UPJOKE
entrepreneurmerchantbusinessbusinesspersonindustrialistmagnateowneroilmanbusinesswomanbourgeoisman of affairssuitcompanytradecorporation

Businessman Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Businessman

Businessman walks into a motel/brothel. Ask the lady working the front desk...I'd like a room and for an extra $500, I want your oldest, fattest, meanest, boring in bed woman and a bologna sandwich.
The receptionist looks at him confused and says for that price we could get you our youngest, kind...

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn

A Jewish businessman in Brooklyn decided to send his son to Israel to absorb some of the culture of the homeland.
When the son returned, the father asked him to tell him about his trip.
The son said, "Pop, I had a great time in Israel. Oh, and by the way, I converted to Christianity."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexua...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman, a doctor, and a lawyer walk into a bar.

They grab a table, order drinks, and begin commiserating about work.

The businessman starts. He says: "I've been dealing with this investor who's financing my company. Every time I ask this guy for even a bit of slack when revenue is tight he comes down on me like he thinks I'm good for nothi...

An American businessman goes to India on a business trip...

but he doesn't like Indian food.

so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number...

A rich businessman is dying and his friend comes for a last visit.

"Fred...", whispers the businessman, "I have to tell you something..."

"What is it, John? You can tell me everything.", says Fred.

"You know, that trade we were making with the Italians, the package we were delivering; Fred, I didn't deliver it, I kept it for myself... I kept 500 dolla...

Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman

But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President.

Businessman: How much will it cost to buy a large singing group? I need one for a party.

Lady: Do you mean a choir?

Businessman: Okay, fine. How much does it cost to acquire a large singing group?

An English businessman is composing a letter to his competitor:

*Regrettably, I cannot dictate to my secretary what I think of You, since she, after all, is a lady. Moreover, I don't even have a right to think of You like that, since I, after all, am a Gentleman. However, I am certain that You will understand me correctly, since You, after all, are neither.*

A rich businessman wanted a new secretary.

A gorgeous blonde girl is one of the applicants, she has all the right qualifications.

When he asked her what salary she wants, she replied: "Fifty thousand a year."

He said: "Fifty thousand, with pleasure!"

She replied: "No, with pleasure it will be five hunderd thousand."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A successful businessman is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass.

He stops and asks, "Hey! Why are you eating grass?"

The man replies, "I'm out of money, I lost my job and I haven't eaten in three days! Grass is my only option."

The businessman thinks for a few second and says, "You know what, why don't you come with me to my house."

The man, ...

A woman is sitting beside a businessman on an airplane...

The businessman is quite bored, so he tries to get the woman to play a game with him. "Let's play a game. We take turns asking questions. If I can't answer one of yours, I'll pay you 5 bucks, but if you can't answer one of mine, then you'll give me 5 bucks."

The woman ignores him and tries to...

A charity worker goes to visit a very successful businessman in his town to find out why he has never donated to any charity in the community.

"Sir, you have been so very successful in this town, and this community has given you much. Why have you never given back to the community?"

The businessman says, "Listen, son, did you know that my wife's mother has been suffering for years in the hospital, and requires constant care and medi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(OC) A Hippie walks by a businessman...

A Hippie is walking by and sees a businessman looking over some construction that had been started on a plot of land. The Hippie is alarmed and exclaims "What are you doing?!"

The businessman responds by saying that this piece of land was bought by his company. The land was good and the found...

A king, a businessman and a network admin in hell.

A king, a businessman and a network admin meet the devil at the gates to hell.
- You can make one phone call, but you'd have to pay for it, - says the devil.
The king makes his call, asks who's the new ruler of the kingdom, was quickly assured that everything is fine, hangs the phone with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So an American businessman goes to Japan.

The hosts lay it on thick for him as there is a lot of money involved. An attractive woman he has met accompanies him to his hotel room. One thing leads to another and soon the woman is writhing on the bed saying "chiagu ana chigau ana" He finishes off and she lets out a deep deep sigh. Job well d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a businessman were playing golf.

