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Outhouse Jokes

Putin’s Greatest Fear is the Magic Outhouse

When you are heading toward it, you’re Russian, but when you are inside European, and when you’re done, you’re Finnish!

Ma & Pa and the outhouse

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out...

"Pa you need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin' wrong with it."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is; now git out there and fix it."

So.......Paw mosies out to the outhouse, looks around,...

A guy is camping and finds his buddy standing over an outhouse toilet about to drop a $50 bill down the hole.

“What on earth are you doing?” he asks his buddy.

His friend replies “I was taking a dump and a $10 bill fell out of my pocket and went down the hole…… and I sure as hell ain’t going down there for ten bucks”.

The outhouse

Maw asked paw one day to fix the outhouse.
So paw went out and though he didn’t see anything wrong with it, figured he’d put a fresh coat of paint on it.

A day later,
Maw: “Paw, I really do wish you’d fix the outhouse…”

Paw took a look again but didn’t see anything wrong with it...

There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse...

... He heard a noise, so he looked inside. Lo and behold, there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there in that awful hole?" The Indian replied, "Many moons."

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What happens when an outhouse becomes a regular house?

Nobody gives a shit.

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“You dug the watering hole where the outhouse used to be…”

“…well shit.”

Outhouse

A boy is waiting for the school bus and decides to push over the outhouse. When he gets home his father is waiting for him, belt in hand. He says, "Son, did you push over the outhouse?" The son replies, "Well, Dad, we learned about George Washington in school today and like him I cannot tell a lie. ...

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A city guy needs a bio break while driving through the country. He stops at a gas station, and they only have an outhouse.

He goes back to the outhouse, and there are two holes, one of them in use. He goes up to use the other one.

After he's done, 75 cents falls out of his pocket while he's pulling up his trousers. He looks in the hole, finishes pulling up his trousers and pulls out his wallet. He pulls out two h...

The Farmer and the Outhouse

One night, a farmer's outhouse is knocked over.

In the morning, the farmer approaches his son and asks, "Son, did you knock over the outhouse last night?"

"No Dad, I didn't."

"Son ... let me tell you a story. When George Washington was a little boy, he chopped down his father's...

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A man is using an outhouse....

and is taking a pleasant dump one hot summer evening. As he finishes, he stands up, wipes, and begins to pull his pants up. As his pants are coming up a dollar and fifty cents falls out of his pocket and lands in the hole from which he has just risen. "Goddamnit!" he exclaims in anger as he hurriedl...

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A hillbilly is taking a dump in the outhouse when a dollar bill falls out his pocket and down into the hole.

A hillbilly is taking a dump in the outhouse when a dollar bill falls out his pocket and down into the hole full of sewage.

He starts cursing and storms out of the outhouse.

His buddy looks at him and asks “what’s wrong? What happened??”

“Well I was in there taking a dump and ...

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Animals in the forest have a meeting. The bear as the chief of the forest decides to create an outhouse and they immediatelly built it.

The next day the outhouse has broken window.

So the Bear called everyone and said:

Who knows something about that?

A squirel put her arm up and says:

"I know something about that.."

"I was jumping from a branch to a branch and suddenly the wolf took me, clean his a...

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Animals built an outhouse

Forest animals decided, that they don't like stepping on crap every day, so they got together and built an outhouse.

Everything was great and forest floor was much cleaner after that. But one day, they found out, that window on the outhouse was broken. So they held a meeting, where they were ...

A long time ago, an Indian chief fell into an outhouse.

An Indian chief fell into an outhouse.

Several days later a man went into the outhouse and noticed the chief. Startled the man asked, "How long have you been in there?"

"Many moons my son, many moons!"

And that was my favorite joke as a kid.

A cowboy peers down the pit of an outhouse...

He sees an Indian standing at the bottom.
He asks, "How long have you been down there?"
The Indian replies: "Many moons."

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two guys are out golfing and they realize they have to go to the bathroom

Two guys are out golfing when one of the golfers turns the other one it says "oh man I got to go to the bathroom."

The other one looks at him and says "yeah me too. But you better go first, I'm going to be in there a while."

So the first guy runs across the green goes into the Outhouse...

