[Long] Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground. So large that they can't see the bottom of this hole. "I wonder how deep it is.", the first man says. The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole. They wait and listen....

....nothing. "Wow!", they both exclaim. "Let's try something else.", says one man to the other. They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen....still nothing. " My goodness! How deep this hole must be!", says one man. " Let's try...

Why does the new French navy have glass bottom boats?

So they can see the old French navy.

Three guys are at the bottom of God's 100 steps stairs. He tells them that he will say a joke at every step: if someone laughs, this person goes to hell; if someone gets to the top, he goes to heaven.

The first guy laughs at the 10th step, he goes to hell

The second guy loses at the 51st step, he goes to hell

The last guy starts laughing at the 99th step, before God even said the joke, so God asks him why he laughs and the guy answers:I just understood the first joke.

What's white on top and black on the bottom?

Society.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

What has broken arms, broken legs and is on the bottom of a river?

People who tell jokes about the Mafia.

What do you call a furry that likes to be on the bottom in bed?

A subwoofer

I finally hit rock bottom today.

Dwayne Johnson was not pleased.

A man is standing on a cliff and says to his wife “I bet I can make it to the bottom faster than you!”. She agrees to the bet and they both jump off at the same time. Who wins?

Charles Darwin

Whats sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One thing I really enjoy doing is wearing nothing but a colorful tight bikini bottom that shows off my cock, and then going and strutting around in front of other men and letting them ogle me.

Or as it's also known, "Bodybuilding"

Last Christmas my parents got me a pair of flip flops with matchbox cars glued to the bottom..

Cheap Skates!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I think my new girlfriend might be a slut. When I asked her if she preferred being on top or on the bottom during sex, she replied...

"In the middle."

Husband is walking behind his wife and says, "Your bottom is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine."

The woman keeps quiet and
keeps walking.
Bedtime comes around, the
husband starts getting
amorous.
Wife says: "I'm not starting
the old washing machine for
such a small load. You'll have
to do it by hand!"

One second I’m at the bottom of the worlds fastest escalator, the next, I’m at the top

Gee, that escalated quickly

What do you call a hundred politicians at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

saw my wife lying at the bottom of the stairs I thought to myself,

“She was right, I am pushy"

A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant.

The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have.

Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.

"I'm sorry," says the pharma...

Why do North Korean navy boats have glass bottoms

So they can see their Air Force

What do you call a restaurant at the bottom of the sea?

A Scuba Diner

Bottom of The Ninth

The Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around that whole time, some bass players decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.

After s...

Three bottoms are sitting at a bar.

The first says, “I’m so loose my boyfriend can fit his whole hand inside me.”

The second says “that’s nothing. My boyfriend can fit his whole arm inside me!”

The third laughs, and the bar stool disappears.

What do rock bottom and a rednecks wife have in common?

They usually get hit at the same time.

What do you call a watering can with a hole at the bottom?

A watering cannot.

A man is on a photo safari in Africa, when he finds an elephant in distress, lying in the bushes. Upon inspection, he finds that the elephant has a large, sharp rock embedded in the bottom of its foot. He carefully pulls the rock free, and the elephant gets up and saunters away.

Almost a decade later he is back in his home town when a circus is visiting
and they put on a parade. The man is watching all of the animals go past, when
he notices, and makes eye contact with a large African elephant. The elephant
immediately turns toward the man, picks him up in its trun...

The bottom suddenly falls out of a plane.

All passengers hold themselves up in the conveniently placed assist grips.

The usual jingle is heard through the speakers, as the co-pilot speaks slowly and clearly: "Just now, all of our fuel has been used."

The frightened passengers look at each other.

The pilot speaks again...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Daddy, I've just seen two fairies at the bottom of the garden

Humouring her I said, "Really, what were they doing?"

She said, "Sucking each other's cocks.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada and after a hard day on the slopes, he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall...

He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?"

The barman says, "It's a moose."

The Scottish chap says, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got banned from the museum for life after smacking the ass of Michalangelo’s David

I think that’s when I really hit rock bottom

I was told to start at the bottom and make my way to the top.

This "How To Use A Ladder" DVD likes to state the obvious.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A beautiful women is standing on a bridge!!

A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.

A homeless man walks up to her.

