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How do you make virgin olive oil?

You boil the fuck out of it.

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As a kid I always insisted on having olive oil on my pasta instead of meat sauce.

Maybe that is why I am a virgin.

What does a horse do when he eats a bunch of eggs and olive oil?

He Mayo-neighs

About 1,375 olives are pressed in order to make 1 liter of olive oil, 8,435 sunflower seeds to make a liter of sunflower oil...

Don't even get me started on baby oil

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What's common between me, good quality olive oil, and probably you?

They're all extra virgin.

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Spend the extra money and get the virgin olive oil instead of the regular kind.

It costs a little more, but it's worth it to know that no one has ever put their dick in something that you're going to put on your food

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How is extra virgin olive oil NSFW ?

Not Safe For Wok.

\[yay dumbest joke of the day\]

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What’s the difference between virgin olive oil and regular olive oil?

Popeye’s Knob

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You know how you can tell if the olive oil is extra virgin?

If it screams while being poured onto a Caesar salad.

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Reddit is releasing its own brand of olive oil in honor of its users

It only comes in extra virgin

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How do you make extra virgin olive oil from regular olive oil?

Dating advice from a Redditor.

Olive oil sale prohibited during COVID-19 lockdown

Only essential oils can be bought.

Due to global climate change the world is set to experience a loss in olive oil

Now we can all understand the heartache Popeye felt after the tragic end of his wife.

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Olive Oils

Olive Oil 1: I fk all the time

God: okay, you'll be regular olive oil



Olive Oil 2: I've never had sex

God: you'll be virgin olive oil



Olive Oil 3: I've only tried anal

God: \[turns back to Olive Oil 2\] okay your actually gonna be extra virgin

The people on early Mediterranean cities used to enjoy using olive oil as "personal lubricant."

They really loved ancient grease.

How much olive oil does Snoop Dogg use to cook?

A drizzle.

A French man loses his favorite olive oil, and becomes suicidal...

I've lost my huile d'olive!

A truck carrying olive oil crashed into a truck carrying red wine vinegar, inside a nudist camp

First responders reported that everyone nearby was well dressed

I’ve started using garlic in my magic act. First I start by crushing it, adding basil and some pine nuts and then I blend them altogether with some Parmesan and olive oil...

Then…hey…pesto!

Did you hear about the Frenchman who committed suicide by jumping into a giant vat of olive oil?

They say he lost his huile d’olive.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

He drank an entire bottle of olive oil?

Daughter: "Where's the olive oil?"
Father: "I drank it."
Daughter: "You drank an entire bottle of olive oil?"
Father: Without so much as a grin, "Yes, olive it."

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Why is it called extra virgin olive oil?

Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.

If olive oil is made from olives and coconut oil is made from coconut what is baby oil made from?

Mineral oil, Aloe Vera Extract, Vitamin E, Fragrance and false advertising.

What do you call Basil, Pine Nuts, and Olive Oil with a bad attitude?

Pestomistic

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I'm not saying it's too long since I got laid,

but this morning there was a bottle of extra virgin olive oil in the food cupboard, and now there's just a bottle of olive oil.

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A Jewish man, a Frenchman, and an Italian man were bragging about their sex lives.

The Jewish man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butt...

I *almost* got that...

My wife stared at me in disbelief and cried, “Why are you standing naked in the kitchen and also covered in… olive oil?!”

I chuckled proudly, “Well, you’re always saying..."

"...I never glisten!"

She screamed, **"LISTEN!!** You never **listen!!"**

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How can anything be extra virgin?

This is a long story, you might want to sit down.

Back in the glory days of the Roman Republic, they had six Vestal Virgins who served the goddess Vesta. One year several died of a plague, and it was essential that the number be brought back up to 6 so the various rites could be performed, l...

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An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion

The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence a...

They named a chicken joint “Popeye’s...”

...because they stick it in Olive Oil.

A woman treated her dry hair

A woman treated her dry hair with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave a smell, she washed her hair with shampoo several times. That night, in bed, she asked her husband, "Do I smell like Olive Oil?" He sniffed a little and replied "Why? Do I smell like Popeye?"

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If we had to describe groups of people with only one condiment, Redditors would be...

Olive oil: Fat and extra virgin

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7 years kid ask in middle of dinner "dad, what is virgin?"

The dad gets very nervous and give an explanation with "daddy put a little seed in your moms belly, and since nobody ever planted a seed there she was virgin"..... The The kid turns the olive oil bottle and asks "ok, then what is extra virgin?"

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3 good arguments that Jesus was black [long]

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn't get a fair trial

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business
2. He lived at home until he was 33 <...

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What plays Fortnite and is poured with bread?

Extra-virgin olive oil.

A gentleman walks into a very busy Italian Restaurant

The host explains that they are very busy and he will have no choice of seating. The gentleman agrees and is seated at the only remaining table. He views the menu and orders a plate of the city's best spaghetti. The waiter comes to the table and sets the meal before him.

The gentleman puts th...

social lube

Do you know what makes a great non-alcoholic social lubricant?
Extroversion olive oil.

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