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Sleeper Jokes

The sleeper, the pastor and Adam's stick

Mr. Smith and the pastor discuss the problem that Mrs. Smith always falls asleep during the sermon. The pastor gives Mr. Smith a hatpin and recommends that he prick her as soon as he receives a sign from the pastor.

The following Sunday, Mrs. Smith has fallen asleep peacefully, the pastor ask...

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Two strangers, a man and a woman, are sharing a sleeper cab on an overnight train

At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman:

"Excuse me ma'am, but it's really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?"

The woman answers:

"I'll tell you what, I'm also feeling really cold, for ...

If a light sleeper sleeps with a light on, does a hard sleeper sleep with a

window open?

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A Sleeper of a Joke

A couple owns a dog that snores in his sleep.

Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife takes the dog to the vet to see if he can help.

The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles at night and he will stop snoring.

The woman is dubious about the vet's adv...

My 6yo daughter said: Daddy I'm an expert sleeper...

I can do it with my eyes closed..

I wish I could say I am a light sleeper...

But I’m honestly just fat at all hours of the day.

James Bond is a sleeper agent

He sleeps with every woman he comes across

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A man and a woman find themselves alone in a sleeper carriage

The man gallantly takes the upper bunk as they settle down for the train journey.

After a while the man feels a bit cold and asks the woman if she can pass up an extra blanket.

The woman thinks for a while and says in her sexiest voice 'why don't we pretend we are husband and wife for ...

A Man talks to a Lawyer

A man talks to a lawyer and says "My wife wants to divorce me."

"On what grounds?" The lawyer asks.

"On any ground where she can get a judge to okay it." The man responded.

The lawyer tries again with "I mean does she have any ground for the divorce?"

"Yeah she owns half ...

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Last night I masturbated over my ex-girlfriend.

I know it's not right, but she's a heavy sleeper and I still have a key.

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Italian Honeymoon

After  returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia; Luigi stopped by his old
barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.
  
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da trip?"
  
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down." ...

Two men were walking through the woods when they came across a big deep hole.

Two men were walking through the woods when they came across a big deep hole.

'Wow ... that looks deep,' says one. 'Let's toss a few pebbles in and see how deep it is.'
They threw in a few pebbles and waited, but there was no sound.

'Gee - that is a really deep hole. Let's throw one...

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On a train in the Soviet Union

Three comrades travel in the same room in a long distance sleeper train. One comrade is reading a newspaper, while the other two tell political anecdotes. The first comrade decides to prank them. He steps out, and orders three cups of tea to be brought in their room in exactly 10 minutes. Then he co...

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I once shared a bed with a narcoleptic that had IBS.

She was a shit sleeper.

Every morning I wake up to find my bed slightly more broken.

Turns out I'm a heavy sleeper.

My wife said she cheated on me

Too bad I'm a heavy sleeper, I couldn't feel them all night.

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A guy and his girlfriend are at a party. After getting a bit drunk, they decide to head back to her parents house.

As they sneak into her bedroom, she whispers, "listen, I still share a room with my sister, but she's an extremely deep sleeper. As long as we don't cause too much commotion and keep the lights off, she'll never know we're here".

The girlfriend takes off her clothes and climbs onto the bed....

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Have you guys heard about the man who’s penis is so big, he passes out from blood loss when he becomes erect?

I heard he’s a hard sleeper.

On a trip to Russia.

4 Americans spys find themselves in a sleeper cabin on a train to Moscow. One of the men thought it would be funny to play a trick on the other three. He goes out to the tea cart and asks for 4 cups of tea to be delivered to his cabin in 10 minutes.

Returning to his cabin, he spoke to his bun...

A kilted Scotsman

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman ...

Never trust bed salesmen

They're all sleeper agents

I still occasionally fap over my ex

Made a copy of the key to her place when we were together, and she's a heavy sleeper

A man and his wife get into a fight and decide to give each other the silent treatment.

The husband turns out to be a deep sleeper and often relies on his wife to wake him up in time for work.

He realizes he needs her to help wake up, but is unwilling to reconcile differences.
At 8pm, he writes a note saying "Honey, please wake me up at 7 am, I need to get up early for work t...

