Plumbing

I like the Mario games and all, but... I have a hard time seeing Mario as a plumber when his entire life revolves around clogging some pipes

I decided to take up plumbing

I didnt know it could be so faucinating

Donald Trump dropped out of plumbing school

He couldn't fix a leak.

My mom called me saying there were a couple of guys outside her home saying they have a plumbing fixture to drop off.

“They’re not trying to rob me?” she asked.

“No, it’s a gift from Uncle Bill to make up for all the mean things he did to you in the past.” I replied.

“Wait, after all these years, he’s actually trying to be nice to somebody? That’s an unexpected transformation! Our relationship might w...

Connor Mcgregor should go back to plumbing

Afterall he is very good with taps.

Once a mathematics professor noticed that his kitchen sink at home broke down.

He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day, sealed a few screws and everything worked perfectly.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

"This is a third of my monthly salary!", he yelled.

Well, all the sam...

I’ve read “ An Idiot's Guide To Plumbing ” twice and I still haven’t got a clue what I’m doing.

I guess it’s going to take another few reads before this sinks in.

I read “Plumbing for Dummies” twice, but I have no idea what I’m doing.

I think it’ll take a while before this sink’s in.

I used to have an unhealthy obsession with plumbing parts but,

after years of therapy, I finally got it out my cistern.

NY Plumber

A lady in NY had a parrot and all it could say was “Who is it?” On day her house plumbing started to leak so she called a plumber and scheduled a service call. At the scheduled time for the plumber she got called away for an emergency. When the plumber arrived, he was an older man, he knocked on t...

Bro#1 : Hey, how come you never talk about your childhood?

Bro#2 : oh... I come from a broken home.

Bro#1 : What happened?

Bro#2 : The plumbing never worked.

Bro#1 : Not really a broken home.

Bro#2 : You could not flush the toilet....

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I notice a lot of different plumbing trucks with the slogan, "We're #1 in the #2 business!"

One of them has to be full of shit.

Plumber

There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
She said stop your plumbing, I hear someone coming.
The plumber still plumbing said IT'S ME!

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What would life be without plumbing?

Shitty

[just wrote this one] Political Massage

So I went to this masseur. Great reputation. People say he’s good with his hands.

We get down to business, and he starts asking me about politics.

He asks, “So are you for states or against states? You’ll get a different massage depending on your answer.”

I guess he’s probably a...

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An Old Man’s Health Check Up.

Doctor: Well everything seems to be fine, I guess this is the end of our appointment. See you next year...

Old Man: Wait! Doctor I have to ask you about a “plumbing” problem I have.

Doctor: Well than would you please elaborate than.

Old Man: Gladly. So the problem is I wiss lik...

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Do Ewoks shit in the woods?

No, they have Endor plumbing

An engineer dies, and by some mistake he is sent to hell.

Satan was unsure of why the engineer was sent down there, but he might as well be of use. He commissioned the engineer to install AC, plumbing, various water features, and many other amenities that really started to turn hell into a pretty decent place.

God, on the other hand, took notice of ...

A mechanic dies, and, not being a very religious man, gets sent to hell. While in hell, the mechanic meets Satan, and he is shown the ins and outs of Hell.

While wandering around, the mechanic starts doing the thing he's best at --
fixing stuff. In a matter of weeks, Hell has air conditioning, working TV's
and indoor plumbing, all being maintained and improved by the mechanic.

Seeing this from heaven, God calls Satan over and demands to ha...

St. Peter conducts a census in heaven and realises someone is missing.

So he goes to the computer and realises that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell. He get’s on the phone to Old Nick.

St. Peter: So, Nick, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?

Nick: Bob? No way. Not going to. Since...

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One day a husband comes home from work . . .

. . . and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?"

The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?"

A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, my car won't start. I think it needs a ne...

I plan to run power out to my barn.

I’d like to have plumbing as well but that may just be a pipe dream.

A man comes to a priest for confession.

Priest: What’s on your mind?

Man: I have a confession.

Priest: Go on.

Man: A few days ago a girl friend of mine asked me to come help her with a plumbing issue. I agreed and came over to help her out. Once I was about to leave she looked outside and saw that it was raining. She ...

Read this one online a while back

An engineer dies and goes to hell. At first, he's reluctant to come to terms with where he is.

The devil sees him, and says" Cheer up, hell isn't so bad. I'll prove it, you can have the best room in the house."

The engineer happily accepts and is led to something that looks like it was...

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3 Newfie’s are talking about how dumb their wives are

Three Newfies are sitting around talking about how dumb their wives are.
First one:
“Boy, my wife she’s right dumb, she went and bought a brand new dishwasher.”
“Cost $2000”
“We ain’t even got indoor plumbing!”

“Awe jeez b’y, you think that’s dumb?”
“Oh me nerves, my wife’s so ...

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Bubba was sitting on his porch with his buddies...

Joe Bob and Billy Ray, drinking Alone Star long necks discussing their wives' intelligence.

Joe Bob says, "My wife is so dumb she bought a Hoover vacuum cleaner and we don't even have electricity."

After a good laugh, Billy Ray says, "My wife is so dumb she bought a washing machine and...

Stopping the leaks

A urologist in London had a leak in his bathroom on a Sunday. He called a plumber who charged him a £50 call out fee plus another £100 for fixing the problem in 15 minutes.
The urologist was shocked and said to the plumber - I am a Urologist and I fix human water works and I don't get paid this ...

A group of engineers are sent to survey America's oldest prison...

They review the entire infrastructure and color code the problems. The worst of which are few support columns and plumbing in the solitary units.

The warden looked over the findings and asked for a summary, the engineer replied "the biggest problems are in cells and the red pillars"

Three dumb guys are in a bar talking about their cheating wives...

First guy says, "I'm sure my wife is having an affair with a plumber. Yesterday when I came home I found a lot of plumbing equipment under our bed that don't belong to me."

Second guy says, "I'm sure my wife is having an affair with an electrician. I came home yesterday to find an electrician...

In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity.

Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of the weather.

To help the Sioux, Edison insta...

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three college students are trying to join a fraternity...

They are told they have to spend the night in a derelict house thought by students to be haunted. When the three students enter, it is cold, there are few soft places to sleep, and no working water or plumbing. The first student walks up the stairs and discovers the only bedroom in the house. He qui...

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, “That will be $200.”
The surgeon was astonished. He says, “I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.”
The plumber says, “Yeah, I know. ...

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So a man is at a fancy restaurant, and he needs to use the bathroom...

...so he pulls the waiter aside and asks to use the bathroom.

"I am sorry, sir," the waiter replied, "but the Men's bathroom is currently unavailable due to plumbing issues. We're working to fix these now."

The man's face turned to one of desperation. "What about the ladies' restroom?"...

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