She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"

He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, w...

Why is there always dust at the bottom of a bag of cereal?

It's a sign Thanos has ensured you get a "balanced" breakfast.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife tried to be sexy by biting her lips at me...

...I didn't have the heart to tell her that you're supposed to bite your *bottom* lips

What do you call a person who graduated bottom of his class at medical school?

A doctor.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three maggots are left crawling around at the bottom of a garbage bin.

One day they all turn into flies, one male and two female, and start buzzing around the inside of the bin.

The female, realising there's no practical way out, turns to the other female fly and says, "Hey how do you get out of the garbage bin?" The other female fly says, "I don't know maybe as...

I finished my coffee and noticed 6 letters written on the bottom of the mug.

I C U R M T

I once knew a guy who went to school to become a surgeon, but he lost his bottom two fingers in an accident

Now he’s a gynecologist

Why did the Italian Navy make their ships with glass bottoms?

So they could see the old Italian Navy!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass

I guess I've hit Rock Bottom.

What did Euler find at the bottom of his toilet?

A natural log

How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill?

By walking... jk rolling

Your DUCK IS DEAD

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distres...

I bought my G/F a nightie with fur around the bottom....

It helps keep her neck warm.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Rock's Bottom

*Meets Dwayne Johnson*

*Panics*

*Spanks his butt*

"Looks like I've officially hit rock bottom"

*crickets chirping*

[Got it from twitter]

Stormy Daniels said that Trump was always on bottom.

Because he always F*cks up.

I bought a new stick of deodorant today and the instructions say to remove the top and push up bottom

I can barely walk now but when I fart the room smells lovely

An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck!

I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's huge and drags on the bottom of the ocean?

Moby's Dick

I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said: "Best Before Date"

I thought, "No, it isn't."

What's it called when you water down your shampoo to get that last little bit out of the bottom?

Shampee.

If SpongeBob is absorbent and lives in bikini bottom

then I'm pretty sure that makes him a tampon

'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.'

The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks

This joke brought to you by my ten year old son

TIL it's possible to jump without a parachute from the top of the Grand Canyon all the way to the bottom.

But not twice.

If you think you've hit rock bottom, just remember that my bank...

once froze my accounts because I bought a healthy ready meal at my local supermarket, and they classed it as an "uncharacteristic purchase"

What do you call a computer on the bottom of the ocean?

A Dell, rolling in the deep.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My daughter came sprinting in to the house yesterday shouting 'daddy, daddy, I just saw two fairies at the bottom of the garden!'

Humouring her I asked 'That's amazing darling, what were they doing?'

She replied 'Sucking each other's cocks'

Did you know condoms have a serial number at the very bottom of the ring?

I guess you never had to roll it down that far.

Two sardines swim at the bottom of the sea. A submarine goes by. — Heavens! What’s that?

— Just a can of people.

What did the photographer say when he fell into some water at the bottom of a deep hole in the ground?

"well shoot!"

Hey baby are you the bottom of my laptop?

Cause you’re hot and I’m getting nervous

What do you call a shoe shop at the bottom of the sea?

Davy Jones's foot locker.

Fun WWI fact: There are more crashed planes down at the bottom of the ocean than-

-crashed submarines in the sky.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is the bottom of the ocean so dark?

Black people can't swim.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's at the bottom of Bass Lake?

Bass crap

Whats fat on the bottom, skinny on the top, and has ears?

Mountains!



...what? You've never head of mountaineers?

Firefighters recovered just the bottom of one shoe after the shoe factory burned down

It was the sole survivor.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You know you've hit rock bottom when...

It's better to tell your wife you're watching porn then watching my little pony...

To bring a girl home,I just whisper in her ear "You know,if i get excited,It can touch the bottom of the Pringles Can"

I can see her eyes light up with excitement and thank the Pringles company for introducing the new Snack size cans.....

Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight?

There was bad beef between them

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pedro and Juan are stranded in the desert... (My favourite joke, [LONG])

After a day of walking, staggering, then crawling, they are thirsty, starving, and near death. They are about to give up when Juan exclaims,

“Pedro, look! At thee bottom of the dune... it’s an Oasis!”

Pedro struggles to bring his head up to look. “Juan... I think so my friend. I think...