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Succeeds Jokes

A strongman tries to lift a heavy bar and succeeds...

Everyone is absolutely astonished. "How strong are you!?" asks the bartender inside.

A farmer succeeds in growing a field of vibrators..

He now has a problem with squatters

If at first you don't succeed

Skydiving's not for you.

A dog attacks a little girl

A man is walking in Central park in New York sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog.
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.
He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A journalist arriving soon takes pictures and says: \- "You are a hero, tomorrow ...

If at first you don’t succeed

Sky diving isn’t your sport

An Irishman is drinking whiskey at a bar...

It's closing time, and he's pretty drunk. He gets up to leave and...boom! Falls over and smacks into the floor. He tries to get up again, but only succeeds in losing his balance and falling back down. He thinks to himself "wow I'm more drunk than I thought, maybe if I could just get some fresh air a...

Peanut in the ear

Sitting at home with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth while watching TV.

The man loses concentration for a split second and a peanut goes into his ear.

He tries to get it out, but succeeds only in forcing the thing in deep.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Greek are captured by cannibals in Africa.

The chief of the tribe offers to free anyone who succeeds in three tests: drink a ton of wine, pull a thorn from the sacred lion's foot, and have sex with his hundred-year-old grandmother.
They lead the Englishman to the wine hut, he starts drinking but doesn't even get halfway through. The nat...

Did you hear about the guy building an electric vehicle in a tree

I’m gonna go out on a limb

and say he succeeds

A man crashes his car next to a monastery...

The monks help him to fix his car but it'll take at least a day, so he's offered to stay for the night in a good warm bed and with good warm food.

During the night, he can hear strange noises coming from the caves, loud enough to wake him up. He asks the nearby monks what those noises are, bu...

Man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers...

Succeeds

An arm with no body crawls into a military recruiting station.

The sergeant looks on in amazement as the arm hops onto his desk, grabs a pen and writes;

“I’m here to enlist!”

“You can’t enlist, you’re just an arm!”

The arm quickly wraps itself around the sergeant’s neck and puts him into a submission hold; letting him go just before he pas...

So a guy named Mike applies to join a Chicago police department.

"The first test is to lift a bag that is the size of a human and carry it to safety out of a building.", says the chief.

Mike succeeds.

"Next, you must show us your driving skills and show that you can handle a police car.", the chief says.

Mike succeeds.

"Now, for your f...

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