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United Nations Jokes

I feel like the United Nations right now....

I say I’m doing work but I’m not.

A teenager went to United Nations for help...

The UN judge asks, "Want are you afraid of?"

He replies,"My face is so oily, I'm afraid the US would invade me."

Why was the United Nations concerned when the waitress dropped the platter on Thanksgiving?

It meant the fall of Turkey, the ruin of Greece, and the breakup of China.

I always tell people I work for the United Nations.

It's a better way of saying I'm U.N.employed.

The United Nations world-wide survey

The United Nations sent out a survey to all the nations in the different continents of the world.

The survey went like this:

"We want your honest opinion on how to find a solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world"

The survey of course, turned out to be a total and a...

A Brazilian friend told me this joke yesterday

The United Nations decided to conduct a world-wide survey. So they sent a letter to the representatives of each country with the following question: "Please, with all honesty, give your opinion on the scarcity of food in the rest of the world".


The survey was a huge failure. Why? None of ...

Does the International House of Pancakes answer to the United Nations or is it the other way around?

Serious answers only. I'm studying for my AP World History final.

It is a little known fact that the Dutch pioneered genetic engineering.

Back in the 80s they had genetically engineered a strain of grain that ended up making musical tones when the wind blew across it.

They trade marked it as Holland Oats.

The United Nations refused to recognize the trade mark, saying "I can't go for that, no can do."

Saudi Arabia...

...is on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

The United States, China and Russia are attending a military exercise competition

To see which army is the strongest, the United Nations placed three rabbits in three forests.the one spent least time and sent least soldiers wins.
On day one, the U.S. Army go first. They spent half a day meeting to formulate a battle plan, strictly divide the labor, and then sent a hundred spe...

The United Nations are putting on an event with carousels, candy floss and a ferris wheel a couple of towns away.

I wish they'd come to my town. It's UNfair.

The United Nations initiated a poll with the request, "Please tell us your honest opinion about the lack of food in the rest of the world."

The poll was a total failure. The Russians did not understand "Please". The Italians did not know the word "honest". The Chinese did not know what an "opinion" was. The Swiss did not know "lack", while the Africans did not know "food". Finally, the Americans didn't know anything about the "rest of t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

World Peace

My wife asked me what I wanted for Christmas. 


"World peace" I said. 

"Something more realistic!" she laughed 

"Ok how about a blowjob once a week?" 

She reached for the phone. 

"Who are you calling?" I asked. 

"The United Nations" she replied.

'Knock knock'

'Who's there'

'Okay Google'

'Okay Google, who?'

'Sorry I didn't catch that'

'OKAY GOOGLE WHO?'

'The World Health Organization is a specialized agency of the United Nations that is concerned with international public health. It was established on 7 April 1948, headq...

An oldie but a goodie. [It's a version of an older joke]

On November 14, 1984, the United Nations sent out a survey to every country, asking "Would you please share your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey flopped pretty much everywhere.

In Africa, families were confused about what "food"...

The United Nations is like a black father

You know it exists but it's just never there when you need it .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zambian Roulette

As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite.

To pass the time, Vladimir introduced his fellow dignitary to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

International relations

The United Nations noticed that there was a lot of dissent among its ranks and relationships were strained. The UN leaders called a meeting and came up with a plan to increase morale that was discussed and agreed upon by all members.

The plan was to take a representative from three different...

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