Professor: What inspired you to write this essay?

Student: The due date.

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

A teacher has his students write an essay on, "What is bravery?" - one kid's entire essay was:

"That first time when this joke was told and one kid turned in his essay and it just said *"This is"* on it. That was classic!"

My dad once told me that essays are like bikinis ...

Big enough to cover the subject, but small enough to keep it interesting.

My English teacher only left one comment on my entire essay

"vague"

An essay should be like a skirt.

Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

I forgot to put the reference in italics on my essay.

so i got markdown

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

How does a pirate open an essay?

With a hook.

My teacher gave me a bad grade on my essay, she said the ending was “too unexpected”.

Guess I’ll never end it with the Spanish inquisition in that class ever again...

I was given an assignment to do an essay about procrastination.

But I dunno. I'll do it later.

I finally got an A on my essay!

Only 1999 more words to go.

My computer just crashed while I was a couple hours into doing my essay

Now I have to write those two sentences all over again

Why do spaniards frequently plagiarize essays?

Because nobody inspects the Spanish exposition!

I did an essay on The Room.

For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

My teacher asked me to submit a 1,000 word essay, but I couldn’t be bothered...

So I handed in a picture instead...

I was revising an essay the other day...

when all of a sudden I deleted an entire sentence. I tried Ctrl+Z, document recovery, and everything, but eventually I gave it up as a lost clause.

In English class I did an essay on The Room for my assignment

The teacher gave me a hi mark

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

My religious studies professor assigned an essay about the last days of Christ.

I totally nailed it.

I'm pretty sure somebody hid the final paragraph of my essay on the shelf I can't reach

but I don't want to jump to conclusions

I told my Mexican student to turn in his essay

He said "I ain't no snitch!".

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam.

At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furiously, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes l...

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?

Where you going essay!?

Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT

Now it's just going to be called the T.

I just read an 8,265 word essay on civil disobedience...

And damn if it wasn't Thoreau.

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

50% of essays

Is the letter 's'.

I fell in love while starting my essay.

It was love at first cite.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Sergey was asked to write an essay in class about the motherland, the Party, the society, and the people.

Confused by these concepts, little Sergey asked his father when he returned from the school. "The motherland is like your grandma that we all love," said the father. "The Party is the most powerful and leads the family, like me. The society provides you with meal and laundry, like your mother, and y...

I wrote an essay about American Patriotism

Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'

How does a pig write an essay?

With a pen and oink.

My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism...

So I passed in a blank sheet of paper

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

A pompous student is taking a college course but never shows up to class. on the day of exams...

On the day of exams the student comes in and starts writing his essay with the rest as if he’s been there the whole time. The professor sees this and thinks how weird it is that the kid is taking the exam without going to the classes. Anyways the time is nearing the end and the professor announces t...

Summer Essay

Rough translation from Russian, so bear with me.

First day of class and all the students are assigned to write an essay about what they did during summer.

Johnny looks at his friend Bobby and says, "What are we going to write about? We did nothing but smoke plant all summer and we cer...

Why did the Mexican school girl get pregnant?

Here teacher said to go home and do her "essay".

I had to write an essay on plagiarism today

I couldn't think of anything so I just copied the guy sitting next to me

professor gave us a 2000 word essay...

So I gave him two pictures.

Russian kids were writing an essay about their heroes....

..... The title was: "Who is your hero and why Stalin?"

Where does Chewbacca research his college essays?

Wookiepedia

Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?

He had served his sentence.

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago?

"What I want to be *IF* I grow up"

Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay...

and the teacher asked, "Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."

But none of the could write it.

The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was.

The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was.

The Europea...

My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay.

It wasn't justified.

So they made the essay optional for the new SAT test...

but isn't the SAT without the essay just the T

I wrote an essay once comparing various versions of the Bible.

I had to do a lot of cross referencing.

What is the last part of the body to stop working?

Your pupils. They have an essay to hand in and don’t want to disappoint.

Did you hear about the murdered essay?

They can't find the body.

How do you write an essay that blows people away?

With lots of drafts

For school I had to write a thousand word essay

So I drew a picture

In order to write a good essay about trees..

..you'll need to write a good photosynThesis.

One day co-workers Alice and Bob were talking over the water cooler. Soon the conversation turned to Alice's husband Walter and his plans for the future.

"He's up for a promotion, but he's kinda screwed. He'd be moving up from the mail room to a position with some management responsibilities, but he never actually graduated college and that's usually a requirement. They like him though, so there's just one course he has to take and get a good grade i...

A bit late for Mothers day but still.

In elementary school, all the kids get an assignment to write an essay on the topic "There is only one Mom".

So little Ivica did his one, and the next day, the teacher goes around asking the kids to read out their essays. She asks little Ivica. He goes:

"So yesterday when I got home fr...

I like my children how I like my essays.

Unplanned and poorly executed

I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay

Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion.

My essay question is: "The best Track and Field event is the one where they throw the circular object as far as they can."

"Discus."

I am getting around to writing my essay on herbs for my botany class...

It's about thyme

I want to do an essay on chronology and hand it in late...

... so the professor can say "it's about time!"

Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

Did you hear about the Mexican gangster who had to drop out of university?

Says he couldn't handle all the essays.

Millionaire

The teacher stood in front of the class. "Take a pencil and paper," she said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire.'"

Every student in the class began to write furiously. Everyone but Philip, who leaned back in his seat with his arms folded.

"What's the matter," ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once there was a boy in Alabama who loved trains.

It was his life, he’d get his dad to take him to train shows, play with them at home, read books about them in elementary school, the works. In high school he studied and kept his GPA high so he’d be able to go for his dreams: to be a train conductor. Upon graduating high school he got accepted int...

When you apply for American citizenship...

When you apply for American citizenship, you have to write a short paper about yourself. Or in other words,

A you essay

Philosophy Exam

It’s nearing the end of the semester at a prestigious university of philosophy. The 100+ students wait eagerly for the professor to enter the auditorium & begin their final exam. They all have their notebooks out, as the final is open book. The professor enters and, without saying a word, puts h...

What do you call a short Mexican?

A paragraph, because he’s too short to be an essay

An American, a Russian and a Mexican are standing on a bridge

The Russian pulls out a bottle of vodka, takes one swig and throws it off the bridge. The Mexican looks at him stunned and says " Hey man, that was a perfectly good bottle, what gives, homes?" To which the russian replies " Theres too much of this where I come from" The mexican proceeds to pull out ...

A Mexican boy was in class

When the teacher said, "ok class, turn in your essay. "


The Mexican boy Responded.


"Nah, fam, I aint no snitch. "