All countries will get the corona virus eventually...

China just got it right off the bat...

Edit : Thanks for the 1k guys...

Before Corona Virus,I used to cough to cover a fart

Now I fart to cover a cough.

This Corona virus is a blessing

My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened in my life.

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus...

It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

What do guns and corona virus have in common

They were both created in China now every American has one

I’m gonna tell you a joke about corona virus...

You have to wait 2 weeks to see if you get it!

The World Health Organisation has confirmed canines do not carry the virus and can be released from pounds.

WHO let the dogs out.

The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is.

Just been diagnosed with the dreaded ‘Peek-a-Boo virus’...



I’m being transferred to ICU.

A girl I’m hitting on just caught the Corona virus

I might have a chance now, as she’s lost all her taste...

Doctors have just discovered another deadly pathogen, they are calling the Peekaboo Virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with Peekaboo, straight to ICU.

This corona virus is a lot like my girlfriend....

It came for everyone else but me.

They say that if enough Antarctic ice melts more and more viruses will emerge...

I guess that means COVID is only the tip of the iceberg!

I'm glad China only spread a virus and not a bear.

Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.

What’s the difference between the “China Virus” and the Vietnam War?

Trump dodged the Vietnam War.

My wife is really worried about our upcoming cruise because of the Corona Virus.

I said, “Don’t worry. We are all on the same boat.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

Scotland know the right way to deal with corona virus...

They’ve gone into full loch down.

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

What does a virus need to do in order to reach more people?

It needs to strain itself.

Why were the ants unaffected by the covid virus?

They have lil anty bodies.

I hope the far east finally collaborates with the u.s. on eradicating the virus.

I mean, it's Christmas day, we could use the good China.

I’m starting to think Corona Virus is a girlfriend

It explains how I’ve come in close contact three times, but never got it

As the virus raged, the doctor realized his entire ward was dying fast...

As the virus raged, the doctor realized his entire ward was dying fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One stricken man responded. "Yes, Doctor, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the doctor, "you pray while the rest of us try this new vaccine - we're one dose short."

How do we know the corona virus wasn't made in China?

Because we've had it for almost a year now and it's still working

What kind of computer virus attacks kids

A PDF file

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the recent spike in sex toy purchases because of corona virus, I can only draw one conclusion.

The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

Never say c'rona virus.

That's how I contracted it.

If slow zombies like Walking Dead happened then I'm gonna need a lot of bullets. If 28 Days Later style Rage Virus zombies happen...

then I only need one bullet.

What's the difference between Romeo & Juliet and Covid?

One is a Verona crisis. The other's a Corona virus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I FOUND THIS VIRUS

I SAW THIS POST ON REDDIT THAT SAID HOT NUDES AND ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS INSTALL THIS APP. I GOOGLED IT AND IT WAS A VIRUS THAT MADE YOU ONLY BE ABLE TO TYPE IN CAPITALS

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus pandemic

but when I got to the store I was told that pants and a shirt were also required

I just started a YouTube channel about viruses.

I guess you could say I’m a real influenz-er

Why shouldn't you play pokemon in the middle of multiple virus pandemics?

You might catch 'em all

Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. You can't be here until you get tested"

Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"

First, we bought toilet paper for a respiratory virus because we lack common sense.

Now, we have a nationwide coin shortage, which means we lack common cents!

I hope this virus gets cleared up before tick season...

Or else we’ll have Corona with Lyme

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis

Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.

Corona virus is just like pasta

The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Corona Virus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get both.

I asked my Russian friend today, if he is afraid of the corona virus.

He said "no! I have the antidote!" I said, really? What is it? He said "its vodka!" I didn't believe and said, vodka kills the virus? He said "no, but it kills the fear!"

Don't let corona virus dominate you, don't let it take over your lives, I know there is a risk, I know there is a danger

but that's okay, now *I'm* better



*quick note: that's not a joke that's literally what he just said*

Trump couldn't find the cure for the Coronavirus...

But the Coronavirus may have found the cure for Trump.

I made a Corona virus joke the other day

People said it was tasteless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call someone who's intentionally trying to get the virus

A sick fuck!

Hey baby do you have the Corona virus?

Because I can’t stop looking achoo

What is the difference between corona virus and a dead man?

One is a coughing fit, and the other one fits a coffin.

This year is all about noticing things we should’ve done differently. Should’ve done more to stop the spread of the virus, police brutality, wildfires, climate change...but you know what they say about hindsight...

It’s 2020.

Corona Virus Symptoms Basically Are The Same Feelings You Get When Your Wife Is Checking Your Phone

-Difficulty In Breathing -Sweating Profusely

-Weakness

-Headache

-Stomach Ache

And when you are asked a question the dry cough starts.

