Wealthy Man Jokes - 50 Hilarious Wealthy Man Jokes

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man...

Mr. Smith, a very wealthy man, is in town on business and towards the end of his trip he decides to take a walk on the docks and take in the ocean view.

As he's walking he comes up on a young boy, maybe 12 years old, crying on the edge of the dock.

Mr. Smith hesitates but decides to a...

A wealthy man met a beggar on the street.

The beggar pleaded to the wealthy man to give him a dollar to buy something to eat.

"You poor fellow," said the wealthy man. "Come with me and I'll buy you a drink."

"Actually, I don't drink. But I would like something to eat."

"Here, my friend. Take one of my Cuban cigars," the...

An arrogant, wealthy man passed away one day

In his will, he entrusted $50,000 in cash to each of his closest advisers: his accountant, his doctor, and his lawyer. In his will, he instructed that each of them was to put all of the money into an envelope and place it into his coffin at his funeral, so he could have his money even after death....

A wealthy man dies and gives his friends $10,000 each

The man wanted his friends, a minister, a United Way executive, and a lawyer, to put the $10,000 into his grave. The man wanted nothing more than to be surrounded by his money forever. At the funeral, each person placed an envelope into the casket.

Later that night, the three started talking...

A very wealthy man on his deathbed

Called his lawyer. He told him to give all he had, down to the last dollar to his wife. But he had one condition, that his wife must remarry within 30 days. "Why? ", asked the lawyer. The man told him, "There should be atleast one person that regrets I died".

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A wealthy man went to see his family doctor for his annual physical...

The doctor asked the man if he was experiencing any changes to his health.
Shyly the man replies, "Well, actually Doc, I do have a new problem. You see, I've been fooling around with the maid and I think she gave me VD..."

"Oh, I see," says the Doctor, "looks like we'll need to run a few e...

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A wealthy man suspects his wife is cheating on him..

A wealthy man suspects his wife is cheating on him. He decides he'd call in during his work day and try to catch his wife in the act. A woman's voice answers the phone, "Hello?"

"Hello? Who is this?" the man replies. The voice responds, "I'm the housekeeper. I was hired this morning. Sh...

A wealthy man died and went to heaven.

He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who led him down the streets of gold.
They passed mansion after mansion until they came to the very end of the street.
Saint Peter stopped the rich man in front of a little shack.
“This belongs to you,” said Saint Peter.

“Why do I get t...

A wealthy man threw a party.

He had recently purchased a tank filled with sharks, alligators, piranhas, and other aquatic animals that could kill people. He told the guests that anyone who swam across would get 3 wishes. No one dared to try it so the party continued.

About 10 minutes later, there was a splash, and there...

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An extremely wealthy man invited his high school friends to his big estate for a reunion.

Aside from being extremely wealthy, he is also extremely arrogant and prideful. As he welcomed his friends to his house, he gave them a tour of his estate, showing his cars, helicopters, private jets, and even his own yacht, all the while bragging about all his assets and wealth. Finally, at the end...

A wealthy man had a homeless man come to his door begging for money.

The man said I'm glad to help, but its healthy to work for your money. I've got a porch out back that needs painting. All the painting supplies are ready in the garage. If you paint the porch, I'll pay you $300. The homeless man agrees and heads to the back. About four hours later he goes to the fro...

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A young lady falls in love with a wealthy man. NSFW

They soon get married and they are living the life of luxury. Dream homes, exotic cars, and luxurious vacations.

The girl is having a conversation with her father one day and she mentions that she is considering leaving her husband. The father asks why and the girl explains. “He will only ...

A wealthy man on a business trip calls home and the butler answers the phone: “Can I talk to my wife, please?”

The butler answers that she is currently in the bedroom with a man. “What?!! Take the rifle in my study, go to the bedroom and shoot them both - I’ll stay on the line”

“Very well, sir”, the butler answers and he walks away from the phone. After about a minute, the man hears two gunshots and a...

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A wealthy man comes home and says to his wife...

"I lost my fortune in the stock market crash. We have to change our lifestyle. For instance, if you learn how to cook, we can fire the chef."

