Hobo is looking for food in waste containers near MIT campus...

...and suddenly sees a nude drunk young woman sleeping in one of the containers. He wakes her up and asks her:

"What is the second law of thermodynamics?"

Before falling back asleep girl looks at him with dull gaze and answers:

"T... total entropy of an isolated system can never...

People say that I always waste my time in front of the computer

Never seen them since

The media keeps trying to assassinate the character of Donald Trump and I think it is a waste of time...

You can't assassinate what isn't there.

What's the difference between an anti-vaxxer and a barrel of radioactive waste?

Nothing. They should both be locked up and labelled "dangerous substance"

I’ve been informed that jokes about acids are a waste of time.

They say that basic jokes have a higher potential.

All-u-can-eat seafood buffets are such a waste.

They’re total overkrill.

I challenge you to waste time.

Done.

It's a sad day. After several years of medical training & hard work, a friend of mine has been struck off after just 1 minor indiscretion - he slept with one of his patients and is now barred from his profession. An utter waste of training and money.

He's a genuinely nice guy too, and an excellent vet

Hey guys, I’m looking to hire a group of people to move toxic waste from a nearby nuclear reactor.

I’m not gonna pay anyone but I’m sure you’ll get plenty of exposure.

Dave got his wife a French maids costume to get her in the mood but it was a complete waste.

​

The house is still messed up as usual.

Toys R Us black friday deals suck this year, don't waste your time...

...travel equipment.

Don't waste time brushing your teeth when you are young.

Simply put your dentures in the dishwasher when you're older.

Don't waste toilet paper.

Use both sides.

Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water

so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

I waste so much time trying to strangle myself for pleasure when I should be being productive

I wish I'd never got into autoerotic procrastination.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

After i waste my first wish from the genie i decide to do something great...

Genie: you have 2 wishes left

Me: I wish the letter G was the letter P instead

Penie: and your final wish?

Me: I wish the e at the end of every word was an s instead.

Penis:

Ms: nics.

Orion’s Belt is a big waste of space.

That was a terrible joke. Three stars.

A so-called friend of mine and I were having a heated discussion regarding what to do with all of the plastic waste we are generating. I decided we couldn’t be friends when he brought up straws.

I can’t be friends with someone who makes straw-ban arguments.

Don't waste your money on drinking, spend money to travel the world...

..and drink while travelling

I quit my job at the radioactive waste treatment plant.

It had a toxic work environment.

Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter.

He runs Facebook.

What's a communists favorite way to waste time?

Stalin.

Space heaters are such a waste of electricity

I’m on Earth.

I asked my dad to borrow a newspaper. "We don't waste paper in the 21st century, here use my iPad" he said

I can tell you this, that fly never knew what hit him...

I was just on Trip Advisor and it was a complete waste of time!

There's absolutely *no* information about twisted ankles or skinned knees!

What do you call a sea creature that doesn't waste time?

A-fish-in-sea

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I always feel bad for the kids in africa when I waste water..

And when I leave the oven on, I feel bad for the jews.

What's the best response when someone wastes your time?

Answers below please....

What did the policeman say to the missing waste collector?

Where you bin man?

A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It's a waste of time asking me about my sexuality...

You'd never get a straight answer.

I went to a theme park today, but I honestly thought it was a waste of money.

If I wanted to wait ages for a quick thrill, I'd go home to my wife.

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

A mailman notices a mail box with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

What do you get when you combine an excess of waste and recycling?

r/jokes

I came here to write jokes and waste your time

But I'm out of jokes, so I'll just waste your time

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a waste of a human and human waste?

Ashit Pai

Why did New York get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste sites?

New Jersey picked first.

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!

Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!

Afterwards she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At the gym I wear shirts that state "If you are not into Anal, DON'T WASTE MY TIME!!!"

I realized how gay that was....after bunch of guys were flocking to me

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

I thought chiropractors were a waste of money

But I stand corrected.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A particularly disheveled scientist discovered a way to convert human waste into a functioning liver.

When asked about the inspiration for his discovery he said "it was the only way I was ever going to get my shit organ-ized"

LPT: Don't waste a bit more money for the brand-name bleach; it isn't any different than the bargain brand

They taste exactly the same

If you don't eat that, it will go to waste.

If you *do* eat it, it will go to waist.

I don't waste my hate on people. I only hate objects.

Good thing my ex is a tool

To celebrate the new year, the UK set off tonnes of fireworks in London. GF: this is such a waste of money. There are homeless people and people starving, and the government pay for this!

Me: yes, but blowing them up would be wrong.

Three Engineers are having an argument...

The first says: "God must be a mechanical engineer -- just look at the joints in the human body."

The second says: "God is an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system."

The third says: "God has to be a civil engineer -- who else would run a waste disposal pipeline throu...

I arranged a fundraising event for victims of land mines last week. Total waste of time though!!

Only half the people turned up.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm.

When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on the shoulder...

"Want to make a bet while we wait?"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Scientist have discovered a way to make food that, after eaten, produces absolutely no solid waste.

They expect that within a few million years, humanity will physically evolve to accommodate our new digestive requirements. They also predict the world will become a utopia, because there will be no assholes.

What do you do in the bathroom if you are trying to waste time?

Stall

Gym Shoes (Based on a Real Story)

I’m in the locker room and after I put on my gym clothes I realize I don’t have my shoes in my gym bag. Go back to my car, not there.

Now I don’t work out much, which means getting myself to the gym is actually harder than the workout and I can’t waste an opportunity like this. So I notice ...

I read the punch line first so I don't waste time on jokes I already know

I know I'm not the only one who does this.

Some of these jokes ought to have their own subreddits.

A group of trapped miners is finally freed after 188 days trapped underground. The media is all over the story, and the miners are immediately put in front of bright lights, cameras and...

Given up hunting, fishing & drinking

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
...

While walking down the street a politician was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to Heaven", says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem. Just let me in," says ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why are waste facility managers so successful?

Because they're always on top of their shit!

Why do Electricians make terrible revolutionaries?

They know resistance is a waste of energy.