Someone told me today that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

Pretty obvious, since I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Humans are scared of hippos because they are violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year

But people kill way more people per year so that’s just being hippocritical.

Back in the Middle Ages, horses were actually more intelligent than humans!

There were so many smart horses that every knight could have a Nobel Steed!

If you could choose between living in a world of eternal peace, or in a world where humans live side by side with Pokémon ..

Which starter would you choose ?

What do humans and spreadsheets have in common?

They're all made of cells.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An angel asked God, “Why did you make sex so good for the humans?”

God said, “‘Cuz I want them to scream my name.”

What Do Humans Know About Bonsai Trees

Very Little

God: We should let these “humans” have time to rest.

Angel: Agreed

God: How about we have them go to sleep at night?

Angel: That sounds good! But how will they go to sleep?

God: That’s easy. We make them pretend to go to sleep for a few minutes, before it actually works and then they fall asleep.

Angel: ....

What’s the difference between a human and a bullet?

Humans miss JFK.

Since dinosaurs came earlier than humans...

They are pre-daters.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were 2 brothers, one who could see what animals were thinking but couldn't speak, the other could see what fellow humans were thinking and could speak

One day they get an idea, they would go around visiting people with pets, the one who could read animal minds would find anything the pet disliked about their life, then the one who could read human minds would read their brother's mind and inform the owner.

They both begin their business an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that aside from humans, dolphins are the only animals that have sex for pleasure?

I had to fuck a lot of animals to find that out.

Humans are born with four kidneys.

##

When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

Why is it hard for cows to stand on two feet like humans?

Because they lack-toes...

I’m a scientist who’s researching bestiality between humans and dogs…

If you'd like more details, I’ll be in my lab…

TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don't like the taste of monkey.

God creating humans

God: They will walk on 4 legs

Angel: Give them 2 legs and 2 arms

God: Ye, you're right

Angel: But give them toes

God: Why?

Angel: For the furniture, trust me it will be hilarious

God : LMAO, nice idea

It's amazing how far humans have come since the caveman days

when people used to communicate by writing on walls....oh wait, we still do.

90% of humans are actually perfect in every way

The other 10% are left-handed.

Humans are like drums

If you hit them with a stick they will make noise

All humans are catholic

Because they always have mass

Humans have a great mass of blood vessels.

In fact, if you stretched them all into one long line,
the human would die.

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