What do a missile silo and an Alaskan outhouse have in common?

They both contain IC BMs.

Have you read the book Fifty Yards to the Outhouse by...

Willie Makit,published by Betty Don't,and illustrated by Doris Lock?

Anyone ever read " thousand miles to the outhouse" by Willie Makeit

Published by Betty Dident.

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Santa & Preeto on a farm!

Santa Singh and his wife Preeto were living in Assam on a farm up in the hills.


One day, Santa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Preeto that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.


Preeto says, "Why don't you go...

What does Disney have in common with a guy in an outhouse in Chicago?

They’re both making frozen number two.

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A tourist is walking through an isolated village in India

As his walk progresses, his stomach starts to gurgle and his butt puckers like the mouth of an infant who was cruelly given a lemon.

He looks around for a place to privately relieve himself. He sees an outhouse and rushes inside. In the outhouse is just a short divider wall to lean over and...

George Washington's Cherry Tree

A man approaches his son and asks, "Did you push our outhouse into the ditch yesterday?"

The boy replies "No, father; I didn't push the outhouse into the ditch."

The man says "Did I ever tell you about George Washington, a great American hero? When George Washington was a child, he g...

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming....

Two old Norwegians, Sven and Oli, were drinking coffee one morning and complaining about farming. Sven complained of the costs of fertilizer, and Oli asked why he didn't just use the nightsoil from his outhouse? Sven said, "Ya, well I used to, but I really hate shoveling it all out."

Now, O...

The Farmer and the Cherry Tree

A farmer rounded up his three sons and said sternly "I want to know which of you boys pushed the outhouse over, but before I do I want to tell you a story. When George Washington was a boy, he chopped down his father's favorite cherry tree. When his father asked, George admitted his deed, saying, ...

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Shortly after the Revolutionary War, the American war hero Ethan Allen was in London for some business.

His hosts were very patriotic Englishmen, so there was inevitably some tension between them. One day, they acquired a portrait of George Washington and hung it in their outhouse, so that you could only see it when you were seated and the door was closed.

After Ethan came in from using it late...

In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity.

Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of the weather.

To help the Sioux, Edison insta...

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Camping in the woods

A group was out camping when one of them heard a faint voice. “Fire!” He looked around, but didn’t see any smoke. A few minutes later, a couple of them heard the voice, more urgent this time. “Fire!“

Even though they still didn’t see any smoke, they started following the voice. Every so often...

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I got this one from the 2012 film 'Lincoln'

Ethan Allen was a Revolutionary War hero who had occasion to visit England shortly after peace was declared. During this trip, Allen’s British hosts pelted him with jokes about Americans and General Washington in particular and one day they got a picture of General Washington which was conspicuously...

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at a comunitty outhouse while camping

A man is taking a piss when another man enters. Shuffling to do his business, the new comer acidently drops a $5 bill down into the muck below.

Noticing the original occupant says "that sux" but is flabbergasted as the new man pulls out his wallet and drops a $20 down there as well. "Why'd ...

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Joke from my southern grandmother

I haven’t seen this one on here before, but maybe I’ve just missed it. Here goes:

Back yonder in the olden days, little Johnny would have to walk to the school house for class. As with many young children, Johnny was very imaginative and would play pretend with sticks and branches, sword figh...

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in for a penny, in for a pound

A farmer is in the outhouse, and when he pulls up his pants, a quarter rolls out of his pocket and falls down the hole. He swears and pulls out his wallet and throws down a $5 bill. Later as he's telling his wife about the ordeal, she asks, “Wait, why’d you throw in the $5 bill?” He replied, “Well I...

An old Navajo is being chased by settlers...

He runs into the nearest structure he can find, which happens to be an outhouse. Unshaken, he jumps in and hides. The settlers give up on their chase and the old Navajo is seemingly stuck.

A few days later, a young Navajo walking into the outhouse and sees the old Navajo still hiding.
...

Did you hear about the guy

Who traded his wife in for an outhouse?

He said the hole was smaller and smelled better.

What do you call a guy/girl with no arms and no legs jokes. (WDYCAGWNAANL)

Ok these are pretty common, so I'll start with a couple of standards and then add some I came up with.

