UPJOKE
behindundersidebasebacksidesidebumrear endposteriorrearnetherunderneathtail endbedcanturn

Bottom Jokes

Doctor, my bottom hurts right around the entrance.

Doctor: That’s the exit, as long as you call it the entrance it will hurt.

Two crabs are eating a billionaire on the bottom of the ocean.

One looks at the other and asks, "this taste a little rich to you?"

what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean

Heavy rock

Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom.

Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.



I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.

I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"

It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.

Why does the new Russian Navy have glass bottom boats?

So they can see the old Russian Navy.

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for bottom deodorant.

The assistant, a little bemused, explains to the woman they have never sold bottom deodorant. The blonde, unfazed, assures the lady behind the counter, that she has been buying the stuff from here on a regular basis, and would like some more.

The shop assistant thinks for a minute, knowing fu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An unkempt teenager with his pants hanging half off his bottom walked into the local welfare office to pick up his welfare payment.

He marched up to the counter and said,

"Hi. You know, I just H A T E drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job ope...

What do you call the doctor who graduates at the bottom of the class?

Doctor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q: What do you call 500 neo-Nazis at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A good start.

Q: What do you call 500 triathletes at the bottom of the ocean?

A: A bad start.

How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill?

By walking... jk rolling

There are three words to make a man hit rock bottom.

“Is it in?”

'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.'

The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

My pastor told this during a sermon once and it still kills me

Two fellas are walking in the woods one day when they come upon a gigantic hole, so big and deep that they can't see the bottom of it. Naturally, their curiosity gets the best of them and they start looking for things to throw in the hole. They find sticks and rocks and throw them in but never hear ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...

He asks the bartender, "What the fuck is that?"

The bartender replies, "It's a moose."

The Scottish chap shouts back, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

John and David were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day, while they were walking, they passed the hospital swimming pool and John suddenly dove into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.

David promptly jumped in and saved him, swimming to the bottom of the pool and pulling John out.

The medical director came to know of David's heroic act. He immediately ordered that David be discharged from the hospital as he now considered him to be OK. The doctor said, "David, we have good...

I passed out at the bottom of a multi-species orgy.

I don't know what came over me.

TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.

But not twice.

An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck!

I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

This bloke goes to the doctor's complaining of a sore bottom...

"Where specifically?" asks the doc.
"Right near the entrance" he replies
"There's your problem; you think it's an entrance."

What has two bottoms and kills people?

An assassin

What has a bottom at its top?

A leg

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's atthe bottom of Bass Lake?

Bass turds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They DoD realized they have too many Generals.

So they offer a retirement package where they have a doctor measure the distance between any two points on their body and they get $10,000 for every inch.

An Air Force General is the first two take the offer and has the doctor measure him from the top of this head to the bottom of this feet. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite position in bed is at the bottom

Because all i do is fuck up

Husband is walking behind his wife and says, "Your bottom is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine."

The woman keeps quiet and
keeps walking.
Bedtime comes around, the
husband starts getting
amorous.
Wife says: "I'm not starting
the old washing machine for
such a small load. You'll have
to do it by hand!"

The Russian Navy has announced that it's commissioning glass-bottom warships

...so they can keep an eye on the Russian Air Force.

Breaking News: Local man hit his wife with a power cell which had its top and bottom coated in electrolytes

He has been arrested for a salt-end battery.

saw my wife lying at the bottom of the stairs I thought to myself,

“She was right, I am pushy"

I got a new stick of deodorant today. The instructions say remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but when I fart, the room smells lovely.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why dogs sniff each other's bottoms

A long time ago, dogs used to have detachable bottoms. The polite thing to do when they went places was to remove their bottom and hang it up on a hook. Kind of like a hat on a hat-rack.



Now this was a time of prohibition. The local mob boss was running a speakeasy in the basement of...

I thought life couldn’t get any worse after I hit rock bottom

Until rock bottom’s dad turned up and started hitting me back…

You know those little numbers at the bottom of condoms?

You never noticed them? Oh, I guess you don't roll yours down that far.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are you the bottom of my laptop ?

Cuz you’re hot as fuck and I’m getting nervous .

[NSFW] What would you call Dwayne Johnsons boyfriend?

Rock bottom.

The 'sandwich artist' turned my toppings into bottoms

Fitting, for a sub.




*precautionary NSFW tag; idk, I dont post much

Did you hear about the bottom who was hit by a train?

He died doing what he loved; getting railed

What do you call a tool that shakes its bottom?

A twerk wrench.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

What do you call a thousand Australian lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

The Great Barrister Reef.

I had a SCAB but I picked the bottom right hand corner of it...

No I have a SCAR.

A Cheerio sat at the bottom of a box of cereal,

but he longed to get to the top of the box. He had heard at the top of the box, there was a huge party, and he wanted to be a part of it.

So one day, he began climbing. He climbed over the other Cheerios, and gradually got his way up the box.

It took a lot of trying and determination, ...

Why does the Swedish military put barcodes on the bottom of their warships?

So they can Scandinavian.

What's white on top and black on the bottom?

Society

Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?

A naked woman jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver stares at her, looking her over from top to bottom. The woman is offended and asks the taxi driver "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The taxi driver responds: "Oh, it's not the fact that you're naked that bothe...

Two hunters are walking through the woods when they come across a large hole.

It's so deep that they can’t see the bottom. One hunter goes looking for something to throw down the hole hoping to see how deep it is.

He finds a rusty old anvil near by and throws it down the hole. The hole is so deep they never hear it hit the bottom.

Suddenly, they hear speeding h...

A man filed a report to the police that his bag was stolen.

Upon leaving the man's apartment, the officer found the man's bag at the bottom of the stairwell.

It was a brief case.

People keep saying Will Smith hit rock bottom at the Oscars

But I'm pretty sure he slapped him in the face.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

Black people can't swim.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

A Mexican man was found dead at the bottom of a lake.

He was tied up, had chains wrapped around him, and had seven bullet wounds.

When the local sheriff was asked what had happened, the sheriff replied, “It is truly the worst damn case of suicide I’ve ever seen.”

A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.

The French exchange student raised his hand and said, "Excuse me Madam, but I don't know how to say fractions. How do you say those?"

"Easy," said the teacher, "you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is 'two-thirds', 3/4 is 'three...

What do you call a doctor that finishes bottom of their class?

Doctor.

For major decisions always get a second opinion!

An old man was walking on a park adjoining the cliff famous for suicide and saw a young woman standing at the edge contemplating suicide

He approached her.

She: "Dont come near me!!"

Old man :" Since you are anyway going to die,why cant you make this old man happy with a quickie?"

She shrieked "Over my dead body,you filthy pervert"

Old man "Ok,if thats the case, I will walk down and wait for you at the bot...

One day death came to a Guy and said, Hey, today is your last day.

Guy: But I'm not ready!

Death said, "Well today your name is the first on my list."

Guy: Okay then why don't you take a seat and we will drink a COFFEE before we go?

Death: All right.

The Guy gave Death some COFFEE with sleeping pills in it. Death finished COFFEE and fell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man notices his wife’s butt is getting big...

“I bet your butt is as big as my grill.”

His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they’re about the same size.

That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. “Not tonight,” says his wife.

He asks her why ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.