The businessman stepped up to tee and swung hard but missed

"Fucking goddamn to hell!" he swore.

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain, my son." said the priest, wagging a finger.

The sky darkened a little, but the two men didn't notice.

Three times again the businessman...

A young businessman had just started his own firm.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and furnished it with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picked up the phone and started to pretend big deal was in the works. He threw a huge figures around and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A businessman goes to Las Vegas (long)...

And he gambles away the shirt off his back. All he has left is the second part of plane ticket. So he goes to a taxi and asks him if he can take him to the airport. He offers his credit card number, phone number, everything, but the Taxi driver said that if he doesn't have $15, he should the hell ou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman had been away from home for a looooong time.

So, he goes to a brothel and tells the head madam: Listen, I'll give you $200 if you find me a decent girl who can give me an average fuck. The madam told him that for that amount of money she would get him a hot girl who would give him a helluva fuck to which the businessman says: but you don't und...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Oops...

An American businessman is in Thailand. He goes to a bar and meets a beautiful woman. She looks like a lady, walks like a lady, and kisses like a lady.

After a few drinks the lady suggests they go back to her place, and the businessman readily agrees. They drive to her place, she perfectly re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American businessman goes to Japan for the meeting of his career.

He arrives a day early to prepare for the meeting, he tries some sushi and sake at a local restaurant. Feeling tempted to try more "local cuisine" he hires an escort for the evening. Night falls and he takes his escort up to his hotel room for some fun, he gives her all he's got and he knows she's l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Italian businessman

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her mom she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to k...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christian businessman asks the teenage receptionist, "is the porn in the hotel room disabled?"

She gives him a look of utter disgust and says, "no, it's just regular porn you weirdo."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A wealthy businessman goes to Vegas and orders a prostitute.

Moments later, he hears a knock on his hotel door, he answers, and in walks the most beautiful prostitute he has ever seen.

"Hi Honey, my name is Amber and I am here to service you" she says. "My only stipulation is that I do not do anal. Now, what would you like me to do first?"

"Ho...

A businessman is at the office.

He was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off? " he asked her.
The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings. "

Two retired business men sitting on a beach.

Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.

John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.

Mike is...

The Cheap Businessman

After traveling on business, Tim thinks it would be nice to bring his girlfriend a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asks the cosmetics clerk. She shows him a fifty-dollar bottle.
"That’s a bit much," says Tim, so she returns with a smaller bottle for thirty dollars.
"That’s st...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman is called up for an IRS audit….

A businessman is called up for an IRS audit. He’s really flustered and goes to his accountant for advice.

“Make sure you dress up like a guy who is on the edge of losing money. It will convince the IRS that you are not hiding anything.”

Not satisfied, he goes to his lawyer. He is told...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Laotian businessman opened a small store in London.

He was very quiet and diligent with his bookkeeping. He always made sure to help out his employees when he could, typically hiring other Laotians in the area who were struggling to find work.

Among these employees was a group of three friends from Surrey. Although they were a bit rowdy and so...

A businessman interviews a mathematician, an accountant, and an economist for a job

A businessman interviews a mathematician, an accountant, and an economist for a job. He asks them, “What is 2 + 2?”

The mathematician answers, “Exactly 4.”

The accountant replies, “Depending on what your interest, depreciation, and taxes are, approximately 2.”

The economist wa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fifteen Bucks

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free.

So he went out to the front of the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a businessman

had to catch up to the airport, very urgently. It was rainy. Take a taxi right away
Driver asked him just before he was getting into the taxi;
"-What way?"
Businessman said;
"-I will go to the airport .. I am in a hurry"
Driver;
"-No .. I don't go short distance"

They had a ...

A businessman walked into a bank in San Francisco and asked for the loan officer...

He told the officer that he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer explained that the bank needed some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a brothel

He says to the madam, “Hi I’m a traveling businessman, I’ve been on the road for weeks. I’ll pay $100 for the worst blowjob in the house.”

She says, “The worst?… for $100 you can get the best blowjob in the house!”