"All right" she says. "If you learn how to fuck, we can fire the gardener too."

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discre...

An old, wealthy man who had three sons was about to die.

An old, wealthy man who had three sons was about to die. He only wanted the cleverest of his three sons to inherit his money. So he came up with a test: he called all his sons into his room and told them: "Use 100 bucks to buy whatever you want. Whoever fills the room to the fullest shall inherit my...

A poor man, a well off middle class man, and an extremely wealthy man in the 1% find themselves at the same event. The poor man and middle class man run into the wealthy man when they find out there's complimentary donuts and arrive to see him wrapping up 10 of the last 12 donuts and pocketing them

As the wealthy man is leaving he walks up to the middle class guy, motions to the poor man and whispers in his ear: "watch out, he's trying to take your donut.

About a wealthy man, his wife and their butler John

Wealthy man and his wife decided to go to a party. They planned on staying there for the night, so they gave the butler a day off.

Sadly, the wife wasn't pleased with the party so she decided to go home. When she arrives, she saw John in the dining room. She took him to the sleeping room, an...

A wealthy man was on his death bed

He called in his doctor, his pastor, and his lawyer. He told them, "Look, I know everyone says that you can't take it with you, but I'll be damned if I'm not going to try. So I've got a $500,000 bag of money for each of you, and you must throw it into my coffin at my funeral. I trust all of you to h...

A wealthy man dies....

A wealthy man dies and in his will he asked his 3 best friends to hold 10,000 dollars. At his funeral they are supposed to throw the 30k into his coffin before they bury him. At the grave side the three men stand there and each throws in an envelope. Afterwards, they were drinking and the first man ...

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A wealthy man goes to Rome...

...in one of his finest suits the hope that when he visits the Vatican, he can be granted an audience with the Holy Father. During one of the Papal processions, he manages to make his way to the front of the barrier as the Pontiff walks past them. Instead, the Pope completely blanks the man, and sto...

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A VERY elderly wealthy man and a gold digging show girl get married in Las Vegas.

She figures that she will show him such a good time on their wedding night that he won't survive and then she will inherit his fortune.

They get to their honeymoon suite and the show girl announces that she is going into the bathroom to freshen up. She comes out wearing a sexy little outfit t...

A very wealthy man goes in a New Your bank and loans $10, leaving his Rolls Royce for collateral.

He then goes on a trip overseas, and returns a month later. He immediately goes to the bank, pays the $10 plus 5 cents interest, and turns to leave.

The president of the bank can't contain himself, and rushes up to the man to ask "Why did you borrow $10 when you're so rich? And why leave a ...

A very prestigious wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant...

A very prestigious wealthy man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who...

A dying wealthy man demands to have all his assets traded for gold so he can be buried with them

When approaching the gates of Heaven, St. Peter sees the man lugging a heavy suitcase behind him, and stresses that no personal items can be brought in. The man explains that the contents of the suitcase are very valuable, and that if he only look inside, he'll understand.

Peter sighs, opens ...

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a guy with a little head...

*After having a couple drinks the man asks the other guy, "hey, I don't mean to be rude, but how is it you have such a small head."

The guy replies, "well it's a bitter sweet story. You see when I was in the war my plane got shot down in the Pacific. I parachuted out and ended up on an desert...

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Rich Man

A wealthy man was driving in his car when
he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and
he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man re...

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You can't take it with you

A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does...

What's the difference between a wealthy man wearing a tux and riding a bike and a hobo in torn jeans and shirt riding a unicycle?

Attire.

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes:

"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"
After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher called on Little...

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Rich guy in a high end bar.

So a very wealthy man walks into a bar he frequents due to the fact it's only for the most wealthy patrons. One night he goes in and he notices the most beautiful woman he has ever seen decked out in the finest diamonds mixed with other precious gemstones throughout. He approached her and buys her a...

A man is very ill and lying in a hospital bed

The hospital calls the family to the ward

The Father calls his eldest son Rob and says “you know the houses I have in Chiswick, 20 of them are yours.”

The son replies, “thank you so much, Father.”

The Father then calls his youngest son Harry and says. “You know the houses I have...

My friend recently just graduated from college with a degree in Electrical Engineering.

