should wash it

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People who say ‘I can hit my kids because they’re MINE’ are literally the worst, most disgusting, short sighted, hell bound...

selfish people on the planet.


We should all be able to smack your jerk kids.

Crime in elevators is disgusting and a huge problem for society

It's just wrong on so many levels

My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now

New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey.

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The story of Disgusting and That

A female dog called "Disgusting" found itself in love with a male dog called "That", so they started having sex in the middle of a road. Eventually, a bus ran over both dogs and they got completely obliterated. What can I say about this?
_That was fucking Disgusting._

I think women breast feeding in public is disgusting.

I was always taught that if you didn't bring enough for the entire class, nobody gets to have any.

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Just caught a disgusting pervert on the bus.

He was watching pornography over my shoulder.

That's disgusting...

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."

The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says John...

A high-society debutant is engaged to a low-born Greek guy...

Before the wedding, her mother takes her aside and says, "I've tried to talk you out of marrying this man, but you seem determined to go through with it, so just promise me one thing"

"Greeks have unnatural desires in the bedroom that are perverse, nasty, and disgusting. Just promise me now, ...

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Put all your disgusting jokes here.

Heres one: Jimmy is playing in his room when a wormhole opens up and Jimmy 30 years from now gets out.

Younger Jimmy says,' Wow! What do I become when I grow up?'

'A pedophile' Older Jimmy says as he locks the door.

What do European Nationalists say when they see something disgusting?

“EU”.

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Last week, after a one night stand with a woman, she had the gall to get up and use my toothbrush without even asking first. I told her, "That's disgusting!" She replied, "Well, we just had sex, so what's the big difference?"

I answered, "The difference is, I was gonna use the toothbrush again."

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You want to know what's really disgusting?

When you dream about eating pudding and wake up the next day with a spoon up your ass.

My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24

What a horrible thing to say on our son's 10th birthday party.

It’s disgusting. They used to make COCA-Cola with REAL Cocaine! So you can probably guess what they used to make shamPOO with!

Yep, child labour.

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he c...

My girlfriend dumped me after my grandma had a stroke last night.

She said it was disgusting to let my grandma touch me like that.

"My GF said picking my nose is disgusting", a man told his friend. "So what?" his friend replied.

The guy answered "Now I have to do it myself"

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Donald Trump

Donald Trump has labelled Hillary Clinton "disgusting" for taking a bathroom break during the debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the shit just comes straight out of his mouth.

 

Edit: Thanks to everyone that found this joke funny. To all those I offended...

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My wife says she’s leaving cause of my disgusting habits

I almost choked on my fucking toenail!

What is two times more disgusting than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm in your apple

Who won the "Most Disgusting Shopkeeper" competition?

The Grocer!

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I got cut off by a taxi driver last week. I was walking through town today and I saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank. I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?" "$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.

"That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"
I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?".
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"
I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of ...

I got a great deal and paid only $6 for a book titled “100 Truly Disgusting Jokes.”

If you break it down per joke, I only paid for the author’s 6 cents of humor.

Just found the absolute worst page in the dictionary

What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest and disingenuous.

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A beautiful women is standing on a bridge!!

A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.

A homeless man walks up to her.

She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"

He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, w...

I wrote the most disgusting joke ever.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Why don't mother vampires nurse their infants?

Because they only bleed once a month.

What's more disgusting than a millipede?

A millipooed

Our country needs a border wall. South of the border is nothing but criminals, disgusting people, and entitled people and their government does nothing about it.

Just to be clear, I live in Canada.

Is he sleazy? Yes. Is he disgusting? Absolutely. Did he act in a vulgar manner towards women? Certainly.

But he's not running for President, his wife is.

People say cannibals are disgusting human beings

But this one tastes pretty good

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[NSFW] What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking eight oysters up your Grandma's vagina, and sucking nine out.

Disgusting cashier

A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog on the counter.

The cashier asks," do you have a dog sir?"

"Yes, its at home." Replies the man.
"To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is the store policy sir."says the cashier.
<...

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I complained to my boss about how disgusting the employee bathroom was.

He called the janitor and said, "I found out who keeps shitting in the maintenance closet mop bucket."

My girlfriend told me I was disgusting for licking the bowl after I finished.

I guess she's used to most people just flushing.

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Girlfriend: Guys only want one thing and it's fucking disgusting

Me: Why would you call yourself that?

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If you think truffle butter is disgusting.

You’ve never experienced pee nut butter.

Two old women are discussing the disgusting habits of their husbands.

