99 bugs in the code...

99 bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code!
Take one down, patch it around.
127 bugs in the code.

Calling your bug spray company "Off" is really smart because when your thrifty wife tells you to buy the "off brand" you'll still be buying the expensive name brand item.

had this thought last night and I need help turning this into a joke

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea.

I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

What do you call a bug on the moon?

A luna tick

What do you call a domineering pill bug?

A controly-poly!

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead come to a raging river.

They meet a wish granting wizard just before it. The brunette goes first, “I wish to be strong enough to swim across.” She grows bug muscles and swims across.
The readhead next, “I wish to be handy enough to build a boat to get a cross.” Her wish is is granted, she cuts down a tree hollows it in...

Do you know what bugs me?

Insect puns.

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A bugs life

A mother and son were driving her n the highway. As they were driving a dildo hit the windshield of the car. Her son asked her, “what was that mommy?”

Not wanting to explain what a dildo was to her son replied, “It was just a bug, honey.”

The boy replied, “What kind of bug was it?”
...

”Waiter! What is that bug doing in my salad?”

”Trying to find a way out, sir.”

“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.

“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied.

After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?”

“Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.”

What do you call a bug that walks in a circle?

A centripede!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the sexiest type of bug?

A WHOREnet

In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.

But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.

What is worse than a bug in an apple?

holocaust

I met a tiny, alien robot that looked like a small bug. He told me his friends escaped their home planet, and found a home here. He was confident that his race would be OK.

He was Optimus Tick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield? NSFW

Its asshole.

I'm so mad! I found out my grandfather clock is full of bugs.

I guess it's like they say, time flies.

Arnold Shwartznager just left his Hollywood career to kill bugs that infiltrate people's houses.

He is now an Ex-Terminator.

What do you call a group of bugs in an apartment?

Tenants.

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Anal Bug

So this guy, James, had an anal bug and he was reluctant to go to a real doctor, because of embarrassment.

After 3 days of agonizing itch, he called his English friend, Oliver, who agreed to help. Oliver came over and asked for Tea and Cookies, James got him some and was pretty pissed off at ...

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A mother and her 5 year old daughter were driving down a highway one day when suddenly a giant dildo hits their windshield...

Daughter - Mommy, what was that?

Mom - (obviously didn’t want her daughter to know what it was) It was just a bug honey. Don’t worry about it.

*a few seconds of silence*

Daughter - Well that bug had a big dick.

Did you hear about the two bed bugs who fell in love?

They’re getting married in the spring

People who confuse etymology and entomology bug me in a way I can't put into words

thank you for making my day, u/happy_guy23

Remember when Bugs Bunny shot someone because he wouldn't stop coughing?

He did not carrot all.

What are American bugs attracted to?

Oil lamps

Bugs Bunny walks into a hospital

He asks his doctor “What’s up, doc?”

The doctor replies “Your blood pressure, Bugs.”

“And if I don’t get it sorted out?”

The doctor, visually distraught, answers: “That’s all, folks.”

Did you hear about the bed bug band?

They mostly play covers

(OC my dudes, read em and weep)

We decided to call our dog ‘low priority bugs’

That way people will understand why we don’t plan to get him fixed.

What kind of web developer likes to find bugs?

A Spider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family is on a road trip

When suddenly a dildo bounces off their windshield.

"What was that?" asks the daughter.

"It was just a bug, dear" the mom replies.

"Damn" the son says, "did you see the size of it's dick?"

Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.

They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.

Why are frogs always happy?

They eat whatever bugs them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a kid I was terrified of earwigs because I thought they were bugs that crawled into your ears.

So you can imagine my reaction when I heard about cockroaches.

Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger kill all the bugs in his house?

He’s an exTerminator.

Bug in the Barn

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udde...

Why do bugs have odd beliefs?

They're in sects.

What do the brave men, and women who protect our towns and cities have in common with some very small bugs that get stuck in Edgar Allan Poe's hair have in common?

They're both Po-Lice.

* my wife kicked me out of the car shortly after telling you this joke. Crazy part about it is I was driving at the time.

99 programming bugs in the code

99 programming bugs in the code.

99 programming bugs.

Take one down, patch it all up.