He says, “No it’s all right, I’m not horny, I’m homesick.”

What do you call a Belgian businessman?

An Antwerp-eneur!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman breaks down on the side of a country road...

Along his trip to the big city a businessman's car breaks down on a long stretch of country road. As he exits his car he finds no mechanic shops or gas stations along the road and his phone is out of the service area. Luckily a farmer on a tractor stopped by and offered his support.

Farmer: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone...

because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman is going out of town for 3 weeks...

His wife is a total nympho and he knows that she will never be able to remain faithful for that long. In an attempt to quell her sexual appetite, he goes to a sex shop on the outskirts of town. He spends several minutes pouring over dozens of dildos, dongs, vibrators, and other toys. However, he kno...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A fat businessman joins a gym... [NSFW]

As he emerges from the shower in the locker room one of the trainers notices him toweling off.

"You must be a new member here", the trainer says. "What caused you to join our gym?"

"Well," says the businessman, "I've been getting out of shape for so long, I realized one day that it's b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Businessman in Japan

There was a businessman from a big company that went to Japan to close an important deal.
He didn't speak any Japanese, but he knew the Japanese President company would speak English so he didn't learn any.

After arriving to Tokyo he decided to do some city-sighting and enjoying some good ...

Who's the better businessman: Superman or Batman?

It's Superman of course, or have you ever heard about a batmarket?

There was a Jewish businessman

There was a Jewish businessman who was almost late at an important business meeting where punctuality was highly priced. But there were no empty parking spots around and the time was running. He looked to the sky and prayed: "Dear God, give me a parking spot now and I will donate 100 thousand to the...

Businessman, proposition, and a beautiful chorus girl..

A prosperous and somewhat amorous businessman propositioned a beautiful chorus girl of the well-proportioned figure to spend the night with him for S500.

When he was ready to leave the next morning, certain things had transpired, he told her he didn't have that much money with him but would h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman met with the hitman on the rooftop as planned

"Look at those bastards cheating on me, in my own bedroom!" The businessman picked up a monocular and looked into the house across the street. "Like I said on the phone,I want them to die slowly.Shoot the fucker on the dick or something."

"No problem." The hitman set up the sniper rifle and l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman is leaving town for work

His relationship with his wife had been unstable recently, and afraid of her cheating on him while he was gone, he went to a sex shop. He explains his situation to the owner.


"I have just what you need," The shopkeeper exclaims, pulling out a long, narrow box. He opens it and explains "Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very rich, yet stingy businessman had symptoms of corona...

He decided to get himself tested and went to the clinic.

After he returned from the clinic he saw few calls from his business partner. So he called him back.

His business partner picked up. he sounded worried, "Hey I've been trying to reach you! You didn't pick up so I called your home...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman was about to go on a long business trip

and was worried that his wife would cheat on him while he was gone. So to prevent this, he visited the local sex shop in order to buy his wife a vibrator to keep her occupied in his absence.

After examining the products, he hadn't found an appropriately amazing vibrator and asked the store cl...

The mother of a wealthy, shrewd businessman passed away.

In liquidating her assets he took a large quantity of gold jewelry to a blacksmith. On the way into the shop, he noticed a large sign near the entrance that read, “NO PRODUCTS OR ITEMS MAY BE STORED AT THE SHOP. ITEMS LEFT FOR LONGER THAN 24 HOURS BECOME PROPERTY OF JACK BLACKSMITHING!”

He to...

A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rapist, a businessman and a Russian spy walk into a bar

The bartender says: "what may I get for you Mr. President?

A Nigerian businessman emailed me to invest in his mining business

Edit: thanks for the gold stranger

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

“I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a fifty-fifty partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operation.”

The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
<...

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he’s calling an importa...

The Perfect Businessman

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns.

One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says, "So how is your strange business going?"

"What do you mean strange?"

"Because you sell only trumpets and guns!"

"So?"

"Well, let me put it th...

Jesus would make an excellent businessman.