WDYCAGWNAANL in a mailbox? Bill

WDYCAGWNAANL in front of a door? Matt

WDYCAGWNAANL in the water? Bob

WDYCAGWNAANL in a pile of leaves? Russel.

In a hole? Doug....

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The Ambassador to England

Just after the war of 1812, an ambassador to England from the United States had been dispatched in order to maintain the peace with the English. The diplomat was invited to a formal dinner with many important members of the English Government as they discussed peace talks and opening diplomacy.
...

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I've got a few books you guys might like to read

~100 Yards to the Outhouse, the True Story of Willy Maket by Betty Dont

~One Legged Woman
by Eileen Offtin

~The Yellow River
by I.P. Freely

~Stripper Bliss
by Ivana Taketoff

~Lines in the Sand
by Dick Dragon

A polish guy and a German guy are arguing..

The polish guy said Polish people are the smartest people in the world. He'd even made ludicrous claims. He said the Polish people invented the outhouse. The German looks at him and says "yes, but it was us DAMNED Germans who put the hole in the floor"

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A hunting story.

So three buddies were on a hunting trip in the mountains. It had been an exhausting trip but they had managed to kill a couple of dear and were back at their campsite late at night. One of them was facing the dilemma of answering nature's call or just simply crashing into his sleeping bag for the ni...

A Pilot Is On A Plane About To Crash

A pilot is flying a plane when all of the sudden the plane begins to go down. Panicked, the pilot attempts to throw things out of the plane to make it lighter.

He announces this and is given three items a apple, a banana, and a bomb. He desperately throws them all out of the window one at a ...

Hillbilly Ma says to her son,

"Jethro, I need you to fix the outhouse."

"What fer ma?"

"Jis go 'n hava look."

So Jethro walks out to the outhouse, opens the door, and looks, "I don't see nothin wrong here ma," he says.

"Look closer," says Ma. Jethro moves into the outhouse.

"Still don't see nu...

A farmer sitting on his porch

A farmer is sitting on his porch, when he hears a loud crash behind his house. So he grabs his gun takes off out back and sees his outhouse destroyed reindeer laying on the ground Santa's sleigh laying on its side. Then Santa stands up, yelling "Rudolph, you idiot I said the Schmidt house! "

A man gathered all of his children together and said...

“Children when George Washington knocked down the cherry tree, he told his father honestly that it was him , now answer me honestly, Who knocked down the outhouse?

Finally the youngest son admitted it was him, at which he received a lashing he wouldn’t soon forget. “That's not fair” complain...

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The farmer's wife makes dinner.

The farmer's wife makes dinner. She cuts down a chicken from the coop, opens it and guts it out. Because there's no use of it, she takes the guts to the outhouse and throws it down the gutter.

Later that night, after finishing dinner together, the wife goes to sleep, while the farmer drinks s...

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Back around 1800...

A very patriotic American goes to visit England. The locals listen to his accent and determine he's from America. At hotel where he's staying, there's only one outhouse to use, and the locals hang up a portrait of George Washington on the inside, thinking he would be offended. However, they watch as...

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A distressed guy walks into a bar...

He sees his friend sitting at the counter and he pulls out the $60 dollars he owes him and gives it to him while ordering a shot for himself.

"Thanks man," his friend said. "But what's wrong with you, you all right?"

The distressed man looks at his friend, sighs, and downs his shot. He...

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Two guys driving out in the countryside (long)

So these two guys are out driving in the countryside and the car comes to a slow stop. "oh shit we have run out of petrol" says the one driving. " Look there's a farmhouse over there you stay here and I will go see if I can get some won't be long". So he knocks on the farmhouse door and there is no ...

A social worker from a big city.....

.....recently transferred to the sticks in south Georgia and was on the first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life.

Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.

'Anybody home?' she asked.

'Yep,' came a kid's voice thr...

A blind guy (Dale) goes to a lumber yard looking for a job. Once he finds the freemans office he introduces himself and asks for a job.

The foreman (Greg) is unsure how a blind guy can work at a lumber yard and expresses his concerns.

Dale explains that bind people usually have heightened senses in the other areas. In his case his sense of smell is extra keen.

Greg tells him Dale that he doesn't understand how that wi...

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