My friend really changed after she became a vegetarian

It's almost like I have never seen herbivore

Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, everything in my life has changed.

My phone number, my address, my name. Everything.

I finally get it. My life has been forever changed. I already know the answers because...

I've Reddit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many redittors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

What did the skunk say when the wind changed direction?

*"It’s all coming back to me now."*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife walks in while watching porn

My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn.

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.

As my wife walks out again she says: "You should stay on the porn channel... You know how to fish."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When i was a kid this was my favorite joke don't hate me pls i changed.

I want to first apologise for my english in case i over complicate the joke it's my 3rd language and i have to translate it from my native language ^^

Well so it starts in a restaurant. A tall lady with weird long grey hair shows up with her huge bag and asks for a place for 2, so the waiter ...

I changed the tags of my mother’s herb jars. She hasn’t notice it yet..

But the thyme is cumin

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke

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The wife of a very rich man dies from illness.

To honor her, the widower announces a big funeral in his huge resort, where everyone they knew is invited. The guests arrive, and after the first day is over, everyone is preparing to go to sleep. As there are not enough rooms to accommodate everyone, the widower had 2 grand salons prepared with bed...

I woke up this morning to find that overnight I'd changed into a cat.

Don't ask meow...

Politicians and diapers need to be changed often...

For the same reasons.

I found I have been happier since I changed from coffee in the morning to orange juice.

My doctor explained that it's the vitamin C and natural sugars , but I really think it's the Vodka

Fox News actually saved my life.

I was in a coma for 7 years, but one day one of the nurses changed the channel on my TV to Fox and I had to get up to turn it off.

Rifling changed firearms forever.

It was revolutionary.

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Three men die and are standing in line at the pearly gates.

St. Peter tells them that the rules have changed, and they can only be let in to heaven now if they have had a really bad death. He then proceeds to get their stories one at a time.

The first man explains. "I live on the 25th floor of my apartment building. I came home from work early today, ...

Did you here about the 99c thrift store that changed to everything for one dollar?

Everything else stayed the same, so there's no change there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn’t even know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.

Then a man approached me and said, “Enjoy life son, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn’t enjoy it.”
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodb...

Lifting weights changed my life. I dropped 25 pounds...

Right on my big toe. It’s broken now I can hardly walk

I changed all of the filters in my house today.

The difference was really a breath of fresh air.

I remember the time my cousin completely lost it and threw a giant fit at her 12th birthday party. After she changed her outfit she was fine...

It was a post dramatic dress

After the car crash that left me brain-damaged, things were really looking down

I used to be a carcinologist that specialised in lobsters. I loved what I did, but I couldn't even get out of the house on my own after the accident, much less go to work. I fell into a deep depression.


My scientist friends wanted to cheer me up, and so they engineered a robot lobster tha...

A blonde changed her hair color

There was a blonde who was fed up with all the blonde jokes she had heard. So she changed her hair color to to brown.

She was driving along a country road and saw a shepherd herding sheep. She stopped and dared the shepherd. She asked if she could take a sheep if she could guess how many of t...

Imagine if the rest of the world changed from Kilograms to Pounds overnight

There would be a mass confusion

I changed all my passwords to “Kenny”

Now I have all Kenny Logins.

Jesus walks into a bar.

He sees a Russian man with a glass of water.
Jesus asks "My son, are you a believer?"
The Russian replies "No."
With a wave of his hands, Jesus changes it to a glass of wine.
"Well my son, do you believe now?"
The Russian frowns and shakes his head.

The next day, Jesus comes in...

Wife - I have changed my mind.

Husband - Have you gotten a working one now?

What do you call a table whose design can be changed at anytime?

Editable.

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