A physicist, a chemist, and a statistician walk into an office to discover the trash can is on fire.



The physicist announces "We must put the garbage can in the fridge so that the temperature will be below the ignition temperature and therefore put itself out!"

The chemist replies "No, we must cover the garbage can so that the fire consumes all of the oxygen and, in the absence of re...

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What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve. *BANG*

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure

Wonderful saying, horrible way of finding out you’re an orphan

What's the difference between the trash can in the Houston Astros dugout and me?

That trash can is getting banged

Yo Mama jokes should totally be removed from this sub. They're old, a waste of space, repetitive, overrated, and trash.

JUST LIKE YO MAMA!

What's the difference between me and the guy that comes by to pick up your trash once a week?

He's a garbage man, and I'm just a garbage person.

It's mad windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere

So watch out for your ex.

I WOULD take out the trash.....

If only I could pick you up

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A family with a little boy is driving behind a trash truck.

Suddenly, a dildo flies out of the truck and hits the windshield.
To save her son‘s innocence, his mother goes: "Wow that was a huge bug!"
To which her son replies: "Dang, how is that bug flying with a cock that big!?"

I saw a watch in the trash bin today

It's just a waste of time.

Whenever I hire people, I throw half of the applications in the trash can.

I don't want any unlucky people working for me.

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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. Then, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the ...

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If all men are trash

That makes women racoons

I don’t actually have a joke for you guys, but I do have a really awesome idea for cleaning up the trash on our planet! For one day, every single person in the country grabs a broom and cleans out every dirty corner they can find! It’s become quite popular across the country. You could say it’s...

...sweeping the nation

A man was talking with a doctor about the best material for a homemade mask

Man - Doc, what is the best material to use for a homemade mask?

Doctor- If you must make one at hone I’d recommend an old shirt. Although buying a N95 would be the best.

Man- What would be the worst things to use?

Doctor- Obviously anything that would smother you for example, ...

What do you call it when a light bulb is falling into a trash can?

It’s in-can-descent

What do you call the leader of a trash army?

Generel Waste.

It is not economically friendly to throw joke books in the trash.

You should always recycle them.

Cop: Sir, this is a park! Why are you dumping all your trash here?

Me: Officer, did you read the sign? It says “Fine for Littering”

A blonde is throwing out an entire trash bag of empty shampoo bottles.

Her neighbor approaches her and says, "wow. that's a lot of shampoo bottles." She says, "of course! I go through one bottle a day. Just following directions." The neighbor, perplexed, says, "what do you mean? Following directions?" The blonde says, "well it says to 'Rinse, Lather, And Repeat' but it...

There was a protest going on in my town about how there is too much trash on the streets.

Litter rally.

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What’s the difference between trash and a prostitute?

A prostitute is recyclable

How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?

None, just some tea

What do you call a trash can that is being negative...

A trash can’t

I hate it when British people talk about the big pile of trash in the ocean.

They shouldn’t talk about their country like that.

I saw an oversized belt in the trash but otherwise it was perfect.

I thought, "what a waist."

What do Kardashians and trash cans have in common?

They both contain a lot of plastic.

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What did the trash can say to the diaper?

I’m fed up of this shit

Do you know why there are fewer 'all men are trash' posts now?

Christmas is coming

I once saw a man in a wheelchair throw his trash on the ground

I guess he wasn't a stand-up guy

Humans and trash cans are very similar

If you stomp the foot, the mouth opens!

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I have a trash can fetish

My wet dreams are fucking garbage

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Why Men Are Happier

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will e...

What do you call a white trash girl’s bra size?

Hickcups

I tried to make a paper plane out of a newspaper.

The right wing was fine but the left wing was trash.

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How do you know if two elephants were having sex in your backyard?

Your fence is knocked down and one of your Hefty trash bags is missing.

You Might Be An Accountant If

you deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses".

you have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store.

while watching the movie Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.

getting to sleep is an exciting event that you look forward to all day long.

your idea of trashing your hot...

A female student was walking towards her locker when she noticed a post-it-note on the locker door.

She looked at it and it was the classic “why did the chicken cross the road?” joke. She didn’t really laugh as she heard it a million times, so she crumpled it up and threw it in the back of her locker.

The next day, another note was posted onto her locker and it read the *same* joke! She wa...

Cop: *kicks door open* it’s time to take out the trash.

Cop’s wife: Stop kicking the door.

My wife asked me to take the trash out.

I must admit that it feels a bit weird to sit in a pub and pretend to have a conversation with a garbage bin.

What's worse than finding 2 babies in a trash can?