He applied for a job and was immediately contacted by a wealthy man who was looking for someone to help incorporate electricity onto his fence. As my friend finished his job he was about to leave when he tripped and landed right onto the fence. I don't even know if he's even alive or if he still has...

A plane crashed into an island and three friends were the only survivors

A blonde, redhead and brunette were left stranded on the island. Figured they would need help to get off the island, they split up to look any inhabitants that might help them.

The redhead stumbled on a magical lamp, rubbed it and out came a genie. "I will grant you one wish," said the genie....

A lawyer, priest and doctor... (pretty long joke)

A doctor, priest and lawyer have a wealthy friend on his deathbed. The wealthy man tells them "I know they say you can't take it with you but I'm willing to try. I'm going to give you duffel bags with 5 million in cash each and at my funeral I want each of you to put it in my grave". Sure enough the...

Every day we wake up to a guy in the garden singing ...

“If I were a rich man
Yubby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dibby Dum
All day long I’d Biddy Biddy Bum
If I were a wealthy man.”

I tell my wife it’s the morning Jew.

You're in luck, we just got a job opening . . .

A guy walks into the local Welfare office, marches straight up to the counter to collect his check and says “Hi. Ya know, I just hate drawing Welfare. I’d much rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealt...

Rich man tries to take his money with him.

A wealthy man decided he was going to try to take all of his money with him when he died. He got a large suitcase, filled it with cash, and put it in the attic. He was hoping to grab it on his way up to heaven. After he died, his family went up into the attic and saw that all his money was still sit...

Where the Streets are Gold

There once was a very wealthy man who was near death. He was very upset because he had worked so hard for his riches that he wanted to be able to take them with him... to Heaven. So he began to pray. God heard his plea and spoke to him. "Sorry My Son, but you can't take your wealth with you." "Pleas...

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

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An old man is on his deathbed...

He tells the Priest that his firstborn son can have the part of the city near the castle, his second son can now have the east part of the city near the Stables, and his third son to have the northern part of the city closest to the Shops. The old man shortly passed away after and the priest tells t...

Three of my favorite bar jokes. Kinda old probably.

1. Horse walks into a bar and the bar tender ask " why the long face"

2. Horse walks into a bar and orders a martini bar tender brings him one and starts to walk away. The horse says wait can I please have a olive in this. Bartender puts a olive in and the horse drinks it and eats the olive ...

OC science joke

There was a young man who was fed up with all the bias in news networks everywhere and vowed to make his own set of news channels that would be void of any and all bias. As he was not a wealthy man he had to find ways cut costs in making his network. He managed to make an odd deal with all his suppl...

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Once upon a time...

A horse lived on a farm with a pig, a sheep, and a cow. Now these were no ordinary barnyard animals - for they were bestowed the miracle of Disney animal anthropomorphism - subsequently, the farmer was very happy to have these animals in his posession and the people who came afar to see them made hi...

The Meaning Of Life

A young man goes to search for the meaning of life. He decides to ask around.

The first person he meets is a wealthy man. "That's easy," he says. "The meaning of life is to accumulate wealth. Then you can transform and inspire your community." The young man takes this advice to heart. He ...

Cowboy and the memorizing Indian

A cowboy walks into a saloon. The bartender says "Hey, wanna see something really interesting? That Indian over in the corner can remember ANYTHING. If you ask him anything about his life, he'll remember the answer." Cowboy thinks that sounds pretty cool, so he wanders over to the ancient Indian, si...

A young girl returns home from school one day.....

and informs her parents that she is pregnant.
Her father immediately demands that the father of the child comes to the house so he can give him "the beating of his life".

5mins later, a Ferrari pulls up outside, and out steps this guy dressed in an expensive suit, sunglasses etc (you get t...

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Four guys go golfing.

Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.

The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.

The first man says, “I'm really proud of my ...

Rich man shenanigans

There was once an extremely wealthy man who was known for his eccentric habits. One fine evening, he sent out an invite to all the young, able-bodied men of his city for a very "special" dinner, promising a grand prize for one lucky soul.

Knowing the rich man's generous nature, a hundred you...

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

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