Why didn’t the cat pick up his trash?

Because kitty litter!

I WOULD take out the trash.....

If only I could pick you up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family with a little boy is driving behind a trash truck.

Suddenly, a dildo flies out of the truck and hits the windshield.
To save her son‘s innocence, his mother goes: "Wow that was a huge bug!"
To which her son replies: "Dang, how is that bug flying with a cock that big!?"

My wife asked me to take out the trash

I spend few hours drinking with the trash, nice guy to hang out with.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I look at my gf’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can

Like it’s my next meal

One man’s trash is another Man’s treasure.

Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.

You know there's no official training for trash collectors?

They just pick things up as they go along

Don’t call me a “trash picker” …

I prefer to be called a *discardiologist*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve! *BANG*

I don’t get it..Travis Scott is trash, but it seems everyone is dying to see him live

Whoops.

Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I throw half of them in the trash

I sure don't want unlucky people on my team.

Why did the blacksmith take out the trash?

Because it smelt bad.

Just came up with this taking out the trash.

A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.



The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"

The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of re...

Wife: I have a bag full of used cloths I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in trash? That's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your cloths is not starving.

I had a friend over to my house and he told me he could hear my garbage can chattering away. He asked me if I knew what it was saying?

I told him I did not know, as I never listen to trash-talk.

Last October, I was walking through the cemetery.

I came across a trash can where someone had thrown out their Kraft Halloween monster themed mac and cheese...

It was the mac.

It was the monster mac.

the monster mac

was in the graveyard trash.



Thanks mom for this more obscure one

Little Johnny

The teacher growls at Little Johnny, “Is that bubble gum in your mouth?! In the trash can! Right now!”
-

Little Johnny, “The bubble gum too?”

A marauding group if small angry marine mammals trashed my house last night.

They left it an otter shambles i tell ya.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harold and Phil are out golfing

Phil craves a smoke, so he pulls out a cigarette and asks Harold if he has a light.

"Sure", says Harold. He reaches into his golf bag and pulls out a massive foot-long gas lighter.

"Wow, where did you get that huge lighter?" asks Phil.

"My genie", says Harold.

"Your... ge...

stewardess on my flight wasn’t holding back. telling everyone exactly what she thought.

walking down the aisle, looking right at everyone, saying “trash” “trash” “trash”

My friend claimed that all Jersey girls are trash.

I said that isn't true, trash gets picked up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke in Arabic

Let's hope this translation works.
A guy who was wasted went to take a piss in an ally next to a barrel, passed out fell in the barrel pants down, ass in the air.
A guy who was super high passed by and saw the ass .. picked a stick and shoved it up the drunk's asshole, the drunk screams.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If all men are trash

That makes women racoons

What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?

Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can.


Morbid humor is one baby in 10 trash cans.

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

A joke my dad has been telling for 45 years

My dad played high school baseball, and the second baseman, John, eventually grew up to be a very successful accountant and married his high school sweetheart. Over the next 25 years, John also collected rare and antique baseball cards, eventually accumulating the world's most expensive collection…<...

Why are there only two pallbearers at a politician's funeral?

There are only 2 handles on a trash can

Cop: Sir, this is a park! Why are you dumping all your trash here?

Me: Officer, did you read the sign? It says “Fine for Littering”

What is worse than two children in a trash bin?

One child in two trash bins.

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

Two guys walk into a bar...

The third guy ducks.


(I know this joke is mediocre at best, but I found it on a post-it note stuck a trash can on my college campus a few days ago and felt obligated to share it.)

House Call

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace the aging doctor there. The older doctor suggested that the younger doctor accompany him as he made his house calls so that the people of the community could become accustomed to him. At the first house they visited, the younger doctor listene...

A man was walking home one night.

A young man was walking home one night. The street was pitch black. As he passed the gates of a small cemetery, he felt as if he was being followed. Suddenly, he heard a bump behind him. Afraid to look back, he increased his pace.

