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Wilhelm has just been sent to a German concentration camp.

He’s very grateful when his first day of brutal roadwork is over, but when he returns to the camp he is introduced to a strange tradition. As a sadistic joke, the commandant has forced all the prisoners to pretend to be clock pendulums, rocking back and forth and saying “tick tock tick tock” over an...

What's the difference between a boy clock and a girl clock?

A boy clock goes "tick tock, tick tock, tick tock" and a girl clock just tocks...and tocks...and tocks.

What is Captain Hook's least favorite social media?

Tick tock.

What is another name for the tick-tock croc from Peter Pan?

A Clock-odile.

A German man is sitting in a waiting room.

The clock on the wall is going Tick,.....Tick,.....,Tick,.....,
Suddenly he jumps up, rips the face off the clock, bends it's hands behind it's back and says...
"Ve have vays of making you Tock!"

Did you hear about Disney's new Tick Tock Crock ride?

It's killer.

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Colonel Reichman, an interrogation specialist for the German army, was walking around in a quaint little Swiss village one day during WWII. He spots a little shop selling clocks and watches and decides to enter.

Inside, the owner, a lady standing behind the counter, immediately recognizes who he is and welcomes him into the shop, asking how she can be of assistance.

"Frauline,” he starts "Deez are all very nice little clocks and vatches you have in here, but ze von I am interested in is zat big grand...

Why did the clock get kicked out of the library?

It tocked too much.

In German Prisoner-of-War camps, escapes were a a major problem.

The officers would try to break the prisoners’ spirits by making them do mindless things. In particular, they would make the prisoners stand in a line and all move their heads like a clock back and forth and say, ‘tick tock tick tock.’

Some prisoners, unable to escape or otherwise change thei...

A reporter in the old west.

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

A man has a defective clock and takes it to the German workshop.

The guy says, "My clock is busted. Instead of the usual 'tick tock' it goes 'tick tick tick'. Can you fix this?" The German shop owner says, "I see. Follow me." The owner leads the man into a dark ominous room and places the clock on a wooden chair and straps it. He then proceeds to light up a sin...

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day.

He loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop. In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss but has a heavy German accent asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick- tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick......

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII...

An American soldier was captured by the Germans during WWII. He was placed into a detention cell and soon a neatly uniformed SS officer comes to interrogate him.

“Vhere is your unit based?” asks the officer in accented English. But the soldier looks him dead in the eyes and says only “Tick t...

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What's the difference between a clock and a surgeon that specializes in penis reconstruction?

One's a tick tock, the other's a dick doc.

What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went "tick tick tick"?

"Vee haf vays to make you tock"

The clock makes my head itch.

First it goes tick, then there's the itch, and the tock removes it.

And it repeats on and on.

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One of my Grandpa's favorites: The Nazi POW Camp

In the middle of WWII, some British soldiers were captured by the Germans and taken to a POW camp. They were to be put to work on either the day shift or the night shift, round the clock so the work would never cease.

"Ve vill count off by twos," said the camp warden, "but you British pig-do...

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Why was the clock sent to detention?

It ticked-off the teacher by tock-ing in class.

What did the detective say while interrogating a clock accused of murder?

"LISTEN PUNK! We know what makes you tick, and we have ways to make you tock!"

British clock in german hands

During world war II, a british clock found its way into german hands. The strange thing about this clock was it went tick-tick-tick-tick, instead of tick-tock-tick-tock. The germans could not figure this out.

Finally, it went to the gestapo. Their chief interrogator softly whispered to the c...

Why did the German watchmaker say to the watch that kept saying "Tick, tick, tick, tick,..."?

"Ve haff vays of meking you tock."

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Morning Inspection at a POW camp

This joke needs an accent and some body motions for full effect. (I included them in parenthesis)

At a German POW Camp the Commanding officer inspects the prisoners each morning in a line up. One Day as he's going down the line he gets to the final three prisoners and inspects them.

Th...

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Three allied pilots are shot down over Nazi Germany...

They're captured and forced to stand facing a wall, swaying back and forth saying "tick ... tock ... tick .... tock ..." until they can't take it any more.
After the first hour, one pilot can't take it any more and tells them everything he knows. After another hour, the second pilot cracks and te...

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There are multiple prisoners in a Nazi concentration camp

The commandant walks through the line of prisoners and instructs each one to act like a clock. The first prisoner says "tick", the second says "tock", and so on and so forth. However, the last prisoner refuses to make a "tock" sound. The commandant walks up to the prisoner and tells him, (German acc...

So during World War 2, a lot of experiments took place on the front lines;

*Doctor Heinfeld*, a leading researcher in Engineering and Biology at the front, wanted to test a new mechanical heart he had engineered, and offered a clockwork heart he had engineered to a then-dieing solider, named *Hugo*, who took it without hesitation.

Later on, Hugo (now fully recovered...

I started observing extremists

Wanted to find out what made them tick... tock... boom

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