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I finally got an A on my essay!

Only 1999 more words to go.

I did an essay on The Room.

For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.

An essay should be like a skirt.

Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

Professor: What inspired you to write this essay?

Student: The due date.

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

A teacher asked her students to write an essay about " what would I do if I were CEO of a company"

She notices one of the kids is just looking out the window. So she askes him "Why are you not writing your essay?"

He answers :"I'm waiting for my secretary to come and type it for me"

The teacher told his Mexican student to turn in his essay...

To which he replied, "Nah, man. I ain't no snitch."

My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.

Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny.

"He stopped calling for help yesterday

When school hands you essays...

...make SAT.

A collection of humorous anecdotes from the world of education

>TEACHER: Maria, please can you find North America on the map.
>
>MARIA: Here it is.
>
>TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
>
>CLASS: Maria.



>TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? ...

Keith Flint failed his English at School. It was a really tough break because his final essay was excellent

He just ran out of space

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A Harvard English 101 class was asked to write a CONCISE essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The only "A+" in the class read:

"My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.

5 minutes before the bell, Bob handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Bob!" yelled the teacher. "You've done nothing. Why?"

"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do."

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Before the Mother's day, the teacher gives her class an assignment to write an essay about their mothers.

"Mothers are really important in our lives," she says, "so I want you to write an essay titled "I've only got one mom".

The next day the teacher asks the kids to read their essay aloud. Little Samuel goes first:

"My mom works two jobs to take care of my sister and me, and she gets real...

I was asked to submit a 1,000 word essay..

So I just submitted a picture instead.

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

Difficult essay exam

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. ...

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

An engineering student is called into the Dean’s office…

The dean says “While we know you are doing well in your engineering studies, there some very troubling reports from your core curriculum professors. In English, your professor says you constantly use the passive voice in your essays; your art history professor says you are constantly confusing Carav...

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Did you Hear about the guy who was sexually attracted to the end of essays?

He always came to conclusions.

Why did the Mexican fail his writing class?

Because he refused to turn in his essay!

At school the teacher tells the students:

- Children, you have to write an essay that ends with the sentence "Mother, there is only one".

One child presents his essay about the time his mother saved his puppy from being run over and killed: "And that's why I say that mother, there is only one".

Another child presents his essay...

Steve sees an ad for hiring a music producer.

The ad reads: "MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED! Must be able to play piano, type 40 words a minute, and be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer!" So he decides to go apply for the job.

The hiring manager is pleased with his resume but says, "Well your resume looks good, but I have to admit S...

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Tom was asked to write an essay about family

Tom wasn’t a very bright boy. So when he got home he went to ask his mother for help. His mother sees a stray cat outside attacking her plants to which she whispers “You son of a bitch it’s on” looks at Tom and replies “I’m busy, bother someone else.” Tom writes that down.


Tom then went t...

I was revising an essay the other day...

when all of a sudden I deleted an entire sentence. I tried Ctrl+Z, document recovery, and everything, but eventually I gave it up as a lost clause.

I forgot to put the reference in italics on my essay.

so i got markdown

I had an important essay on the relation between Occam's razor, Red Herrings and Chekhov's gun...

...my teacher wasn't happy it was late and I just wrote "Will keep this simple, avoid obvious distractions and later it will be done."

Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT

Now it's just going to be called the T.

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

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I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

I wrote an essay about American Patriotism

Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'

Russian kids were writing an essay about their heroes....

..... The title was: "Who is your hero and why Stalin?"

I fell in love while starting my essay.

It was love at first cite.

What do you call a long piece of writing about America?

A U essay

How does a pirate open an essay?

With a hook.

My father is my favorite redditor.

When I was a young boy, not long ago, I came to my father to show him a school essay that I wrote.

-Dad ! I talked about you in my essay.

-What did you say ?

-I said that you were kind, charismatic, handsome, intelligent, respected by all your peers... And that you were my fa...

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

A teacher has his students write an essay on, "What is bravery?" - one kid's entire essay was:

"That first time when this joke was told and one kid turned in his essay and it just said *"This is"* on it. That was classic!"

