Make It Jokes - 60 Hilarious Make It Jokes

How many times do you have to tickle an octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-tickles.

Of course it only has 8 of those.

So the first two were test-tickles!

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A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.

I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress hi...

Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it

Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made

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A guy was in an elevator one day & noticed an attractive woman running to make it before the door closed.

He held the door for her to get in and then politely asked her “what floor?” “3rd floor” she replied, “ I come here once a month to donate blood & they pay me $50”
“That’s a coincidence” said the guy because I come here once a month myself, donate semen & they pay me $200”. Just then th...

The nurse hands a man his newborn and says "I'm sorry, but your wife didn't make it."

He responds "well give me the one my wife made."

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure en...

A woman walks into a pharmacy one day and says to the pharmacist, "I’d like a poison that’ll kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes."

The pharmacist says, "Ma'am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to have to call the police and report you."

The woman removes something from her pocket and hands it to him. He looks at it and discovers that it’s a picture of her husband making love to the pharmacist's wife.
...

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A joke in memoriam to Norm MacDonald. Please tell it and make it as unfunny as possible before you hit the punchline.

So, a priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "sorry, we don't serve jokes here." They all nod and walk out and the bartender keeps cleaning glasses.

A man carrying a frog and a tiny piano walks into the bar and the bartender looks up, sees them, ...

How did Harry Potter make it to the bottom of the hill?

By walking... jk rolling

If we make it past 2020, I'll be dreading 2022.

After all, 2022 is 2020, too!

I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster...

Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

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My friend is visiting Germany this week. I suggested he might want to make it a permanent move.

There's fewer Nazis over there.

What can you add to any food to make it taste better?

The word "free"

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How do you make it so no one gets offended at the Christmas song "Baby It's Cold Outside"?

Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."

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It takes a slug three and a half hours to make its way up the front steps of a house. When he finally gets there, he knocks on the door.

A man answers, curses at the slug, bends over, picks it up, and throws it as far as he can.

2 years later, the slug returns and again knocks on the door. The man opens the door, and the slug looks at him and says, "What the fuck was that all about?

I took my new gun out to the range, but couldn’t make it work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

They're saying I will never make it as a horse whisperer

But hey, there are always naysayers.

A woman walks into a bar and says “I want an entendre. Make it a double.”

The bartender gave it to her

I’ve decided to make it easy on Santa this year.

Only thing I’m asking for is one of the women on his naughty list.

I somehow managed to make it through high school math while only being able to remember even numbers.

What are the odds?

A man is waiting anxiously outside the Labour ward. The doctor comes out with a grim expression and hands him a baby, saying “I’m sorry, but your wife didn’t make it.”

The man hands the baby back and says “well, bring me the one my wife made.”

A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will give me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls and the souls of all your friends!"

The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"

A joke I rewrote to make it timely... What do you get if you cross a Russian dictator and a Russian oligarch?

Killed. You get killed.

Me: "Can I axe you to make it quick?"

Executioner: "You realize this is why we're doing this, right?"

3 men make it to heaven.

man 1, man 2, and man3.

An angel tells them: "The vehicle that you get to travel with in heaven will depend on the number of times you cheated on your partner"

So the angel asks the man 1, and man 1 says that he cheated on his wife 5 times. The angel checks to see if he is lying, and i...

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How can I make it appear big?

Plz Bare my grammatical errors, first time posting here and it's translated from Hindi

Akbar: birbal I think I have small dick how can I make it appear big?

Birbal: my lord shave you pubic hair, it tends to appear big and girls like it more that way.

So Akbar shaves his ball...

I couldn't make it to the top of the tower in France.

I fell.

To make it stand, I have to wet it. To make it wet, I have to suck it. To make it stiff, I have lick it and to get it in, I have to push it...

Brah, threading a needle isn't as easy as it looks!

A colon in a sentence can make it memorable

Jane ate her friend's lunch.

Jane ate her friend's colon.

See what I mean?

How many beans does it take to make Irish bean soup?

239. Because one more would make it too farty

I heard that science has discovered a way to reverse the behavior of Pinocchio’s nose, such that genuine statements make it grow.

Huge if true.

I painted my PC black to make it run faster

Now it doesn't work

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When you make it to the bathroom before you piss your pants.

Urine luck.

They said I’d never make it as a flasher….

I sure showed them!

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For this joke, I'll be using the word "bitch" but first, I want to make it cear that I would never disrespect a woman by calling her that. So no one needs to get offended, as I am simply, in fact, talking about a female dog, ok?

All right, so last night I was fuckin' this bitch and...

Why is it religious ships never make it far from port?

Because they are holy

Definitely a repost but it will make some people laugh.

At Penn State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them
had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they
decided to visit some friends and have a big party.

They had a great time but, after all the hearty partyi...

Why didn’t the cow make it to the sale barn on time?

Hereford broke down.

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MAKE IT SPECIAL.

A rich man(John) brings his newly hired assistant (Ken) to a Japanese restaurant for lunch.

John: Hey Ken, get me the special udon.

Ken: What do you mean by special udon, boss?

John: Stupid ! Special udon means udon with two extra rice balls.

Ken: Yes, boss. I got it....

Some people say: Fake it 'til you Make it!

None of them are bomb technicians.

"All right, for our new Disney+ miniseries, we need to make it a thoughtful, highly entertaining original series AND it needs to connect to an existing Star Wars property."

"... Would you settle for And/or?"

What is the only thing that if you fix you make it worse?

Elections

I didn't make it at the sandpaper factory

boss said I didn't have enough Grit

I used to play guitar in my room when I was a child, and it was my dream to make it big. Fast forward twenty years, and now I play to thousands of people a week.

If only some of them could spare me some change.

Why do lawsuits against sand and silt never make it to court?

Sediment always settles

What do you call it when you can’t make it to the bathroom in time?

A shartcut

They told me I would never make it as a comedian

Well, no one's laughing now

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He'll never make it

Ireland on lock down due to the virus!! Paddy and Murphy have just been signed up by the army. They are given a rifle each and told...‘ Martial law has been declared! Anyone caught out after 6 pm it's SHOOT TO KILL!!!
On their first day, they are sitting on a rooftop when Paddy lets off 3 rounds...

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My coach told me to make it to third base

He was pissed, but his daughter loved it.

If something doesn't exist, it isn't. if someone fails to do something, they didn't. if liquor isnt the solution to anything, what does that make it?

A solven't.

Why did we make it illegal to kill ocean swimming mammals?

They're the only group that has a porpoise.

Every day before class, I read my student a joke from r/jokes, but today I couldn’t make it.

So instead, a sub Reddit.

Why didn't the fisherman make it as a rapper?

His lines were okay, but his hooks were debaitable.

If something won’t work, make it work

Just like the Gulag

What did the first egg tell the second egg when it didn't make it on time?

Omelette

What does kfc use to make its popcorn chicken?

Chicken colonels.

What happened when the ghost couldn't make it to the bathroom?

He sheet himself!

Why don't procrastinators make it to the Olympics?

Because they only allow amateurcrastinators.

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Make it hurt

My girlfriend told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and then slapped her.

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