The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas.
The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Picture this: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues, the disease wipes out 99% of humanity and desperate survivors are forced to live in...
...a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Why do Mexican Vampires prefer Asians who have ticks?
They want that Corona and Lyme
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We finally removed some ticks from the donkey today.
They were being a pain in the ass.
What has 4 legs and ticks?
A dog
A man dies and goes to heaven
In heaven, he sees a wall of very large clocks.
He asks the Angel "What are all these clocks for?"
Angel answers "These are lie clocks, every person has one lie clock. Whenever you lie on earth, the clock ticks once."
The man points towards a clock and asks, "Who's clock...
Scientist say ticks will be especially bad this year
Guess we're going to have some cases of Corona with Lyme.
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Three ticks are living in a girls vagina
The first tick says âYou know what? Iâm gonna become an electrician so it wonât be so dark in hereâ
The second tick says âIâm gonna be a plumber so it wonât be so wet in hereâ
The third tick says âIâm gonna be a boxerâ the other ticks look at him confused and ask him why would he want ...
Got my homework back and it's full of big green ticks.
Anyone know what bug spray will get rid of them?
A health insurance company is offering a cheaper deal to anyone who ticks a box that says they promise not to eat shellfish.
They call it their No Clams Bonus.
It ticks me off whenever A European is confused about not being charged for extra refills when the answer is so simple...
Land of the free.
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a ÂŁ20 fell out onto the sidewalk. Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, âMaâam, there are ÂŁ20 notes falling out of that bag.â
âOh, really? Darn it!â said the little old lady. âIâd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer. âWell, now, not so fast,â said the cop.âWhere did you get all that money? You didnât steal it, did you?â âOh, no, noâ, said the old lady. âYou see, my back garden is ...
A guys dies and goes to heaven...
St. Peter is giving the guy a tour. They walk down a huge hallway filled with clocks. "What are all these clocks for" the guy asked. "Every person who has ever lived has a clock and every time they lie it ticks 1 second" St peter says "So where is george washingtons clocks at the guy asked...
I once knew a guy who cross bred insects for fun.
I liked the guy at first, but eventually I got tired of his crazy ant ticks.
Upon arriving at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, a man saw a massive wall of clocks.
He asked St Peter âwhat is with all the clocks?â
St Peter responded, âThese are the clocks of lies. Each person has a clock. Every time they lied on Earth the clock moves one tick.â
The man noticed a clock that wasn't moving. "Whose clock is that?" He asked. St Peter said that wa...
A recent archeological dig has uncovered a set of 2300 year old Roman gold rings, with a small golden figure of a Tick attatched to it, missing all its legs...
Archeologists originally believed it to be simple wear and tear, until it was discovered there were no signs of soldering on the bodies of the golden ticks, indicating they were intentionally made legless. A professor on the scene theorized that these rings were a gesture of romantic interest or a p...
What is the definition of politics?
Poly meaning many.
And ticks meaning blood sucking parasites.
Did you hear the one about the mute clock with Tourette's?
It ticks a lot but never talks.
what do kids with touretteâs and tall grass have in common?
ticks
A guy goes to hell...
And as Satan is walking him through, they go through a room with a bunch of clocks on the wall.
âWhat are these for?â The man asks.
âThese are the lives of politicians, every time they tell a lie, the clock ticks back,â Satan Replies.
âSee,â Satan says, âThereâs Gary Johnsonâsâ...
Really, Jen?
My sister, Jennifer, started a vlog where she could be 100% herself. She called it âReally Jenâ. She recently went hiking and was doing a video about group of ticks she came across in the woods which she swore were in a polyamorous relationship together, if you can believe it.
Anyway, she ask...
Politics Is the Most Accurate Word In English
It's made up of two other parts.
1 - Poly - meaning many 2 - Ticks - blood sucking insects.
I met a guy who cross-bred insects...
...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks.
Why does a mathematician with tourrettes lead a private life?
A good logician never reveals his ticks.
I hate when people make fun of my Tourette syndrome
It really ticks me off
A man dies and goes to heaven
A man dies and goes to heaven.
While entering the golden gates, he sees Saint Peter, surrounded by ticking clocks.
The man asks ¨what are those clocks for?¨
Saint Peter replies ¨These are lie clocks, and every time a person tells a lie, they tick. For example Mother Theresa gav...
Whatâs a good way to pass time with some bugs?
Magic ticks!
A Man visits Heaven and notices a wall of clocks...
The man asks God, "What are all those clocks for?"
"They represent each time someone lies. When they do, the clock moves one tick."
The man walks around, observing the clocks. "Who right here has zero ticks?" he questions.
"That would be Jesus' clock." replies God.
"What ...
My dad and I disagree on the way fish move.
But I donât see the point in arguing over salmon ticks.
My Favorite Politics Joke
A man goes to heaven.
He sees thousands of clocks everywhere.
He asks god why there are so many clocks.
God says that everyone, living or dead has a personal clock, and every time they tell a lie, it ticks one minute.
The man asks where Hillary Clintonâs clock is. ...
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