He was turning up prophets before he was even born.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman travelled to japan

...to attend an important meeting with a local company's CEO. The evening before the meeting, he was anxious and decided to find some distraction by ordering a prostitute to his hotel room. The sex was good and the woman kept yelling "Hai to, hai to, hai tooooo!" until they were finished. He did not...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Businessman in Japan

So an American businessman had a trip to Japan where he was to have a meeting with Japanese company CEO.

So when he arrived to Tokyo, he decided to hire a local prostitute to blow some steam off the night before the meeting. As they were doing it, he noticed she constantly screamed ''Machigat...

How I became a successful businessman

When I was just about 21 with my shoes worn through and nothing to wear but the one set of clothes I stood up in, I spent my last nickel on an apple from the barrow in the poor end of town, and I walked up to the rich end of town, polishing the apple as I went, until I found someone to buy it from m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A American businessman takes a trip to Japan

An American businessman travels to Japan for a very important business meeting that will make or break his career. He realizes that sealing the deal for their business will not happen in the board room and so he agrees to join them afterwards for a night out on the town.

After a night of dri...

Donald Trump visits an elementary school...

Donald Trump is visiting a elementary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks Mr Trump if he would like to lead the discussion of the word "tragedy." So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American businessman..

..was playing a round of golf with an Italian businessman, a French businessman, and a Japanese businessman. His plan was to congratulate them on every shot they made.

The Italian businessman went first and got within 20 yards of the hole.
The American, knowing some Italian, said, "buono t...

Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.

A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had a baby."
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"
The nurse goes away.

Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"
The...

An Israeli businessman accidentally sleeps through his alarm one morning.

Feeling the panic of waking up late, he throws on his suit as quickly as he can and rushes out the door to drive to work. As he begins the commute through the Tel Aviv rush hour traffic, he painfully watches the clock as his meeting starts without him.

Finally he pulls into his parking lot, ...

A moral businessman always pays his tithe

A young man becomes a successful businessman very early on in life. Being a faithful member of the church he always pays his tithe for years and years.

He later falls upon hard times and so he talks to his banker. His banker lets him know that things are worse than the man had realized, he co...

A hitman has a high profile Indian Businessman as a target

He receives intel that the Indian Businessman will have a quick exchange with another associate in a crowded marketplace at 1200 the next day. He is also given a description of the target and warned that the target will only stay for a few minutes at most. That night, the hitman sets up on the rooft...

Two businessmen meet up and start discussing their assistants.

Two businessmen meet up and start discussing their assistants.

Businessman 1: You know, my assistant is an idiot.

Businessman 2: Oh, you think that's bad? My assistant is the worst! I haven't seen anyone more stupid than him.

Businessman 1: Let's bet on it. Bring your assistant ...

A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work...

when he is stopped by a policeman.
"Do you know you were driving 30 mph over the limit?" asks the policeman.
"Eh, actually no, officer, it's a big car and it just sort of coasts along... you know."
"And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?" demands the policeman.
"Well," sa...

A businessman went into the office and found an inexperienced handyman painting the walls.

The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day.

Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day.

The handyman showed him the instructions on the can of paint. They read: “For best results, put on two ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman visits Japan for the first time

A business man visits Japan for the first time.

He checks in to a hotel and is shown around the room. He notices that there is no toilet paper, and asks the hotel porter about it.

Well, says the porter, this is Japan, and our toilets are advanced, all will be handled by the buttons on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese businessman hails a taxi...

As they go along the highway, a car zooms past by.

"Oooh," exclaims the businessman, "that's a Toyota. Made in Japan, very fast!"

Moments later, another car speeds ahead.

"Ahhhhh," exclaims the businessman again, "a Nissan! Made in Japan too, also very fast!"

...

A businessman arrives in Boston and hails a cab at the airport.

Being a great lover of fish and hoping to try out a local speciality for dinner, he says to the driver, "Say, could you tell me please, where's the best place in town to get scrod?"

The cabbie says, "Well, sir, I must get asked that question ten thousand times a year, but never before in the ...

What did the lonely businessman want the most?

All he wanted was company

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American businessman was in Japan...