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

I'm pretty sure someone stole the last paragraph of my essay, and hid it on a really high shelf...

But I don't want to jump to conclusions.

Not original, and not sure if it's been posted before, but it made me chuckle and thought I'd share.

My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay.

It wasn't justified.

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Why did the blonde college student have sex with a Mexican?

Her English professor told her to do an essay.

My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism...

So I passed in a blank sheet of paper

My religious studies professor assigned an essay about the last days of Christ.

I totally nailed it.

50% of essays

Is the letter 's'.

For school I had to write a thousand word essay

So I drew a picture

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School Essay Test

A teacher says to her class “Tomorrow morning there will be a set essay writing exam. You are all to be on your best form and well rested overnight”

One lad pipes up with a smirk “What if we are suffering from severe sexual exhaustion Miss?”

“Well,” she replies “you’ll just have to try...

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

Why do spaniards frequently plagiarize essays?

Because nobody inspects the Spanish exposition!

How does a pig write an essay?

With a pen and oink.

professor gave us a 2000 word essay...

So I gave him two pictures.

I had to write an essay on plagiarism today

I couldn't think of anything so I just copied the guy sitting next to me

Where does Chewbacca research his college essays?

Wookiepedia

I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay

Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion.

Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay...

and the teacher asked, "Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."

But none of the could write it.

The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was.

The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was.

The Europea...

What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago?

"What I want to be *IF* I grow up"

I pour maple syrup over my essays

Because they're 100% waffle.

Did you hear about the murdered essay?

They can't find the body.

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

I wrote an essay once comparing various versions of the Bible.

I had to do a lot of cross referencing.

I just read an 8,265 word essay on civil disobedience...

And damn if it wasn't Thoreau.

Summer Essay

Rough translation from Russian, so bear with me.

First day of class and all the students are assigned to write an essay about what they did during summer.

Johnny looks at his friend Bobby and says, "What are we going to write about? We did nothing but smoke plant all summer and we cer...

Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?

He had served his sentence.

I want to do an essay on chronology and hand it in late...

... so the professor can say "it's about time!"

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Some dick jokes

My dick is like a tsunami
No one will try riding it
My dick is like an essay
It’s always hard
A friend once told me to go fuck myself
I said “My dick isn’t that long!”

What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hotdogs

Relish today...

And Ketchup tomorrow

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Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

So they made the essay optional for the new SAT test...

but isn't the SAT without the essay just the T

In order to write a good essay about trees..

..you'll need to write a good photosynThesis.

The difference between theory & reality.

A boy was given a essay to write about the difference between theory and reality.

Struggling to come up with a explanation he asked his dad who said to him that he could lend a hand with this one.

The father told him "go find your mother and ask her if she would sleep with the window c...

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Small village

In a country,there was a small village which has very bad winter conditions. So bad that , no communication, no WiFi,no transportation to anywhere.
One of correspandant of a newspaper decided to write an essay about that' village.
He set off and hardly reached to village. He found the sheriff ...

There is only one mother

Kids in school were told to write a short essay with the phrase "There is only one mother". The next day in class the Timmy reads "There is only one mother and she takes care of me when I'm sick", next Sarah reads "There is only one mother and she prepares meals for the whole family, does the laundr...

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3 guys die and go to heaven ...

... St. Peter is working the gate and tells the men, "All your paperwork appears to be in order. But before I allow you into heaven I need you to answer one final essay question. In 50 words or less, can you tell me the true meaning of Easter?"

The first man scratches his head, "Well, you cut...

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?

Where you going essay!?

Little Johnny was a notoriously bad speller

He would always misspell words and just write them the way they sounded to a young child's ear. This was particularly embarrassing to his father, whose boss would always brag how clever his own son, Pete was.


One evening, the boss visited Little Johnny's house for dinner, bringing litt...

I like my children how I like my essays.

Unplanned and poorly executed

What do you call a Mexican that is only 4’6”?

Paragraph. He is too short to be an essay.

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My professor called me into his office.

"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."

"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"

He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
...

Why is the teenage mexican pregnancy rate so high?

Cuz the teachers said "go home and do your essays"

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