A man was arrested for killing gang members, then cutting off their feet and taking them

When apprehended, the man said he had heard it was profitable to sell Crip toes.

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A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K.

Those kniving bastards.

There's a gang going through town, systematically shoplifting clothes in order of size.

Police say they are still at large.

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An 80 year old grandma wants to join an outlaw biker gang

The gang leader says "Well, do you have a bike?"

"Sure! I just bought a new Harley!"

"Are you ok with drugs?"

"I should hope so, I take 20 pills a day!"

"Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

"No, but I got swung around by the tits once!"

What do you call a gang of ghosts?

A hauntourage ~

happy spooky season haha

I just joined a gang called square root 2

Because I'm irrational

I'm working on a book about vampire gangs.

I'm titling it the Bloods and the Crypts.

Street gangs of southern LA have started decapitating each other and using the body parts to trade for goods...

The most valuable of which is the Crip toe currency.

The other day I was attacked by a gang of clowns

So I went straight for the juggler.

2 Mexican gang members...

Carlos and Pepe; are lost in the desert after a drug deal gone wrong...

After days wandering aimlessly, Pepe finds a tree covered in pork. Bacon of all kinds and thicknesses, gammon, sausages and pulled pork hanging in place of leaves.

Not wanting to waste energy on what could potentia...

I was kidnapped by a gang of mimes.

They did unspeakable things to me.

There's a gang in my area...

There's a gang in my area who recruit new members by threatening them with all kinds of horrible punishments if they don't join. But enough about the church...

What do you call a disabled gang member?

A crip

I got mugged yesterday by a gang of six dwarves.

Not Happy.

A snail shop owner was attacked by a turtle gang. The police asked if he could describe the perpetrators, he said

I don't know, it happened so fast.

I tried to win an autographed picture of the Mystery Gang on eBay.

And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for those meddling bids.

have you heard about the emu who was kicked out of the emu gang?

he was ostrich-sized.

Why did Ponyboy Curtis and his gang refuse to visit the 2014 Winter Olympics?

Because they were in “Soc”-hi.

What do NASCAR and gang bangs have in common?

If you’re not first, you’re last.

Did you hear about the boat full of gang members?

It was a blood vessel.

What is it called when a gang member kills his best friend?

Homiecide

Where does an Italian gang live?

In the "Spaghetto"

I used to be a gang member with the Bloods, but then I had a baby and realized I had to make some real changes in my life...

So now I'm with the Crips, and me and my little guy can finally watch Blue's Clues together.

Gangsters are the kindest people.

They gather in a group and ask what your problem is

What do you call a bunch of crows trying to organize a gang?

Attempted murder

What are a gang member's favorite alternative medicine?

Homie-opathy

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An East End gang boss had always been very careful with whom he employed, for fear of being grassed up...

He thought he'd been really clever in hiring a crooked accountant who was deaf and dumb. There wasn't
much of a risk that he would overhear too much. However, it quickly dawned on the boss that
someone was stealing money from him. A lot of money. And it didn't take long for him to discover it<...

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

Low iron deficiency gang STAND UP!

But not too fast.

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A sweet, little old lady walks into a bar frequented by the baddest biker gang around.

She walks up to the leader, a real mountain of a man, and say she wants to join. He can barely contain his laughter, and decides to have some fun with her before he tells her off.

"Do you even own a bike?" he asks.

"I do. It's parked right outside."

"Do you swear?"

"More ...

How did little Timmy know what gang to join?

He went for a Blood test

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

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My mate and I were walking along when we noticed a gang of bat carrying youths in our way. He said "Quick! Pretend we're the police."

I sang 'Every breath you take' But we still got the shit kicked out of us.

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What do you call a motorcycle gang made up of ancient bisexual norse monarchs?

Bikings

Yesterday I saw some kid getting ganged up behind the school by 4 other kids.

As a senior, I have experienced bullying myself so I immediately jump in.

That kid got no chance against 5 of us.

A sloth is going about his day when he gets attacked by a gang of snails

A sloth is going about his day when he gets attacked by a gang of snails.

The snails take his wallet and leave. The sloth regains his composure and goes straight to the police station.

The police officer says, "can you describe the gang for us?"

