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Olive Oil Jokes

About 1,375 olives are pressed in order to make 1 liter of olive oil, 8,435 sunflower seeds to make a liter of sunflower oil...

Don't even get me started on baby oil

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Me: Would you like some olive oil on your pasta?

Customer: Is it extra virgin?

Me: *tearing up* No it’s the same price

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what's the difference between Extra Virgin Olive Oil and regular Olive Oil?

A candle lit dinner and bottle of champagne.

Why did the French person commit suicide when they couldn't find their olive oil?

Because they had lost the *huile d'olive*

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Why is it always 'Extra Virgin' olive oil?

Why can’t we also have some 'Loose Woman' olive oil?

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The Italian man says, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end.”

The Frenchman boasts, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for fifteen minutes.”



The old Jewish man says, “Well, last week my wife and I had sex too. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz, we ma...

If you combine Basil, Parmesan, Pinenuts and Olive Oil you get Pesto. What do you get when you mix Olive Oil, Spinach and Sweet Peas?

You get the comic and cartoon classic Popeye.

What does a horse do when he eats a bunch of eggs and olive oil?

He Mayo-neighs

I got olive oil in my bed

Shhhh... Don't tell Popeye!

Last night I massaged my wife

Italian: Last night I massaged my wife with the finest olive oil, then we made love and I made her scream non stop 5 minutes.

French: Last night I massaged my wife with special aphrodisiac oil, then we made passionate love. I made her scream 20 minutes.

Indian : That's nothing. Last ni...

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What kind of Olive Oil do Reddit users use to masturbate?

Extra Virgin

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My wife told me to put olive oil on the shopping list.

Great idea, now it's fucking soaked.

Olive oil sale prohibited during COVID-19 lockdown

Only essential oils can be bought.

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Spend the extra money and get the virgin olive oil instead of the regular kind.

It costs a little more, but it's worth it to know that no one has ever put their dick in something that you're going to put on your food

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Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?

Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.

A truck carrying olive oil crashed into a truck carrying red wine vinegar, inside a nudist camp

First responders reported that everyone nearby was well dressed

Why do depressed Frenchmen consume so much olive oil?

It gives them a huile d'olive

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If Virgin olive oil is good, and Extra Virgin olive oil is better...

Incel olive oil must be amazing.

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How is extra virgin olive oil NSFW ?

Not Safe For Wok.

\[yay dumbest joke of the day\]

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Are you olive oil ?

Then no, your worth is not determined by your virginity !

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As a kid I always insisted on having olive oil on my pasta instead of meat sauce.

Maybe that is why I am a virgin.

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You know how you can tell if the olive oil is extra virgin?

If it screams while being poured onto a Caesar salad.

He drank an entire bottle of olive oil?

Daughter: "Where's the olive oil?"
Father: "I drank it."
Daughter: "You drank an entire bottle of olive oil?"
Father: Without so much as a grin, "Yes, olive it."

How much olive oil does Snoop Dogg use to cook?

A drizzle.

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

What do you call Basil, Pine Nuts, and Olive Oil with a bad attitude?

Pestomistic

If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from?

Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.

How is Popeye like canned artichokes?

They both come in Olive Oil!

Why does Popeye's tool never rust?

Because he keeps it in Olive Oil.

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I'm not saying it's too long since I got laid,

but this morning there was a bottle of extra virgin olive oil in the food cupboard, and now there's just a bottle of olive oil.

Did you hear about the Frenchman who committed suicide by jumping into a giant vat of olive oil?

They say he lost his huile d’olive.

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An Italian, a Thai and a Jew are discussing lubricants.

The Italian says: "I am using olive oil from an ancient family grove. My wife is so pleased that she continues to shout for 10 minutes after we are done."

The Thai says: "I am using coconut oil made from cocnuts grown on a secret island. My wife is so pleased that she continues to shout for a...

They named a chicken joint “Popeye’s...”

...because they stick it in Olive Oil.

I’ve started using garlic in my magic act. First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil...

Then…hey…pesto!

A woman treated her dry hair

A woman treated her dry hair with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave a smell, she washed her hair with shampoo several times. That night, in bed, she asked her husband, "Do I smell like Olive Oil?" He sniffed a little and replied "Why? Do I smell like Popeye?"

How to make Bacon-Wrapped Duck at home:

Get yourself a duck of about 1.5 to 2kg, and two large bottles of Scottish whisky, bacon strips and a bottle of olive oil.

Put the bacon around the duck, and treat the inside with pepper and salt.

Preheat the oven for 10 minutes at 180 degrees Celcius.

Fill a large glass with wh...

I *almost* got that...

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, “Why are you standing naked in the kitchen and also covered in… olive oil?!”

I chuckled proudly, “Well, you’re always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

All-Natural

When my wife and I had our first child we were very much into natural childbirth, a midwife, and all of the "back to nature" stuff we could find. In our researches we found out that olive oil can be used to help eliminate stretch marks and any tearing "down below" due to helping the skins natural ab...

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If we had to describe groups of people with only one condiment, Redditors would be...

Olive oil: Fat and extra virgin

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3 good arguments that Jesus was black [long]

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33 <...

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How can anything be extra virgin?

This is a long story, you might want to sit down.

Back in the glory days of the Roman Republic, they had six Vestal Virgins who served the goddess Vesta. One year several died of a plague, and it was essential that the number be brought back up to 6 so the various rites could be performed, l...

What part of Popeye never rusts?

The part that he puts in Olive Oil

A gentleman walks into a very busy Italian Restaurant

The host explains that they are very busy and he will have no choice of seating. The gentleman agrees and is seated at the only remaining table. He views the menu and orders a plate of the city's best spaghetti. The waiter comes to the table and sets the meal before him.

The gentleman puts th...

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