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Essay Jokes

I finally got an A on my essay!

Only 1999 more words to go.

Professor: What inspired you to write this essay?

Student: The due date.

An essay should be like a skirt.

Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

I did an essay on The Room.

For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

I wrote an essay on communism

Teacher gave me good Marx.

My teacher told me to turn in my essay...

But I ain’t no snitch.

I was asked to submit a 1,000 word essay..

So I just submitted a picture instead.

Difficult essay exam

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam. At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furioulsy, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. ...

My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000 word essay on acid.

Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

A teacher asked her students to write an essay about " what would I do if I were CEO of a company"

She notices one of the kids is just looking out the window. So she askes him "Why are you not writing your essay?"

He answers :"I'm waiting for my secretary to come and type it for me"

The professor told me, “You don’t deserve an A for this essay!”

He..berated me.

Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT

Now it's just going to be called the T.

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

The teacher asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week." "Good grief!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?" "He must be," said Little Johnny.

"He stopped calling for help yesterday

A teacher has his students write an essay on, "What is bravery?" - one kid's entire essay was:

"That first time when this joke was told and one kid turned in his essay and it just said *"This is"* on it. That was classic!"

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

How does a pirate open an essay?

With a hook.

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My teacher said "Nathan! Turn in your essay!"

I replied, "fuck that, I ain't telling u nothin! Ain't no way I'm lettin my homie go down like that!"

Russian kids were writing an essay about their heroes....

..... The title was: "Who is your hero and why Stalin?"

I was revising an essay the other day...

when all of a sudden I deleted an entire sentence. I tried Ctrl+Z, document recovery, and everything, but eventually I gave it up as a lost clause.

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Essay

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read:

“My God,” said the Queen. “I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?”

My professor made me write a 30 page essay on differentiates an integer from a decimal...

I said that there's no point

I wrote an essay about American Patriotism

Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'

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Did you Hear about the guy who was sexually attracted to the end of essays?

He always came to conclusions.

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I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

I forgot to put the reference in italics on my essay.

so i got markdown

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

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Tom was asked to write an essay about family

Tom wasn’t a very bright boy. So when he got home he went to ask his mother for help. His mother sees a stray cat outside attacking her plants to which she whispers “You son of a bitch it’s on” looks at Tom and replies “I’m busy, bother someone else.” Tom writes that down.


Tom then went t...

50% of essays

Is the letter 's'.

Why do spaniards frequently plagiarize essays?

Because nobody inspects the Spanish exposition!

Satan was angry because Jesus was always so much better on the computer than he was.

So he went to God and said, "I have been practicing really hard, and although I can't beat Jesus at much of anything, I am pretty sure that I can beat him at computers. So will you set up a contest between us to see once and for all who is the best?"

God reluctantly agrees. He sets up two c...

I fell in love while starting my essay.

It was love at first cite.

Keith Flint failed his English at School. It was a really tough break because his final essay was excellent

He just ran out of space

How does a pig write an essay?

With a pen and oink.

professor gave us a 2000 word essay...

So I gave him two pictures.

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Before the Mother's day, the teacher gives her class an assignment to write an essay about their mothers.

"Mothers are really important in our lives," she says, "so I want you to write an essay titled "I've only got one mom".

The next day the teacher asks the kids to read their essay aloud. Little Samuel goes first:

"My mom works two jobs to take care of my sister and me, and she gets real...

Summer Essay

Rough translation from Russian, so bear with me.

First day of class and all the students are assigned to write an essay about what they did during summer.

Johnny looks at his friend Bobby and says, "What are we going to write about? We did nothing but smoke plant all summer and we cer...

I pour maple syrup over my essays

Because they're 100% waffle.

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.

5 minutes before the bell, Bob handed in a blank sheet of paper. "Bob!" yelled the teacher. "You've done nothing. Why?"

"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do."

Where does Chewbacca research his college essays?

Wookiepedia

My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism...

So I passed in a blank sheet of paper

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

I'm pretty sure somebody hid the final paragraph of my essay on the shelf I can't reach

but I don't want to jump to conclusions

Why did the Mexican fail his writing class?

Because he refused to turn in his essay!

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

I had an important essay on the relation between Occam's razor, Red Herrings and Chekhov's gun...

...my teacher wasn't happy it was late and I just wrote "Will keep this simple, avoid obvious distractions and later it will be done."

