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Artifact Jokes

What is the best card in Valve's Artifact?

The Credit Card.

I wasn’t surprised when my artifact from an ancient Asian ship broke.

Piece of junk was made in China.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A doctor joke

(You May only get if you understand the nature of the different medical specialties)

A surgeon, internist, radiologist, and pathologist go duck hunting for the first time.

They are huddled in the duck blind and the first bird goes flying in front of them, but they can’t clearly make o...

War Games

Soldiers from 3 different nations, the US, UK, and China, were tasked with guarding a secret artifact in the middle of nowhere. But since it was a secret, and it was in the middle of nowhere, there really was no need to guard it as no one would be coming to steal it.

Bored out of their minds,...

A man walks into an old club.

"Please, do not touch the artifacts" says the archeologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobweb...

The best way to earn money!

A man named John goes abroad to meet his old friend Mark he had not seen in a while.

As he arrives at the airport, goes outside, there, Mark is waiting in his private limousine.

John is a little amazed, but not anything special. As they arrive, John is impressed to see a giant mansion!...

Tourist mementos.

Artifacts and gifts for tourists are a major portion of an Indian reservation's economy.

Thousands of visitors tour reservations each year and will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of traditional Indian culture.

One enterprising Native American was able to outsell all ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s this guy, and it’s his first time in New York..

..and like any tourist in New York for the first time, he wants to do something special. Memorable.

So he decides to go to the top of the World Trade Center (this is an older joke) to this famous bar to have a couple of beers and check out what must surely be, a gorgeous view.

As soon ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An original math feghoot.

There are enough people in the world now who require catheters for medical reasons for the devices to have become the targets of fetishes. At least some of these catheter fetishists are also practitioners of free love, and it's not unusual for them to get together with (relatively) large numbers of...

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

Three young friends, seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.

Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.

It is through this entrance that they find a secret passageway, one that is made at...
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