Derek, David, and Danny went out for a wild night on the town.

When they got back to the hotel, they found out that the elevator was out of service and that they were going to have to walk up 150 flights of stairs to reach their penthouse suite.

To pass the time, they decided Derek would tell jokes for the first 50 flights, David would tell happy storie...

Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract.

That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.

A girl was giving me

A girl was giving me a hand job last night.


“You’re really good at this,” I said, “what’s your secret?”


“Years of practice,” she giggled.


“You’ve done this to loads of guys then? I asked.


“No” came the reply, “my name used to be Derek.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My mate is shagging twins who both like it up the arse....

I told him he was a lucky bastard, and asked ‘how do you tell them apart?’

He replied ‘that’s easy, sally has massive tits and a nice shaved pussy, and Derek has a moustache with big hairy bollocks!’

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend`s shagging twins,who both like it up the ass. I asked "how do you tell them apart?" "Easy" he said...

Sallys got long blond hair,and Derek's got a moustache.

I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s....

My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Peter the Builder

Derek and his grandpa, Peter, are sitting up on a hillside. Peter says "you see that wall, I helped build that wall, but do they call me Peter the wall builder? nooo. You see that house? I built that house but do they call me Peter the housebuilder? no. You see that church? I built that church too, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So there's a new drink at the bar...

A man named Derek walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another man. The man looks over and says "Hey, have you heard of the new drink called 'Bounce'? It's amazing!"

Derek responds "Yeah? What's so special about it?"

In which the man replied "You wouldn't believe it, it makes you ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Pair of Twins

I've been shagging a pair of twins recently, and my friend asked me "How do you tell the difference?".
I told him "It's easy! Julie has long blonde hair..."
"..and Derek has a moustache"