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Turned On Jokes

What do you call someone who gets turned on by every naked person they see ?

A showerhead
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I just turned on nickelodeon and saw bob the builder building a wall...

... to keep Dora from exploring.
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What do you call it when you get turned on by a journalist?

Wet from the press
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get turned on when people leave...

I think I'm Byesexual!

People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal.

But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
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Turned on women's volleyball and within four minutes there was a wrist injury

Don't worry I'll be fine
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What did the Russian say when she was turned on?

I am soviet
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If you’re a furry, and get turned on by chickens

Are you a Hen-Thigh enthusiast?
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A police officer turned on his lights, pulled me over, walked to my window and said "papers?"

I looked at him with a smile and said "Scissors, I win." and drove off.
I think he wants to do best out of 3 because he's been chasing me for an hour.
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They say women get turned on by guys who are funny

Well, if that's true, I must have a very dry sense of humor.
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How do you call a fish that's turned on

A sam-ON
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I'm weirdly turned on by songs with guest performers...

I might have a feat. fetish
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I generally get turned on by naked people. Sometimes they aren't naked. I get turned on by children, old people, adults as well. What am I?

I'm a showerhead.
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened when gravity was first turned on?

Shit went down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Turned on at the massage parlor.

I finally decided to get a massage last week at a parlor from a gentleman named Alex.

I’m a guy myself but heard he was the best.

Halfway through it was feeling good and I asked him, “Is it normal to get a boner during a massage?”

Alex said, “Yes, happens all the time.”
...

What do you call a guy who gets turned on by Pinocchio dolls?

A Gepettophile.
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Daniel LaRusso is really turned on by smooth legs...

Wax on, whacks off!
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Lately I've been getting turned on every time I see someone cut in two on my tv shows

So yeah I guess I'm bisectual
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I got turned on when I was doing the dishes today.

Turns out... I'm pansexual

I'm having trouble getting my girlfriend turned on

Her battery's charged and everything
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I got turned on by Jennifer Lopez last night

That might be coz I’m a Fan
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A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked 'C'."
"Of course," said the manager. "I...
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I didn’t think I’d ever be turned on by population statistics...

But then I came to my census
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What did the grain of dust say when i turned on the vacuum?

This sucks!
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What does a Necrophiliac have when he is turned on?

Mourning Wood
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I used to be really turned on by The Mona Lisa

But then somebody else came in the picture
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Did you know some people get turned on by sausages?

It's the wurst fetish.
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I get turned on by my Maths teacher...

... because she is the reciprocal of cosC
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Just realized that you do the same thing to women and light switches when they’re turned on

You flick em off
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Last night was the first night ever in a 20 year marriage me and the wife had sex with the light turned on...

I always assumed she used a strap-on.

What did the kinky lawnmower say to get turned on?

Choke me daddy
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I turned on the radio and forgot I had the volume maxed out.

Now my left and right ear hertz a lot.
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Excuse me sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?

A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drunk-driver.

At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry.

The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk.

He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes looking for his car.
...
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What do you call a guy who gets turned on by sad movies?

A tear-jerker




^Credit ^to ^my ^brother ^for ^telling ^me ^this ^one

Why does an incel get turned on by a credit card reader?

It's the only time they get asked to 'please insert'
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For some, looks are the most sexually appealing trait, while others are turned on by personality. But for me it’s all relative.

Relatives*

My check engine light just turned on.

I opened up the hood and the engine is still there. Thankfully everything is fine, but I was worried for a minute.
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After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.
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A taxi driver, new on the job, picks up his first customer.

The driver then started to head to the location designated by the passenger. A few minutes had passed and the whole trip had been quiet ever since. The radio wasn't even turned on.

The passenger is very interpersonal so he started to strike a conversation to break the silence.

"Hey, ma...

I turned on my computer.

I turned on my computer. It said hello. Its a dell.
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After five years of marriage I can finally say I know exactly what gets my wife turned on...

...not much, as it turns out.
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The other day, while I was in the car with my girlfriend, I reached down and turned on her butt warmer.

She asked me, “What are you doing?”

I said, “Just heating up dinner.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I get turned on whenever I eat greek dips...

...I think I'm a hummusexual.

I turned on the news to see a trainyard owner went ballistic, and killed all the people who worked for him

Officials say they don't understand the reasoning, but insist he had loco motives
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I can’t do anything right, so I decided to end it all. I turned on my car, sat in my closed garage, and waited.

I’ve been in my Tesla for 14 hours so far and still nothing.
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During a Zoom call between an American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, a German and an Englishman, the Englishman turned on his camera.

He asked, “Can everyone see me?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Si.”

“Ja.”
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"My night's about to get better now that you're turned on."

... said the student to his printer when he finished his essay.
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I met a man who gets turned on by conversation today.

We were talking and it just came up.
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