How much time per day so you waste on Facebook?

2 hours.

How much time per day do you spend on Facebook?

I just told you 2 hours.

So you admit 100% of your Facebook time is wasted.

Never invest in Waste Management companies

All of those companies are trash

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If scientists perfect our nutrition so that our bodies metabolize 100% of what we eat with zero waste, we may evolve to a pinnacle of civilization. Why?

There will be no more assholes in the world.

A supposed friend of mine and I were having a heated discussion about all this plastic waste we’re generating. I decided we couldn’t be friends anymore after he brought up straws.

I can’t be friends with someone who makes straw-ban arguments.

Having both a shower and toilet is a waste

Why have both when I can easily drink from the toilet?

The media keeps trying to assassinate the character of Donald Trump and I think it is a waste of time...

You can't assassinate what isn't there.

People say that I always waste my time in front of the computer

Never seen them since

It's a sad day. After several years of medical training & hard work, a friend of mine has been struck off after just 1 minor indiscretion - he slept with one of his patients and is now barred from his profession. An utter waste of training and money.

He's a genuinely nice guy too, and an excellent vet

I heard China recently banned plastic waste

They better not let Kim Kardashian in this week.

Hobo is looking for food in waste containers near MIT campus...

...and suddenly sees a nude drunk young woman sleeping in one of the containers. He wakes her up and asks her:

"What is the second law of thermodynamics?"

Before falling back asleep girl looks at him with dull gaze and answers:

"T... total entropy of an isolated system can never...

I’ve been informed that jokes about acids are a waste of time.

They say that basic jokes have a higher potential.

What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a barrel of radioactive waste?

Nothing. They should both be locked up and labelled "dangerous substance"

All-u-can-eat seafood buffets are such a waste.

They’re total overkrill.

I challenge you to waste time.

Done.

I waste so much time trying to strangle myself for pleasure when I should be being productive

I wish I'd never got into autoerotic procrastination.

Hey guys, I’m looking to hire a group of people to move toxic waste from a nearby nuclear reactor.

I’m not gonna pay anyone but I’m sure you’ll get plenty of exposure.

Dave got his wife a French maids costume to get her in the mood but it was a complete waste.



The house is still messed up as usual.

Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water

so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

Toys R Us black friday deals suck this year, don't waste your time...

...travel equipment.

Don't waste time brushing your teeth when you are young.

Simply put your dentures in the dishwasher when you're older.

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After i waste my first wish from the genie i decide to do something great...

Genie: you have 2 wishes left

Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead

Penie: and your final wish?

Me: I wish the e at the end of every word was an s instead.

Penis:

Ms: nics.

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

Orion’s Belt is a big waste of space.

That was a terrible joke. Three stars.

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

What's a communists favorite way to waste time?

Stalin.

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I always feel bad for the kids in africa when I waste water..

And when I leave the oven on, I feel bad for the jews.

I know a place where over 50% of the waste is recycled.

Germany; 65% in fact.

Don't waste your money on drinking, spend money to travel the world...

..and drink while travelling

I asked my dad to borrow a newspaper. "We don't waste paper in the 21st century, here use my iPad" he said

I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him...

Space heaters are such a waste of electricity

I’m on Earth.

I was just on Trip Advisor and it was a complete waste of time!

There's absolutely *no* information about twisted ankles or skinned knees!

What do you call a sea creature that doesn't waste time?

A-fish-in-sea

What did the policeman say to the missing waste collector?

Where you bin man?

What's the best response when someone wastes your time?

Answers below please....

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

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It's a waste of time asking me about my sexuality...

You'd never get a straight answer.

Why did New York get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste sites?

New Jersey picked first.

LPT: Don't waste a bit more money for the brand-name bleach; it isn't any different than the bargain brand

They taste exactly the same

What do you get when you combine an excess of waste and recycling?

r/jokes

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What do you get when you cross a waste of a human and human waste?

Ashit Pai

I went to a theme park today, but I honestly thought it was a waste of money.

If I wanted to wait ages for a quick thrill, I'd go home to my wife.

I came here to write jokes and waste your time

But I'm out of jokes, so I'll just waste your time

If you don't eat that, it will go to waste.

If you *do* eat it, it will go to waist.

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

I thought chiropractors were a waste of money

But I stand corrected.

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."

The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."

The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline throu...

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A particularly disheveled scientist discovered a way to convert human waste into a functioning liver.

When asked about the inspiration for his discovery he said "it was the only way I was ever going to get my shit organ-ized"

I don't waste my hate on people. I only hate objects.

Good thing my ex is a tool

To celebrate the new year, the UK set off tonnes of fireworks in London. GF: this is such a waste of money. There are homeless people and people starving, and the government pay for this!

Me: yes, but blowing them up would be wrong.

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Scientist have discovered a way to make food that, after eaten, produces absolutely no solid waste.

They expect that within a few million years, humanity will physically evolve to accommodate our new digestive requirements. They also predict the world will become a utopia, because there will be no assholes.

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A man finds a magic lamp from which a genie suddenly pops out...

...the man can not believe what he sees but quickly understands what it means. In excitement, he starts reciting his first wish when the genie cuts him.

"You who saved me from my curse shall receives three wishes as symbol of my gratitude, all though, I should firs-"

"Spare me the det...

Why fart and waste it?

When you can burp and taste it.

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A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

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Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on.

The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste", and rides him. The second nurse does the same.

The third nurse hesitates and explains she is on her period, but decides to ride him anyways.

All of a sudden the man sits up and and the nurses apologize explaining how that thought ...

Praying for salvation...

One rainy day, a very religious woman was standing on her front porch watching as the river across the street started to rise up its banks. A policeman drove down the road and saw her, pulled his cruiser up her drive, and got out.

"Excuse me miss," he called over to the woman, "but the rains ...

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

What do you do in the bathroom if you are trying to waste time?

Stall

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The Shepherd and the Cloaked Stranger

One day a sheep was grazing in its field, when it looked up to see the shepherd talking with a cloaked stranger. Once the conversation had finished, the shepherd hurried over to the sheep.

"Sheep, sheep!" said the shepherd. "I just met the strangest man! He kept saying, 'Shop cheese the is...

I read the punch line first so I don't waste time on jokes I already know

I know I'm not the only one who does this.

Some of these jokes ought to have their own subreddits.

A group of trapped miners is finally freed after 188 days trapped underground. The media is all over the story, and the miners are immediately put in front of bright lights, cameras and...

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

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