The sloth says, "I don't know. ...

You know how some gangs beat up new members to initiate them?

I might be in like 12 gangs.

Man, after joining a Biker Gang: Do we or don’t we ride our bikes at the same speed?

Biker: Yes, we do. But stop calling it “synchronizing our cycles.”

Just a week after joining the Bloods, a rival gang member tied me to his bumper and dragged me around town.

It was a Crip-pulling experience.

My grandad said there’s gangs at his retirement village

The blood clots and the cripples

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Shaggy and the gang are out there trying to discredit demons all while hanging out with a talking dog.

My dudes— that IS a demon!

Babytalk

A gang member was holding his 8-month-old baby while his wife was in the kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured "mother." The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"

The Peanuts gang goes to a WWE show, each one randomly picking a WWE legend from a hat to dress up as for the show. Linus: "I got John Cena!" Peppermint Patty: "I got Becky Lynch! Who'd you get, Chuck?"

Charlie Brown: "I got The Rock."

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How much times a week?

Some friends are bragging on how much sex they have. The first dude says: i get laid twice a week.
Al the others start counting, the second dude yells, i get some 4 times a week! Most of the mates are impressed.
One dude utters: i have sex almost every day of the week.
The gang looks in awe...

What do you call a gang of racist chickens?

The cluck cluck clan.

A gang decided to rob a bank...

...they opened every vault and found only cups of yogurt. So they ate it all…

Next day, in CNN news:

"BIGGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED!”

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Noodle and Meat Bun were best friends.

But one day they got into a disagreement and had a fight. Noodle isnt very strong but he managed to beat up Meat Bun.

Meat Bun wasnt going to take this insult without revenge, so he went off to get some brothers, Pan Fried Bun, and Steamed Pork Bun. Together, the angry mob roamed the streets ...

I heard the gangs fighting again yelling, “THE RAVIOLI IS OURS.” And, “NO ITS NOT.” I questioned why they always fought

Then I remembered it’s because I’m in the spaghetto

What do you get if you cross a mob boss, a gang leader, and a drug dealer?

Killed

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What do they say, when you're accepted into the PISS gang?

Urine

Why do Mexican gang members usual flunk school?

Cause they don't turn in their essays.

A Latino gang member has received poor customer service at the railway station, so he vandalised one of the train engines in revenge.

It was a loco motive.

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A woman decided to join a biker gang to see what it was like...

After talking with the club president, a burly tough-looking guy, she was told that she was going to be asked some questions that would be used to decide if she qualified. She had never done anything illegal and had no idea what they expected, so she decided to put on her best bad girl act to impres...

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A lady is trying to join a biker gang...

Biker guy: "You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

Her: "No, but I been swung around by the tits."

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An armed gang intercepted and drove away a truckload of viagra pills.

Police are on the hunt for hardened criminals..

Might have to join a gang to survive this

I didn't realize staying at home in self isolation with my kids was going to be this tough.

Scooby Doo is the worst cartoon to watch during the COVID-19 pandemic

Because the Mystery Inc gang doesn’t seem to like people who wear masks

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Did you hear about the gang of furries who savagely beat a homeless person?

Fucking animals.

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Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

What do you call a necrophelic gang-bang?

Cracking open a cold one with the boys.

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I got jumped by a gang the other day. The saying, "There's strength in numbers" is true.

I beat the ever-living shit out of them with a 2x4 !

I wish I was in a gang...

So I would know what to do with my hands in pictures!

A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang

While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners.
He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.

The hippo struts out of the leaders r...

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Karma

Back in the mid-1960s, in an English country pub, a man is sat quietly enjoying a pint of Timothy Taylor Landlord (an excellent English ale). All of a sudden, a bunch of noisy yobs come into the pub and order lager. The mouthiest of the bunch walks across to the man and says, "Oi! You're sitting in ...

What’s the difference between the police and a gang?

Only one can kill you legally

Why did the cloud do drugs and join a gang?

Atmospheric Pressure.

I bought my nephew a pair of airpods for his birthday.

The kid was so ungrateful, he didn't even say thank you. He just started throwing up gang signs at me.



I think he's fallen into a bad crowd ever since he went deaf.

