UPJOKE
vegetable oiloliveoilpetroleumfruitfuellubricantoil lampjuicecosmeticsoileroilyvinegargarlictablespoons

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Would you like some olive oil on your pasta?

Customer: Is it extra virgin?

Me: *tearing up* No it’s the same price

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make extra virgin olive oil from regular olive oil?

Dating advice from a Redditor.

About 1,375 olives are pressed in order to make 1 liter of olive oil, 8,435 sunflower seeds to make a liter of sunflower oil...

Don't even get me started on baby oil

What does a horse do when he eats a bunch of eggs and olive oil?

He Mayo-neighs

If olive oil comes from olives and mineral oil comes from minerals...

What does baby oil come from?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it always 'Extra Virgin' olive oil?

Why can’t we also have some 'Loose Woman' olive oil?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I called my college roommate all sorts of bad names, but the only one that made him cry was “olive oil”

Both are extra virgin

Why do depressed Frenchmen consume so much olive oil?

It gives them a huile d'olive

If you combine Basil, Parmesan, Pinenuts and Olive Oil you get Pesto. What do you get when you mix Olive Oil, Spinach and Sweet Peas?

You get the comic and cartoon classic Popeye.

I got olive oil in my bed

Shhhh... Don't tell Popeye!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a kid I always insisted on having olive oil on my pasta instead of meat sauce.

Maybe that is why I am a virgin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is extra virgin olive oil NSFW ?

Not Safe For Wok.

\[yay dumbest joke of the day\]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife told me to put olive oil on the shopping list.

Great idea, now it's fucking soaked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Olive Oil do Reddit users use to masturbate?

Extra Virgin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know how you can tell if the olive oil is extra virgin?

If it screams while being poured onto a Caesar salad.

Olive oil sale prohibited during COVID-19 lockdown

Only essential oils can be bought.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spend the extra money and get the virgin olive oil instead of the regular kind.

It costs a little more, but it's worth it to know that no one has ever put their dick in something that you're going to put on your food

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before the invention of lube, Greeks used olive oil to have anal sex.

I guess you might say the people of ancient Greece loved that ancient grease.

Due to global climate change the world is set to experience a loss in olive oil

Now we can all understand the heartache Popeye felt after the tragic end of his wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The best extra virgin olive oil comes from Saudi Arabia.

They hand inspect each olive to make sure it's still a virgin.

He drank an entire bottle of olive oil?

Daughter: "Where's the olive oil?"
Father: "I drank it."
Daughter: "You drank an entire bottle of olive oil?"
Father: Without so much as a grin, "Yes, olive it."

How much olive oil does Snoop Dogg use to cook?

A drizzle.

A truck carrying olive oil crashed into a truck carrying red wine vinegar, inside a nudist camp

First responders reported that everyone nearby was well dressed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?

Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.

A French man loses his favorite olive oil, and becomes suicidal...

I've lost my huile d'olive!

I’ve started using garlic in my magic act. First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil...

Then…hey…pesto!

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Virgin olive oil is good, and Extra Virgin olive oil is better...

Incel olive oil must be amazing.

If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from?

Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.

Did you hear about the Frenchman who committed suicide by jumping into a giant vat of olive oil?

They say he lost his huile d’olive.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

What do you call Basil, Pine Nuts, and Olive Oil with a bad attitude?

Pestomistic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, a Thai and a Jew are discussing lubricants.

The Italian says: "I am using olive oil from an ancient family grove. My wife is so pleased that she continues to shout for 10 minutes after we are done."

The Thai says: "I am using coconut oil made from cocnuts grown on a secret island. My wife is so pleased that she continues to shout for a...

How is Popeye like canned artichokes?

They both come in Olive Oil!

All-Natural

When my wife and I had our first child we were very much into natural childbirth, a midwife, and all of the "back to nature" stuff we could find. In our researches we found out that olive oil can be used to help eliminate stretch marks and any tearing "down below" due to helping the skins natural ab...

Why does Popeye's tool never rust?

Because he keeps it in Olive Oil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm not saying it's too long since I got laid,

but this morning there was a bottle of extra virgin olive oil in the food cupboard, and now there's just a bottle of olive oil.

I *almost* got that...

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, “Why are you standing naked in the kitchen and also covered in… olive oil?!”

I chuckled proudly, “Well, you’re always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

They named a chicken joint “Popeye’s...”

...because they stick it in Olive Oil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 good arguments that Jesus was black [long]

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33 <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish man, a Frenchman, and an Italian man were bragging about their sex lives.

The Jewish man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butt...

A woman treated her dry hair

A woman treated her dry hair with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave a smell, she washed her hair with shampoo several times. That night, in bed, she asked her husband, "Do I smell like Olive Oil?" He sniffed a little and replied "Why? Do I smell like Popeye?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If we had to describe groups of people with only one condiment, Redditors would be...

Olive oil: Fat and extra virgin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

7 years kid ask in middle of dinner "dad, what is virgin?"

The dad gets very nervous and give an explanation with "daddy put a little seed in your moms belly, and since nobody ever planted a seed there she was virgin"..... The The kid turns the olive oil bottle and asks "ok, then what is extra virgin?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion

The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can anything be extra virgin?

This is a long story, you might want to sit down.

Back in the glory days of the Roman Republic, they had six Vestal Virgins who served the goddess Vesta. One year several died of a plague, and it was essential that the number be brought back up to 6 so the various rites could be performed, l...

A gentleman walks into a very busy Italian Restaurant

The host explains that they are very busy and he will have no choice of seating. The gentleman agrees and is seated at the only remaining table. He views the menu and orders a plate of the city's best spaghetti. The waiter comes to the table and sets the meal before him.

The gentleman puts th...

social lube

Do you know what makes a great non-alcoholic social lubricant?
Extroversion olive oil.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.