Bump, bump, bump.

The bumping behind him continued, ge...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A police officer sees a trail of $50 notes leading to an old woman with two bags of trash.

Curious he approaches the woman and asks:

"Excuse me Mam, but one of your bags has a hole".

The woman thanks him profoundly but he, still curious, asks:

"Hope you don't mind me snooping around but where did you get all that money?"
"Well, you see Mr.Officer, I have a lovel...

Last night my friend trashed a Chinese restaurant...

Told him I was horrified by his wonton destruction

It is not polite to call people White Trash

The proper label is white non-recyclables



Yeah ok it's not great but it's what I got

Do you know why there are fewer 'all men are trash' posts now?

Christmas is coming

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian tourist in NYC doesn't know where to put his trash, finally settling on a side street.

But just as he's about to dump his trash, a police officer pulls up. The tourist tells him that he can't find a place to dump his trash. In return the police officer led the tourist to a beautiful garden with manicured hedges, blooming flowers, and neatly cut grass.

Officer: Here. Dump your t...

A man and woman get married

(An old Jewish joke)

A few weeks into the relationship, she decides to make a delicious roast for dinner. As the husband walks into the kitchen, he sees her slice off a couple inches off each side and toss them into the trash.

"Why did you throw them out? Were they bad?"

"No," ...

I educate my kids using r/jokes

It teaches them that you gain karma by recycling trash.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a trash can fetish

My wet dreams are fucking garbage

I hate it when British people talk about the big pile of trash in the ocean.

They shouldn’t talk about their country like that.

What's the difference between the trash can in the Houston Astros dugout and me?

That trash can is getting banged

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. Then, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the ...

It is not economically friendly to throw joke books in the trash.

You should always recycle them.

My wife asked me to take the trash out.

I must admit that it feels a bit weird to sit in a pub and pretend to have a conversation with a garbage bin.

Dad : One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Son: What?



Dad: I'm putting you up for adoption.

I don’t actually have a joke for you guys, but I do have a really awesome idea for cleaning up the trash on our planet! For one day, every single person in the country grabs a broom and cleans out every dirty corner they can find! It’s become quite popular across the country. You could say it’s...

...sweeping the nation

I saw a watch in the trash bin today

It's just a waste of time.

A quarter dies and goes to heaven

At his arrival at the gates of heaven, the Lord himself welcomes him while angels play the trumpets. The quarter doesn't believe his eyes as he is being given the most beautiful cloud of all whith riches and food and honey for eternity.

The next day the one hundred dollar bill dies. He also ...

There was a protest going on in my town about how there is too much trash on the streets.

Litter rally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between trash and a prostitute?

A prostitute is recyclable

What do you call it when a light bulb is falling into a trash can?

It’s in-can-descent

What do Kardashians and trash cans have in common?

They both contain a lot of plastic.

I saw an oversized belt in the trash but otherwise it was perfect.

I thought, "what a waist."

Cop: *kicks door open* it’s time to take out the trash.

Cop’s wife: Stop kicking the door.

How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?

None, just some tea

A blonde is throwing out an entire trash bag of empty shampoo bottles.

Her neighbor approaches her and says, "wow. that's a lot of shampoo bottles." She says, "of course! I go through one bottle a day. Just following directions." The neighbor, perplexed, says, "what do you mean? Following directions?" The blonde says, "well it says to 'Rinse, Lather, And Repeat' but it...

Fact

Ever feel useless.... Just remember we buy trash bags jst to throw it away

I'm done buying trash bags...

I always just end up throwing them away anyways

I bought a trash compactor for my ex-wife

Or, as Victoria Secret calls it - a corset

Humans and trash cans are very similar

If you stomp the foot, the mouth opens!

What do you call a white trash girl’s bra size?

Hickcups

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.


"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"


"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.


"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

Have you seen the new documentary about white trash?

