Scientists have discovered another deadly pathogen they are calling the Peekaboo virus.

Doctors are sending anyone with peekaboo straight to ICU.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

I'm glad China only spread a virus and not a bear.

Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.

During the corona virus lockdown I've lost 95kgs

I'm ganna miss the wife and kids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With the recent spike in sex toy purchases because of corona virus, I can only draw one conclusion.

The virus is literally making us go fuck ourselves.

At the pharmacy, I asked if they had anything that kills the corona virus.

She said "ammonia cleaner."
I said "Sorry, I thought you worked here."

All countries will get the corona virus eventually...

China just got it right off the bat...

Edit : Thanks for the 1k guys...

The spread of Corona Virus is based on 2 factors:

1. How dense the population is.

2. How dense the population is.

Before Corona Virus,I used to cough to cover a fart

Now I fart to cover a cough.

R. Kelly in the news again--tested positive for the COVID-15 virus

...apparently COVID-19 was a little too old for him.

This Corona virus is a blessing

My wife doesn't want to travel anywhere.

She no longer buys anything online, since everything comes from China.

she doesn't go to the mall to avoid the crowds.

she spends all of her time in a mask with her mouth closed.

Best thing that has ever happened in my life.

A new study has found that cats cannot transmit the Covid 19 virus to us humans, ...

...but, the study also found, if they could do it to us they would.

I figured out why President Trump thinks he doesn’t have to wear a mask to protect himself from viruses.

Somebody told him he had diplomatic immunity.

What do you do when your phone gets a virus?

Make a Telehealth appointment.

Why don't ants get the virus

Because they have antibodys

They name a virus after a beer, and what do we do?

Whine.

The Legos stores have finally reopened in Europe after Corona virus,

People have literally been lining up for blocks!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Corona Virus and sex?

Most Redditors lack the social skills to get both.

Which virus killed the radio star?

Covideo

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell....

But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.

Another preventable Corona virus death

Wife: Did I get fat during the quarantine?
Husband: You were never really skinny.

Time of Death: May 3,2020 9:51pm
Cause of Death: Corona virus

Never say c'rona virus.

That's how I contracted it.

Corona virus is just like pasta

The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.

Corona Beer sales falter amid Corona virus crisis

Guess their viral marketing strategy failed.

The mind that calls Covid-19 "the Chinese Virus" on live television is the same mind that called the CEO of Apple "Tim Apple" on live television.

The punchline: It's not racism, it's stupidity.

What has gone down since carona virus has showed up?

School Shootings

If you could choose one NFL team to not come back after the Corona Virus, which one would you choose?

And why did you choose the Patriots?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Corona Virus is like my virginity

My uncle has it.

(I know its not that funny but its 12:53 and it just popped into my head.)

Why was Panic! At the disco so worried about carona virus?

They know its a fever you cant sweat out

Look, if we're gonna get full-on racist about where the corona virus came from

we might as well call it the Kung Flu.

How is Snoop Dogg combating the corona virus?

Bleeaoch!

The world health organization declared that dogs cannot contract the Corona virus.

All dogs held in quarantine have been released. So to clarify.... WHO let the dogs out.

After contracting Covid-19 Famous Rapper DMX has promised to infect every human on earth with the virus.

This is apart of his earlier promise that "X gonna give it to ya"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Israel Health minister who previously claimed that CORONA Virus is “divine punishment against homosexuality.”

Has tested positive for the virus!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ireland’s on lock down due to the virus!!

Paddy and Murphy have just been signed up by the army.

They are given a rifle each and told...

“Listen up men! We are on the lookout for Virus Curfew offenders.

Martial law has been declared!

Anyone caught out after 6 PM ……….. it's SHOOT TO KILL”!!!

On their ...

With Corona Virus spreading, I never thought our deaths will also be..

“Made in China”

My friend said that Donald Trump had found someone to blame over the Corona virus outbreak...

I asked him,'Who?'

With this whole virus pandemic, I think it’s become clear we need to get rid of certain races for potentially spreading the virus.

Like the Tour de France for example. Too many people standing right next to each other. Can’t be too cautious these days...

What does Keanu Reeves and the corona virus have in common?

They’re both breathtaking.

I heard the British government is really worried about the Corona Virus,

The Prime Minister can hardly breathe.

Corona virus is kinda like my jokes

Funny at first but people are starting to get concerned now

It's 2020. We need to WAKE UP. The biggest threat to humanity is here. This world is dying. We NEED to do something about this. We can't let this virus take over humanity.

Someone delete TikTok ffs.