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?

Where you going essay!?

I had to write an essay on plagiarism today

I couldn't think of anything so I just copied the guy sitting next to me

Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay...

and the teacher asked, "Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."

But none of the could write it.

The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was.

The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was.

The Europea...

For school I had to write a thousand word essay

So I drew a picture

My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay.

It wasn't justified.

What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago?

"What I want to be *IF* I grow up"

I used to get paid to write other students essays in high school.

Everyone failed.

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

I wrote an essay once comparing various versions of the Bible.

I had to do a lot of cross referencing.

I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay

Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion.

My religious studies professor assigned an essay about the last days of Christ.

I totally nailed it.

Why was Civil Disobedience such a good essay?

Thoreau editing.

In order to write a good essay about trees..

..you'll need to write a good photosynThesis.

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

I thought I could finish this philosophy essay...

...Turns out I Kant.

Why are Mexicans such prolific writers?

Because they finish every sentence with an essay.

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My professor called me into his office.

"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."

"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"

He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
...

So they made the essay optional for the new SAT test...

but isn't the SAT without the essay just the T

I like my children how I like my essays.

Unplanned and poorly executed

Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?

He had served his sentence.

Need help solving a joke with no punchline

In April 1998, Roger Ebert published his review of Paulie, a movie about a talking bird on a road trip. He wrapped up the essay with a joke he claims to have made up.

"On the other hand, just to be fair, I should mention that parrots make great subjects for jokes. I know about a dozen, includ...

I want to do an essay on chronology and hand it in late...

... so the professor can say "it's about time!"

My professor gave me an F for my essay on late 19th century European history....

It turns out there was a lot more to it than "everything changed when the Germans attacked"

There's only one mother.

Little Johnny got an assignment to write an essay for homework. The title of the essay: There's only one mother. He proceeded to write:

"When I came home from school, I stumbled over my dad that was passed out drunk in front of the door. I heard the commotion upstairs so I ran up to check. I ...

At school the teacher tells the students:

- Children, you have to write an essay that ends with the sentence "Mother, there is only one".

One child presents his essay about the time his mother saved his puppy from being run over and killed: "And that's why I say that mother, there is only one".

Another child presents his essay...

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Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

Steve sees an ad for hiring a music producer.

The ad reads: "MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED! Must be able to play piano, type 40 words a minute, and be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer!" So he decides to go apply for the job.

The hiring manager is pleased with his resume but says, "Well your resume looks good, but I have to admit S...

What do you call a long piece of writing about America?

A U essay

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Why did the blonde college student have sex with a Mexican?

Her English professor told her to do an essay.

I'm pretty sure someone stole the last paragraph of my essay, and hid it on a really high shelf...

But I don't want to jump to conclusions.

Not original, and not sure if it's been posted before, but it made me chuckle and thought I'd share.

What do you call a Mexican that is only 4’6”?

Paragraph. He is too short to be an essay.

My father is my favorite redditor.

When I was a young boy, not long ago, I came to my father to show him a school essay that I wrote.

-Dad ! I talked about you in my essay.

-What did you say ?

-I said that you were kind, charismatic, handsome, intelligent, respected by all your peers... And that you were my fa...

A brother and sister

A brother and sister are sitting in a room when the brother asks:

The brother: hey I got a question

The sis: what is it?

The brother: what’s it called when you create the topic sentence for an essay that outlines your argument and position and supporting details

Thesis:

An engineering student is called into the Dean’s office…

The dean says “While we know you are doing well in your engineering studies, there some very troubling reports from your core curriculum professors. In English, your professor says you constantly use the passive voice in your essays; your art history professor says you are constantly confusing Carav...

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A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

A college class was asked to write a short story in as few words as possible.

The only catch was the story had to include three subjects:

1: Religion

2: Sexuality

3: Mystery

Below is the only A* essay.

"Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it...

The difference between theory & reality.

A boy was given a essay to write about the difference between theory and reality.

Struggling to come up with a explanation he asked his dad who said to him that he could lend a hand with this one.

The father told him "go find your mother and ask her if she would sleep with the window c...

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Some dick jokes

My dick is like a tsunami
No one will try riding it
My dick is like an essay
It’s always hard
A friend once told me to go fuck myself
I said “My dick isn’t that long!”

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