"Even after all these years, my husband will not stop biting his nails," the first woman explains.
"My husband had the same habit," the second woman explained, “but I fixed that. I just hid his teeth."

Eugenics is a disgusting concept

We should round up anyone who advocates for it and sterilize them.

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Disgusting joke

This guy gets released from jail. The first thing he wants to do is eat some pussy, he loves mowin pussy. So he takes what money he has and finds a hooker. They go back to a seedy hotel and he proceeds to devour her snatch. As he starts he finds a bread crum, but flicks it aside hardly noticing. The...

It’s absolutely disgusting the way people cheat on their taxes...

This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in.

Two Hungry Soldiers (Disgusting)

After a long, big battle , there are two enemy soldiers left on the battlefield. They decide to make peace and look for food because they are very, VERY hungry. They look food for 2 hours but cannot find something.

Soldier 1 says " I can't take this anymore!" and walks to a nearby dead soldie...

A group of anti-maskers looked at me disgustingly

I don't know if it was because I was wearing a mask or nothing but a mask.

Why are dyslexic entomologists disgusting?

Because they collect incest photos.

An athiest wakes up in hell.

He looks around confused at the bright shining sun and the best beach party he's ever seen.
People are singing and dancing, laughing and playing, splashing in the crystal water and drinking, just having the best time.

Shortly the devil walks up to him wearing shorts, hat, and raising a g...

Vegans are disgusting

They always go grass to mouth

I think it's just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong

especially after what he achieved winning 7 Tour de France races while competing on drugs. When I'm on drugs, I can't even find my bike.

What do you call a group of zealots who try to force people into eating their disgusting half made desserts?

The Flan-ish Inquisition

I let go a silent fart in bed last night and gently lifted the sheet to let it escape, my wife shrieked 'Oh my god, that's disgusting! My eyes are watering'...

Must have been bad, she was downstairs at the time

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

You know what I say to people who think blood is disgusting?

You’re full of it.

The wife says I'm no longer allowed to help in our search for a new apartment as my suggestions are always "disgusting".

In my defence, the last place I found was in a great location in the centre of town and it did say "TO LET".

How was I supposed to know the "I" had fallen off?

Most disgusting joke I know ... [NSFW]

So, I was eating out my girlfriend when all of a sudden I tasted horse sperm. I couldn't help but shout out "aha grandmother, so that's how you died!".

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My mum finds it disgusting that people pee in showers.

.
.
.
Sometimes I can't help it, some just comes out when I take a shit

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My girlfriend asked me if I ever take a Piss while in the Shower....

My girlfriend asked me if I had ever pissed in the Shower.
I said, "Yeah, a couple of times, accidentally."
She said, "That's disgusting! What do you mean accidentally?!"
"Hey," I said, "these things happen when you're taking a shit."

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A guy with no arms walks into a bathroom….

So there’s a guy washing his hands and the guy with no arms says “hey man I’m a lil embarrassed, do you think you could help me out.” So he says sure, unzips the guys pants for him pulls his wiener out for him and it’s just the grossest most disgusting thing he’s ever seen, it’s all red and has open...

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Damn my wife is disgusting.

I went downstairs to piss in the sink, and it was full of dishes!

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No one likes to watch disgusting and degrading porn

More than I do

A very beautiful women was depressed and wanted to kill herself

She goes to the overpass of a local highway to jump down 100 feet into a ravine. Before she could climb up the barrier, a disgusting and repulsive homeless man comes up and asks, "Hey what are you doing?!" The beautiful woman replied, "I am going to kill myself. This life isn't worth living anymore....

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Jokes about vaginas are disgusting...

Period.

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A man walks into a bar with his monkey....

"Hey, you can't bring a monkey into my bar!" yells the barman.

"Ah, but he's trained and won't be a problem" replies man.

"Okay, but any funny stuff and you'll have to leave....what'll it be?" relents the barman.

"Just a beer would be great, thanks"

As the barman is pouri...

My computer has this disgusting virus that has completed slowed everything down.

It's called "Internet Explorer".

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I came very close to doing something disgusting

I was walking outside today and noticed something that looked like a dog turd, just to make sure I took some of it in my hand and licked it, I was right, it was dog poop! Thank God I didn't step on it!

The Most Disgusting Joke You'll Ever Hear

A young boy was licking out an old lady when all of a sudden he tasted horse cum. He sat up and said "oh...grandma, so that's how you died"

These vaccinated kids miss out on so much in life and it's disgusting

Polio, measles, rubella, typhoid, the list just goes on and on really

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