Fleas Jokes

Two fleas exit the movie hall after watching a movie. The first one says to the other - should we fly back or just hail a dog?

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.

The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Har... read more

...who were close friends. They often got together to discuss philosophy, science and whether or not life exists on other dogs.

One turns to the other and says, "Well, so long, I'll see you on Friday."

Bugs bunny

You talk to them politely,

"Fleas go away"

A group of scientists decide to investigate how high a flea can jump in relationship to how many legs it has (6 legs to begin with).

They put the flea on a desk and said 'jump!' The flea jumped 6 feet in the air. The scientists noted: "the flea currently has 6 legs and jumped 6 feet."

... read more

One turned to the other and asked - Shall we walk or take a dog?

One of them is round, healthy and clean the other is skinny, sick and very dirty. The clean one asks the dirty one “Why are you so skinny and dirty?” and he replies “Because I live in a bikers beard. All day I have alcohol and tabaco smoke... it’s awful. What about you? How come you are so fat an he... read more

Fleas from all over the country have gathered here today to take part in the contest. Expect an incredible show.

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Team 1 from Muts-4-homes Animal Shelter take the stage.

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The team lines up on the platform...

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6 --
5 --
... read more

They itch hike.

A lunatic asylum inmate amused himself by placing the pet flea on his left hand and on the command "Jump, Freddie, jump", the insect would leap to his right hand.

This game helped the poor man to pass away the mindless hours but one day he produced a tiny pair of scissors and proceeded to cut... read more

Two fleas are laying on a beach in florida

The first flea who is sunning himself looks to the 2nd and asks

Flea 1- "why are you shivering so bad ?"

Flea 2- "I hitched a ride down here on the mustache of a man who rode a motorcycle and it almost froze me to death"

Flea... read more

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun, when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.

“Oscar, what happened to you?” asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wra... read more

But they wouldn't give him any.

One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea a... read more

.Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was poin... read more

He put the flea on the table told him to jump and the flea jumped. Then he took him and cut of his legs and told him to jump again but the flea didn't move.

After seeing this the scientist concluded in his notes "After you cut a fleas legs he can't hear anymore."

Adam had'em.

Bugs Bunny!
[ ](http://multivu.prnewswire.com/mnr/warnerbros/42096/images/42096-hi-Bugs_Bunny.jpg)

The vet says: 'I'm sorry, I'll have to put this dog down.'

The man is incredulous and asks why.

The vet says: 'Because he's far too heavy.'

Archeologists originally believed it to be simple wear and tear, until it was discovered there were no signs of soldering on the bodies of the golden ticks, indicating they were intentionally made legless. A professor on the scene theorized that these rings were a gesture of romantic interest or a p... read more

I really just want to repel all of these fleas.

Good induction versus bad induction.

A scientist had two Iarge jars before him on the laboratory table. The jar on his left contained a hundred fleas; the jar on his right was empty. The scientist carefully lifted a flea from the jar on the left, placed the flea on the table between the two j... read more

Two little fleas... They meet at a bar in Florida. They vacation together all the time. One year, the second little flea arrives, and he's freezing, freezing cold. And he says, "Ooh, ooh, I was just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle, and I am frozen!" And the first... read more

I got up this morning and took my blood pressure and cholesterol medicine but later found out they were the wrong medicines. The good news is I don't have to worry about worms or fleas for the next three months.

Fleas Navidad

A 2 bit magician had a show called "Goldie, the Magic Talking Cat". He wasn't that skilled of a magician, so he had to make up for his lack of talent with cheesy 2 bit tricks.

He found this cat that looked like it was clearly abandoned. It had fleas and ticks, wasn't fixed and it didn't ... read more