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Tic Jokes

Why are tic-tacs small, white, and smooth?

Because if they were big, grey, and wrinkly, they'd be elephants.

A duck waddles into a hotel’s lobby convenience store…

…and loudly asks the bored clerk, “Hey, where can a guy get some Tic Tacs?”

Incredulous, the store clerk responds to the waterfowl at his feet, “Did you just ask for Tic Tacs?”

“Yeah, Tic Tacs,” says the duck. “Got a date with a smokin’ hot redhead.”

Not knowing for certain how...

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She : Your dick is probably the size of a Tic-Tac.

Me : Well no wonder your moms breath is so fresh.

I dropped my knife and cut off a toe

After the surgery to reattach it, the doctor comes in.

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Me: Tell me the bad news first doc.

Doctor: The bad news is they mistook a piece of candy for your toe.

Me: No way. Whats the good news?

Doctor: The good news is the ...

I annoyed my friend so he mixed up my Tic Tacs.

That's one of his Tac Tics.

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said, alarmed by the sound. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.”

The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?”

“You’re so drunk you miscounted,” said the wife. ...

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Tic-tac-toe is actually bad for kids

It teaches them about the Xs and Os and when someone wins it's either "XXX" or "oh, ohh, OHHH!"

Tic-tac-toe

When I play Tic-tac-toe, I am fine with my opponent getting two squares in a row

But three is where I draw the line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If there's a girl sitting in front of you with her ass crack showing and you drop Tic Tacs down there, what you call it?

Her-ass-mint

What is Donald Trump's favorite flavor of Tic Tac?

..... Tempermint

What do Libertarians call Tic Tacs?

Tics, because they’re against tacses

Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle?

It has an X-O-skeleton.

I ate a tic tac yesterday

And I developed another toe. That's three in a row now

I have a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each....

It's my Tic Tactical vest.

If poli=many and tics are small bloodsucking animals

The world makes so much sense

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Bully: I bet your dick is a size of a tic tac

The quiet kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good

I played my Asian friend in Tic Tac Toe

It was a Thai.

How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?

Toucan

What can you say about a man who pops a couple tic tacs before beginning speaking?

He mints his words.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex said my penis resembled a tic tac.

So I asked her, then why does your sister still have bad breath?

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.

I sold my foot that had the Tic-Tac toe today...

I heard collectors pay more for items in mint condition.

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman...

He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No." he replies "I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? ...

Did you hear about the guy who invented the tic tac?

He made a mint!


I'll take my stuff and leave with my dad jokes.

My toenails turned green, shrank, and started smelling like mint.

My doctor says I have a rare condition called Tic Tac Toes.

What do you get when astronomers play tic-tac-toe?

Exoplanets

Thought that one up myself.

Moon Landing conspiracy theorists should be called Luna-tics

Just posting here because r/showerthoughts doesn't allow puns.

Buying aspirin

Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms.

"I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms."

"Yeah, I went to a dozen...

You know what they call the strategy involving freshmints while playing a game of timed tic tac toe?

The tic tac tick tick tic tac toe tactic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladies: How can you tell the difference between being hungry and being horny?

# Depends on where you put the cucumber.



My wife can't get over this joke she heard on TicTok. She's told 10 people today. Practically forced me to post in on Reddit.

Did you hear the one about the mute clock with Tourette's?

It ticks a lot but never talks.

I once amputated a man's toe and replaced it with a prosthetic made from a breath mint.

I gave him a Tic Tac toe.

I got diagnosed with tourettes today

guess it's time to tic that off my to-do list.

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Johnny's teacher noticed him walking down the street one Saturday--

She was used to Little Johnny's antics by now, but this time was weird, even for him. He was holding a cat, and what looked like a pack of Tic-tacs. He would walk for a little bit, stop, eat a couple of candies, bite the cat, and start walking again.

When they got close enough, she asked, "Li...

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During WWII, an Australian, a British and an American P.O.W. are forcibly recruited by a brilliant Nazi scientist to undergo an experimental treatment…

The purpose of the experiment is to create human time-keeping machines. They are each placed in separate rooms and subjected to intense brainwashing. After a week of treatment, the scientist comes to inspect on their progress.

He first looks in on the Australian soldier. Staring blankly ahea...

What's the definition of a politician?

A person whose skin is so thick they can stand upright even without a spine

I was afraid when I found a tick on me, when I was abroad visiting Rome.

But ever since then I keep falling in love.

I guess I got bit by a RomanTic bug.

People with Tourette’s...

... What makes them tic?

I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:

Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.

TIL: Where does the word "politics" come from.

From poly, Greek for many, and tics, English for pesky parasites.

What do you call someone with mints on their feet?

Tic tac toes

Why do dyslexic chess players have such fresh breath?

Because they're so good at finding Tic Tacs.

It’s true raising children can give you PTSD.

Parental Tics, Schizophrenia and Day-Drinking.

Have you guys heard about these mints that improve your strategic thinking abilities?

They're called Tac Tics.

How do you fix a broken clock?

You Tic it to the Toctor.

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A confused mother watches her 4 year old son...

A confused mother watches her 4 year old son. on the staircase, he has the family cat and a box of tic tacs, and he is slowly and methodically eating one tic tac, licking the cat, and moving down one step. He then repeats this, over and over.