During the corona virus lockdown I've lost 95kgs

I'm ganna miss the wife and kids

So I think I have the corona virus.

One of the symptoms is a loss of taste, and for a brief moment I thought Justin Bieber was talented.

At the pharmacy, I asked if they had anything that kills the corona virus.

She said "ammonia cleaner."
I said "Sorry, I thought you worked here."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Corona Virus is like my virginity

My uncle has it.

(I know its not that funny but its 12:53 and it just popped into my head.)

The mind that calls Covid-19 "the Chinese Virus" on live television is the same mind that called the CEO of Apple "Tim Apple" on live television.

The punchline: It's not racism, it's stupidity.

What has gone down since carona virus has showed up?

School Shootings

With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..

“Made in China”

You can't be too careful with this corona virus...

I just called my mother in-law not to come over for Christmas.

After contracting Covid-19 Famous Rapper DMX has promised to infect every human on earth with the virus.

This is apart of his earlier promise that "X gonna give it to ya"

I went to CVS to get toilet paper and they ran out because of the virus.

So I bought a candy bar and the receipt gave me enough to last for weeks.

Trump ends up in hell...

Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as...

They name a virus after a beer, and what do we do?

Whine.

COVID Vaccine Efficacy

Researchers from the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara in Mexico discovered that a single dose of the corona virus vaccine was capable of alleviating life-threatening and reducing transmission rates by 87%.

An audio excerpt from the conversations of the two researchers, C. Guillermo and H. ...

Corona Virus has spread to species of birds

It now infects bat man and robin

The world health organization declared that dogs cannot contract the Corona virus.

All dogs held in quarantine have been released. So to clarify.... WHO let the dogs out.

With this whole virus pandemic, I think it’s become clear we need to get rid of certain races for potentially spreading the virus.

Like the Tour de France for example. Too many people standing right next to each other. Can’t be too cautious these days...

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....

But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.

Eminem is the first celebrity to be diagnosed with the corona virus

In a statement he said his palms were sweaty knees weak arms were heavy and presented to the emergency room the vomit on his sweater already .Later tests conclude it was in fact moms spaghetti

New viruses

Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet: AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting. MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus. Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON TWITTER THAT SAYS "LEBRON JAMES NUDES" DON'T CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.

If you could choose one NFL team to not come back after the Corona Virus, which one would you choose?

And why did you choose the Patriots?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My first time posting here, made up this one late night so, please be gentle with me kind stranger...

So a Cambodian guy walks into a bar,
He orders a drink from the bartender.
The bartender was new to the place and hasn't seen much foreigners so confused by the customer's race he makes conversation saying.
"Hey your people are famous for their great sushi I've heard"

The guy looks...

Don’t know why my fishing buddy is worried about getting the corona virus

He never catches anything!

Do you wanna hear a Corona virus joke?

Nevermind, you'll probably spread it around.

As the world is encouraged to practise good hygiene in response to the Corona virus...

...the government gives a poignant demonstration by washing their hands of any responsibility.

What do you do when your phone gets a virus?

Make a Telehealth appointment.

Your Momma is so ugly...

The whole world faked a virus, just to make her wear a mask.

Another preventable Corona virus death

Wife: Did I get fat during the quarantine?
Husband: You were never really skinny.

Time of Death: May 3,2020 9:51pm
Cause of Death: Corona virus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are people buying so much toilet paper for the corona virus

Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves

Do It Yourself COVID Test

1. Pour a glass of wine and smell it
2. If you can smell it, then taste it
3. If you can both smell it and taste it, you do not have the Covid virus



Just to test it out, I did the test 19 times last evening and, thank God, all the tests were negative. But I'll have to repeat the...

Health secretary in a briefing to Trump: "Sir, in Chennai, India 36 Tamillians have been killed due to Corona Virus"

Trump is silent. His lips quiver. His hands shiver. His eyes wells up. He is unable to speak.

Health secretary is stunned. He never imagined that this event could affect him so badly.

After a few minutes, in a trembling voice, Trump asks "So, how many millions are there in *one tamilli...

Why don't ants get COVID-19? (Part 2)

It's not because they have anty-bodies; not because they tend to be resist-ant to viruses (even though most of them are anti-vaxxers); it's not even the fact that they use disinfect-ant whilst being socially dist-ant. They don't get it simply because they just can't.

What does Keanu Reeves and the corona virus have in common?

They’re both breathtaking.

Why does it seem like everyone is getting COVID-19

Because it’s a virus not a virme

My friend said that Donald Trump had found someone to blame over the Corona virus outbreak...

I asked him,'Who?'

With all this Corona virus going around, I'm really worried about Kevin Bacon.

He's always at most 6 degrees away from someone.

I think that China is lying about how many people died from corona virus

They always show the same person when there's new cases

How is Snoop Dogg combating the corona virus?

