I always thought the origin of the word "politics" was a strangely accurate description of itself.

"Poli-" meaning "many",

"-tics" meaning "bloodsucking parasites."

Strangely Named

There were once three children, whose names were rather unfortunate

The first child was named "none of your business"
The Second child was named "Manners"
The third child was named "Trouble"

Trouble was lost, so none of your business and manners went to the local police station f...

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Why do Hasidic Jews dress so strangely?

Because they are unorthodox.

A man walks into a resort and the first sign he saw reads, “LOOL AREA!!”

He was confused and asks one of the employees about it.

“Yes, we have this tradition here, we replace the first ‘P’ of any word that starts with P with an ‘L’ because the owner hates the words that starts with letter ‘P’."

The man thought this was strange, but as long as there were no ...

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[NSFW] Go home...

Bill the Giant, who's known to be a cruel brawler with a short temper sits at the bar.

A drunk, skin-and-bone old guy approaches Bill and grins, saying "I fucked your mom and it was so good."

People at the bar quickly move away not to be in the way of Bill's wrath but strangely, Bill s...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach wearing Speedo’s. While walking they get a lot of attention from women, but it seems that all the women are interested in the Italian guy!

After the day was over the guys are hanging out and the polish guy asks, “Ok you have to tell me w...

One day a father took his two children to a zoo.

They were having a great time, until one realized the lion was acting strangely. Almost human like. So the father decides to tell one of the zoo employees. He leans over and says,”our lion died last week, so we hired a replacement”. The father didn’t bother to tell his children and went on with the ...

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box...

I threw in the towel because my Fighter was taking too much punishment.

And everyone in the Roman Bath house looked at me Strangely.

The New Market on the Corner

A new market opened up in Bill's neighborhood, so he decided to go down and see what they had for sale.

Inside appeared to be different produce stands, but, strangely, all he saw were bakery stuffs on the shelves. One was covered in pies and labeled "Pineapple Pies - $2/lb." Another was cover...

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There are 3,141,592 parallel universes where I have sex with yo momma..

Strangely enough in every single one of them she’s so fat...

After months of detective work, police have uncovered the bodies of a number of missing persons...

These bodies which number in the dozens, were buried in the backyard of a suspected mass murderer. Upon investigation, the police found a series of mass graves. These holes had been dug up by the alleged killer, and contained dismembered body parts, including torsos, extremities, and decapitated hea...

Two scientists walk into a restaurant. The first one says, "I'll have an H2O."

The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."

The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.

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An office manager had money problems and had to fire one of two employees, either Jack or Jill.

He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early.

Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break.

Then the manager decided to see wh...

While driving to work today, I saw a huge cheesecake...

Around the next corner was a large trifle, followed by an apple turnover. There were no cars. It seemed to me the roads were strangely desserted.

Joe and the Train

Joe has been driving trains for years now and he was certainly not he best. He would leave late, overshoot stops and close the door on people frequently. This all came to head when one day, not paying attention, he drives into a herd of cows.

Police show up and Joe is questioned, but is ove...

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There was a young country boy who was very bright

In fact he was bright enough to be accepted to Harvard. One of his first assignments at Harvard was to write a paper on a famous person. He didn't know who he would write about so he decided to go to the library and do some research. But he didn't know where the library was. He saw a professor walki...

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I just found out my neighbour is a vampire!!

But strangely, she's only interested in overweight guys named Richard. She saw me getting home from work, came over and whispered in my ear, "I love sucking fat Dicks".
So I was like ,"well you won't find one of those here, sweetheart". Sent that bitch packing.

I had been told that Hot Chocolate and Churros were a must on my trip to Barcelona...

So on the final day of my trip to Spain I had carved out some time to head down to the ramblas to a little shop that supposedly had he best hot chocolate and churros in the world. Having read that the lines were often long I had allotted a good three hours thinking it would still give me plenty of ...

One day while walking down the street, a highly successful executive was tragically hit by a bus and died.

Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure...