Finding 1 baby in two trash cans.

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(NSFW) A man reads that the subconscious mind is most easily influenced during orgasm...

He tells his wife about it, and they agree to try an experiment.

That night while having sex, just as they are both orgasming, the man whispers into his wife's ear, "You are beautiful."

The next day, the wife remarks that she feels incredibly beautiful.

Success! They decide to ...

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Not new, but what the hell.

A man steps into a bar on his way home from work, and before you know it, 3 hours has passed and he’s trashed. So much so that he throws up on his own shirt.

“Oh man! M’wife’s gonna kill me!”, he says.

“Hang on.”, says the bartender. “Give me $5, buddy.”

The drunk guy hands h...

Wife: I have bag full of clothes I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in trash? It's much easier.

Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use the clothes

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits in your clothes is not starving.

This sub is falling apart

I knew i should have just bought some mcdonalds, Subway is trash.

One of the best pickup lines ever

Are you trash?
Cause I wanna take you out

What's the difference between a lactating lobster and a trashed bus stop?

One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.

What's the difference between trash and a Jersey Girl?

The trash gets picked up regularly

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A police officer sees a trail of $50 notes leading to an old woman with two bags of trash.

Curious he approaches the woman and asks:

"Excuse me Mam, but one of your bags has a hole".

The woman thanks him profoundly but he, still curious, asks:

"Hope you don't mind me snooping around but where did you get all that money?"
"Well, you see Mr.Officer, I have a lovel...

What is worse than two children in a trash bin?

One child in two trash bins.

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Three men arrive in Heaven at the same time.

As they approach the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter appears before them.

"The rules are simple: to get into Heaven, first you have to tell me how you die. If I'm satisfied with your story, you can come in."

The first man steps forward.

"Imagine this. You come home to your sixth-floo...

Why is great to have garbage men as my video game teammates?

They are used to carrying trash.

How about a joke translated from Chinese? Haven't seen one of those on here yet.

The boss asked his secretary to bring in all the job applications for the open position. She walked into his office and put a big stack of papers in front of him on his desk.

He picked up the stack, turned it face down and started randomly flipping through them, pulling out the ones he sto...

If you advertise your big new TV by putting the box out in the trash, I'm gonna steal it.

My cardboard fort only needs a few more pieces.

I keep telling my boyfriend I don't want trash lying around the house

So he finally took the hint this morning and moved out.

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A Frenchman, German, and an Irishman walk into a bar

They all go up to the bar and order: Red Wine for the Frenchman, a pint of beer for the German, and glass of whiskey for the Irishman.

They all sit down together to enjoy their drinks and talk. They'd been sitting a bit when a fly buzzes around their heads and lands in the Frenchman's wine. ...

Last year, kids were eating tide pods. This year, they're getting vaccines and picking up trash.

Seems that eating tide pods makes you smart!

In protest, my friends and I are gonna march down to the city square dressed in trash that we picked up around the city...

...like litter-rally.

I wanted to join the #trashbag movement and pick up a nasty bag of trash,

but the presidential secret service wouldn't let me anywhere near him.

Scientists have recently created a new plan to get rid of the large trash island in the ocean

They call it "Brexit".

What did Frodo forget to do after taking out the trash?

Put a Baggin

I bought a trash compactor for my ex-wife

Or, as Victoria Secret calls it - a corset

Trash cans are all vigilantes

They keep our streets clean when others won't.

I'm done buying trash bags...

I always just end up throwing them away anyways

LPT: Use a name brand shopping bag as a trash bag while traveling in Europe

Once the bag is full, take some photos of your surroundings looking away from the shopping bag. By the time you look back, you no longer will have trash to get rid of.

Trash/rubbish bags and condoms are basically the same thing.

You fill them with your junk and they always seem to break and spill everywhere when carrying a big load

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.


"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"


"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.


"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

I got an email notification about a joke being posted in Reddit

I clicked delete, but my email client wouldn't let me send it to trash. Apparently, jokes can only be recycled, not sent to trash

My friend was trashing children's shows, which offended everybody, but then he changed tune and said he want's to revive Nick Jr.

I think he was just trying to save Face

This Grindr App is Trash

Had it for a week now and still can't find anyone to skate with.

Have you seen the new documentary about white trash?

I've only seen the trailer.

I started a job picking up trash for a company called Total.

Unfortunately I have to wear a shirt that says “Total Waste” right across the back

an American, an Arabian and a Vietnamese in a helicopter

Gasoline was low, the pilot tells them to get rid of unnecessary things to lower the weight.

The American throw a suitcase full of money and said: That just 10 million dollars, There's so many of them in my bank.

