Derek Chauvin didn’t commit suicide

Sorry, just practicing

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On the brightside of all the shit going down, at least Derek Chauvin will do fine in prison.

He is really good at getting on his knees and staying there.

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A teacher was giving her students a lecture about good manners.

She wanted to test how they would act in a certain circumstance, so she asked:
- Derek, imagine that you’re having dinner with a girl you love, and you suddenly want to go to the restroom during the meal. What would you say to her in this situation?
- “Stay right there, I’m going to pee.”
-...

Derek and Brian are having a drink together.

"You used to play football, didn't you?" Brian asks Derek.

"Yeah, I played til I was nearly 40." replies Derek.

"So which did you prefer, grass or astroturf?" asks Brian.

"I'm not sure Brian, I never smoked astroturf." answers Derek.

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Emma was not like the other girls. She didn't know why all the others were crazy about Derek. She felt more intimate with Jessie and the cheerleaders than with another guys. She was reaching a moment in her life when she had to ask herself the question.

Emma gay

Derek Chauvin

committed a fell on knee.

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Renouned psychic medium Derek Acorah died this morning.

Family find no peace in his passing. He still wont fucking shut up.

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Paint my porch.

A man was walking out of his local hardware store when he saw a fairly attractive twenty-something year old female standing on the sidewalk holding a sign- “Will do ANYTHING for $20.”

He smirked, walked over to her and made her a proposition. She accepted, and he drove her to his house. Afte...

Derek, David, and Danny went out for a wild night on the town.

When they got back to the hotel, they found out that the elevator was out of service and that they were going to have to walk up 150 flights of stairs to reach their penthouse suite.

To pass the time, they decided Derek would tell jokes for the first 50 flights, David would tell happy storie...

Derek Acorah got sacked from Most Haunted for advertising bio-yoghurt in breech of his contract.

That's what you get for dabbling in the Yakult.

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So Derek went skydiving today...

Before the jump, he was told by his instructor that when his altimeter signal went off he was to pull his main chute. If his main chute failed to deploy, he was instructed to count to 100 and then pull his emergency chute. After landing in the field below, a truck with cold beer would be waiting to ...

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My mate is shagging twins

My mates shagging twins who both like it up the arse. I asked how he tells them apart?

"That's easy", he said. "Sally's got massive tits and a nice shaved pussy. Derek has a moustache and big hairy bollocks"

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Everyone likes his brother better, but one day this guy finds a magic lamp...

Genie: You get three wishes

Guy: Finally! something for me and not for my asshole brother Derek

Genie: Oh, Derek's your brother? that guy is so cool -I wish he'd rubbed the lamp instead- ... Tell you what, I'll give you whatever you wish for, but I'll double it for Derek. This is j...

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My friend`s shagging twins,who both like it up the ass. I asked "how do you tell them apart?" "Easy" he said...

Sallys got long blond hair,and Derek's got a moustache.

A girl was giving me

A girl was giving me a hand job last night.


“You’re really good at this,” I said, “what’s your secret?”


“Years of practice,” she giggled.


“You’ve done this to loads of guys then? I asked.


“No” came the reply, “my name used to be Derek.”

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Peter the Builder

Derek and his grandpa, Peter, are sitting up on a hillside. Peter says "you see that wall, I helped build that wall, but do they call me Peter the wall builder? nooo. You see that house? I built that house but do they call me Peter the housebuilder? no. You see that church? I built that church too, ...

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Pair of Twins

I've been shagging a pair of twins recently, and my friend asked me "How do you tell the difference?".
I told him "It's easy! Julie has long blonde hair..."
"..and Derek has a moustache"

I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s....

My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."

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So there's a new drink at the bar...

A man named Derek walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another man. The man looks over and says "Hey, have you heard of the new drink called 'Bounce'? It's amazing!"

Derek responds "Yeah? What's so special about it?"

In which the man replied "You wouldn't believe it, it makes you ...

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