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Mite Jokes

A fly feels a bug on its back

"Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?", it asks

"I *mite* be", giggles the mite

"That's the worst pun I've ever heard", groans the fly

"What do you expect?", says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly"



^(I apologise. My bro just sent it to me and I had to pass o...

[OC] Once upon a time, there were these two dust mites - Dusty and Harry

They both grew up together, going to the same school, living in the same couch cushion.

They were both always the popular mites. Harry was the bad boy of the class, earning the nickname Dirty Harry.

Dusty, on the other hand, was the sweetheart all the mites wanted to be with.

...

What would two termites order at a restaurant?

Table for 2

What body of water is full of testicular mites?

The Baltic Sea.

what did the optometrist say to the tiny Australian insect?

"good eye, mite"

An Australian is driving all over Texas, fast and reckless.

He's streaking down highways, taking curves too fast and just generally being a danger to himself and everyone else on the road.

Finally, a state trooper catches up to him and gets him to pull over. "Drivin' a little crazy there, friend," says the trooper. "You come here to die?"

The A...

I just told my girlfriend that I was an Italian mite in a past life .

I'm a Roman tick at heart.

A termite walks into a bar and asks...

"Is the bar tender here?"

A fly felt something bite his back...

Fly: "Hmmm. Whoever that was must be pretty small to fit on my back"

"Hey! What are you? A mite? "

Mite: " Yeah, as in I MIGHT have just bit you hahaha!"

Fly: "That's the worst pun I've ever heard."

Mite: "What can I say, I came up with it on the fly."

A joke from my 5 year old: "Know what really killed the dinosaurs? TNT!"

"That's why it's called Dino-mite!!"

How good is your knowledge of Demodicidae?

Jeff: Do you want to hear a demo, dex?



Dex: Eye Mite.

What kind of Tick is explosive?

A dyna-mite.

What do you call an exploding dinosaur?

Dino-mite

I've just read that the pollen count is exceptionally high this year.

That would explain why my 14 year old son is getting through so many boxes of tissues, poor little mite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks in to a sea shanty

A man walks in to a sea shanty and sees his old pal Long John Silver sitting at the bar so he walks over to say hello. As he approaches, he notices that his old friend has a nice new peg-leg, a shiny new hook at the end of his right wrist and a fresh looking eyepatch over his right eye. He slaps h...

What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?

DINO-MITE!

The tale of Drango Dune

A proddy young gunfighter swings off his horse and barges through the batwing doors into a saloon, where everyone falls silent, except for the piano player, who carries on playing with never a pause. "I'm looking for Drango Dune!" yells the young man, and everyone turns away except for one old-timer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Basic Training in the Marines

On the first day of basic training in the marines, a drill instructor has new recruits lined up and is dressing them down.

He tells them “You aren’t men, you’re maggots!... you’re not even maggots! You’re a mite sucking a maggots dick! But in 6 weeks those of you who don’t quit are going...

Deaf Genie

A guy walks into a bar into a strange scene, a foot long pianist on the bar in front of a customer staring at the pianist.

Minding his own business, he pulls a stool beside him and calls to the bartender "give me the most special order you have, it's a special day" he says.

The bartend...

The new bull

Three bulls are standing around overlooking a field full of cows when they overhear the farmer tell one of the cowhands to get the trailer ready to pick up a new bull.
The old bull snorts and says, "I'm a tellin' ya what, there ain't but fifty cows here that are mine and if'n that new bull thinks...

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