The Arabian throw a suitcase full of gold and said: That just 20 kilogram...

A hiring manager had a stack of resumes, took half, and threw them in the trash...

Coworker asks, "what are you doing!?!"

HR Manager said, "I don't like to hire unlucky people."

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How to trash talk but get away with it

Boy: The principal is so dumb!


Girl: Do you know who I am?


Boy: No...


Girl: I am the principal's daughter!


Boy: Do you know who I am?


Girl: No...


Boy: Good! \*Walks away\*

Trash bags are something you buy to throw away.

They seem waste-full.

Why did the baker throw a loaf in the trash?

Because he didn't knead it

My fiance thought that all men are trash

I told her no, there are only a few garbage men in every town

Honey I want to donate my clothes

Wife: Thinking of donating my clothes which I am not using anymore

Husband: No point donating, you can trash those

Wife: there are lots of women who are hungry and depraved, they could use my clothes

Husband: honey, if your dress fits another woman do you think they would have e...

The last week or two I've been really obsessed with mixing things.

The last week of two I've been really obsessed with mixing things. I've been mixing anything and everything I can find, from pasta and sauce to the garbage in the trash can and the clothes in my drawer.


The weirdest thing is that when I start mixing something I have a hard time stopping! ...

I asked my neighbours if they knew who's the idiot that keeps leaving his trash bags in the elevator.

They didn't so for now I'm gonna keep doing that.

I went into the kitchen this morning and noticed the trash was leaking

Or “crying” as she calls it.

Girl you look like trash...

Let me take you out

Sweden runs out of trash to recycle...

... Where's PewDiePie when you need him.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician

An engineer wakes up in the middle of the night and sees that there is a fire in the hallway. He fills a trash can with water and throws it on the fire.

A physicist wakes up in the middle of the night and sees that there is a fire in the hallway. He fills a trash can with the exact amount of ...

My wife found a new way to get ne to pay attention

She says "the motorcycles trash needs to be taken out" or "the boats clothes need to make it into the hamper" or "this weekend card game I'm taking the kids to my parents and filing for a divorce"

I checked the bike and the boat and wanted to tell her they're all set before the card game but ...

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace an older doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his house-call rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my stomach."

The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

Heaven or Hell

While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom ...

Whenever I take out the trash I always say to my wife “bilbo”

That way she knows to put a new baggins

I'm really worried about the incredible amount of trash collecting in our oceans.

Seriously, I haven't seen that much recyclable garbage outside of r/Jokes.

What's the difference between black humor and morbid humor

Black humor is 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor is one baby in 10 trash cans.


It's old joke, sorry if you heard it already.

You hear about the kid that threw his biology test in the trash, yet still managed to pass?

Turns out, it was bio-D-gradable.

Some friars decided to open a florist shop...

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair and asked them to close their shop. They refused.

He went back the next day and asked them again. They ignored him.

So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and ...

A Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic, and a white trash biker...

Three men - a Canadian farmer, a Muslim fanatic and a White Trash Biker are all walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

'I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total', says the Genie.

The Canadian says, 'I am a farm...

What do you call trash talking the person next doors and immediately act friendly around them?

Trump.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Each 2020 hopeful Presidential candidate was asked to reveal their private reddit account to prove their values.

Bernie Sanders was insisting that the top 1% of reddit had way too many coins and wanted to force them to share gold more often.

Pete Buttigieg basically followed all of Bernie's posts and talked trash.

Joe Biden was just crossposting old posts of Obama's and saying how awesome they we...

I made a new mixtape, it was trash

Until I played it on my new galaxy note 7, then it was fire

A man decides to buy two horses. When he brought them home he realized he needed some way to tell them apart .

So he called his neighbor to help out. The neighbor said "You know, you could just snip a little bit of one horse's tail and leave the other one's intact, that way you can tell them apart by the length of the tail". The man liked that idea and he took some scissors and snipped a bit of the first hor...

What do you call garbage wrapped in small trash bags?

...dumplings

a kindly but unsophisticated trash friend of mine appreciated a midlife introduction to marx, commenting "religion the opiate of the masses?...

'pretty sure opioids are a solid lock on the opiate of them masses."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Somewhere in Siberia

Note: translated from another language(dirty)

Long

Siberia, it's super cold,freezing, a man is crawling, struggling hard, he's on a verge of death. Suddenly he sees a light not far out. Using his last bit of strength he reaches a small house. Knocks on a door. No answer. He opens the d...

I'm reminded of the story of a man who rode a bike made from trash scavenged at the local dump

he called it recycling.

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