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Turned On Jokes

What do you call someone who gets turned on by every naked person they see ?

A showerhead

I just turned on nickelodeon and saw bob the builder building a wall...

... to keep Dora from exploring.

What do you call it when you get turned on by a journalist?

Wet from the press

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get turned on when people leave...

I think I'm Byesexual!

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.

Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury

Don't worry I'll be fine

What did the Russian say when she was turned on?

I am soviet

If you’re a furry, and get turned on by chickens

Are you a Hen-Thigh enthusiast?

A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"

I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.

They say women get turned on by guys who are funny

Well, if that's true, I must have a very dry sense of humor.

How do you call a fish that's turned on

A sam-ON

I'm weirdly turned on by songs with guest performers...

I might have a feat. fetish

I generally get turned on by naked people. Sometimes they aren't naked. I get turned on by children, old people, adults as well. What am I?

I'm a showerhead.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened when gravity was first turned on?

Shit went down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Turned on at the massage parlor.

I finally decided to get a massage last week at a parlor from a gentleman named Alex.

I’m a guy myself but heard he was the best.

Halfway through it was feeling good and I asked him, “Is it normal to get a boner during a massage?”

Alex said, “Yes, happens all the time.”
...

What do you call a guy who gets turned on by Pinocchio dolls?

A Gepettophile.

Daniel LaRusso is really turned on by smooth legs...

Wax on, whacks off!

Lately I've been getting turned on every time I see someone cut in two on my tv shows

So yeah I guess I'm bisectual

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got turned on when I was doing the dishes today.

Turns out... I'm pansexual

I'm having trouble getting my girlfriend turned on

Her battery's charged and everything

I got turned on by Jennifer Lopez last night

That might be coz I’m a Fan

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "I...

I didn’t think I’d ever be turned on by population statistics...

But then I came to my census

What did the grain of dust say when i turned on the vacuum?

This sucks!

What does a Necrophiliac have when he is turned on?

Mourning Wood

I used to be really turned on by The Mona Lisa

But then somebody else came in the picture

Did you know some people get turned on by sausages?

It's the wurst fetish.

I get turned on by my Maths teacher...

... because she is the reciprocal of cosC

Just realized that you do the same thing to women and light switches when they’re turned on

You flick em off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night was the first night ever in a 20 year marriage me and the wife had sex with the light turned on...

I always assumed she used a strap-on.

What did the kinky lawnmower say to get turned on?

Choke me daddy

I turned on the radio and forgot I had the volume maxed out.

Now my left and right ear hertz a lot.

Excuse me sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?

A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drunk-driver.

At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.

He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a guy who gets turned on by sad movies?

A tear-jerker




^Credit ^to ^my ^brother ^for ^telling ^me ^this ^one

Why does an incel get turned on by a credit card reader?

It's the only time they get asked to 'please insert'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For some, looks are the most sexually appealing trait, while others are turned on by personality. But for me it’s all relative.

Relatives*

My check engine light just turned on.

I opened up the hood and the engine is still there. Thankfully everything is fine, but I was worried for a minute.

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer.

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on.

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma...

I turned on my computer.

I turned on my computer. It said hello. Its a dell.

After five years of marriage I can finally say I know exactly what gets my wife turned on...

...not much, as it turns out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The other day, while I was in the car with my girlfriend, I reached down and turned on her butt warmer.

She asked me, “What are you doing?”

I said, “Just heating up dinner.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get turned on whenever I eat greek dips...

...I think I'm a hummusexual.

I turned on the news to see a trainyard owner went ballistic, and killed all the people who worked for him

Officials say they don't understand the reasoning, but insist he had loco motives

I can’t do anything right, so I decided to end it all. I turned on my car, sat in my closed garage, and waited.

I’ve been in my Tesla for 14 hours so far and still nothing.

During a Zoom call between an American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, a German and an Englishman, the Englishman turned on his camera.

He asked, “Can everyone see me?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Si.”

“Ja.”

"My night's about to get better now that you're turned on."

... said the student to his printer when he finished his essay.

I met a man who gets turned on by conversation today.

We were talking and it just came up.

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