A mother was sitting with her three children, when one had a question.

A mother was sitting with her 2 girls and 1 boy. The first girl turns to her mother, and asks, with a soft, sweet voice and a smile, "Mom, why is my name violet?".

Her mother answers, "Well, dear when I was in hospital with you your father brought me a bouquet of violets, and when I was tryin...

A man was suffering from a sore eye every time he had a hot chocolate.

He went to see his eye doctor who performed tests on his eye. It was red and inflamed but the doctor couldn’t find the reason why.

Baffled, the doctor analysed the hot chocolate, and had it sent off to the best labs to see if the man was suffering from an allergy. The results all came back i...

So an American WWII soldier finally takes a break from the frontlines...

So an American WWII soldier finally takes a break from the frontlines and is on a train to London, where he will tour for the next week or so.
He boards a train and notices that there are no empty seats, as it is overcrowded, and begins to search for an empty seat. He walks to one end of the trai...

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An art student is visiting the National Gallery in Wales.

About halfway around, they spot a large painting of three black men sitting on a bench, all three buck naked. Even more strangely, the one in the middle has an entirely pink penis.

A curator sees the art student observing the painting and approaches.

“Fascinating, isn’t it?” He says. ...

A lady walks into a perfumery and asks for the perfumer for his finest fragrance.

"Doobie woobie blue bop", says the perfumer.

Confused she looks around and notices that all of the bottles on the shelves are empty. "Do you keep them in the back?" she asks

"Flim flam flibidy blam", says the perfumer.

The lady sniffs the air, then looks at him strangely and as...

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The Cross eyed Cow

One day, a farmer was tending to his livestock when he noticed that one of his cows was completely cross-eyed. He called up a veterinarian friend of his who told him to bring in his cow. The vet took one look at the cow, stuck a tube up the cow’s butt, and blew into the tube until the cow’s eyes str...

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A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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Pedro is sitting in a sauna with two other men...

...when suddenly, a jingle goes off.

One of the guys make a telephone symbol with his hand, brings his hand up to his ear, then begins a conversation directly into it.

When he's finished, Pedro says, "whoa man, what was that?!"

"Ah, that's the newest technology," replied the m...

A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman

The mute friend points to his head.

His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important."

Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand.

His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice."

Then, the mute friend opens his hand wide in front ...

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A man and a woman have just finished celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary...

A man and a woman have just finished celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary and are heading up to bed for some twentieth anniversary maritals.

On the way up the stairs the woman glances at the pictures of their children and thinks about how much she loves her life. Once they get to t...

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Magic dildo

For my line of work I have to travel a lot and my wife was okay with it at first, but after a while she started getting really lonely. I understood where she was coming from as I had become quite lonely going from hotel to hotel. Instead of letting something regrettable happen I told her let's go to...

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A man washes up on a deserted beach...

He coughs up some water and tries to find himself some civilization. He walk around until it becomes apparent he is alone on an island except for a pig and a dog, both of which are strangely domesticated. Oh well, time to Robinson Crusoe the shit out of this island.

He starts a fire. Builds ...

A fireman was working outside the station...

A fireman was working outside the station when a little girl wearing a firefighter's helmet rolled up in a wagon that was decked out like a firetruck, complete with a stepladder hanging from the side and a garden hose coiled up in the middle. Pulling the wagon were a dog and a cat, each tethered by ...

A young couple were on their honeymoon . . .

. . . and were staying at a hotel with a large swimming pool. They decided to go for a swim, and the bride donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon discovered that the bikini was to large, and the top and bottom kept coming off. As t...

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Real or fake

I walked into the store the other day, and immediately noticed the girl working there. She was conventionally attractive and had really big breasts. I mean, really big.

I was just there to browse around, but I couldn't help myself. Something made me go over to this girl, and I nervously asked...

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After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday....

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on!”

"We're happy to announce NASA's newest mission will allow us to LITERALLY touch our own Sun!"

"Before we continue, please welcome our strangely-excited sponsors, the Catholic Church!"

