Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year

when in reality, people kill people way more per year... so that's just being hippocritical.

Dear Humans,

You get mad at me when I work....You get mad at me when I don't work.

Sincerely,

Confused alarm clock.

A new study says humans eat bananas more than monkeys.

I believe it. I know lots of people who eat bananas and none who eat monkeys.

A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

Baby Roach: "Papa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?"

Papa Roach: "Suffocation. No breathing."

Why can't humans hear over or under a certain frequency?

It hertz too much.

Some people say the difference between animals and humans is that animals never go to war.

They've never heard of Eric Burdon.

I never believed that scientists could clone humans...

...but once they proved me wrong, I was beside myself.

I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Initially I was proud of my participation in a trial for cloning humans...

...but now, I don't think I can live with myself.

What's the difference between camels and humans?

A camel only takes one to hump.

I don't like teachers who make me calculate with humans.

They commit math genocide on a daily basis.

A lot of people think humans having opposable thumbs contributed greatly to our evolution, but I don’t know...

...I think we just have a better grasp on things.

Hello everyone! I'm a scientist and I am researching bestiality between humans and dogs.

I will be in my Lab if you need me.

Did you ever hear of the Cannibal who figured out how to clone humans?

He's so full of himself.

Humans have evolved to longer need heads, being mostly machine. However, one remained in a museum to be preserved for generations.

I guess you could say it was a head of its time.

Chickens are stronger than humans.

Don't believe me? Let's see you pick up a piece of corn with your pecker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother shark is teaching her young one how to eat humans.....

"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"

"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"

"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat th...

Humans go through reincarnation. What do shoes go through?

A reboot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

The devil has started to get really self conscious about his receding hairline and is planning to take out his anger on the humans if he cant find a solution.....

There's going to be hell toupee

Humans can catch diseases from monkeys and bats, but why not anteaters?

Because they are filled with anty bodies.

The animals were bored.

Finally the lion had an idea. He tells the other animals how he's seen the humans play a game called American football. He proceeded to tell them how it's played and explained its rules. This got them excited.

They chose their teams and went out to an open field. The lion's team received, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Besides humans dolphins are one of very few species that have sex for fun..

But damn, I still don't like that weird silence in the car every morning I take them back to the zoo.

According to the Chinese Zodiac, 2020 was the Year of the Rat

So we've been spending the entire year holed up, only briefly leaving to get food, running at the sight of other humans, and transmitting infection.

"Mom, how did humans come to exist?"

"Well, you see, God created Adam and Eve..."

"But dad said we came from apes."

"He was talking about his family, I am telling you about mine."

TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys.

When they grow up, two of them become adult knees.

If Paw Patrol had humans instead of dogs

They'd probably look pretty weird while barking

What is the difference between humans and a bullet?

Humans miss John Lennon.

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