He is about half way down the stairs when finally ...

It was 1940...

...in war time Berlin. An SS Officer had a side line going as an amateur clock maker and repairer. One day a customer walked into his clock repair shop with a mantel clock. The SS Officer said "Vhat can I do for you?" The customer replied. "It's my mantel clock. It's not working properly... if you p...

Explaining Words



Poli.....Latin for "many"

Tics....blood sucking insects



Politics

A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

Jesus was filling in a form. The question was "Do you suffer from Tourettes?"

He wasn't sure whether to put a tic or a cross.

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do candy makers get?

Tic tac toe

My boy asked me how to get a kiss on the first date. I told him to plan ahead and get some breath mints.

Tac Tics my son, Tac Tics

My friend kept trying to balance mints on his foot

Turns out he was playing tic tac toe

What Do You Call a Ocean Raider Tired of His Pet Bird's Muscle Spasms?

What do you call a ocean raider tired of his pet bird's muscle spasms?

A pirate tired of polly tics.

Apparently you have to pay extra for candy these days

They call it the Tic Tax

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This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
...

My calendar has all the dates rubbed off.

Now whenever I cross one of the boxes my roommate thinks I'm playing Tic-Tac-Toe with him.

A man accidentally dropped his kitchen knife onto his foot and unfortunately lost his toe.

The Doctor said "I have good news and bad news"

Man.. "Whats the bad news Doc?

Doc.. "Well, you see, they had to replace your toe with a piece of candy."

Man.. "Candy? So what's the good news?"

Doc.. "You now have tic tac toe"

Revolutionary medicine that cures Lyme Disease, but causes Tourette’s

Now that’s gonna cause a lot of nervous tics

Why do mathematicians like metronomes?

Because they're a rhythmic tic.

I always thought the origin of the word "politics" was a strangely accurate description of itself.

"Poli-" meaning "many",

"-tics" meaning "bloodsucking parasites."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Morning Inspection at a POW camp

This joke needs an accent and some body motions for full effect. (I included them in parenthesis)

At a German POW Camp the Commanding officer inspects the prisoners each morning in a line up. One Day as he's going down the line he gets to the final three prisoners and inspects them.

Th...

What game does Homer Simpson always lose?

Tic Tac Doh!

In other news

Inspired by Colin Mochrie's 6:00 News on Who's Line, I tried to come up with my own.

We now return you to your 6:00 news. I'm your host, Armand Dangerous. Earlier today, a man who lost a digit to his foot after a grievous skiing accident underwent a groundbreaking surgery where he requested t...

My girlfriend has a constant case of halitosis...

So I guess it's a good thing I'm hung like a Tic-Tac.

What you call toes that taste like mint?

Tic-tac-toe!

My 8 year old daughter made this one up.

How do you know if a deer has tourette's syndrome?

It has deer tics...

How did the doctor cure the woman with Tourette's?

Anti-bio-tics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A callow youth walks into a talent scout’s office…

…gingerly cradling a cardboard box with some small holes poked in two sides.

After sitting nervously among a four-foot-tall sword swallower, a violinist with six-fingers on each hand, and a sexy contortionist named LuLu LaFrance who whispered something in his ear that turned him beet red, the...

[NSFW] Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street.

He asked her name. ‘Polo, I’m the one with the hole’ she said with a Wispa.

‘I’m Marathon, the one with the nuts’ he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped hi...

Fred got on a train

Fred got on a train. Across from where he sat down was a man who kept flinching. Eventually he asked if there was something wrong that he could help with. The man replied, "oh don't mind me, it's just a nervous tic I picked up in Afghanistan where I served for 6 months." Fred tried not to be irrita...

What do you use to kick a canister of mints?

your tic-tac toe

I thought it was funny...

I asked a guy with Tourette's what made him tic... He didn't find the humor.

I'm reading a book about sufferers of tourettes syndrome...

I want to know what makes them tic.

Dave and Joe were best friends

Joe and his family went on vacation for about a week, but when he came back, Dave noticed that he was very different, his mood and tendencies had completely changed.

This was not the same Joe.

The smoking gun was that Joe's eyes were not his usual green, but blue.

He flew to J...

What did the lonely clock say to the other?

I hope you have the time tic come toc to me

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A grammar book walks into a bar

* An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

* A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

* A bar was walked into by the pass...

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I was with this girl...

So I was with this girl for a little while. The relationship seemed like it was going well. We went everywhere and did everything together. Then one day, out of nowhere, she decides the relationship “isn’t healthy” for her! She just casts me aside like I’m nothing. I was devastated.

I ran i...

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Smartenin' pills

This little kid Jimmy was frustrated, because every day as he walked to school with his lunch, the big bully Buster would stop him and ask him what he had for lunch. Then he would take the lunch and eat it!

So one day Jimmy decided he had enough, he had to do something about this. Now his A...

A man loses his toe in an unfortunate accident and calls 911.

They rush him to the hospital, where he is brought to the operating room for surgical reattachment.

He wakes up some hours later in the recovery room and sees the doctor waiting at the foot of his bed, looking uncomfortable.

“Doctor? How’d it go?” he asked.

“Well... I have good ...

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