Why is Bill Cosby so good at Fantasy drafts?

He always nails the sleepers

Just in time for the farmers thanksgiving. NSFW

There was this farmer that every morning would wake up and the first thing he would do is fart. Wet farts, dry farts, stinky farts, and especially loud farts. His wife would constantly tell him, “Honey, you really need to go to the doctor and have them look at that, one day you’ll end up farting you...

Wanna have an exciting night ?

A girl brings a guy home from the club.
Before they enter the house she mentions

Hope it's ok that I live at home with the family...

Yeah it's fine says the guy

They start to kiss and as thing start to heat up the girl says :

Oh BTW did I mention that my father is i...

[Long] The American Fox Hunt

The US president, wanting to see which of his intelligence agencies was the best, released a fox into a wood and asked various agencies to catch it.

The NSA goes first. They tap the phone lines within the rabbit holes and monitor any internet searches on fox related topics within the wood. Af...

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Two brothers Matt and John go camping in the woods

When they arrive where they want to camp, they make dinner, have a few beers, but realize they forgot one of their two one-person tents at home. They decide to play rock/paper/scissors to see who gets to sleep in the tent and who has to sleep outside. Matt wins and so they both climb in their sleepi...

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Melons in Love

Once upon a time, there were two teenage melons who fell in love at first sight, so they decided to run away to Vegas to get married. The melons woke up very early one morning to sneak away, since the drive would take all day and all night, and also because they suspected their parents would not app...

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Once there was a man named Bill

Once there was a man named Bill. Bill got kicked out of his girlfriends apartment and decided to call his buddy Paul.

"Hey, Paul, I got kicked out of my girlfriends apartment. Do you mind if I stay with you for a few days?"

"Sure," said Paul, "but I don't have a couch so you have to sl...

A woman needs a ticket for a train

It's in the olden days, when traveling across the country meant getting a berth on a sleeper car of a train. She arrives at the station, but finds the train is sold out; there are no empty cars. She is desperate to get a ride, so the ticket seller tells her there is one empty bed, but it is in a dou...

Three friends decided to go on a three day excursion into the jungle...

On the second day, Joey and Sam woke to find their friend, Creed, had disappeared. Knowing that he was a heavy sleeper and was prone to sleep walking, they quickly packed up to go find him.

They stumbled upon a remote village who welcomed them with open arms, fed them, and threw a three day f...

You know what I want

A guy taking a overnight train settles down in his bunk in the sleeper car, he hears someone climb into the bunk below him. He looks down behind the curtain, its a beautiful blonde woman. She takes off her blouse and removes her falsies, she takes off her false eyelashes, she removes a fake eye, tak...

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Fart your guts out

A couple who had been married for several years now, were preparing to spend another Thanksgiving together. The woman was running around the kitchen trying to get the meal prepared to perfection when her husband came in the room, grabbed a devilled egg and let out a rumbling fart.

These farts...

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My best marriage joke

A married woman boards a train. The staff bring her to her private sleeper room only to find that another passenger is already inside. The train attendant apologizes and tells her to wait while they sort it out.

The woman sits down in the car and starts talking with the man who was mistakenl...

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A couple has a male friend visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling...

Since the couple has no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning. "Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we're all friends here." The husband concurs, and before long they're settled in: Husband in the ...

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The new recruit [Long]

Bob's out with the rest of his army troop on deployment out in the middle of nowhere. After a couple of months, the loneliness and sexual frustration starts reeeeeeally getting to him. He even tries subtly beating off in his bunk while the rest of the room's asleep, but gets sharply hissed at from t...

CIA Agent arrested in Russia

A CIA agent is arrested in Moscow and charged with spying. The agent is fluent in Russian and has had years of specialised training on how to blend in with the Russian people. he's the perfect sleeper agent.
Down in the darkest dungeons beneath Kremlin the Russian Secret Service (FSS) begin thei...

I just made one sale

A keen indian state bank manager, left the job and applied for a sales man job at london's premier downtowrn department store. In fact which was the biggest store in the world - You could get anything there.

The boss asked him "Have you ever been an salesman before? Yes Sir, I was a saleman i...

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