He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clien...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a businessman are playing a round of golf...

They go and tee up for the first hole, and on the very first shot the businessman sends it flying off into the woods.

And he says "Crap, I missed"

And the priest says, "Do not curse my son, or the lord's wrath shall be upon you."

The businessman grumbles and agrees and they go t...

A businessman boarded a plane...

to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning, diamond ring he had ever seen.

He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ex-businessman, now bankrupt, is preparing to jump off a bridge...

As he's about to step into the void, a hand grabs him from behind.


He turns back annoyed and sees that the hand belongs to an old bearded overweight guy.


"Why did you stop me you old fool?"


"Have you gone mad my son? You were about to kill yourself!" The old ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mad Japanese Businessman

So a Japanese businessman comes to America and seeks to have the time of his life. He goes to the bank, gives them some yen, and he gets $1,000. A night on the town was in order and he goes crazy and spends it all. The next day he is excited to do it again, gives the teller the same amount of yen, b...

What do you call a businessman who lives within the Byzantine Empire?

A Byz-nessman.

So this businessman gets in trouble

This businessman gets in trouble at the airport when he sees that he cannot carry a hair straightener that he bought for his wife with him because it isn't allowed on the plane. So he thinks of a solution. He sees that a priest is standing behind him.
Turning to him he says, "Father please take ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An actor, a businessman and a redneck

An actor, a businessman and a redneck are sitting in a bar on Christmas eve. The actor says, "I got my wife the perfect gift. A dress and a diamond necklace. That way if she doesn't like dress she has a diamond necklace."

The business man says, "I got my wife a new sweater and a ring. That wa...

A Jewish businessman sent his son to Israel for a year...

...so he could know a bit more about their culture. When he came back home, the son said:

'Dad, Israel was great! Oh and by the way, I became Christian.'

'Oh no!' said the father. 'What have I done?'

The father then went to hang out with his best friend and told him about his mi...

A good businessman

There was this successful businessman who not only had loads of cash, but he was a genuinely good person. He had a charity which was truly non-profit, he helped impoverished communities, he lived frugally and didn’t overtly display his wealth.

His one ‘vice’ was his Harley. He loved ridin...

A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids. A lady went and sat down next to him.

"Are these all your kids?", she asked.

The man replied, "No. I work at a condom factory, and these are all the complaints."

A blonde and a businessman are flying...

A blonde and a businessman are flying... the pilot says over the speaker that they've lost an engine, but they should be just fine, flying on three engines. However, it will take an extra hour to get where they're going.

After a little while, there's some rumbling, and the pilot says over ...

A businessman enters a tavern...

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman sits next to a blonde on a plane...

It's going to be a long flight so he turns to her and tries to make small talk, but she ignores him best she can. After trying several times, he finally says "It's going to be a long flight, we may as well get to know one another. Why don't we play a game?" She seems uninterested, so he makes it mor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman is waiting at a cafe for a potential client...

when he looks over and sees Bill Gates reading the paper. He nervously approaches the billionaire and introduces himself.
"Hello Mr. Gates, my name is Peter, I'm a big fan of yours and if it's not too much trouble I'd like to ask a favor of you."
Bill Gates seems hesitant but asks the man...

A Mexican businessman visits the US

A Mexican businessman visits the US and forgot to pack an article of clothing, so he goes to a store. He doesn't speak any English and no one in the store speaks Spanish, but the employee still wants to help him.

Employee holds up a shirt and points at it, but the man says, "No."

Em...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman stops at a farm for the night

During a long road trip, a businessman spots a farm with a sign out front advertising rooms to rent for the night. The businessman decides to stop for the night.

The farmer shows the man to his room and says "I hope you don't mind getting up early, as I have three roosters who all crow about ...

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of manager of a large division...

He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate. He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was, "Twenty-two".

The second was a social worker. She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm v...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American businessman goes to Japan (NSFW)

An American businessman goes to Japan to meet with a client so the night before, he hires a prostitute. While they're having sex, she keeps moaning "machigatta ana." The man is confident about himself and goes to meet with his client the next day at a golf course. While there, the client makes a hol...

