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I’ve given up on taking my business essay assignment seriously, so now I’m just trying to work in sex jokes.

"Strong leadership and teamwork has to be contributed by both the top and the bottom, resulting in a versatile fusion of satisfactory results."

Professor: What inspired you to write this essay?

Student: The due date.

An essay should be like a skirt.

Long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep your attention.

My dad once told me that essays are like bikinis ...

Big enough to cover the subject, but small enough to keep it interesting.

A teacher has his students write an essay on, "What is bravery?" - one kid's entire essay was:

"That first time when this joke was told and one kid turned in his essay and it just said *"This is"* on it. That was classic!"

My teacher gave me a bad grade on my essay, she said the ending was “too unexpected”.

Guess I’ll never end it with the Spanish inquisition in that class ever again...

I was given an assignment to do an essay about procrastination.

But I dunno. I'll do it later.

I'm going to write an essay on procrastination...

I haven't got around to it yet though

A 300 page novel with a 50 page introductory essay written by the author walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long preface?"

My dad told me that colleges are cracking down on ghost-written essays...

I asked, “What about mummy-written essays?”

I did an essay on The Room.

For school, I had to write an essay based on a film, so I decided to do it on "The Room". I think I did well, because I got a hi mark.

I finally got an A on my essay!

Only 1999 more words to go.

I forgot to put the reference in italics on my essay.

so i got markdown

Why do spaniards frequently plagiarize essays?

Because nobody inspects the Spanish exposition!

I did really well on my essay about communism.

People think they're funny by asking "did you get high Marx?" Actually, I did well because I approached the topic from all Engels.

My teacher asked me to submit a 1,000 word essay, but I couldn’t be bothered...

So I handed in a picture instead...

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A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

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I accidentally sent my essay to a 3D printer

It came out as a pile of shit.

I was revising an essay the other day...

when all of a sudden I deleted an entire sentence. I tried Ctrl+Z, document recovery, and everything, but eventually I gave it up as a lost clause.

I told my Mexican student to turn in his essay

He said "I ain't no snitch!".

My religious studies professor assigned an essay about the last days of Christ.

I totally nailed it.

What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?

Where you going essay!?

Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT

Now it's just going to be called the T.

One day a student was taking a very difficult essay exam.

At the end of the test, the prof asked all the students to put their pencils down and immediately hand in their tests. The young man kept writing furiously, although he was warned that if he did not stop immediately he would be disqualified. He ignored the warning, finished the test 10
minutes l...

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and ...

How does a pirate open an essay?

With a hook.

"How long should my essay be?"

Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.

He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."

I just read an 8,265 word essay on civil disobedience...

And damn if it wasn't Thoreau.

50% of essays

Is the letter 's'.

I fell in love while starting my essay.

It was love at first cite.

I wrote an essay about American Patriotism

Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'

My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism...

So I passed in a blank sheet of paper

I'm pretty sure somebody hid the final paragraph of my essay on the shelf I can't reach

but I don't want to jump to conclusions

How does a pig write an essay?

With a pen and oink.

My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.

I got full marx.

I had to write an essay on plagiarism today

I couldn't think of anything so I just copied the guy sitting next to me

An essay on cricket match

Teacher told all students
in a class to write an essay
on a cricket match.

All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote No match, due to rain!!!

Why did the Mexican school girl get pregnant?

Here teacher said to go home and do her "essay".

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Son: Dad I have to write an Essay about Hitler and his Dog Unit in WWII. Do you know what it was called?

Dad: K, Nein

Summer Essay

Rough translation from Russian, so bear with me.

First day of class and all the students are assigned to write an essay about what they did during summer.

Johnny looks at his friend Bobby and says, "What are we going to write about? We did nothing but smoke plant all summer and we cer...

professor gave us a 2000 word essay...

So I gave him two pictures.

Russian kids were writing an essay about their heroes....

..... The title was: "Who is your hero and why Stalin?"

Where does Chewbacca research his college essays?

Wookiepedia

My English teacher got really angry about the format of my essay.

It wasn't justified.

Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?

He had served his sentence.

Why wouldn’t you call a short Mexican a paragraph

Because it’s not a full essay

What's the most assigned elementary school essay in Chicago?

"What I want to be *IF* I grow up"

For school I had to write a thousand word essay

So I drew a picture

Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay...

and the teacher asked, "Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."

But none of the could write it.

The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was.

The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was.

The Europea...

So they made the essay optional for the new SAT test...

but isn't the SAT without the essay just the T

I wrote an essay once comparing various versions of the Bible.

I had to do a lot of cross referencing.

My essay on sick, long necked mammals had lots of errors in it.

My teacher said it was a rough giraffe.

Did you hear about the murdered essay?

They can't find the body.

How do you write an essay that blows people away?

With lots of drafts

Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.

1. Don't use no double negatives.
2. Don't abbrev.
3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases.
4. About sentence fragments.
5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary.
6. Ke...

In order to write a good essay about trees..

..you'll need to write a good photosynThesis.

I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay

Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion.

My essay question is: "The best Track and Field event is the one where they throw the circular object as far as they can."

"Discus."

I like my children how I like my essays.

Unplanned and poorly executed

I am getting around to writing my essay on herbs for my botany class...

It's about thyme

I want to do an essay on chronology and hand it in late...

... so the professor can say "it's about time!"

A Million Dollars of nothing

A 9th grade English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars.

Alex handed in a blank sheet of paper.

"Alex!" yelled the teacher, "you've done nothing. Why?"



"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I wou...

Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

One day co-workers Alice and Bob were talking over the water cooler. Soon the conversation turned to Alice's husband Walter and his plans for the future.

"He's up for a promotion, but he's kinda screwed. He'd be moving up from the mail room to a position with some management responsibilities, but he never actually graduated college and that's usually a requirement. They like him though, so there's just one course he has to take and get a good grade i...

What is the last part of the body to stop working?

Your pupils. They have an essay to hand in and don’t want to disappoint.

A pompous student is taking a college course but never shows up to class. on the day of exams...

On the day of exams the student comes in and starts writing his essay with the rest as if he’s been there the whole time. The professor sees this and thinks how weird it is that the kid is taking the exam without going to the classes. Anyways the time is nearing the end and the professor announces t...

Why do Mexican gang members usual flunk school?

Cause they don't turn in their essays.

Did you hear about the Mexican gangster who had to drop out of university?

Says he couldn't handle all the essays.

Millionaire

The teacher stood in front of the class. "Take a pencil and paper," she said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire.'"

Every student in the class began to write furiously. Everyone but Philip, who leaned back in his seat with his arms folded.

"What's the matter," ...

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Once there was a boy in Alabama who loved trains.

It was his life, he’d get his dad to take him to train shows, play with them at home, read books about them in elementary school, the works. In high school he studied and kept his GPA high so he’d be able to go for his dreams: to be a train conductor. Upon graduating high school he got accepted int...

When you apply for American citizenship...

When you apply for American citizenship, you have to write a short paper about yourself. Or in other words,

A you essay

Philosophy Exam

It’s nearing the end of the semester at a prestigious university of philosophy. The 100+ students wait eagerly for the professor to enter the auditorium & begin their final exam. They all have their notebooks out, as the final is open book. The professor enters and, without saying a word, puts h...

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