I've only seen the trailer.

Trash/rubbish bags and condoms are basically the same thing.

You fill them with your junk and they always seem to break and spill everywhere when carrying a big load

If you advertise your big new TV by putting the box out in the trash, I'm gonna steal it.

My cardboard fort only needs a few more pieces.

I keep telling my boyfriend I don't want trash lying around the house

So he finally took the hint this morning and moved out.

Last year, kids were eating tide pods. This year, they're getting vaccines and picking up trash.

Seems that eating tide pods makes you smart!

A hiring manager had a stack of resumes, took half, and threw them in the trash...

Coworker asks, "what are you doing!?!"

HR Manager said, "I don't like to hire unlucky people."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A translated joke

A man approaches a pig farmer and asks him what he feeds his pigs.

The farmer answers: "Oh the pigs? I just feed them whatever trash I have lying around".

The man is shocked, he says "Sir that is animal cruelty! I'll have to fine you 10000$!"

The next day another man approaches ...

Trash cans are all vigilantes

They keep our streets clean when others won't.

What's the difference between a lactating lobster and a trashed bus stop?

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.

Sweden runs out of trash to recycle...

... Where's PewDiePie when you need him.

I once saw a man in a wheelchair throw his trash on the ground

I guess he wasn't a stand-up guy

Never compare yourself to others

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I've come to realize my trash dumpster has a better life than I do," he tells the bartender. "It gets taken out once a week and gets to stay out all night."

I went into the kitchen this morning and noticed the trash was leaking

Or “crying” as she calls it.

my sister told me she won’t scatter my ashes in the ocean

she said there was already too much trash in it.

A Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic, and a white trash biker...

Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farm...

There were once two flower shops across the street from each other, but one was more successful than the other.

The one that was more successful was owned by two friars, and they were always the center of attention. Everyone wanted to buy flowers from the cute friars with their funny brown coats. But the owner of the other shop was not making money. He was tired of it. He had asked them many times to close sh...

I made a new mixtape, it was trash

Until I played it on my new galaxy note 7, then it was fire

I wanted to join the #trashbag movement and pick up a nasty bag of trash,

but the presidential secret service wouldn't let me anywhere near him.

In protest, my friends and I are gonna march down to the city square dressed in trash that we picked up around the city...

...like litter-rally.

What did Frodo forget to do after taking out the trash?

Put a Baggin

My friend was trashing children's shows, which offended everybody, but then he changed tune and said he want's to revive Nick Jr.

I think he was just trying to save Face

I asked my neighbours if they knew who's the idiot that keeps leaving his trash bags in the elevator.

They didn't so for now I'm gonna keep doing that.

LPT: Use a name brand shopping bag as a trash bag while traveling in Europe

Once the bag is full, take some photos of your surroundings looking away from the shopping bag. By the time you look back, you no longer will have trash to get rid of.

I started a job picking up trash for a company called Total.

Unfortunately I have to wear a shirt that says “Total Waste” right across the back

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to trash talk but get away with it

Boy: The principal is so dumb!


Girl: Do you know who I am?


Boy: No...


Girl: I am the principal's daughter!


Boy: Do you know who I am?


Girl: No...


Boy: Good! \*Walks away\*

This Grindr App is Trash

Had it for a week now and still can't find anyone to skate with.

My fiance thought that all men are trash

I told her no, there are only a few garbage men in every town

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One time my mother called me a son of a bitch

So I hit her because no one talks trash about my mother, then I hit myself because no one hits my mother. She then hit me because no one hits her son, and then hit herself because no one hits me, so I hit her because no one hits my mother...

I'm really worried about the incredible amount of trash collecting in our oceans.

Seriously, I haven't seen that much recyclable garbage outside of r/Jokes.

Whenever I take out the trash I always say to my wife “bilbo”

That way she knows to put a new baggins

Why did the baker throw a loaf in the trash?

Because he didn't knead it

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