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Sewer Jokes

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Did you hear that a sewer pipe broke at the football stadium during a game?

Apparently, the shit hit the fans.

What do you call a fun sewer?

An amoozement park.

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There were two rats living in a sewer.

There were two rats living in a sewer. One rat turns to the other and says, "I'm sick of this!"

"Sick of what?" replies the other rat.

"Sick of shit for breakfast, shit for lunch, shit for dinner, shit for tea - shit all day long. I'm just sick of it," says the first rat.

"Don't...

Your mom looks like a sewer....

Because her needlework is on point <3<3<3

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What did the plumber say when he cleaned out the sewer line.

"Shit's about to go down."

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A friend of mine was on holiday in Damascus, he fell in an open sewer and got stuck

He was in Syria's shit.

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I will never work at a sewer

I hate dealing with peoples' shit

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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

...

A guy was working in a sewer

When he stuck his head out to steal looks at all the women walking above him.

His coworker saw him, got upset and yelled to him, "get your head back in the gutter!"

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TIL Hell is just Heaven’s Sewer System

Holy Shit!

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Why do sewers have locks on them?

So people won't steal your shit.

How are a lid on a sewer and a pair of men's underwear the same?

They're both manhole covers.

What’s the difference between a sewer grate and a neckbeard?

A sewer grate is less of a drain in society.

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Don’t listen to the sewer.

It’s full of shit.

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Why are there so many gays in the sewer?

They love entering a manhole.

Amusingly, the flow of excrement in the sewer system is well-regulated.

And thanks to modern architectural decor, it’s all in all a pretty solid waste system.

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Why is the sewer such a happening place?

It's where shit goes down.

A passerby walks past a sewer manhole and sees an old man inside, waist deep, going through the sewage...

He asks... “ What are you doing down there??.?”

Old man replies:” Looking for my denture... I accidentally dropped it into the toilet and flushed it down the drain....”

Passer: “Surely you don’t expect to find it?!”

Old man:” Of course I do, already found three, but none of them...

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What did the sewer maintenance guy say after his light went out?

*"I can't see shit!"*

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I went to the sewer the other day...

It was a load of crap.

Why did the Christian convert quit his job at the sewer company?

Because entering manholes was no longer his thing.

What did the block mason say before he fired his employee for doing a poor job making sewer covers?

I'm about to end his manhole's career

Why are sewer covers called manholes?

If they were called womanholes, guys would keep trying to get in.

What does a clown living in a sewer and a person working in technical support have in common?

They both are from IT

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Sex is like pizza

Turtles are having it in the sewers

Three engineers are trying to figure out what sort of engineer God is

The mechanical engineer says "God must be a mechanical engineer. Look at how perfectly our joints are assembled and how fluid our movements are!"

The electrical engineer says "Not at all, God must be an electrical engineer. The bio-electric processes in our brain exceed anything we can invent...

In honor of my uncle, an English professor who just passed away, here’s one of his jokes about grammar pedants

A grammarian fell into a sewer. Someone came and said, “Need help?”

The grammarian was offended at his language. “You would have made sense if you had said, ‘Do you need any help?’” he rebuked.

A second man came and spoke as the first. Again, the pedant was offended and said, “You wou...

Earth meets Water, and sees that he’s feeling a bit low, so he asks, “hey Water, why is your head in the sewer?” to which Water responds,

“I dunno, I guess I’m a wee bit drained”

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My brother is a city sewer inspector. He just came back from a job and told me he found an alligator down there.

What a croc of shit

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When I was a kid there were reports of alligators in the sewers that would come up through toilets.

It turned out to be a croc of shit.

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What do you call a poop expert?

A ConnoisSEWER

... sorry

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You've asked for more Russian jokes...

The sewer system is broken and is full of shit. Maintenance crew arrived. The old experienced guy jumps into the sewer and asks the young apprentice to pass him a tool, then another one. Finally, after it's fixed, he gets out of the sewer, covered in shit from head to feet and says:
"Learn from t...

my friend was found dead in a drain.

The police said he had killed himself.

"How can you be sure" I asked.

They said "it's clearly sewer-cide"

Did you hear about the guy who tried to kill himself by jumping into a manhole?

The authorities called it attempted sewer-cide.

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A plumber apprentice, carrying a large, heavy tool box and a master plumber go out for a job.

They get to an overflowing sewer with poop floating on top. The master puffs his cigarette a few times and put it to rest on a rock. Takes his hat off, hold his breath and dips his head into the water to take a look. After a second or so, gets his head out:

"Give me the 9/16 wrench!"
...

How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce the word "sewer".

A man killed himself next to a drain

It was sewer-side

Shredder finally defeated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

All he had to do is to throw a box of plastic straws to the sewer system.

Some dude died in the gutter

It was ruled a sewer cide

Politics in terms of cows

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The state takes a high portion of the milk they produce to be redistributed.


COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The State takes both of them and you have to get into a bread line for food instead.


FASCISM: You have two cows. The State will kill you ...

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?

The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!

The electrical engineer responded that, wi...

50 Cent goes to a small town for a concert and meets the mayor.

The mayor, being a fan and trying to be casual, offers to show him around town. Before long, he realizes that 50 cent seems to be a little off, because he is asking the mayor to identify inanimate objects. He points to a sewer, and the mayor says, "Sewer." He points to a streetlight, and the mayor p...

An explosives expert liked to blow up bombs beside the city's underground septic lines. One day, while planting a device, he made a fatal mistake...

The newspapers called him a sewer side bomber.