Why did the prime minister think that Australia was save from the virus?

They got new fire walls last year.

The COVID-19 virus in the US is unprecedented

Edit: un-presidented

You can't be too careful with this corona virus...

I just called my mother in-law not to come over for Christmas.

Don’t know why my fishing buddy is worried about getting the corona virus

He never catches anything!

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

Do you wanna hear a Corona virus joke?

Nevermind, you'll probably spread it around.

It's time now America brought their retired professionals back to sort out this virus mess...

Like doctors, nurses, Barack Obama. ..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I followed some advice I heard on tv and shoved a lightbulb up my ass to kill this virus.

So far no effect, but it sure gave my colon a great idea.

If you're against medicare for all even after the Corona virus outbreak...

...you've probably been paying attention to how poorly the federal government is doing providing medical services

A virus in a nursing home is like a dad joke.

Everyone gets it.

Corona virus enters Russia, but did not cause any illness. Why?

Communism converts i to we


Therefore Illness=wellness

A husband and wife went out shopping for essentials to avoid the corona virus.

After picking up a package of toilet paper, the husband glanced up and noticed another man walking towards them. The husband then shouted something incomprehensible , grabbed his wife by the arm and quickly ushered her into another aisle. The wife was upset as he had embarrassed her- everyone was l...

What kind of vehicle does a virus drive ?

I'm not sure, but I hear this virus is a car owner

How do you know if you got the virus from Donald Trump?

You develop a dry covfefe

I went to CVS to get toilet paper and they ran out because of the virus.

So I bought a candy bar and the receipt gave me enough to last for weeks.

I hear all the kids that did the Tide Pod challenge can't get the Corona virus...

Because their social distancing is 6 feet vertical.

Schrodinger's Virus

We all have Schrodinger's Virus now.

Because we can't get tested, we can't know whether we have the virus or not.

We have to act as if we have the virus so that we don't spread it to others.

We have to act as if we've never had it cause if we didn't have it we are not immune....

The real reason I dont like shaking people's hands now isn't because of the virus...

It's because everyone is out of toilet paper....

This corona virus is really pulling the country together.

I'm currently having a water fight with my neighbour who's a Manchester United fan. Just waiting for the kettle to boil.

I was planning a school shooting, but had to cancel it because of the virus.

Apparently filming school documentaries isn't "essential".

King jong-un tested positive for virus

He killed everyone else to prevent the spread

He is a man of social commitment you know!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is common between a porn actress and the covid virus

They love to be covered in protein.

I asked my Russian friend today, if he is afraid of the corona virus.

He said "no! I have the antidote!" I said, really? What is it? He said "its vodka!" I didn't believe and said, vodka kills the virus? He said "no, but it kills the fear!"

With all this Corona virus going around, I'm really worried about Kevin Bacon.

He's always at most 6 degrees away from someone.

Eminem is the first celebrity to be diagnosed with the corona virus

In a statement he said his palms were sweaty knees weak arms were heavy and presented to the emergency room the vomit on his sweater already .Later tests conclude it was in fact moms spaghetti

Russia have announced their first Corona virus death

75 year old Ivor Chestikov passed away today

What movie perfectly describes the corona virus?

No country for old men

As the world is encouraged to practise good hygiene in response to the Corona virus...

...the government gives a poignant demonstration by washing their hands of any responsibility.

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus outbreak

Upon getting to the store i was told that pants and a shirt was also required

Hey girl, are you the Corona virus?

Coz you took my breath away

Why Bill Gates should lead the team to find the Corona Virus cure?

He has been dealing with viruses since Windows 3.0

if bats could talk what would they say about the corona virus?

Now you know how it feels to have your world turned upside down!

ALERT‼️‼️‼️ The corona virus can be spread through money.

If you have any money at home, put on some gloves, put all the money in a plastic bag and put it outside the front door tonight.
I'm collecting all the plastic bags tonight for safety. Think of your health.

Did you here about the new movie coming out about the corona virus?

It’s directed by Tentin Quarantino.

So countries are basically competing to most effectively manage a virus that makes people cough and sneeze. Does that make this...

A Cold War?

China just released the name of the first man with Corona Virus

Ah Chu

what does the virus and late-night-tv have in common?

they both need a host

I think that China is lying about how many people died from corona virus

They always show the same person when there's new cases

I had an issue at the toilet due to the Corona Virus..

I had run out of toilet paper so I had to use socks..

dumb name for a hamster anyways.

Who names these viruses?

Yes

Corona Virus Is Very Respectful

It's the disease that came into the country and went to greet the leaders first

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are people buying so much toilet paper for the corona virus

Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves

I was diagnosed with the corona virus at a brothel and the whole place was immediately quarantined.

