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United States Of America Jokes

What is the holiest city in the United States of America?

Toledo

People in North Korea are so brainwashed by the government and the state controlled national news thinking their country is great. Outsiders know better.

That is why I am glad to live in the greatest country in the world, The United States of America.

If Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Bill Barr, Stephen Miller, and Jared Kushner we're on Air Force One together and the plane were to suddenly crash, who would survive?

The United States of America.

What is the National Sport of the United States of America?

Depends on which one is on TV right now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

'Earth' without 'Art' is just 'Eh'.

Just like 'The United States of America' without 'heunedtatesam' is just 'Tits of Erica'.

If Donald Trump and Mike Pence were on a stranded island, who would survive?

The United States of America

How many states make up the United States of America?

49 nowadays, Nevada stopped counting.

Why is the United States of America losing the fight against Covid-19?

Because they can't shoot it like the rest of their problems.

I stopped at the bar after work the other day...

...and there were three doctors at a table slamming drinks.

They were bragging about their best surgeries ever.

The first doctor said listen up. "One time a guy came in who was in a terrible wood cutting accident.

The guy lost his right arm, but I sewed him up in 3 hours. Now h...

Australia's smartest man

An airplane was about to crash..

There were five passengers on board, but only four parachutes.

The first passenger said, “I am President Obama, the chosen one. The world needs me, I can’t afford to die.”

So he took the first parachute and left the plane.

The second pas...

What happens when you take a joke too far?

The 45th President of the United States of America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm running for President of the United States of America in 2020 as part of the Penis Party.

So far I only have 1 member.

Donald Trump, Joe Biden and Hillary Clinton are in a boat, and the boat sinks. Who is saved?

The United States of America.

I'm really glad that Obama won in 2008 and was able to be the first black president of the United States of America

his back up job was to be the first white president of Kenya.

A U. S. Navy destroyer stops four Mexicans in a row boat rowing towards California...

The captain gets on the loud-hailer and shouts, "Ahoy, small craft. Where are you headed?"

One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and replies, "We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the USA during the 1800s."

The entire crew of the ...

A patient suffering from dementia is rolled into ER.

Doctor asks : "Who is the President of the United States of America?"

Patient answers : "Who is the President of the United States of America?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out.


"Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what ki...

Languages, what are they called?

Sorry if you’ve seen this one before, but here it goes:
What do you call someone who speaks three languages-Trilingual
What do you call someone who speaks two languages-Bilingual
What do you call someone who speaks one language?

A proud citizen of the United States of America…

A man goes for an interview

The first question he faces - "What are your strengths and weaknesses?"

Man - I have a good sense of humor, but my general knowledge is weak.

Interviewer - Okay tell me joke

Man - Knock Knock

Interviewer - Who's there?

Man - The first president of The United States...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbledupon a Genie's lamp.

He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it...

I really like oxymorons. Phrases like jumbo shrimp, organized chaos, open secret

Or United States of America.

Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...

...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.

Donald Trump is extremely flawed in every way imaginable, yet he still truly believes he’s the best...

I can’t think of a more perfect representative of the United States of America.

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