A man was walking down the street and he saw a monkey jumping up and down on a manhole

The monkey would jump on the manhole while saying “Forty two, forty two, forty two”. The man was curious and went to investigate.

When prompted, the monkey said nothing of his actions. The man decided to do what the monkey had done, and jumped several times on the manhole saying “Forty two, ...

My computer broke and I gave it to the IT guy.

It’s been several days and I haven’t gotten out of the sewer.

What do you call someone that's really into drainage systems?

A Connoi-sewer

What kind of engineer is God?

three engineers are arguing what type of engineer god is.


The first one, a mechanical engineer, says he must be a mechanical look at the muscles and bone structure.


The second, a electrical engineer, say he is an electrical, look at the brain and the nervous system. ...

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3 Engineers

3 Engineers are discussing God and the human body.

The first Engineer says God has to be an Electrical Engineer, who else could wire up such a complicated system?

The second Engineer says God has to be a Structural Engineer, who else could build such a strong and sturdy frame?

...

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A poop walks into a bar.

He jumps up onto a bar stool and sits there for a moment, waiting to be served.

The barman spots the poop on the stool, looks around the bar and shouts, "HEY! How did this get here?!"

"Well, it's a long story... " says the poop, "basically, I woke up in the sewer last year and sudden...

A man drove by an asylum and got a flat tire...

As he begins to change the tire, he sees a man in a window watching him from the insane asylum.

Nervous as he changes his tire, he drops the lugnuts down the sewer drain.

Now he's stuck on what to do

The patient in the window yells down at the man.
"Hey! ...hey! Up here! T...

A tourist wandering through the back alleys of San Francisco’s Chinatown finds his way into an antique store

A bronze statue of a rat catches his eye, and he asks for its price.


“The rat costs twelve dollars,” the shopkeeper says, “and it will be a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”


The tourist, being a shrewd American, pays for the rat, telling the old man he can keep hi...

How we know that God is not an engineer

When designing the human body, an engineer would not run a sewer line through a recreational area.

Three engineers are sitting at a bar and the bartender asks "If God were an engineer what type would he be."

The first engineer says "He'd be a mechanical engineer. Think about all the bones in the human body and well they work together."

The second engineer says "Well, God was most likely an electrical engineer. Consider the human brain and the complexity of the nervous system."

The third ...

Why is it a terrible idea to get in a legal dispute with anyone at the sanitation department?

They have lots of Sewers

Diesel Fitter

Because of the down turn of the economy, Marv and Billy were laid off. They went to the unemployment office to file for unemployment.

When asked his occupation, Marv said, "Crotch sewer. I sew the crotches on to panty hose." The clerk looked up sewer and found it classified as unskilled labo...

What Engineer Designed The Human Body?

Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body.

The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer.

The electrical engineer diagrams...

Bombing

Terrorists in Baghdad recently blew up a drainage system. Police there are calling it a sewer-side bombing..

A cardiologist, a psychologist, and a civil engineer are out golfing

The cardiologist pauses and says, "You know, the more I think about it the more sense it makes that God must have been a cardiologist. Look at our anatomy! Look at our hearts and all of our blood vessels perfectly moving blood through the body! I don't see how anyone but the best cardiologist cou...

How to get a divorce

Wife: Honey, how do I look?

Husband: Like a.. Well, great!

Wife: Good great or bad great?

Husband: Overflowing sewer grate.

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux got fired

They go to the unemployment office and Boudreaux goes in first. The man behind the desk says “Mr. Boudreaux, I’m sorry to hear that you lost your job. What did you do for a living?” Boudreaux replies “I’m a diesel fitter.” The clerk says, “Okay, diesel fitter is skilled labor, so we can give you...

A man is walking down Main Street in a small town, browsing the shops.

He goes into a curio shop, and peruses through all the knickknacks. In front of the register, there is a glass case with several expensive items. One item catches his eye; a little gold rat, slightly smaller than the real thing. He asks the shopkeeper what's the deal with the gold rat.

"Ahhh,...

The Chinese Curio Shop

A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it He took it to the old shop owner and as...

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A man is driving down the road trough an isolated forest when suddenly he gets a flat tire

A man is driving down the road trough an isolated forest when suddenly he gets a flat tire.

He stops and starts changing the tire when a huge storm starts.

With all the rain the screws got washed away trough the sewers.

He's pissed and soaked lost in the middle of nowhere at nig...

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Topical Jokes (5/16)

Another day has gone by. And, of course, we now have a new set of jokes. Some of these are weirder but let's begin!

Inside int'l experts believe that Kim Jong Un may have two babies by two different women. In a quick response to the rumor, President Obama has appointed a new consul to North K...

One day a man got a flat tire...

... right in front of an insane asylum. "Dagnabbit!" he cursed as he pulled a jack and a tire iron from his trunk. Just then he noticed a man in a white hospital gown staring at him from up on a hill behind the wrought iron bars.

The driver set about his task. He popped the hubcap off, loose...

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The Brass Rat

A man, visiting San Francisco, noticed a musty curio shop, which seemed to be forgotten by time. It seemed very out of place in the busy city. The man's curiosity was piqued, and he entered the shop. The store didn't seem to have much traffic, and the shelves were full of dusty, but interesting item...

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Uncle Eddy, Grandmaster of Great Jokes and Hilarious Comebacks

Little Jimmy was walking down the road, kicking the dust, when suddenly he found two circus tickets. He runs home to his father and says: "Daddy! Daddy! I have found two tickets to the circus! Will you come to the circus with me?"

"I'm sorry son, but your mother is sick, I'm taking care of he...

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