What did Pablo Escobar say to Scooby-Doo and the gang when they finally caught him?

I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you Medellín kids.

A Mexican gang member stole a train for some crazy reason...

Police still don't know anything besides the fact that he has a loco motive.

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What do you call a male chicken in a gang?

A hard cock.

Did you hear about the deaf man who escaped a murderous gang of mute mime artists?

Yeah, he saw them coming.

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A cowboy appears before St. Peter...

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked. 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman...

A gang of bikers are riding down the road.

A gang of bikers are riding down the road when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge. They decide to pull over to see what is going on.

The biker boss gets off his bike and asks the girl what she is doing.

"I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this bridge." She Replies.
<...

What's the tastiest drug gang?

MSG-13

My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't stop speaking in Scooby Doo references...

Alright gang, let's split up.

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Four idiots were in the finals stages of becoming full members of the local skin-head biker gang. Their last assignment was to terrorize some Jews at a bar mitzvah later that afternoon.

They failed their final assignment because the rabbi saw them when they first arrived. He had the four skins immediately removed before they caused any trouble.

How much did it cost the Australian cowboy to purchase his gang of marsupials?

A buck a 'roo.

"Y'know with all the civil unrest, political corruption, class divides, drug smuggling, gang wars, police brutality, gun violence, and poor education maybe building a wall to protect us from our southern neighbors isn't such a bad idea"

\- Canada

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A gang of stray dogs is hanging out together in the local dog park...

A rottweiler, a great dane, a labrador and of course a tiny chihuahua just glad to be accepted by such high company. They're discussing the sorts of things male dogs discuss when a babelicious poodle struts herself on up. A real high breed, classy bitch.
"Hello boys," She greets, "I tell you w...

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Did you hear about the gang that smuggles viagra in their stomachs?

The cops are on the look out for a group of hardened criminals.

Parked my car in Mexico City last night. Came out in the morning to find a gang of kids had come and stolen all the parts off it.

Jesus took the wheel.

There was once a truck driver eating at a diner.

He was enjoying his meal, when a gang of bikers walked in. They started bullying him, by dumping salt and pepper all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. To their surprise, the truck driver did nothing, but pay the bill, and walk out of the diner.

As they are marveling abo...

A gang made up of domesticated wheat, barley and hops plants are reported to have been looting and rioting all over the country

Police say they are farmed and dangerous.

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Retired nurse wants to join biker gang

This retired nurse wanted to join a biker gang. It was in the 70’s and times were different. They had to interview her first, to see if she was tough enough. They said that they had to ask her 3 questions. The biker asked her if she drank. She replied “Hell yes I drink! I was at the bar last night...

What did the gang of dolphins say to the orca?

"Whale, whale, whale... Look what the tide brought in..."

A bully and his gang walk into a Subway store

He then sees the sandwich artist (that's what they are called) is a skinny, young, inexperienced kid- a perfect target to bully while ordering some subs. He walks up to the kid and starts his order of his 6-inch sub

The kid then proceeds to cut a footlong sub bread in half for a 6-inch sub wh...

What was the Scooby-Gang considered after the Olympics?

Gold-Medllists

You know the good thing about gangs?

They carpool

One day St. Peter saw a street gang walking up to the Pearly Gates

St. Peter ran to God and said, "God, there are some low-life, thieving street gang members at the Gates. What do I do?"  

God relied, "Just do what you normally do with that type; redirect them."

St. Peter went back to carry out the order, and all of a sudden he went running back yelli...

A biker gang comes into a transport cafe

and start picking on a little middle-aged man just sitting down to an all-day breakfast. They steal most of it, spit in his tea, and pull away his chair from under him, until eventually he gives up and walks out silently.

They laugh loudly and say to the waitress "He wasn't much of a man, was...

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Why do gang bangers have so many babymamas?

Cause all they do is pull up, they don't pull out

There was once a thug who was in the scariest gang...

His original name was Con Dria, but soon he went by a different name in his gang. They called him Mighto, and he was the thug that did most of the crimes. From dealing drugs to robbing to Kidnapping. He did whatever was necessary to help out his gang.

However, after he accidentally ran over ...

I was attacked by a gang of flying nuns...

It was a real Cloister Flock!

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