Two eggs were boiling in a pot...

One egg says "hey you wanna see my crack"?

The other egg says "Don't tease me I ain't hard yet!"

Rest in peace boiling water

You will be mist

NSFW What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I just got laid and you expect me to be hard in3 minutes?!?

I was boiling some noodles until the pot suddenly began to float.

Needless to say, it was soup rising.

Ever since I bought $GME shares, my wife won’t stop boiling chickens.

She likes the stock.

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Three Vampires Walk Into A Bar

They all sit on stools at the counter, and the bartender comes to serve them right away.


"What will it be gentlemen?"


The first Vampire asks for a half pint of blood, and after getting his, takes a sip and smiles wide, flashing his white fangs.


"What'll it be to you ...

Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil?

Johann Gottfried

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Surprise test.

Teacher comes in to class and says there is a surprise test today and picks Jason for first question.

Teacher: Jason, you're going in a bus and it gets too hot. What do you do ?

Jason: I open the window.

Teacher : what's the speed of wind enters from window ?

Jason : ...

The best soup stock is made by boiling chicken feet for hours and hours

After all, it's made from scratch.

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A couple of cowboys on a cattle drive were sitting by their fire in the middle of the night

... when a bearded stranger wearing bear-skins galloped up in a cloud of dust. He was riding a longhorn bull with a brass ring through his nose.

He jumped off , punched the bull in the head to knock it out, came to the campfire, and emptied a hot pan of beans straight into his mouth then wash...

A man goes to the hospital with horrible burns all over his feet

The doctors ask "how did this happen"? He replies "The instructions on the can said "before opening, stand in boiling water for five minutes."

I really like boiling fruits for hours

That's my jam

What kind of business involves boiling knees, elbows and shoulders in vats of water?

A joint stock company

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs boiling in a pot of water?

Stew

What do you get when you pour boiling water into a rabbit hole?

Hot cross bunnies!

Happy easter everyone

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A man goes to hell...

A man dies and goes to the hell. As usual, he gets a tour from the devil to know, where he actually came to.

They visit a first room with many tables and people are playing all the card games in a big style.
The man asks, what is going on and the devil explains: "Those are people, who got ...

That’s a smart dog

Two farmers are in town talking about how smart their dogs are:
1st farmer yells out: “Dog! Get me the paper”
His dog races off down the street to the local news agency, gets the daily paper drops it in his owners hand and sits down.
“Not bad” says the 2nd farmer.
“Bluey, I’m hungry” he...

What did the part First Nations, part French-Canadian pirate say after boiling a kettle on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey. I'm Métis. I made tea. I'm eighty.

A man working at a coffee manufacturing plant slips and falls into a vat of boiling hot coffee.

Friend: I can only imagine it was a slow death.
Wife: no. It was instant.

Why does a teapot whistle when it’s boiling?

Because it’s telighted!

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An Englishman, an American and an Irishman walk into a Bar.

Each orders a double scotch.

Through a stroke of misfortune, a fly lands in each of their drinks.

The Englishman calls the waiter, points out the fly, and gets his drink returned.

The American looks around a while, ensures no one is looking, takes the fly out with a pair of twee...

I love taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water.

My doctor says I have selfie steam issues.

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The Motorcycle

Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much luck, until one day, he comes across a Harley with a FOR SALE sign on it. The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It's shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it and asks the seller how he kept it ...

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
5. One cannibal says ...

I was boiling a lobster, and it started screaming...

I felt bad, so I drove it to the woods and set it free.

What did the tied up lobster fear more than boiling water?

Claw-Strophobia

I was boiling a pot of water on max temperature

It went from 0 to 100 real quick

P.S sorry Americans

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What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?

A HIGH-POT-IN-USE

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Two eggs boiling in a pot.

One says, bloody hot in here, the other one says,

wait till you get out, they bash your fucking brains in.

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a...

Im getting really good at mixing boiling water and leaves together

I've got it down to a T

My mate just asked me if he could put a teabag in my mouth and fill me with boiling water.

He must think I'm some kind of mug.

Throwing a life preserver to someone drowning in boiling oil is a futile act...

Unless of course that life preserver is made of dough.

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