111 programming bugs in the code.


EDIT: FRONT PAGE! HOLY COW! Thanks so much, reddit! Credit goes to my IT teacher.
EDIT 2: WE SURPASSED 1K UPVOTES!?!?! THANKS!

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What did the Japanese father say to his son when he got a bug bite on his knee?

You got an ichi-ni-san?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Highway Dildo

A little girl is riding along the highway with her mom.

When suddenly a dildo falls off the truck in front of them and hits the windshield

The little girl asks: *Mommy, what was that?*

The mom, not wanting her little girl to know about sex yet, answers: *It was just a bug honey....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between a bunch of bugs and Dwayne Johnson’s personal trainers?

One is a group of cockroaches, the other’s a bunch of Rock coaches

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny and his Bugs

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. ...

Honey, something's always bug me about the children.

-I can't help but notice out out of our eight children, Ben looks different from all the others. I know what to terrible thing to ask, but does he have a different father?
-Yes, it's true. He does.
-Please tell me. Who's Ben's father.
-You.

Today, I played God.

I saw a bug, suffering. I watched it for a couple of minutes. Then I kept watching, and watching, and watching...

I just got arrested for buying bug spray at a store

Apparently you're not allowed to get Off in public

Why did the dyslexic redneck break the bug-zapper?

Because printed on the zapper handle were the words "No More Insects".

What do you call a dead stink bug?

Exstink.

Seeing Paul Rudd and Tom Holland together really bugs me

Its make my skin crawl

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother is driving her 4 year old daughter around town...

when a dildo slams the windshield *THWAP* and bounces off. The daughter, being young and curious, asks, "What was that?". Not wanting to explain a dildo to a 4yo, the mother replies, "Just a bug." Daughter exclaims, "Wow mom, that bug had a huge dick!!".

Both Spider-Man and Ant-Man got fired from their job.

That really bugs me.

The police showed up at my door and claimed my dog chased a man down the street on a bike.

I told them to bug off. My dog doesn't have a bike.

Any bug can hit a windshield..

But it takes some guts to stick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Horny glow bugs...

are fucking lit.

How many bugs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two but the trick is getting them inside.

Why was the albino, glasses-wearing man okay with a wizard turning him into a cool looking bug?

He was a pretty fly, four eyed, white guy.

Why did the 100 legged bug spin around in circles before attacking its prey?

To gain centipedal force

What did bugs bunny save his word processing as?

Whats up.doc

What do you call a cooked bug?

A French fly

Why is Pokemon quite realistic?

Because in the games, Bug-types are effective against Dark-types. Just like malaria in Africa.

Before the internet, things still went viral...

For example, The Beatles, among others, spread all over the world.

I guess you could say there were a few bugs going around.

What do you call a bunch of bed bugs?

A sheet-load.

How many ladybugs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

Why do you never see any bugs in a church?

Because they are in sects.

What is Bugs Bunny's favorite computer file?

What's up.doc

I'm glad I get called a creep who doesn't listen to women

It means they haven't found the bugs.

What do you call bugs that handle your money?

Fine ants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dad and his 8 year old little girl are driving in a truck...

In front of them is a car driving along with a husband and wife who are arguing profusely. Out of nowhere, the wife leans over, cuts off her husband's penis and tosses it out the window.

It goes flying back and hits the truck windshield and flies off. The little girl goes, "Daddy what was th...

I keep getting Entomology and Etymology mixed up.

I seriously bugs me in ways I cannot put into words.

Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library

by killing all of The Beatles

I didn't expect a bug to crawl out of my Meth stash...

But it just came out of the blue.

On a trip to Russia.

4 Americans spys find themselves in a sleeper cabin on a train to Moscow. One of the men thought it would be funny to play a trick on the other three. He goes out to the tea cart and asks for 4 cups of tea to be delivered to his cabin in 10 minutes.

Returning to his cabin, he spoke to his bun...

Two bugs are having a conversation...

A fly asks a small bug on its back "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"

The small bug replies, "I mite be."

The fly says, "Stupidest pun I ever heard."

The small bug replies, "What do you expect? I just made it up on the fly!"

A guy at my work caught a bug from a revolving door.

It's going around.

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