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Two Men Were Outside. One was a foreigner and the other was an American.

Both saw a lady walk by and couldn't help but stare.

"Well my god, those are some large breasts." Said the foreigner.

The American looked at him strangely.

"What seems to be the problem." Said the foreigner.

"Man, here in America we don't call'em breasts. We call'em boob...

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Calculus

The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well
liked. He was one of those guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how mu...

The Carpool Joke

Three men decide to carpool together to work. For the first couple of days it seems great: they’re saving gas, they’re making good time, it all seems to be going perfect.

Then one night while they’re on their way home they pass through a tunnel. The three men begin to feel strange and then al...

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3 guys on a plane

3 guys on a plane who had never met, found themselves sitting next to each other on row of seats on a flight to Pittsburgh. After they had all sat down and got a chance to look at each other, something was strangely coincidental ... they each had a black eye.

The guy sitting in the isle seat ...

So two scientists invent a machine that can travel to other dimensions...

After much calibrating and testing and preparing, the scientists hop aboard their creation and activate it. There is a blinding flash of blue light and in an instant the scientists are sitting in the middle of a grassy field. There is no sign of their lab...or really anything familiar at all.
<...

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Farting Honda

A sales rep for an American auto parts supplier was in Tokyo for an important meeting with the chairman of Toyota to close a huge deal. After he got to his hotel, he farted and strangely it sounded like his ass said "Honda". Puzzled, he forced out another fart and sure enough it came out "hooonda". ...

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Farmer Dan

A farmer buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for ham and bacon. After several weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this m...

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(OC) I was at an outdoor showing of and old movie last week...

(On the Waterfront(1954)) when a clearly disturbed and hyperactive boy sitting near me began to behave strangely. He was fondling his penis, groping at adult men and finally trying to sodomize himself with various items. He needed to be forcibly restrained by his parents, all the while the boy conti...

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The Wasp who Won America's Heart (shaggy dog)

Deep in the wasp swamps of the wasp Florida keys, there lived a young wasp. Just as a proper wasp does, this wasp worked day and night for the hive. He worked and slaved and gave his all - but this wasp was no regular wasp, for within him was the ambition and the wisdom of a great, great wasp. So, w...

Stoner Joke

A pothead finds a strangely looking old oil lamp in the trash and rubs it to clean it up a bit when suddenly a genie comes out of it. "Congratulations, you freed me from my captivity! I grant you three wishes for releasing me!" The pothead does not think twice and says "OK, for my first wish - I wan...

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The Brass Rat

A man, visiting San Francisco, noticed a musty curio shop, which seemed to be forgotten by time. It seemed very out of place in the busy city. The man's curiosity was piqued, and he entered the shop. The store didn't seem to have much traffic, and the shelves were full of dusty, but interesting item...

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A businessman travels to Japan...[nsfw]

the American businessman arrives a day early for his meeting with his Japanese business colleague and being quite the tourist he decides to hit the the town. He goes to a couple of sushi bars and loosens up a bit, he meets an attractive women at one of the karaoke bars and after quite a while of tr...

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Three vampires walk into a bar...

Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one orders a shot of blood. The second one orders blood on the rocks. The third vampire says "I'll have a cup of hot water".

The bartender looks at him strangely and asks "How come you're not having blood like your friends?"

The vampire then p...

Never Assume

With his request approved, the Bulletin newspaper photographer quickly used his mobile phone and called the Townsville airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hang...

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Island of Cannibals

One day, three explorers landed on an island of cannibals. The king cannibal came up to them and said, "I am hungry. I will spare your lives if you each bring me 10 pieces of fruit." They quickly ran out and found fruit.

When the first explorer came back with 10 apples, the king cannibal told...

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The Princess and The Frog

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived in a grand castle. On a hot spring evening, she decided to go for a walk in the big castle gardens to get some fresh air. She went to sit under her favorite willow tree with her bare feet dangling in a pond, humming a quiet song. After a shor...

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