An anti-vax woman marries a rich chinese businessman

Later on, the woman gives birth to a healthy baby boy. However, shortly after the baby's 1st birthday, he died.
During the funeral, people noticed that the mother kept muttering to herself as she cried.

While lowering the casket, the mother kept shouting: "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! OH, I SHOU...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Phrase of the day

An American businessman is in Japan for an important contract. Feeling stressed out, he goes to a brothel and finds a cute, young girl. Although shy at first, soon she starts moaning and panting, and keeps on screaming "Soko janai! Soko janai!". While he couldn't speak or understand Japanese, the ma...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman needs a new lease on life, so he goes to see a fortune teller.

He asks the fortune teller what his future would look like if he became an artist.

To the man's surprise, the fortune teller pulls out a large bong, takes a hit, then looks into his crystal ball and says "dim and poor, don't bother."

So the businessman asks him about his second choice,...

Tired of the modern world, a businessman visited a monastery to seek a simpler life

Entering the monastery, he saw monks in simple robes practicing their meditations and tending to the grounds.

"Ahh," he thought, "here is a life free from distraction!"

But walking into the study halls, he discovered monks staring into laptops. In the wings, he saw monks typing on iPa...

What's the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?

Both were laundered.

A businessman walks into a bar

After a long day working late at the office. He settles into a stool near the bar and orders some suds from the bartender.

Out of nowhere, the man hears a tiny voice call out "Nice tie!". Startled, the man looks around, and only sees a few locals tending to their drinks a few seats down. He ...

My uncle is such a great businessman that he made $6 million in profits this year

He works in a non-profit organization

A businessman rushed into the train station just in time to catch the Brisbane to Rockhampton Express.

A businessman rushed into the train station just in time to catch the Brisbane to Rockhampton Express. On taking his seat he asked the conductor what time the train reached Gladstone.

&nbsp;

"There's no stop in Gladstone on Wednesdays," replied the conductor.

"What!" Exclaim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese businessman goes golfing while on a trip in America

When he returns to his co-workers in Japan, they ask him about his trip.

"In America, they have strange game. You hit little white ball over great green field. Try to get in tiny little hole."

"What is this game called?" his co-workers ask.

"I think it's called...."Oh Shit."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman dies and gets to meet StPeter

Peter knows of the mans history and so offers him either, he enters hell for all eternity OR he can climb the “Ladder to success” a literal golden ladder.

Of course he chooses to climb.
StPeter imposes his terms, once you leave one level of the ladder you may only go up.

So agree...

The Dead Businessman!!

Police was investigating the mysterious death of a prominent businessman who had jumped from a window of his 9th-story office.

Nancy, his voluptuous private secretary could offer no explanation for the action but said that her boss had been acting peculiarly ever since she started working for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Businessman

A travelling businessman gets in the elevator at his hotel after a long day in conferences.

To his weary dismay, each floor up the elevator gets more and more crowded.

On the 4th floor a large group enters, including a very busty woman.

Exhausted, but trying to accommodate, the...

A businessman, an immigrant, and a White American worker are sitting at a table with 100 cookies

The business man eats 99 of the cookies and then slides the last one across the table towards the immigrant. Then he looks at the white American and says, "that immigrant is going to eat your cookie!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A successful businessman is sitting in his office...

when suddenly he hears the voice of God.

"Charlie, you need to sell your business. Sell it for $1 million dollars."

Charlie is astounded, "But why, I'm doing so well!"

"Charlie, do as I say!"

Charlie doesn't want to argue with God, so he does what he is told, and within a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan.

One day he decides to hire a hooker.

The whole night this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!"

He can't quite remember what the word means, but he is positive that he pleased the hooker to the best of his ability.

The next morning he goes to play a game of go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely businessman goes into a bar and sees a beautiful young college girl...

He walks up to her as she's getting a drink and says, "I'll give you $10,000 to come back to my hotel room and have sex with me."