Bleeaoch!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Israel Health minister who previously claimed that CORONA Virus is “divine punishment against homosexuality.”

Has tested positive for the virus!!!

The real reason I dont like shaking people's hands now isn't because of the virus...

It's because everyone is out of toilet paper....

China just released the name of the first man with Corona Virus

Ah Chu

I'm quite worried about the corona virus...

It's got potential tequila lot of people.

I was diagnosed with the corona virus at a brothel and the whole place was immediately quarantined.

Jeez, now I'll be stuck here for two weeks.

Schrodinger's Virus

We all have Schrodinger's Virus now.

Because we can't get tested, we can't know whether we have the virus or not.

We have to act as if we have the virus so that we don't spread it to others.

We have to act as if we've never had it cause if we didn't have it we are not immune....

ALERT‼️‼️‼️ The corona virus can be spread through money.

If you have any money at home, put on some gloves, put all the money in a plastic bag and put it outside the front door tonight.
I'm collecting all the plastic bags tonight for safety. Think of your health.

I figured out why President Trump thinks he doesn’t have to wear a mask to protect himself from viruses.

Somebody told him he had diplomatic immunity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

China’s lack of transparency on virus is fuelling rumors: US experts

It’s basically all this he said Xi said bullshit.

Damn girl, are you Corona Virus?

Because I wouldn't mind spending 2 weeks in bed with you.

Which virus killed the radio star?

Covideo

So I got a virus on my computer

And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared.

Must have ransomware.

What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?

No country for old men

The COVID-19 virus in the US is unprecedented

Edit: un-presidented

The Legos stores have finally reopened in Europe after Corona virus,

People have literally been lining up for blocks!!

What idiot called it "The Corona Virus"

When they missed a oppertunity to call it "The Kung Flu"

A foreign reporter asked a Beijing citizen for his opinion on the government's handling of the Corona virus

"I can't say"

A husband and wife went out shopping for essentials to avoid the corona virus.

After picking up a package of toilet paper, the husband glanced up and noticed another man walking towards them. The husband then shouted something incomprehensible , grabbed his wife by the arm and quickly ushered her into another aisle. The wife was upset as he had embarrassed her- everyone was l...

It's 2020. We need to WAKE UP. The biggest threat to humanity is here. This world is dying. We NEED to do something about this. We can't let this virus take over humanity.

Someone delete TikTok ffs.

A church decides that god will protect them from the Corona Virus

As a result, **they all agree that they should not wear masks**, because they trust god so much. Weeks later, they all are infected and die from the virus.

They go to heaven and ask god, **"why didn't you protect us?"**

God responded **"that's what the masks were for you dumbasses"**

if bats could talk what would they say about the corona virus?

Now you know how it feels to have your world turned upside down!

I heard the British government is really worried about the Corona Virus,

The Prime Minister can hardly breathe.

If you're against medicare for all even after the Corona virus outbreak...

...you've probably been paying attention to how poorly the federal government is doing providing medical services

Why was Panic! At the disco so worried about carona virus?

They know its a fever you cant sweat out

I had an issue at the toilet due to the Corona Virus..

I had run out of toilet paper so I had to use socks..

dumb name for a hamster anyways.

How do you know if you got the virus from Donald Trump?

You develop a dry covfefe

what does the virus and late-night-tv have in common?

they both need a host

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between a porn actress and the covid virus

They love to be covered in protein.

What kind of vehicle does a virus drive ?

I'm not sure, but I hear this virus is a car owner

Did you here about the new movie coming out about the corona virus?

It’s directed by Tentin Quarantino.

The Corona virus meets the Ebola virus. They start dating. One thing leads to another and the Corona virus bangs the Ebola virus.

Nine months later the Corolla virus is born.

If Corona virus is just a beer virus..

Then it’s just a yeast infection!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Twas the week before Christmas

‘Twas the Week before Christmas
by Canttake Itany Moore

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the city

The virus still raged. The year was still shitty.

The cars sat snuggly, all still in the street.

There was no place to go. No friends to meet.

Restau...

Maybe if I express my feelings to the virus it will leave..

Welp.

You know who didn’t die from the corona virus?

Jeffery Epstein

Eminem is the first celebrity to get the Wuhan Virus.

A statement from his manager says that Eminem admitted himself to the emergency department because his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Doctors say he presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was moms spaghetti. Mathers said that he was "nervous"...

What did the black death say to the Corona virus?

Well plaqued.

Spanish flu: Am I a joke to you

Two Irishmen are chatting. One says to the other, did you hear about the new virus from China?

I thought it was a panda, Mick.

Why did the prime minister think that Australia was save from the virus?

They got new fire walls last year.

Did you hear about the dangerous deadly virus in China?

It's called communism

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.