Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys,

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Why is it hard for cows to stand on two feet like humans?

Because they lack-toes...

God creating humans

God: They will walk on 4 legs

Angel: Give them 2 legs and 2 arms

God: Ye, you're right

Angel: But give them toes

God: Why?

Angel: For the furniture, trust me it will be hilarious

God : LMAO, nice idea

Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.

Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.

It's amazing how far humans have come since the caveman days

when people used to communicate by writing on walls....oh wait, we still do.

Humans are like drums

If you hit them with a stick they will make noise

Humans have a great mass of blood vessels.

In fact, if you stretched them all into one long line,
the human would die.

90% of humans are actually perfect in every way

The other 10% are left-handed.

Whats the difference between Humans and Bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

All humans are catholic

Because they always have mass

TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don't like the taste of monkey.

A boy asks his grand dad where humans cane from

The grand dad says “well, god created the earth and decided to make humans to populate it.”

The boy says “but that’s not what grand ma said!”

The grand dad asks “well what did she say?”

The boy says “grand ma says that a smart monkey girl had a baby with a smart monkey boy and ...

I asked a cannibal if humans tasted good.

He said it can vary from person to person.

Like "please" is the magic word for humans, "mom" is the magic word for lost items.

Calling out "Mom!" will make the item appear instantly out of nowhere.

I’m a scientist who’s researching bestiality between humans and dogs…

If you'd like more details, I’ll be in my lab…

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.

An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet. The alien's are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub. He sees ...

Humans are just like snowflakes. Each one is unique in its own way

And a large amount of them on my windshield makes it harder to drive.

Do you think turtles live longer than humans because...

they live a shell-tered life?

Is it wrong to hate an entire race?

I can't help it, though. Humans were just never meant to run 26 miles.

What do you call a group of humans?

An infestation.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A shark is teaching his kid how to eat humans

and he says "look son, first you swim full force at the human but at the last second, you turn away. Then you swim at him full force again, but again at the last second you swim away. Then you can go back and eat the human."


The son looks confused and asks, "But dad, why can't we just go ...

Humans can elope

Fruits cantaloupe.

The only reason why humans start wars

is because we have time to kill

How many humans does it take to save Earth from climate change?

None, and only none.

TIL: humans and bonobos are the only creatures that look into their partner's eyes during intercourse.

I never do though.. Except for that one time when I was going at it, and suddenly she entered the room.