Your essays should be like a girls skirt.

Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting and on the desk by Friday midnight.

I finally got an A on my essay!

Only 1999 more words to go.

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

My Spanish teacher asked me to turn in my essay

But I ain't no snitch

I did an essay on The Room.

For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.

Keith Flint failed his English at School. It was a really tough break because his final essay was excellent

He just ran out of space

A teacher asked her students to write an essay about " what would I do if I were CEO of a company"

She notices one of the kids is just looking out the window. So she askes him "Why are you not writing your essay?"

He answers :"I'm waiting for my secretary to come and type it for me"

Professor: What inspired you to write this essay?

Student: The due date.

My teacher gave me a bad grade on my essay, she said the ending was “too unexpected”.

Guess I’ll never end it with the Spanish inquisition in that class ever again...

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

The teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.

Little Johnny got up to read his.

It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."

"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"

"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."

My teacher assigned us to do an essay, and I said, “I hate essays!”

The Mexican kid in my class says, “Aye Holmes that’s racist!”

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.

5 minutes before the bell, Bob handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Bob!" yelled the teacher. "You've done nothing. Why?"

"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do."

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Before the Mother's day, the teacher gives her class an assignment to write an essay about their mothers.

"Mothers are really important in our lives," she says, "so I want you to write an essay titled "I've only got one mom".

The next day the teacher asks the kids to read their essay aloud. Little Samuel goes first:

"My mom works two jobs to take care of my sister and me, and she gets real...

I had an essay to do on the relation between Occam's Razor, Red Herrings and Chekhov's Gun...

...my teacher gave me an A+ even though it was only "Will keep this simple, avoid obvious distractions and later it will be done."

I was asked to submit a 1,000 word essay..

So I just submitted a picture instead.

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

I forgot to put the reference in italics on my essay.

so i got markdown

Difficult essay exam

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. ...

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Tom was asked to write an essay about family

Tom wasn’t a very bright boy. So when he got home he went to ask his mother for help. His mother sees a stray cat outside attacking her plants to which she whispers “You son of a bitch it’s on” looks at Tom and replies “I’m busy, bother someone else.” Tom writes that down.


Tom then went t...

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A class was asked to write a concise essay containing 4 elements : religion, royalty,sex and mystery.

The only "A+"in the class read:

"My God," said the Queen," I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it ?".

My father is my favorite redditor.

When I was a young boy, not long ago, I came to my father to show him a school essay that I wrote.

-Dad ! I talked about you in my essay.

-What did you say ?

-I said that you were kind, charismatic, handsome, intelligent, respected by all your peers... And that you were my fa...

My tutor said I use tautology in my essays

He said he'd be happy if I could halve those instances by fifty percent.

I was given an essay about electricity

I was ecstatic

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I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

I was revising an essay the other day...

when all of a sudden I deleted an entire sentence. I tried Ctrl+Z, document recovery, and everything, but eventually I gave it up as a lost clause.

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

A teacher has his students write an essay on, "What is bravery?" - one kid's entire essay was:

"That first time when this joke was told and one kid turned in his essay and it just said *"This is"* on it. That was classic!"

How does a pirate open an essay?

With a hook.

Why is the teenage mexican pregnancy rate so high?

Cuz the teachers said "go home and do your essays"

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I’ve given up on taking my business essay assignment seriously, so now I’m just trying to work in sex jokes.

"Strong leadership and teamwork has to be contributed by both the top and the bottom, resulting in a versatile fusion of satisfactory results."

I was writing an essay about thunderstorms in my English class and I couldn't quite come up with a perfect thesis!

Then it struck me.

Why do spaniards frequently plagiarize essays?

Because nobody inspects the Spanish exposition!

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School Essay Test

A teacher says to her class “Tomorrow morning there will be a set essay writing exam. You are all to be on your best form and well rested overnight”

One lad pipes up with a smirk “What if we are suffering from severe sexual exhaustion Miss?”

“Well,” she replies “you’ll just have to try...