Jeez, now I'll be stuck here for two weeks.

Why is the US so afraid of the Corona Virus?

They can’t afford to get sick

You know who didn’t die from the corona virus?

Jeffery Epstein

If Corona virus is just a beer virus..

Then it’s just a yeast infection!

Ironically the covid-19 virus has managed to unite the people of the world

By making us stay as far away from each other as possible

Two Irishmen are chatting. One says to the other, did you hear about the new virus from China?

I thought it was a panda, Mick.

The Corona virus meets the Ebola virus. They start dating. One thing leads to another and the Corona virus bangs the Ebola virus.

Nine months later the Corolla virus is born.

A church decides that god will protect them from the Corona Virus

As a result, **they all agree that they should not wear masks**, because they trust god so much. Weeks later, they all are infected and die from the virus.

They go to heaven and ask god, **"why didn't you protect us?"**

God responded **"that's what the masks were for you dumbasses"**

Due to the corona virus my wedding planned for the 8th of May got cancelled

The good news is that this will give me some time to find someone to marry

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus...

She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

Just think, a year from now we will all be laughing about the Corona virus.

Some of us anyway.

It makes sense that venice has been hit hard by the virus.

where else can you be guaranteed that they won't run out of face masks?

Everyone is freaking out about Tom Hanks having the Corona virus.

I'm just happy that we finally know what Jenny had.

The timing of the Corona Virus is perfect for St.Patrick’s Day

Because the cases keep Dublin.

I think I have the Corona virus....

Or maybe it’s Dos Equis because it feels 2X as bad.

A foreign reporter asked a Beijing citizen for his opinion on the government's handling of the Corona virus

"I can't say"

LPT: If you hear a funny corona virus joke, please

laugh into your elbow.

My friend was grateful when I told her about the supernatural cure for the virus.

I knew I made the right choice when I told her witch doctor to go to.

A new movie is announced featuring Corona Virus as the lead star

Around the world in 80 days

No one in Antarctica has the Corona virus

Because they are so ice-o-lated


(actually seen this joke one of my buddies posted. Thought it was a good dad joke)

Abbot and Costello meet the Corona Virus

The World Health Organization says Corona is officially a pandemic.

Who says that?

Yes. 

Who said it's a pandemic?

That's right! They also said don't touch anyone.

Who? 

Anyone! 

I'm asking, WHO said don't touch anyone? 

Absolutely. And...

As a fisherman who has no idea what he's doing,I dont need to worry about the corona virus

I never catch anything.

Considering idiots aren't buying Corona beer because of the name of the virus.....

We should name the next outbreak the Toilet Paper Virus and watch people's heads explode

You know who the real victims of this virus are?

Ex cons, just made it out of prison to be put in solitary confinement.

I got to work late, bleary-eyed and hung over as hell. Boss said, “I thought you said you had that virus at your house?”

“No,” I replied, “I said I had a case of Corona that needed my attention.”

Did you hear about the deaf lady that got corona virus?

Neither did she.

"This virus will kill my generation."

"Ok, doomer."

I hope this virus doesn't spread to Antarctica...

I heard the local populous couldn't fly out of there even if they wanted to.

Eminem is the first celebrity to get the Wuhan Virus.

A statement from his manager says that Eminem admitted himself to the emergency department because his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. Doctors say he presented with vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was moms spaghetti. Mathers said that he was "nervous"...

Prince Charles contracts Corona Virus

All part of the coronation process

Why was Prince Andrew hoping to contract Corona-virus?

He wanted to spend more time inside quaran-teens.

Boris Johnson has just tested positive for corona virus.

He’s been placed on the new Dyson ventilator we are pleased to say he’s picking up nicely.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking to a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

What did the YouTuber who wanted to collaborate on a documentary about Corona Virus say to the other YouTuber?

Want to make a Co vid?

Amid reports of insider trading by senators during the pandemic, a leaked memo reveals that the vice president had the opportunity as well, but refused to profit even as he contracted the virus himself

Sick Pence none the richer

They say that loss of taste is an early sign of the virus.

I'm not worried at this point in that I still have a bitter taste in my mouth from the last several years of watching Michigan football.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Corona virus has changed everything but my sex life...

Still at least 6’ away from any person while having it.

How does an Introverted hypochondriac feel during the Corona virus outbreak?

Validated.

I'm quite worried about the corona virus...

It's got potential tequila lot of people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People are freaking out about the virus

Guess they’re going bat-shit crazy

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