She's offended and creeped out and throws her drink in his face. He wanders away and cleans up.

But a while later she goes up to the guy and apologizes. "I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between an asshole and a businessman?

An asshole can only contract, but a businessman can also sub-contract.

The local police chief always said "It could be worse."

Every time there was a crime, no matter how terrible, he would hear the details from his officers and say "It could be worse."

One day, police were called to a beautiful house on a quiet street that belonged to a wealthy local businessman and his wife, the Dunwoodys. When they arrived, they f...

A wealthy businessman dies and is standing in front of the gates of heaven.

St. Peter meets him there and congratulates him on his success on earth. He says, "You know, its a shame that you have done so much and can't take it with you. I'm going to do something special just for you."

He hands the man a briefcase, saying, "I'm going to give you one day to go back down...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A UK businessman returns from Japan...

after spending a few weeks out there trying to gain some new clients and drum up new business.

During his trip he had some serious down time and got busy with a few of the local girls. One in particular seemed extremely satisfied during their encounter. She didn't speak a word of English but ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The businessman, Japanese prostitute and golf.

An American businessman takes a trip to Japan for a meeting/golf outing. The outing is a couple days away, so he decides to call a prostitute because he's bored. She arrives and they begin to have some great sex. Throughout their experience she's yelling "Hoshimoto! Hoshimoto!" He doesn't speak any ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course.

The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway. As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says: “Buon tiro”, which means “Good shot”. The Italian businessman replies: “Grazie”.
The second guest, who is from France, tees off and hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Friends graduate together from a college. One of them becomes a businessman and the other becomes a forest officer

After a few years, the forest officer (FO) invites the businessman(BM) to visit him in the jungles of which he was incharge. The BM agrees at once and arrives at the forest within a week. They talk about old days and everything and then the FO takes him out to the jungle for a tour. A kilometer insi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman goes to a psychologist

"Doc, you've got to help me," he says. "I'm so stressed out I'm losing my hair, I can't focus at work, and I feel like I'm going insane."

"Yes, yes," says the doctor. "You are ze perfect candidate for psychoanalysis. Please, make yourself comfortable on the couch, and let us begin with your s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman is away from home for a few days on a sales conference…

He plans to take full advantage of his few days of freedom and has Googled the numbers of female escorts in the locality.

He picks up the bedside telephone and pudgy fingers punch in the first of the numbers, he waits, he hears a young female voice answer, "Listen, I want you to come to my ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American businessman was meeting with the managers of the Tokyo office.

His first night in town, he had a hooker come up to his hotel room. While they were engaging in sex, the hooker kept squirming moaning, "Sung wa! Sung wa!" The businessman didn't know Japanese, but figured the hooker was really into him, and "Sung wa" must mean some expression of pleasure.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

American Businessman's First Visit to Japan

A successful American businessman heads to Japan to meet with a big supplier. Naturally, the Japanese are going to set him up with a good time and loads of entertainment. The first night, they go to Karaoke and a gorgeous young Karaoke hostess is sent back to the man's hotel room to entertain him ...

For Star Trek fans. A Romulan man, a Ferengi businessman, a ravishing Human woman and a homely Bajoran are sharing a compartment on an old train as it makes its way through the mountains.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Ferengi is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The Bajoran thinks "I bet that dirty...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman checked into a hotel on a business trip

recently and was a bit lonely so he thought he’d get one of those girls you see advertised in the phone books under "Escorts and Massages".


He opened the phone book to an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Riding on the bus one day, a businessman notices a very attractive nun...

...sitting amongst the other passengers. The bus comes to a stop and the nun gets off the bus. At the next stop, the businessman gets up to depart the bus but is stopped by the bus driver, who says:

"You know, that attractive nun works at the cemetery and typically stays overnight. I bet if y...

A businessman is spending Christmas in a hotel for a meeting.

As it happens, the city he’s visiting is host to the world’s largest chess tournament, and most of the competitors are staying in the same hotel.

The businessman doesn’t really interact with the chess players during his stay, since his meeting is on another floor. But one morning he comes do...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.