I wrote an essay about American Patriotism

Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

I fell in love while starting my essay.

It was love at first cite.

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Three guys die and go to Heaven...

St. Peter is working the gate and tells the men, "All your paperwork appears to be in order. But before I allow you into heaven I need you to answer one final essay question. In 50 words or less, can you tell me the true meaning of Easter?"

The first man scratches his head, "Well, you cut dow...

Did you hear there is no longer an essay requirement on the SAT?…

...Now it’s just going to be called the T.

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

There is only one mother

Kids in school were told to write a short essay with the phrase "There is only one mother". The next day in class the Timmy reads "There is only one mother and she takes care of me when I'm sick", next Sarah reads "There is only one mother and she prepares meals for the whole family, does the laundr...

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

Russian kids were writing an essay about their heroes....

..... The title was: "Who is your hero and why Stalin?"

I'm pretty sure someone stole the last paragraph of my essay, and hid it on a really high shelf...

But I don't want to jump to conclusions.

Not original, and not sure if it's been posted before, but it made me chuckle and thought I'd share.

50% of essays

Is the letter 's'.

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You hear about the blonde that had sex with a Mexican guy?

Her teacher told her to do an essay.

How does a pig write an essay?

With a pen and oink.

My essay about the Vietnam War went from an idea straight to a final version

I dodged the draft

My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism...

So I passed in a blank sheet of paper

My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay.

It wasn't justified.

Where does Chewbacca research his college essays?

Wookiepedia

My religious studies professor assigned an essay about the last days of Christ.

I totally nailed it.

I just read an 8,265 word essay on civil disobedience...

And damn if it wasn't Thoreau.

For school I had to write a thousand word essay

So I drew a picture

What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago?

"What I want to be *IF* I grow up"

I had to write an essay on plagiarism today

I couldn't think of anything so I just copied the guy sitting next to me

professor gave us a 2000 word essay...

So I gave him two pictures.

I wrote an essay once comparing various versions of the Bible.

I had to do a lot of cross referencing.

Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay...

and the teacher asked, "Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."

But none of the could write it.

The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was.

The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was.

The Europea...

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Know your homonyms

As teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."

She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to lea...

Summer Essay

Rough translation from Russian, so bear with me.

First day of class and all the students are assigned to write an essay about what they did during summer.

Johnny looks at his friend Bobby and says, "What are we going to write about? We did nothing but smoke plant all summer and we cer...

An essay on cricket match

Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!

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Son: Dad I have to write an Essay about Hitler and his Dog Unit in WWII. Do you know what it was called?

Dad: K, Nein

Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?

He had served his sentence.

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

My professor gave me an F for my essay on late 19th century European history....

It turns out there was a lot more to it than "everything changed when the Germans attacked"

So they made the essay optional for the new SAT test...

but isn't the SAT without the essay just the T

My essay question is: "The best Track and Field event is the one where they throw the circular object as far as they can."

"Discus."

Did you hear about the murdered essay?

They can't find the body.

How do you write an essay that blows people away?

With lots of drafts

Little Johnny was a notoriously bad speller

He would always misspell words and just write them the way they sounded to a young child's ear. This was particularly embarrassing to his father, whose boss would always brag how clever his own son, Pete was.


One evening, the boss visited Little Johnny's house for dinner, bringing litt...

I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay

Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion.

My essay on sick, long necked mammals had lots of errors in it.

My teacher said it was a rough giraffe.

I want to do an essay on chronology and hand it in late...

... so the professor can say "it's about time!"

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out of the window?

Aye, where you going essay?

What do you call a Mexican miget?

A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.

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Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

In order to write a good essay about trees..

..you'll need to write a good photosynThesis.

I like my children how I like my essays.

Unplanned and poorly executed

I thought I could finish this philosophy essay...

...Turns out I Kant.

I’ve been working at a charity, teaching college education to reformed Mexican gangsters.

It’s not going very well because for some reason they refuse to turn in their essays.

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